Dr. Feelgood (33 page)

“W
here’s Fonda?” He asked about no one else but Fonda.

He’d been out, just getting in of course. He’d stopped in the restroom and then to the door of your room. He approached me as I stood firmly in front of the doorway to my bedroom. I reeked of intolerability. He smelled of brandy.

I was packing a butcher knife. I gripped it, flashed it so he could see it, and stood just far away enough so that I could insert it deeply if need be. Only one word could have led the way. “Why?”

He pointed to your room where you slept. “Makkai is in there. But, where’s Fonda?”

“She’s in what used to be our bed. She’s sleeping with me tonight.”

He peeked over my shoulder, but the door was closed shut. “What in the hell is she doing in there?”

“She’s there so that I can keep an eye on her.”

He had the nerve to demand, like he had the upper hand, “Get her out of there so I can sleep.”

“Get her out of there so you can do what?”

“I need to get to sleep, woman. I’m tired.”

“Why don’t you sleep in the garage on that mattress?”

Anger was engraved on his face. “I’ll be damn if I sleep in the garage at my own house.”

I did not blink. “You fuck on it. Why not spend the night on it?”

“Woman, I’m telling you. Get that child out of that bed so I can go to sleep. Now.”

“No.”

“Corrine.” His eyes darted down at what my hand was choking.

“If you so much as raise your voice, not to mention your hand to me, as God is my witness, I will cut your throat so deep you won’t be able to say another word in life.”

“Have you lost your mind?” His glare was menacing.

“I swear fo’ God, I will lose my mind if I don’t get me and these kids away from you. Now since you’re looking at me like you’re gonna do something, it’s your choice … your popular dick or your tired-ass throat. Because I know one thing, if I get hurt tonight, I’d rather you kill me, but everyone will know I tried to kill you first. That’s the only way I’m leaving this earth, is if I know I don’t leave them to you.”

He leaned his upper body in the direction of the bedroom door. All I wanted him to do was take one single solitary step. I wished he would. I raised the wide blade of the knife even higher, bracing my stance just in case he tried to grab it.

“Corrine.”

“Don’t take a step toward that bedroom. I will cut you and then call the police. Now I don’t have proof, yet, that that baby inside of that child’s belly is yours, but once that baby is born, I will find out. And if it is, you will die
in jail. So you enjoy your pathetic life for the next four months. And as of tonight, you are either sleeping in that garage, or at one of your hoe’s houses, but you will never spend another night under the same roof with these kids again. Do I make myself clear, Roosevelt? Now get the hell out of this house.”

His frown lines deepened. “You have lost your mind. I’ve never laid a hand on that girl. I would never …”

“I’m counting to five. 1, 2, 3, 4 …”

“Your father wasn’t as dumb as he looked. He reluctantly but quickly walked straight out of the back door. I bolted and chained the door, propped and secured a chair up against the knob and packed up what I hadn’t packed over the previous six days. And then I sat back and sipped straight from a bottle of vodka. It was a tall, friendly bottle of Grey Goose. It was all I could do to not become an alcoholic. Thank God his car was gone the next morning.”

After Mom told her story, my shoulders dropped and I felt like my body was on pause. My mouth would not snap out of its paralyzed state. My blood pressure was surely off the charts. My words suddenly slipped out. “Mom, I’m so sorry. That stupid asshole is really sick.”

“That’s an understatement.”

I breathed out through my nose with a burst of forcible air. “Sorry to curse, Mom, but I can’t believe that I didn’t know sooner that this punk of a man did this crap. You let me travel to see him all those times without knowing that he raped my baby sister. If I had known, I would have literally killed him.”

“That’s why, Makkai. I knew you would do something
that would end up ruining your life. I had years of spiritual counseling later on to deal with my anger and guilt, and I prayed to God every single day, but really decided to leave it a family secret. It was a hard decision to make, but I had to let it go. So many times I’ve wanted to kill him, but it’s as though something inside of me told me not to. He’ll get his. I think it’s a generational curse from his twisted side of the family. But, being that my one and only daughter has been dead for so many years, and all of this has happened with Monday being your sister, I think it needed to be said. You be careful around him with your daughter, Makkai. And around your woman.”

“That man is so damn pathetic! He’s a sick pervert! Mom, I have to go. I’ll just keep disrespecting you with the words that are popping into my head faster than I can think. That man actually would have fathered his own granddaughter.” A long, slow-motioned pause dribbled by on each end. “But, Mom, if you really think about it, how much better am I with a daughter who’s my very own niece?”

“Oh, now please, don’t you go doing that to yourself. You didn’t know who that woman was. Son, you are a father, in every way, not just biologically. You are a father who has decided to show up and answer the call. And nowadays, many men don’t do that. But, you are so unlike your dad that it’s not even close. It’s not what they call you that matters, Makkai, it’s what you answer to. Your worth is not determined by one act. And you’re definitely not a rolling stone like he is and always has been.”

“I wouldn’t give myself that much credit.” I stood and shot my sights out of the window, capturing a view of the twin building next door. I just stared.

“You didn’t know you two were related, first of all. And secondly, you didn’t fool around on women who you were committed to. You never have. You weren’t married, out there running around like a chicken with its head cut off. And this is your first and only child. You can’t compare him to you, son.”

“Mom, but I’ve always had at least four women at a time, ever since I was in high school, and I just barely escaped a false rap for rape.”

“Makkai, now I do believe you must be responsible for your actions. But, somehow, you haven’t repeated that, not from where I sit anyway. Years ago, you immediately became the man of our house and you have always been a great son. You put your sister and me first in every way.”

“I saw what his ways did to you, and there was nothing I could do about it.”

“Then do something now. Do what you can to raise this baby with Mary Jane. Please. Enjoy that precious little grandbaby of mine, and keep your family together. And, son, think about really settling down one day and marrying that girl. I told you before that you need stability. Today is the day you can break the pattern and begin a lifestyle for your children to emulate. God has blessed you with that opportunity. The opportunity to have peace of mind. Don’t waste it, Makkai.”

“I’ve really got to go now. I’ll call you later. And thanks.”

“Thank you, for being a constant in my life, Makkai Jerome Worthy.”

“And you as well. I love you, Mom.”

“I love you back.”

A soft knock met my door.

“Dr. Worthy.”

My back faced the door as I spoke. “Come in.”

A young nurse opened the door and peeked inside. “You know your patient whom you referred to Dr. Lois Taylor? The patient with advanced metastatic lung cancer.”

“Mrs. Reynolds?” I replied, slowly turning to face her.

“Yes. Dr. Worthy, are you okay?”

“Yes. What’s up?”

She held a file in her hand. “Mrs. Reynolds passed away today. We need you to sign off on the original referral form.”

I simply exhaled and stood.

“I’m sorry, Doctor.”

I could only blink.

She approached me. “It’s right here. Just sign anywhere on page four.” She was silent as I flipped to the authorization page and scribbled my name. “Are you sure you’re okay? Did you know her?”

“No. It’s just that … it’s just that … thank you, Carol.”

She walked out and gingerly shut the door behind her.

It’s just that … I promised her she’d be okay. I wanted her to be okay. Who am I to tell anyone they’ll be okay? For every new life that comes into
this world, another life exits. And besides, death is a part of this whole doctor thing. You cannot get attached. And so, I have to change my thoughts to something else.

But, her words, “You promise?” were all I could think of … think of, as my eyes welled up with tears.

I am not a machine. I am a man. A man with feelings.

“D
ad, what’s up? Mary Jane said you called.”

I returned to my desk toward the end of a long and grueling day. I was mentally absent from two meetings, and I assigned a last minute annulo-plasty surgery to another doctor. I took a seat, clenched my office phone with one hand, and had a firm squeeze on an antique handgrip exerciser that my mother had given me when I first started medical school.

“Hey, son. I found your home number and gave you a call. That sweet little lady of yours put the phone to the ear of that precious little one. I still can’t believe you’re a father. You’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

My tight stomach flopped and twisted and turned. “Dad, I’ll pass on that achievement. What did you want?” My jaw was clenched.

“What did I want? There you go again. What’s wrong with you, boy? You were like this when you left the house in such a rush when you were here. Are you still mad because I didn’t call to thank you
for sending me that check a while back? Whatever it is, is that any way to greet your father?”

Hearing him speak the word father made my heartbeat accelerate. The fury from my anxious-to-be-spoken words burst from my lips. “It’s the perfect way to greet Roosevelt Worthy, the lowest, most pathetic, motherfucking father on this earth.” I clutched the grip even tighter.

“What in the hell are you talking about?”

“First of all, I will no longer call you Dad. I will no longer call you anything. You need some serious help and you always have.”

“Boy, what is your problem, disrespecting me like that. I am your father. Don’t tell me you haven’t gotten over that night back years ago when we got with Erskalene. I thought we already talked about that crap back when you were here.”

Instantaneously, I propelled to my feet and began pacing, still squeezing the grip, imagining it being my so-called dad’s throat. I focused on my breathing pattern, which was far too irregular for me to get a hold of. “You son of a bitch, and I mean no disrespect to your mother, but what in the hell happened when your parents were raising you that would make you sleep with your own daughter? And I just know you did this more than once.”

“What are you talking about? That’s ridiculous.”

“Oh, please. Your head is so twisted that you run around screwing everything that moves, including your own children? I promise you it’ll be a cold day in hell before you ever come around my daughter. I’ll tell you now, if you even so much as think about dialing my number or coming around
my family, I will have you fucking killed. Now, I hope you got that. Yeah, and I just threatened your pedophile ass. You need to do time for incest and statutory rape.”

“Makkai, I see. I know it was your mother who must have put some stuff in your head. She’s always resented the fact that you and I have been in touch through the years. She’s just trying to turn you against me.”

“And you know what? How dare you even have the nerve to try and call my mother a liar? She let you off the hook for far too long. My own sister died while giving birth to your baby girl, that she named Rosie, after your tired behind. We ended up losing them both, and you never ever said a word about either one.”

“I was at the funeral, even though everyone there treated me like dirt. And besides, your sister was sleeping around long before …”

I instantly threw the exerciser up against the side of the bookshelf. It bounced against the hardwood floor with a loud clang. “Long before what? I dare you to finish that death sentence statement.” I gripped the phone with every ounce of my strength.

I heard this fool’s nasal breathing, fast and forceful. “Fonda was hardly a virgin. She knew who her baby’s father was.”

I rapidly inhaled through my nose and exhaled through my mouth, blowing out each bit of air with force. I fought to catch my breath. It felt like a massive heart attack was brewing up to take me out.

“Yes, she did. She took that to her grave. You
need your ass locked up for the rest of your tired life. I don’t know how your wife stands the sight of you. You never would have seen me at that reunion if I’d known about this. I hope you didn’t put your hands on those twin girls of yours. But, either way, you can bet that you’ll never see this son again, unless it’s in court, testifying against you, if the damn statute of limitations hasn’t run out. You can take that to your damn grave, which I hope is where you lay your deranged ass soon. Not that you don’t have hundreds of other offspring to taint with your sickness. Hooking that many women with your dick. Get the hell off my phone.”

With monstrous feelings running all through my head, clanging around in confusion, I slammed down the phone and stood still, wanting to bang my hand through the windowpane, or kick the small, innocent trash can toward the ceiling in a forceful field-goal fashion, or toss every single one of the files in my desk drawer down the hall and stomp on them.

I took a seat again in my chair and placed my feet firmly on the floor and spoke out loud with my eyes closed. “God, you’re the center of my joy. All that’s good and perfect comes from you. You’re the heart of my contentment, hope for all I do. God, you’re the center of my joy.” I repeated these words over and over again. My hands were balled up in my lap, my shoulders were back and I again concentrated on consistent breaths, in through my nose, out through my mouth. I focused to relax my hands, and was still.