Down From the Clouds (12 page)

Pop.

Ella looked at me. "Didn't your grandfather have a stutter too?"

"Yes." Harold and I answered at the same time.

"I did too," I said, looking at Ella. "That's why I didn't have too many friends and ended up reading books and painting more than socializing. One day I started playing music and singing. Since then my stutter hasn't come back."

Harold nodded. "I got myself into some t-t-trouble and the drugs, they uh, they got me a little worse now. I have a t-t-trouble expressing myself."

Be a bee, I heard Pop say.

"Look," I said. "I'm sorry to be rude. This isn't easy for me and I'm finding it hard to understand why you are here. Why, after all of these years, are you sitting in front of me? Why didn't you just leave me alone?"

"You see, I . . . it's just that when s-s-she died my heart died with her." His head shook as he danced around my question. He readjusted his baseball hat. "I j-j-just came to tell you that I'm s-s-sorry."

Ella saw the frustration written on my face. She reached over and put her hand on Harold's wrist. "Tell me what she was like."

He sighed, choked back tears with a cough. "I'm s-s-sorry. I haven't talked about her since." He touched Ella's hand. "This is the ring I put on her finger, isn't it?"

"Okay," I said. "Can someone please tell me why on earth we are sitting here right now?"

Harold stood. "Didn't mean to waste your time. I just w-w-wanted to tell you I was sorry and tomorrow is, um, it's our wedding a-a-nniversary. I guess I wanted to see the o-o-only piece of her still alive." He swung his arms and tipped his hat. "Nice meeting you miss."

Shoulders reaching for the ground, he walked away. Ella and I stood. She stuffed the blanket back into our bag and tossed the trash into a nearby trash can. I watched Harold until his white t-shirt became a speck in the world. Just another drip of paint on the canvas.

Ella wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear. "I love you."

I kissed the top of her head. "I know you feel sorry for him. I hate to admit it, but I do too."

She nodded.

"I will get in touch with him after we finish the letters from Pop. I just need some time. And besides, we have a wedding to plan. I want to focus on us."

Late Saturday afternoon, Lydia and Sarah came over to do girly things for the wedding. Sarah brought her boyfriend and his daughter. Ella convinced me to figure out what happened with his previous marriage. So I convinced Matt to come and play detective. I'm not into prying into people's lives. Makes me feel about as uncomfortable as a fairy at a wrestling match. Doesn't mix.

Everyone arrived about the same time. The girls and Abby made themselves at home right away. While they sat on the living room floor tying handfuls of rose petals in tulle, the guys followed me to kitchen. We grabbed some drinks and sat outside on the patio.

"Needs some work out here," I said, sitting down between the two of them. "Ella wants to make a garden, but since it's a small city yard she wants to keep it pretty simple so we have room for the kids to play."

Matt sucked on an ice cube. "Man, you guys are already thinking kids? Lydia and I aren't quite ready for all that."

"Well, we're not going to have kids right away, but we probably won't wait long. We're both more than ready."

Matt looked at James. "What about you James? Proposing to Sarah anytime soon?"

James leaned back in his chair and pulled the bottom of his t-shirt. I couldn't help but notice the muscles in his forearm. He reminded me of Joaquin Phoenix. He wasn't overly muscular, but definitely made Matt and I look puny. Not what I expected for Sarah. Artists normally go for artist types, not sporty types.

"Did I say too much?" Matt said. "I'm notorious for being a foot in the mouth kind of guy."

"Nah," James said. "I usually don't talk about that kind of stuff. No offense, but I don't know you guys that well yet."

"Yet," I said. "If you plan to marry Sarah you'll be seeing a lot more of us."

Matt raised his water. "Cheers to that."

James didn't look so thrilled.

"So, what do you do for a living?" I asked.

"I'm a gynecologist."

I tried not to spit my drink all over myself. No wonder Sarah kept this guy a secret. Ella would have a fit.

"Oh, really?" Matt said, shifting in his seat. "You don't find it weird looking at other women like that all day?"

"Not at all. A job is a job."

Right, I thought. 

"Is that why your other wife left you?" Matt said.

I slapped Matt's knee with the back of my hand. "Well, if you hadn't already put your foot in your mouth there goes your leg."

"I'm kidding." James laughed. "I'm a mechanic. Nothing exciting. Sarah told me about Ella and her ideals. I had to mess with you a little."

I laughed. "My poor Ella. She looks at the world with such love. Everything around her turns into a love story. Even the trees play a part. She may be a tad idealistic in some areas, but honestly, I'd rather err on the side of idealism than settle for less than what that girl has brought to my life."

"Wow, Gavin," Matt said. "Haven't heard you open up like that in, well, I can't even remember the last time."

"Yeah. That's only the tip of an enormous iceberg that would sink not only the Titantic, but an entire continent."

"Could a continent sink?" James said.

Matt laughed. "Anyway, James, what happened with your last marriage? How has Abby handled everything?"

"Did Ella set you up to this?"

"Just wondering. You don't have to answer."

"I've never been married."

"Oh," I said. "Well, what about Abby? Does she see her mother ever?"

"She can’t remember her mother or her father."

Matt and I looked at each other.

"Are you messing with us again?" Matt said. "Because that doesn't make any sense to me. I know I'm short on brain cells, but the girl has to have a mother and aren't you the father? She doesn't call you ‘daddy’ for nothing."

"I am her father," he said. "But she never met her birth parents. My brother and sister-in-law went out on their first date since Abby's birth. My mom watched Abby. She was only about six months old at the time. They were on a canoe. Hit some debris under a bridge. Flipped over. Their bodies were found a week later. Anyway, they died and my parents said they were too old to take the baby. They asked me next since I was the only person left in his family."

"Wow," I said. "Just goes to show . . .  you should never judge a book by its cover."

"Sadly too many of us still do, even though that phrase is so popular," Matt said. "So how old were you when you took the baby?"

"I got custody of Abby two days after my nineteenth birthday, three days earlier I got an acceptance letter and scholarship to play running back for the University of Alabama. It was my dream."

"Wow, man." I shook my head. "That's a big sacrifice."

"There's more to the story. I'm not the hero I seem to be." He stood. "But I'm not ready to get into that yet. Maybe another day." He opened the back door. "Sarah has been afraid to introduce me to Ella because she knew it wouldn't be ideal for Ella, but it's hard enough for me to find a woman who will accept this about me. I come with a package deal. So many girls have turned away even after knowing why I have Abby. Sometimes I'd go out and pretend like I didn't have a kid, just to have fun with no strings attached."

He walked into the kitchen. We followed.

"So." I closed the door. "Sarah's only hesitancy is Abby?"

He lowered his voice. "She's afraid the cancer will come back and Abby will lose a mother a second time. She can't stand the thought of that so she keeps her heart from me. I know she loves me though."

"I'm so sorry." Matt looked down. 

"It will work out," I said.

"Leave it to Gavin," Matt said. "He sees the world through rose-colored glasses."

I grabbed another drink. "If only that were true."

"Oh, come on. You are the joyful light bulb that never burns out."

I nodded. Matt looked at me. He didn't quite know what to think when my mind fell to a more reflective state. He knew something was up. Something I never spoke about. I don't know why. Felt like my real feelings were locked in a prison with no bail. There were times I wanted to set them free, but couldn't figure out how. So I'd sit there. Staring through the bars. Waiting for someone to turn the key.

I thought of Tylissa and Mwenye. I know the guy had a sweet personality, but what didn't I know? Sometimes I wondered if he really did have a tweak out moment and kill all those kids. Why else would he admit to it?

"Hey." Ella touched my arm as I leaned into the refrigerator. "Matt and James just came in and said you didn't look so good."

"I'm fine. Just thinking."

"I know better."

"You deserve better, too."

"That's not true at all." She tugged on my hair. "I deserve nothing. You are a gift to me."

"I'm okay. Really. Just want to focus on the wedding and you."

She smiled as a single drop ran from her eye to her nose. I wiped it away and held her chin. We didn't need to speak for me to know what she wanted to say. She loved me. And she wanted me to let go. She wanted me to move on from the past and start a new life with her.

"What I'm about to do is not easy," I said. "And it's all for you."

I kissed her cheek and led her by the hand. Lydia and Sarah looked up from the floor. Still packing petals. The guys eyed me from the couch. I cleared my throat. Counted to three inside. Sliced open my chest. And laid my heart out for everyone to see.

"Most people in this room think I'm a ball of joy just waiting to roll into someone's life. Fact is, I'm not. I'm nowhere close to it. My mom died in childbirth and my dad left me on the side of the road. He disappeared for three decades. And now he's back. Maybe that seems like a good thing, but it's not easy for me and I want nothing to do with him." I squeezed Ella's hand. "But this lady here wants me to try, so I am. All this to say, I'm not who you think I am, but I want to try to be better. I pretend to see the world through positive eyes, thinking maybe if I pretend I will convince myself that it's true. But deep down I'm a mess."

Sarah looked down. Arms crossed. Sadness painted on her face. James watched her as I did. Everyone in the room stood to hug me, except Sarah. After everyone had their turn and talked with me for a few minutes she finally stood. Ella walked over to her. They whispered on the couch for the next hour until everyone decided it was time to go.

She said goodbye to James and Abby and turned to Ella and me.

"Thank you for that, Gavin. I can relate and I think I really needed to hear that." A tear tripped over her eyelid. "I am a joyful person. I know sometimes it is real. I know it is. But sometimes it's not and when you spend your life pretending to be perfect and happy it gets lonely. You realize no one knows you and loves you for who you really are, just the person you're pretending to be."

"Well," Ella said. "I think James does love you for who you really are and I'm happy you found him."

Another tear. "So he told you guys who Abby is?"

"What?" Ella looked at me. "Who is she?"

"He didn't want to tell anyone. I thought he told you."

"He told us," I said. "I'll share with Ella when you leave."

We said our goodbyes and I looked at Ella. Deep into her eyes. Down below Emerald City and into her heart. She knew what I was thinking and blushed. It's not often you find someone you love for better or worse and grow together with them, into one person, into someone better because of it. She was my person. My one person. We were growing into each other. Changing. Morphing into one soul. And I loved every second of it. 

Chapter Fourteen

Time flew by. Wedding plans galore. Not to mention our new business, which I have to say, became an instant success. We had a ton of kids and not enough time to devote to each one, so we started offering group lessons for a cheaper price and private lessons for the existing price. After our wedding we planned to find a studio right outside the city. And that would be in a few months. Can't believe how fast time flies.

The weekend snuck up on us and Ella finally decided to revive the letter from Pop and ask me to take her to the next place. So we got in the car and drove off. Lynyrd Skynyrd in our ears, summer sun casting light on our faces, we held hands as I pulled up to Pop's rundown beekeeping area. Untouched for years.

Ella looked around. "Is this his land too?"

"It was. Yeah. He had two-hundred acres."

"Wow."

"I have no idea where he'd plant it here. We took care of the bees together for a few years. Made honey and beeswax candles. We weren't good at it and the bees freaked me out, so we stopped."

She smiled and ran her hand across the old wood. I loved watching her walk. She floated wherever she went. Gentle, long strides. Made me want to take her home and make her my wife right away.

"So," I said. "I know we're pretending to be Willerbean and Mary Lou Dashwood.”