Dreamfall (33 page)

“Miya!” Naoh said sharply, almost a threat. I saw some of
the others give her an odd look.

“He’s behind it,” Miya went on, her voice flat, her eyes
hard, her whole body challenging her sister’s right to qrder her silent. “He
supplies the ones who sell it over here.”

“Why?” I asked. “For money?”

“Hatred,” she said. “Fear. I’ve been this close to him—” She
held up two fingers a centimeter apart. “I’ve felt it. That’s what he’s most
afraid of: that someone will look inside hirn and see what he really is.” She
glanced down. “He would have killed me, right there, if he’d rcartzed ....” She
looked up again. “If he could have gotten away with it.”

“Yeah,” I said. “That fits the Borosage I know,” My mouth
twisted. “But can we prove it? Even Draco and the FTA can’t turn their backs on
a drug-dealing corpse. If we could bring him dglyn—”

“That doesn’t change anything! It has nothing to do with why
we’re here!” Naoh cut me off. “I have seen the Way for all our people. we have
to make them open their eyes! They have to stand up against the Humans who are
trying to destroy us. once they find their pride and their courage, then it all
becomes possible ....” Her eyes glinted like cracked emeralds. “The Humans will
disappear from this world. The past that was ours once will be ours again. The
sick will be healed; the lost will find their way. There will be no more
sufferiilg, no more tears. That is the way I’ve seen ....” she stopped, and
took a deep breath.

I searched the room for anyone else with a trace of a frown,
a flicker of doubt in their eyes. There were mindless nods and muttered
agreement all around me, letting me hear what I couldn’t feel: that they all
believed the same thing, felt the same way. Every one of them. Even MiYa.

“You know it too, don’t You, Bian? Isn’t that why you threw
away your databand?” Naoh gestured at my wrist. “You know we are right, that
our way is the only way. You rejected your Human side and cut your ties to our
oppressors. You cut yourself off from the exploitation they stand for. We are
true revolutionaries. We’re not afraid to set an example, to lead the others to
the Way—to become martyrs, if necessary—so that our race will survive. Isn’t
that what it means to You—?”

I glanced at Miya. She sat unmoving but unprotesting alongside
Joby. I’d thought she’d taken Joby to protect him, but from what I’d seen of
his family, and how she felt about them, I knew that wasn’t true. I’d thought
she’d taken him to draw the FTA’s attention. But from what Naoh was saying now,
I couldn’t see how Joby fit into HARM’s real plans anywhere. unless, by
kidnapping him, Naoh was taking some kind of revenge. I wondered what Miya knew
that she wasn’t saying, wondered when she’d tell me—whether she ever would.

“fsn’t rt?” Naoh caught my arm. “Isn’t that what it means to
you?”

“The way I heard it,” I said slowly, “true revolutionaries
have to be willing to kill their own families.”

She stared at me. “That is the Human way,” she murmured at
last.

I looked at Miya again, and Joby. “Maybe it amounts to the
same thing.”

“Stop thinking like a Humafr,” Naoh said. “If you aren’t
with us, Sl4n”—her cat-pupiled eyes searched mine—“you are against us. Against
your own people. your real people ....” Her hand rose reassuringly to touch my
face; I felt a tendril of thought eel its way in through my defenses. She was
Miya’s sister, I ielt the echo of Miya in her touch. I told myself she was
accepting me, trying to make me one of them ...
almost trusting hen almost
letting her in ...

But then the magnesium flare of her fanaticism seared my
thoughts. I shut her out of my mind and backed away.
Miya was only angry at
the Humans; Naoh hated them.

“I’m with you,” I muttered, all I could do before looking
away from her shocked face, back at Miya and Joby again. “But there’s got to be
a better way to help our people than mass suicide.” I shook my head. “I know
there isn’t much time, but let’s use what We have, at lg4gf _”

“We will use it.” Naoh shrugged, frowning like I was the
head-case. “We already have many followers, and what you’ve told us will win us
more.” Her empty hand dropped to her side; her eyes stayed on me, hard and
searching. “You don’t truly understand yet, Bian. Once Miya didn’t, but now she
does.” Naoh jerked her head at her sister. “Miya, stay with him. Help him to
unOerstand. There are things we have to ds—”

She disappeared. The others followed her like a flock of
birds, disappearing one by one into thin air. The cool wind of their passage
moved through *y hair. I stood motionless, suddenly aione with Miya and Joby.

Joby squealed with surprise or amazement at the sudden emptying
of the room. He looked up at Miya, his face filled with uncertainty, his hands
full of toys. But he didn’t say anything.

She sighed, her own face going slack with relief, before she
smiled down at him. “Good-bye!” she called to the air== She waved her hand. “They
had to go. But I won’t go .... And they’ll come back.”

Still Joby didn’t say anything. He looked at me then== as if
he was waiting for me to disaPPear.

I moved closer until I was sitting beside him, moving
carefullY because I wasn’t sure how he’d teact.

Joby put down his blocks to look at me. He glanced at Miya
again, looking for reassurance. And then he got to his feet and took three
steps toward me. standing eye to eye with me, he reached out and touched my
ear, the earring dangling from it, the way he had last night. His fingers
brushed my ea\ he explored my face with his hands like he was blind or
confirming the evidence of his eyes. I held myself still, letting him explore.
Suddenly he threw his arrns around my neck, pressing his face against my cheek.

Startled, I forced myself to relax. I held him until finally
he let me go again. He sat down beside me and began to play with the cubes. He
leaned against my side like I was a chair in the middle of the empty room.

I glanced at Miya, not sure what I’d find in her eyes, not
sure what I saw there, even when I did. This was the first private moment we’d
had together since she’d wakened me in my hotel room. At last I murmured, “I
didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”

She smiled; her smile overflowed into my thoughts.

“How do you do that?” I said, wondering. I reached out, touching
her hair, her face, the way Joby had touched mine: proving her reality.

“What?” she asked, kissing my fingertips; or maybe, (What?)

“Get past me.” (Get inside me, like the air I breathe .. ==)

(By not trying.) She leaned forward until her lips found
mine. (Because you want me there ....) I remembered last night, how her body
had opened to let me enter, as she kissed me again.

(But it can’t be that easy ....) Her longing lit up my nerve
net
mating
my sudden need with a desire as relentless as
time.

(It isn’t ....) She drew away as my hands began to touch
her, feeling the curve of her breasts beneath the soft, weathered colors of her
antique shirt. She caught her breath, glancing selfconsciously at Joby. (It’s
beyond understanding.) She smiled. (It’s the Way ....)

(No,) I thought. (It’s just you.) I reached up, touched the
clip she’d woven into my hair, remembering the moment when she’d done it, the
look in her eyes, her life-force alive in my mind.

She looked back at me in my Hydran clothing, the outward
sign of my inner transformation. And I knew that it wasn’t simply the way she
looked at me that made my heart ache, but the way she saw me—
whole.
Beautiful. Nasheirtah.
“Miya,” I whispered, saying it aloud because I
wanted to hear the music of it. “Nasheirtah .... “What does it mean?”

“ft means ‘destiny,’” she said.

I shook my head, suddenly smiling. “How did you know? How
does it happen?”

She glanced down, at her hand resting in mine, two halves of
a whole. “It ...” Her thoughts diffused, focused again, offering me the image
of a moment when two minds merged and two hearts were lost: a precognitive
sending, a lightning-flash glimpse of a future where every possible image
converged in the face of the Other.

/
know yot’t ..
.. I remembered the night, the instant
when we’d collided on that deserted Freaktown street. I’d seen her face for the
first time, and my entire life had looked back at me from her eyes. And without
even knowing it, I’d offered her my soul ....

And she’d pressed Joby’s databand into my fist and run away,
knowing she’d finally found the one she was meant to love forever ... and sent
him straight into the arrns of Tau’s Corporate Security.

Her grip on my hand tightened until I winced: two lives
where every choice had only been between pain and more pain had finally
intersected in that moment, and the ultimate joy had become a tragedy. And
there had been no one in HARM she could share it with—not even her
sister—because they had all foresworn their individual lives and needs ...,

And at last I saw what had driven her to find me again, to
risk everything—her o\ryn life and safety, even Joby’s, for a handful of hours.
For one night with the one man she would always love in a way she would never
love anyone else. And at last I understood why, waking up alone and empty, I’d
felt as if the rest of my life had gone with her. Why once could never be
enough for either of us.

I shook my head in wonder. “Humans ... Humans believe over
and over that they’ve found the or1e. And then it falls apart on them.”

“Humans do the best they can,” she murmured, “but without
the Gift ...” She broke off, looking at me and remembering. She glanced at
JobY.

“.I)o you believe there’s really a perfect lover somewhere
for everyone?” I asked, trying to pull us both away from the brink of memory.

“In the Community?” Her eyes turned distant. “Who knows,
anymore? There are so few of us left .... Some of us go all our lives without
finding nasheirtah. Most of us just make do. Some still find each other, like—”
her mouth pinched, “like Naoh and Navu—only to be destroyed by the Humans.” Her
hand slipped out of mine. I tasted the bitterness of her sister’s inescapable
grief, always just below the surface in her memory.

I pulled her close to me. (I’m not like that. I’m here ...
and I’m a survivor. we’ll have our whole lives—)

(Never promise that,) she thought, blinking too much. ([t’s
like a curse.)

The past reached up with hands of pitch, trying to smother
me. (you love me ...) I thought, discovering a kind of courage I hadn’t known
existed in me, until she’d given me a reason to find it. The kind of courage it
took to believe: (Anything is possible.)

I felt more than saw it as she smiled at last, as she
whispered, (I know.) But her face changed as she looked at Joby. The contact
between us evaporated.

“MiYa—7”

She shook her head, brushing strands of loose hair back from
her face, and didn’t answer. But I didn’t need to hear her thoughts to guess
what theY were.

I remembered what had happened when Naoh had tried to reach
into my mind.
Hetp him understand,
she’d said before she left us here.
This wasn’t what she’d meant. “Miya,” I said again, to make her look back at me.
“How many members does HARM actually have? How many other people do you think
believe in your sister’s ‘vision’?”

“I don’t actually know how many Satoh—
patriots,
not
HARM
membsTs
—” she said mildly, “there are. I don’t think any of us know for
certain, even Naoh, in case we’re ever betrayed.”

DKEAMF’ALL I 225

“Has anyone tried to betray you?” I asked.

She shook her head. “The Council would turn us over to Tau,
if they could; but people in the Community protect us and support us. They know
what
satoh
means.” A small, wry smile formed on her face. “There are
hundreds, maybe even thousands, who follow Naoh’s Way and support us. All of
the Community who live here in town believe in our cause, at least to the point
where they won’t betray us.”

“How is that possible?” I wondered whether she knew that for
fact or whether it was something Naoh had put into her head. From what I’d
seen, it was difficult to believe there were that many Hydrans left on the
planet.

“Naoh’s Gift is very strong. She only used it for lagra,
until she had the sending.” She moved restlessly, as if even the memories had
the power to hurt her. “But then she saw why she’d been given it: to save our
people. Everyone she reaches out to feels her belief. They know that she’s seen
the Way—” Her fist tightened. Her mind was utterly clear of doubt, either about
me, for asking questions, or about her sister’s sanity. “They’ll follow her ...
when it’s time.”

I glanced away. “Miya, the things your sister said, about becoming
a martyr ... There’s something ... t\ryisted about how she sees all of this. It’s
almost as if she has a death wish—”

“No,” she murmured. ‘6f|l4n—”

“Naoh’s talking about death! Your death, the deaths of God
knows how many other people. The Community can’t afford that kind of loss.”

“What choice has Tau given us?” she demanded. “Naoh is being
realistic when she says some of us may die. If any of us lose our courage, if
we don’t follow the Way as she sees it with complete faith ... we’ll fail.” The
words were emotionless and flat; even so, her expression reminded me too much
of Naoh’s. “Some of us will always falter ....” She looked away suddenly.

I remembered what Hanjen had said—about a mood spreading
like a disease through an isolated group, none of them even recognizing the
sickness until it was too late. “This is some kind of precognition we’re
talking about, right? There should be more than one Way that will get us to our
goal. I know you believe that ... I’ve felt you still looking for answers.” I
saw her frown.

“Why shouldn’t we go after Borosage, before he comes for us?
That could get us the kind of attention we need without anyone dying. That
could work—”