Dreams Adrift (A River Dream Novel) (13 page)

“
Thank you,” I said.

The doctor had the floor nurse show me the
room where Maeve was. She was barely recognizable with all the
medical wires and tubes attached. I walked to the side of the bed
and took her hand. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at
me.

Fighting back tears and determined to will her
to live, I could hardly find my voice. Finally, I managed to say,
“Hi, baby.”

“
Mike,” she said.

“
I’m here, Maeve,” I
said.

“
I’ll be gone soon,” Maeve said in
a voice so soft I barely heard her.

“
No,” I said, the thought of
losing her cutting at my heart like a knife, “you’re going to be
fine.”

“
I’m so sorry, Mike,” Maeve said,
her voice breaking.

“
Don’t be sorry, baby, it’ll be
all right,” I said, still fighting back the tears welling in my
eyes.

“
When I’m gone, Mike, promise me,”
Maeve said.

“
You’re not going anywhere,” I
insisted. My vision started to blur.

“
Promise me you’ll love again,”
Maeve said.

“
I can’t promise that, Maeve,” I
said through the tears I could no longer hold back.

“
Promise me, Mike,” Maeve
begged.

“
Maeve, please, don’t go, I love
you!” I cried.

“
Mike, promise me,” Maeve
pleaded.

It seemed so important to her, how could I
not? “I promise.”

“
I love you, Mike.” Maeve
said.

“
I love you, too, Maeve,” I
replied, but she was gone.

I stood there holding her hand, stroking her
hair, tears falling down my face, waiting for her to open her eyes
again. I kept telling her I loved her, that she couldn’t leave me,
and that I needed her so much.

Gradually it sank in. My Maeve was really
gone. I stroked her hair one more time, gently kissed her lips,
laid her hand on her chest, turned, and walked out of the
room.

All conversation ceased as I walked into the
small waiting room. Someone walked in through the other door. She
stopped, looked at me, and began walking toward me. I knew my
imagination had to be playing tricks on me.

Nineteen

“
Michael, my Michael, I am so, so
sorry,” Rhiannon said, with tears in her eyes.

I knew I was imagining her. She couldn’t
really be there.

“
How…what…you…” I stammered
through my emotional haze.

Rhiannon took a deep breath to steady herself.
“I promised you a long time ago, Michael, that if you ever needed
me again I would be here. I promised I would not fail you
again.”

I broke down. “She’s gone, Rhiannon. Maeve is
gone.”

Rhiannon put her arm around me and guided me
to a quiet corner where she stayed with me and held me as I was
wracked with sobs and grief.

“
It’s okay to cry, Mike. It’s
okay,” Rhiannon whispered to me. “I know how much you must be
hurting. I’m hurting for you. I’m here for as long as you need
me.”

Finally, after I don’t know how long, I pulled
myself together. The pain was still intense inside me. I felt like
I was going to be sick. I called on all my training and
self-discipline to force myself into some semblance of normal
behavior.

From somewhere, Rhiannon produced a box of
tissue, and I did my best to clean myself up. I still couldn’t
believe she was there.

“
How are you here? I mean, I don’t
understand,” I said.

“
Beth called me,” Rhiannon said as
she wiped her eyes. “When your folks called Hans, he called Beth,
and she called me.”

“
But how did you get…here?” I
asked, still confused.

“
I live here now, in Greenville,”
Rhiannon explained. “I’d just gotten home from the supermarket when
the phone rang. I let my answering machine get it since I had my
arms full of grocery bags. I dropped everything when I heard Beth
say it was about you and it was an emergency.”

Rhiannon looked at me, and in her eyes I could
see remnants of the panic she must have felt.

“
So I grabbed the phone and asked
Beth what happened. She told me that Maeve was in an accident and
was being airlifted to Pitt.”

Rhiannon’s voice caught. She turned her head
and dried her eyes. After a deep, shaky breath, she turned back to
me.

“
Beth said your folks were on
their way. Beth and Hans, too. But since I was right here in
Greenville, would I please come.”

Her lips quivered, and this time Rhiannon
couldn’t hold back the tears. “I told her of course I’d
come.”

She squeezed my hands, took another deep
breath, and said, “I prayed all the way over that Maeve would be
all right, Michael. I prayed to God that she would be all
right.”

I took a moment to try to digest the fact that
somehow Maeve was gone and Rhiannon was there. Suddenly I was
angry. I pulled my hands away and leapt to my feet.

“
What spooked that damn horse?” I
asked furiously. Rhiannon looked at me, startled.

“
Is that what happened?” she
asked.

“
That’s what I was told. She went
on a trail ride this morning with her friends from the club.
Something spooked her horse, she fell, and now she’s gone,” I said
with rising anger. “I’m going to shoot that horse.”

“
Michael,” Rhiannon said sharply,
“is that what Maeve would want?”

“
Maeve is dead,” I said coldly. “I
want that horse dead, too.”

But Maeve had loved that horse. She was a good
horse. She would follow Maeve around the paddock like a puppy. I
could never hurt that horse.

“
Listen to me. Maeve would be
ashamed of me.” I thought I was going to start crying again. “I
can’t do this.”

“
You can’t do what, Mike?”
Rhiannon asked, concern in her voice. She was gently rubbing my
back like I was an upset child she was trying to
comfort.

I shook my head in confusion. “I don’t even
know. I don’t know what to do now. What am I supposed to do
now?”

“
You take it one second at a time.
Then the seconds become minutes and eventually the minutes become
hours. After a while you go almost whole days without thinking
about what you’ve lost,” Rhiannon said.

I stopped and looked at Rhiannon, really
looked at her. There were tears in her eyes, and pain.

“
You’ve been through this, haven’t
you?” I asked gently. I didn’t realize then that she was talking
about losing me.

“
No, not this I haven’t. Not what
you’re going through here. But yes, I know what it’s like to feel
the pain of losing someone and living with that every day,”
Rhiannon said, remembering the day she watched my wedding from that
fourth floor window. “But right now you have to face some people.
Your parents are here.”

She took me by the arm and helped me to my
feet as mom and dad walked over.

“
Oh, Michael, I am so sorry. I
just cannot believe this. I am so sorry.” My mother sobbed as she
took me in her arms.

My dad stood behind her and put his hand on my
shoulder. I saw Rhiannon quietly make her way to the door. She
looked back at me, mouthed “I’ll be back” and slipped
out.

I told my mom and dad what I knew of what
happened. I filled them in on what took place when I arrived at the
hospital in Greenville; how I had been with Maeve when she
died.

While we were talking, Hans and April came in.
When they found out Maeve was gone, Hans took me in a bear hug
while April wept quietly beside him.

The floor nurse came out to tell me that if I
was up to it she had some things they needed to discuss with me. My
dad stepped up and told me he’d take care of it.

I squared my shoulders and said, “I need to do
it, Dad. It’s my responsibility.”

He held my arm. “You’re right, it is. But that
doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. I’m coming with
you.”

“
Okay, Dad,” I said, feeling some
of the weight come off my chest. “Thank you.”

We took care of the paperwork and I made the
necessary decisions. Maeve would be taken home to River Dream and
laid to rest in a corner of the property we’d set aside for our
children to build homes on some day. It wouldn’t be needed for that
now.

Twenty

Maeve’s mother and father arrived at the
hospital shortly after my father and I finished making the
arrangements for Maeve to be taken home to River Dream. Cynthia
followed closely behind them. They sat with my parents and me in
the waiting room as my father explained what had happened. Maeve’s
mom and dad clung to each other while Cynthia sobbed quietly in a
chair next to them.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at them.
They’d trusted me to take care of their little girl, Cynthia’s baby
sister, and I’d failed. Shame added itself to the list of painful
emotions tearing me apart.

Finally steeling myself to meet Ted’s eyes,
instead of the shared grief I expected to see, I saw only anger. I
lowered my eyes. Ted and Phyllis left without speaking to
me.

Cynthia was kinder. “Michael, they’re upset,
angry, and in pain. Mom and Dad know this wasn’t your fault. Give
them time.”

Her words were spoken kindly, but there was
ice in her eyes. She would need some time before she stopped
blaming me, too.

When I got back to River Dream the day after
Maeve’s accident, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep in the house, so
I slept aboard
Geddaway
instead. I slept there each night
until the funeral. Mom, Dad, and Malori came to River Dream late on
the day I returned and stayed in the house.

That first night back, Malori sat out on the
dock with me until the wee hours sharing stories about Maeve. We
probably would have stayed up all night if Mom hadn’t insisted
Malori go inside and get some sleep.

Maeve’s funeral was held two days after the
accident in an historic little church on the property at River
Dream. Then I laid her to rest on a rise of land with a view of the
river. I knew she’d like that spot.

Our friends and family gathered at the house
afterward. Most stayed for only a brief time before offering one
last condolence, taking their leave, and going on their way. I did
my best to be patient with them. I knew they all meant well. I just
wished they’d go. I wanted to be alone, or at least I thought I
did.

When the funeral was over and most of the
mourners were gone, only my closest family and friends remained.
Derrick and his family had a long drive back to the Outer Banks and
were the first of this last group to leave. Chase and his wife
followed them soon after. Beth left with Hans and April. They had
all come down from Raleigh together.

The hardest parting for me had been Maeve’s
folks. They managed to be civil with me but were obviously still
blaming me for Maeve’s death. It hurt that they shut me out so, not
grieving with me. When they left, it felt so final, like I’d never
see them again.

Mom, Dad, and Malori left - they’d be staying
in Oriental for a couple of days - after assuring themselves that I
would be okay by myself for the night.

“
Michael,” my mom said, “if you
want us to stay, or your dad to stay, we will stay.”

“
Thanks, Mom,” I said, after
thinking about it. “I’ll be all right. I have to get used to it
eventually. I might as well start tonight.”

My dad looked worried at the idea of leaving
me there alone. “You don’t have to rush it, son.”

I was tempted to ask him to stay. I took a
deep breath to give myself a moment to collect my
thoughts.

“
It’ll be okay, Dad,” I said.
“Thanks.”

Rhiannon remained behind. After Mom and Dad
left, I found Rhiannon standing on the front porch looking over the
river. The sun was setting off to the southwest, and the sky was a
blaze of color. She didn’t turn as she heard me walk up.

“
I’d forgotten how beautiful it is
here, Michael.”

At that moment I couldn't see the beauty
anymore.

“
Somehow I don’t think I’ll ever
look at it like I used to,” I said. “I’ve lost everything that made
this place home to me.”

For a time we didn’t say anything. We just
watched the light leave the sky.

As the river became dark, Rhiannon turned to
ask me, “What will you do now, Mike?”

“
I don’t know. I haven’t thought
that far ahead. I’m still taking it one second at a
time.”

Taking hold of my arm and turning me so that I
faced her, Rhiannon assured me, “You may not believe it now,
Michael, but you will be okay.”

Taking a deep breath, I replied, “I know. I
just wish I knew when.”

“
I don’t have to leave tonight,
Michael, if you want some company,” Rhiannon offered.