Down On My Knees (14 page)
Authors: Victor McGlothin
“It depends on how you view what it is that I do,” he said cautiously. “Look, I make a gang of loot by managing my hospitality agents. Money for honey is a big business, and any time I put my girls on the block, it's a real-estate investment.If they don't hit the street, I don't eat. But you wouldn't understand my education from the school of hard knocks, college girl. Yeah, I've bumped into sistahs like you, all uptightand righteous. Go on then. Beat your feet on the hard concrete. I'll catch the next cyberfreak.”
“You ought to be ashamed of yourself for tricking women like me,” Grace told him. “But you're probably not, Trick!”
Grace and Sly squabbled back and forth before she got fed up, stomped out to her car, and climbed in it. She was very close to committing a felony, and was so far from the confident no-nonsense woman she had been when thinking that all was well with her soul. Not only had Sylvester Green turned out to be a joke, and a joke on her, she had allowed Satan to pull her down to his level. She prayed over it, repented,and, when she got home, informed the Web site of his lies so that no other woman would have to be faced with Sly's fraudulent fellowship. After unsubscribing to the service,Grace continued receiving e-mail from three extremely persistent suitors. Despite having persuaded each of them to submit photos and copies of proper identification before agreeing to accept their advances, not one of them panned out quite like Grace expected.
Feeling like her soul was just about on empty, Grace rushed home for the second night in a row, prepared dinner, and immediately retreated to her bedroom. The Book of James was the place she'd found herself immersed in since studying Hebrews to help renew her spirits, like a lost sinner trying to find the right path leading back to the fold. “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen,” she read from Hebrews 11:1 and smiled, thinking how important it was for Christians to believe that God's plan would yield all those things they longed for. An unwavering and undeniable faith is what she needed, but that wasn't so easily obtained. Determined to strengthen hers, Grace continued on, praying that the Word would convict her like Sistah Kolislaw predicted it would. “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience,” Grace read, noddingas her finger glided along the Scripture marked as James 1:2â3. Then she sighed heavily when reaching the twelfth through fifteenth verses. “Blessed is the man who endures temptation ... let no one say when he is tempted, âI am tempted by God,' for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”
Saddened at the thought of destroying the one thing she was supposed to cherish most, Grace wondered how close she'd come to doing just that. Now that she'd begun taking seriously decided steps to fortify her soul, hopefully she'd never have reason to question that again. “Wanting to be a better Christian isn't enough,” Grace whispered, when readingthe last seven verses of the chapter. “Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceivingyourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless. Pure and undefiled religion beforeGod and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.”
Grace placed a bookmark behind the first chapter of James, laid the Bible on her lap, and then tilted her head back. “Believers of the word and doers of the word,” she heard herself say, previously considering them to be one and the same. “Yeah, it is a lot easier to call yourself a believer than to stick your neck out and prove it.”
After washing her face and preparing for bed, Grace looked in on André. He was finishing up an assignment for Bible class, due the next Sunday. “Hey, it is getting kinda late, Dré,” she suggested from his bedroom doorway.
“Yeah, Ma, I know. I'm almost done,” he said in a manner suggesting that she allow him to complete it.
“What does Brother Rodgers have y'all studying this month?”
“Faith and obedience,” André frowned. “Why, does the Bible teach anything else? 'Cause if it does, Brother Rodgers must not know about it. Faith and obedience, young brothas, those are the cornerstones of Christianity,” André mocked, imitating his Bible class instructor's deep scratchy voice. “If you don't like it, take it up with the Lawd. But if I was you, I'd rather spend that time thanking Him instead.” It was difficultto tell who was laughing the loudest. Grace held her stomach while André cackled and watched her. “Ma, it wasn't that funny,” he chuckled.
“It is when you think about the most soft-spoken man I know, trying to build a fire beneath a room full of teenagers. That's very funny, bless his heart.”
“Bless his heart?” André questioned. “He's not the one who has to stand up in front of everybody and explain why faith without works is dead.”
“Hmm, I think that's a great assignment. I'll have to thank Brother Rodgers for putting up with y'all and seeing to
the Lawd's
business,” Grace told him, with a slight impression of her own. “Don't stay up too late. School's in the morning.”
the Lawd's
business,” Grace told him, with a slight impression of her own. “Don't stay up too late. School's in the morning.”
“Night Ma,” was André's way of saying, “I hear you, but I'm still working on that obedience thing.”
Upon returning to her room, Grace couldn't resist openingher Bible to the bookmark she'd placed there fewer than thirty minutes before. “Faith without works,” she murmured, scanning the following pages of her text. “Faith without works ... here it is. James 2:17. This also, faith by itself, if it does not have works is dead. But some will say, âYou have faith, and I have works.' Show me your faith without your works and I will show you my faith by my works. You believethat there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe and tremble! But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?” Grace closed the Bible and smiled until her cheeks hurt. “Yes James, I do know that, and thanks to a kind and concerned little old man down at the church, so does my son.”
15
Widows and Orphans
D
espite several days having past since her latest wake-up call, Grace continued to kick herself over her Internet dating fiasco. On the following Sunday, Sister Kolislaw called to her from the second pew. She'd seen Grace enter the sanctuary,watched her interaction with others, and couldn't wait to share her observations. “Grace, is there something we need to talk about?” she'd asked, noting Grace's weary expression.“Uh-huh, I know there is, because it's written all over you.”
espite several days having past since her latest wake-up call, Grace continued to kick herself over her Internet dating fiasco. On the following Sunday, Sister Kolislaw called to her from the second pew. She'd seen Grace enter the sanctuary,watched her interaction with others, and couldn't wait to share her observations. “Grace, is there something we need to talk about?” she'd asked, noting Grace's weary expression.“Uh-huh, I know there is, because it's written all over you.”
Reluctantly, Grace couldn't do anything but talk about the types of men she'd met and how pitifully sorry she was for going about things her own way. Like the good friend she was, Sister Kolislaw hugged her and laughed until she lost her breath. After she'd had her fun, the older woman invited Grace into a nearby office, sat her down, and shared some extremely valuable knowledge. “Now that we've gotten all that foolishness out of the way, you might be ready to move on.” Grace assumed that she was about to be lavished with at least one more heartfelt “there-there, Grace, it'll be okay,” from her advisor but the time for that had come and gone. It was time to get past all of the errors in judgment she'd made and set her sites on moving forward.
“Grace, I noticed how you've lost some of your pride. Uh-huh, it's evident in your step, and in the way you took the time to interact with several members of the congregation. One of the best things that can ever happen to a strong, pretty girl like you has; you've been made humble, Grace. Now God can really work with you, while working on you. Stop chasing these silly men, honey. Let a good one chase you for a change. It'll turn out better that way. I want you to know something I learned many years ago, and it still holds true today. Ain't no man gonna do nothing until he gets it in his head that it's likely to kill him if 'n he don't. When he's ready to settle down and marry, there's nobody who can stop him, not even his mama. And, if he's got his mind set against sharing his toys and taking a wife, there's nobody who can make him.”
Grace took note because every situation and circumstancethat Sister Kolislaw had predicted came true. Chandellehad the right idea, but she had also convinced Grace to push, plot and plan instead of relaxing long enough to enjoy her singleness. One of the best things about being Single Grace was the total love she received from her son. Grace had committed the past two weeks to meeting a companion. In the meanwhile, she had neglected to spend much time with André, although he didn't seem to mind because he'd been at Skyler's shooting baskets and palling around with the big brother he never had.
The next day, Grace allowed Sister Kolislaw's words from their Sunday chat to resonate within her. Spending too much time trying to situate her face in front of the right man's was a bad idea. As Grace parked her SUV in the high-school visitors'parking lot, she closed her eyes and meditated on being the best mother possible, one who always made time for her child, no matter what transpired in her grown-up world. Guilt had Grace feeling like she'd temporarily fallen short as a parent. She vowed to remedy that as quickly as possible.
The school receptionist had Grace sign in before granting her a pass that allowed her access to the rest of the building. After Grace thanked the woman and struck out for André's classroom, she had no idea it was English Lit or that she'd be exchanging words with Wallace Peters. Her mind was focusedon getting her son to his dental appointment on time. It wasn't until she'd peeked through the small window in the classroom door that she recognized where she was and who it was looking back at her from the inside.
Wallace excused himself from the room immediately. “Yes, may I help you?” he asked softly, so as not to be overheardby a classroom full of maturing students.
Grace looked him over in one effortless glance. Wallace was just as adorable as the first two times she'd come in contactwith him. His fashion-model appeal was also just as alluringbut Grace had already wasted too much time sizing up men, so she played it straight down the middle. “I'm sorry to interrupt your lesson, Mr. Peters,” she apologized earnestly. “André has a dental appointment.”
“I see,” preceded a long pause. “I'll get him for you, but I've been wondering about something. Is there any particular reason why you haven't made arrangements to reschedule the parent-teacher meeting? It was very busy the other night, so I can understand why you left. One of the other parents confirmed it was you I saw walking by.”
So he did see me when I went by his open door, and he also remembered who I was. Interesting.
“It's no excuse, I know, but I have been very busy,” Grace said in her own defense.She handed Wallace a business card from her small carrying case. “You can reach me here, and I'll make myself available to fit
your
schedule.” Her countenance was strictly professional. Wallace seemed slightly disappointed when he accepted the card, but Grace was too focused on being a better Christian to lower her guard and revert back to that man-chasingphase of her life. Besides, it appeared from the parent-teachernight that Mr. Peters had too many women trying to get on his team as it was. Grace couldn't see adding her name to that list of young and single hopefuls.
“It's no excuse, I know, but I have been very busy,” Grace said in her own defense.She handed Wallace a business card from her small carrying case. “You can reach me here, and I'll make myself available to fit
your
schedule.” Her countenance was strictly professional. Wallace seemed slightly disappointed when he accepted the card, but Grace was too focused on being a better Christian to lower her guard and revert back to that man-chasingphase of her life. Besides, it appeared from the parent-teachernight that Mr. Peters had too many women trying to get on his team as it was. Grace couldn't see adding her name to that list of young and single hopefuls.
Noise began brewing inside the classroom as the students grew restless. Wallace stepped away for a minute and then returned with André in tow. Grace thanked the teacher and did an about-face without any special good-byes or slick exchanges.“Heyyy, boy,” she cooed like a brand-new mommy, while strolling down the hall with André by her side.
“Hey, Ma, you okay?” he asked suspiciously.
“I'm great. Why, don't I look great?”
“I'ont know. When you start talking to me like that, like I'm three instead of thirteen ...” He let the end of his sentencedangle, not wanting to overstate the obvious.
“You know what, you're right, Dré. I'm not okay. We have some catching up to do, you and me. That'll make me feel a lot better about us. What do you say?”
André slung the backpack over his shoulder, then shrugged casually. “That's cool with me.”
That's cool with me?
He was certainly becoming more of a man and less of a boy with each passing day. On the way to André's checkup, Grace kidded him about some of the cute girls in his class, and that fast-tailed cheerleader in particular. Watching him come of age made Grace reminisce on her own passage into adulthood, the friends she'd left behind when moving to Dallasfrom St. Louis, and the importance of cataloging memoriesthat would last a lifetime. Then something whispered to her. It whispered Skyler's name as if his and André's relationshipwarranted an examination. Nothing unusual had occurredto insinuate that the boys weren't getting along, but those whispers wouldn't stop.
That's cool with me?
He was certainly becoming more of a man and less of a boy with each passing day. On the way to André's checkup, Grace kidded him about some of the cute girls in his class, and that fast-tailed cheerleader in particular. Watching him come of age made Grace reminisce on her own passage into adulthood, the friends she'd left behind when moving to Dallasfrom St. Louis, and the importance of cataloging memoriesthat would last a lifetime. Then something whispered to her. It whispered Skyler's name as if his and André's relationshipwarranted an examination. Nothing unusual had occurredto insinuate that the boys weren't getting along, but those whispers wouldn't stop.
“Dré, I just realized that Skyler wasn't in class today. Didn't you tell me how happy you were after he'd gotten specialpermission to take that course?” Several moments passed with André staring out of the car window, and then he shrugged his shoulders. Grace knew then that a thorough discussion was indeed necessary.
She guided the car into a convenience-store parking lot and put the gear shift in park. Then she said, “Son, don't make me have to ask what's going on with you and Skyler.” Before André fessed up, it was her turn to do the staring. While he fidgeted, Grace grew more impatient. “Dré?” she urged insistently.
“I promised I wouldn't say anything about it,” André mumbled in a low childlike tone. With his mother's mind racing a mile a minute over what could be so severe that it required the utmost secrecy, the boy continued looking down at the backpack strap he fiddled with. “Sorry, Ma, I promised.”
Facing a dilemma, Grace considered pulling rank and forcing him to go back on his word or leaving it alone until she could get at the truth another way. Reluctantly, she went with the latter. During André's visit with the dentist, his first cavity was discovered. Grace believed in proper hygiene, and that included taking care of teeth. While one cavity wasn't a tragedy all by itself, it sent alarms that he'd been having his way with sweets somewhere other than at home. Since he'd spent a lot of time at Skyler's, it gave her the excuse she needed to drop in and check on things, and possibly gather the information that her son was holding out on.
Lecturing André about the importance of having all of his teeth as an adult was the best Grace could do to stop from choking the truth out of him about Skyler. André almost hopped out of the car before she came to a complete stop at the high school. “Ma, it's my first cavity ever. You shouldn't be this mad at me.”
“And you don't have the right to tell me what I should get mad about,” she reprimanded him strictly. “I pay the bills, buy the clothes, and feed you. So before you start thinking you can tell me what to doâ” Grace cut her rant short when she saw a frightened young man looking back at her. “I'll see you at home. Catch the number nineteen bus!” André had opened his mouth in opposition to taking a long ride on the city's idea of rapid public transportation, but then he had a change of heart.
“Yes, ma'am,” he said, glad to be walking away without Grace's hands fastened around his neck.
“And from this point forward, the only promises you make are to me,” she shouted out of the passenger window. “You got that?”
“Got it,” was the last thing she heard him say before she made a beeline over to visit with Skyler's grandmother.
Grace knocked on the front screened-in door of a small, ancient, white wood-framed house with severely chipped paint. Years had gone by since Grace had moved away, but the old neighborhood hadn't changed all that much. She rather enjoyed her occasional stops to pick up André during the better part of a year and making surprise drops by her rental property to see how that investment was holding up. “Miss Pearl, it's me. Grace!” she hollered, after she heard Skyler's grandmother hollering “who is it” from the other side of the door.
“Hold on, I'm coming!” the older woman barked in a short, choppy manner, as if that was all the hollering she was prepared to do. After jiggling on the knob, she managed to pry it open. “Said I was coming,” she huffed, overweight and out of breath.
“Miss Pearl, you feel like having company today?” Grace asked, her words coming out in more of a plea than a question.
The gray-haired widow, her skin the color of rich Nigeriansoil and her body thick from an everything-fried diet, leaned over with her fists parked on her generous hips. She felt around in the pockets of her housecoat, worn with a faded floral print, until she found her eyeglasses. She hung them around her neck by the long tennis shoe lace attached and wrestled them onto her face. When her tired eyes focused,she exclaimed with delight, “Gracie, that is you.”
“Yes, ma'am, it's been a while.”
“Come on in with your pretty self before you have every man on the block fighting to get in my house.” The smile that ushered Grace inside was as authentic as the iron bars on the windows, and she was happy to sit with the woman she respectedabove others who had amassed homes with three-car garages and more living space than they knew what to do with.
This old house was tiny even by the most conservative standards, but it was apparent that it encompassed the grandestscale of love there was. Grace picked up on that the first time she ran late and asked if Miss Pearl would look after André until she closed a major deal. There hadn't been any reason for concern for her son's safety or well-being while he was there, not until now.
Miss Pearl fumbled around in the kitchen, brewing hot tea, as Grace made herself comfortable on an eight-inch-thicksheet of plastic covering the entire sofa. It reminded her of the measures her mother had taken to preserve their furniturewhen she was young. Suddenly Grace felt warm all over, especially where her behind met with the tightly stretched plastic but that was just fine because it added to the homespunambiance she couldn't get anywhere else.
“So, what brings you this way in the afternoon, Gracie? Shouldn't you be working?” Miss Pearl handed a silverplatedserving tray, with two cups of hot tea and an antique porcelain sugar caddy, to her visitor before plopping down to rest her bones. “Here, set that down on the coffee table.” Grace did as she was instructed, appreciating the woman's hospitality.
“Hmm, Earl Grey. You didn't forget.” Grace took a cup and spooned in a liberal helping of sugar. “Yes, ma'am, I should be at work, but something told me to come by here instead.”
The woman peered over her glasses, then laughed knowingly.“Humph. Something? Chile, that wasn't nothing but the Holy Spirit,” she told Grace with a heavy dose of conviction. “Good thing you're still in the business of listening to it.”
“Why would you say that? Has André been giving you trouble?”
“Naw, that boy is a blessing to this house and to Skyler. Those two are thick as thieves. Humph, reminds me of Skyler with his older brother when they were small. Friends to the end they were.” There was a faraway look in the woman's eyes when she conjured up scenes from years past with sorrow anchored as an unsinkable backdrop.
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