Double Fault (6 page)

She nodded wearily. She supposed she should feel glad Pierce hadn’t elaborated. Instead she just felt numb. She could still see the tail lights of his car as he accelerated away from them, and as she watched them dwindle into the distance she remembered his parting shot with an inward shiver.  He’d waited until she had strapped Ben and Lauren into the car seats George had fitted into his car and closed the door. Then he had seized her arm. She’d flinched as his fingers bit into the soft flesh.

“Be here at eight o’clock tomorrow evening.”

Nothing else. Not a smile or even a scowl. Just that implacable stare, the one she’d seen him give opponent after opponent as he faced them across the net. The one that meant he intended to win come what may. And now it was her turn to face him. He wanted his questions answered and he wasn’t going to be satisfied until they were, and although she was terrified by the thought of what he might say and do, she knew she had no choice.  She owed him an explanation.

“He certainly has a way with children,” George interrupted her dark thoughts by nodding towards the back seats where the twins were sitting quietly, their thumbs plugged into their mouths as the days activities finally caught up with them.  “Unusual in a fellow like that, his interest in children.  He looks more the playboy type, all wild hair and jewelry if you know what I mean.”

“Oh I do. I know exactly what you mean,” Kerry gave a bitter laugh as he pulled up in Mel’s driveway so she could collect the van. “And you’re not wrong George.  He is the playboy type except when it suits him to pretend to be something else.”

“Past romance hmm?” He gave her a knowing look and then patted her hand as she nodded reluctantly. “Don’t worry.  I won’t tell Mary or she’ll have you married off in no time. She’s always on about the twins needing a father.”

“Since when do I have the time to go looking?” She managed a lop-sided grin. As he returned her smile George’s air of puzzlement subsided. She was just tired, not upset. As usual he’d been imagining things. He’d put two and two together and made five when he’d first seen her with that young man but there was obviously nothing in it. Dismissing Pierce from his mind he asked her the question he’d been mulling over in his mind for the past hour or so.

“Would it help if the children stayed with us for the next couple of days while you stand in for Mel?  You look all in as it is, so trying to cope with her work as well as your own is downright ridiculous. You need some help.  Let Mary and me take Ben and Lauren off your hands for a day or two and give ourselves some pleasure into the bargain.”

She shook her head doubtfully. “I don’t know. They haven’t ever been away from me overnight before, and besides, you already do far too much for me.”

“Nonsense! You know how much we enjoy spending time with them. And we’d bring them home straight away if they started to miss you.” He’d been searching through his pockets as he spoke and he finally located the spare set of van keys he always carried.  He handed them over to her.

“Helping out with Ben and Lauren makes us feel useful you know.  And they’re such a delight at this age.  You make the most of those two for as long as you can my dear.  Take it from me, children grow up far too quickly.”

His words pricked Kerry’s conscience as she climbed into the van and started it up. He was right.  She knew Ben and Lauren were fast leaving babyhood behind and she already regretted she wasn’t able to devote more time to them, but her love for her children was at constant war with her need for money.  With a heavy sigh she eased out of Mel’s driveway and followed George’s car down the road. There was really no solution to her predicament except to keep on working and to let George and Mary supply additional stability and love as proxy grandparents.

Fleetingly she recalled Pierce’s parents.  She’d only met them once, at
Wimbledon
, but she had immediately been aware of the strong bond of affection between them and Pierce; a warmth that had included her because she was with him.  She felt an uncomfortable twinge of shame as, for the first time, she thought about his plump gray-haired mother and tall, taciturn father, and realized how much they would have loved to spend time with Ben and Lauren.

Abruptly she blinked back the tears that suddenly welled up into her eyes and forced herself to concentrate on the road.  It was ridiculous to pine for what might have been when there had never been any question of building a future with Pierce.  He had never hidden the fact that his career came first. Never pretended the future held anything more than constant travel as he pursued his dreams.  He’d laughed at those players who had wives and children, telling Kerry it was madness, that the tennis circuit was the wrong place for families. She had agreed with him, the same as she had agreed they were both far too young to settle down. Then she had found out she was pregnant and had to grow up fast.

Her decision to leave him before he could accuse her of trapping him or being a burden or, worst of all, offering to pay for an abortion, had been made while she was still coming to terms with her pregnancy. Later she had sometimes wished she’d behaved differently but by then it was too late, and by then she had also learned that regret was a useless and destructive emotion. She needed to remember it now and put what had happened in the past behind her. She had to fight for what her life had become.

She also knew it would be far better for the twins if they spent a few days with George and Mary while she attempted to explain her actions to Pierce.

* * *

The evening was uneventful. Mary and Kerry bathed the children and then George took charge of the bedtime story in Mel’s old bedroom. It took slightly longer than usual to settle them but that was only because they were excited by the novelty of sleeping in a new bed. As far as Kerry could tell, they weren’t worried about her leaving them at all. She smiled as she kissed them goodnight.

“Be good for Mary and George won’t you?”

“Me good girl,” Lauren said, and then she turned around and wriggled right down to the bottom of the bed so that Kerry couldn’t see her.

“An’ me!” Ben followed her until only his feet were visible.

Kerry laughed as she tickled his toes. “Is that why you’re upside down? Is that where all the good children live?”

Smothered giggles issued from the tangle of bedclothes as Kerry’s fingers found a sensitive spot on Ben’s foot.  Searching among the wriggling lumps and bumps under the covers she started to tickle Lauren too. Finally, with their faces red from their exertions and their hair ruffled, the children resurfaced and flung themselves at her. After several more kisses Kerry settled them onto their pillows and tucked them in. Then she tidied the toys they had scattered around the room and picked up their dirty clothes. By the time she had finished they were asleep.

She stood beside Mel’s old double bed and watched them, seeing Pierce in the curving sweep of their eyelashes, their dark eyebrows, and the exuberant crest of their curls. Then her jaw tightened. They might look a lot like him but that didn’t give him any rights over them.  They were hers. They’d been hers from the moment she had learned that Pierce really didn’t want children.

It had been immediately after she’d taken a third pregnancy test, hoping against hope it would show negative. Finally, reconciled to the inevitable, she had gone searching for Pierce, hoping that when he knew she was pregnant he would feel differently about the future.  When she eventually found him he was leaning against a bar, beer glass in hand, laughing and joking with a group of tennis players. His doubles partner saw her first.

David Masters had known Kerry for almost as long as Pierce had, and he grinned at her as she walked towards them.  “A good job you haven’t reached the broody stage yet Kerry because Pierce is on his high horse again. He thinks dragging children around the tennis circuit is akin to child abuse!”

“I did not say that,” when Pierce realized Kerry was standing behind him he turned around and dropped his arm across her shoulders. “I don’t even think that. I just said it’s not for me.  I’m too selfish.  If I became a father right now I would resent the baby every time it woke me up at night, every time it prevented me from doing something I wanted to do, every time I lost a match because I was tired. I don’t have any problem with players who make different choices, I just know what’s right for me.”

Then he’d pulled Kerry close and kissed the top of her head. “Fortunately Kerry feels the same way don’t you sweetheart, so for the foreseeable future we’re both going to keep enjoying ourselves without a care in the world.”

A shudder went right through Kerry as she recalled his words. How she had survived the rest of the evening she didn’t know. After three years it was a blur. She guessed she must have smiled and nodded though. She might even have agreed with him while all the time she had been making plans to leave him, making plans to keep the baby growing inside her whether he wanted it or not. It was only later she found out it wasn’t just one baby, but two, but by then her whole world had fallen apart anyway.

She leaned down and brushed some curls away from Lauren’s flushed face. Then her fingers trailed across to where Ben was lying so she could touch him too.  She wasn’t going to let Pierce spoil all this, not now she had put her heart back together piece by fragile piece. Ben and Lauren were healthy, happy and well cared for. She was happy too, or she would be if she wasn’t always so tired. She was proud of herself as well.  She had done all this without any help from anyone, so commitment phobic Pierce Simon could go hang and she would tell him exactly that when she next saw him.

* * *

Later, over dinner, the conversation was desultory because everyone was tired and George and Mary didn’t try to detain Kerry when she said it was time for her to leave.  Mary merely kissed her and reminded her to leave some of the twin’s clothes in her front porch for George to collect the following day.

“Not much,” she called as she waved Kerry goodbye.  “Just some extra sweaters and their boots.  I can wash everything else through each evening.”

* * *

Kerry drove home slowly, wondering how she was going to cope with the next few days and wishing Mel had chosen any other time to be ill.  Meeting Pierce so unexpectedly after years of constant tiredness had pushed her to a breaking point and although she was determined to fight him tooth and nail, she wasn’t sure how well she would be able to hold up against his angry questions. Her only hope was that a good night’s sleep would give her the chance to build up some emotional resistance but it was something she was destined never to find out because when she arrived home, he was waiting for her.

She saw his car as soon as she turned the van into her road and she pushed her foot down hard on the accelerator in panic. He didn’t give her the chance to even consider driving past, however. Instead he stepped out of his own car and stood in the middle of the otherwise deserted road, waiting for her to park. Then he walked up to the driver’s door and yanked it open.

“You said tomorrow,” she played for time, her thoughts befuddled by tiredness.

“I changed my mind,” he reached in and half lifted, half pulled her from the driving seat. “You’ve already disappeared from my life once without any warning so I decided against giving you a second opportunity, especially as it would also involve my children.”

He held her against the van with one hand and wrenched her chin up with the other, forcing her to look at him. “Don’t even think about trying to deny it.  I know they are my children and I guess they are also the reason your father threw you out.  I would even hazard a guess they’re the reason you disappeared from my life. What I don’t understand is why. My god Kerry! How could you do it? Didn’t you think I had any rights in the matter?”

She nodded miserably feeling hysterical sobs building up in her chest as his fingers bit into her upper arms.  She would have given anything to be able to deny his claim on Ben and Lauren but to do that she would have to run faster and further. Maybe even change country. She started to tremble as reaction set in.

Pierce, however, was too furious to notice anything. His eyes glittered angrily under the streetlights and when he raised one arm she flinched because she thought he was going to hit her.

He released her instantly, the color draining from his face and leaving him white and drawn. His voice was heavy with bitterness as he stared down at her. “So that’s what you think of me! Is that what all those months together taught you…that I am a total bastard?”

She shook her head, whispering her reply from a throat tight with tears. “I just thought you were mad about Ben and Lauren. I wouldn’t…wouldn’t have b..b..blamed you.”

“Well I would,” his gaze was bleak. “I don’t hit women Kerry, so you can unlock your front door and allow us to finish this discussion in private without any fear that I’ll knock you about. But you
are
right about me being mad. I’m madder than I’ve ever been in my life, and that’s saying some, so if you know what’s good for you you’ll listen to what I’m going to say without interruption.”

Slowly she turned towards the house, knowing when she was beaten, but he caught at her arm and pulled her back. There was a new menace in his voice as he peered through the windows of the van. “Haven’t you forgotten something?”