Dreams to Sell (17 page)

‘Maybe not, but it's the first crack, isn't it? I mean, does she think anyone else suspects?'

‘She's sure they don't. They're not likely to notice what she notices, she says.' Roz's grey eyes were searching Jamie's face. ‘Anyway, you've always said not to worry, eh? That we'd be all right, and Mr Banks probably wouldn't throw us out?'

‘I don't believe he would, but something like this – I have to admit – it wouldn't do me any good.' Jamie laughed without mirth. ‘Five minutes into the job and I've fallen in love with my assistant?'

‘Well, there's nothing we can do, unless …'

‘Unless what?'

‘I find another job.'

‘Another job? Oh, God, no – that would mean I wouldn't see you.'

‘Yes, you would. We'd meet like we do now, after work. It's what most folk do, Jamie.'

‘You wouldn't want to go, though, would you? It wouldn't be fair. Look, let's leave it for now. See what happens. What's the other bad news, then? You said Norma was the first bit.'

‘Oh, Jamie!' Roz heaved a deep sigh. ‘It's my sister, Chrissie.'

Briefly, she told him what had happened, how Chrissie was devastated and unable to go to work, and he listened carefully and with sympathy, gently stroking her hands.

‘What a cad!' he cried when she'd finished. ‘You always did say you couldn't trust him. Why, I'd like to look him up and give him a punch he might remember! Smooth guy, wasn't he? I'd roughen him up a bit.'

‘Not you,' she said, smiling weakly. ‘No, he's the type to get away with whatever he does. All I want now is for him to go to Newcastle as soon as possible, and for Chrissie to get over him.' She moved abruptly to her desk and picked up the post. ‘Listen, we'd better get on with some work. Every day I feel more and more guilty.'

‘We're selling just as many houses as before, and organizing sales better than ever. You've no need to feel guilty, Roz.'

‘How do we fit it in between kisses?' she asked, trying to sound amused. ‘I think I might be better off in that new job I mentioned, after all.'

But Jamie only shook his head as he left her for his own office, his shoulders drooping, and it came to her that he was in one of his ‘down' moods again. How different he'd been when he returned from the Borders last time, bouncing in with a cheese for her, wanting to take her out for a drink! This time there'd been nothing like that, and if he'd been more worried than she'd thought by her news about Norma, that in itself was a sign he wasn't his usual cheerful self. She could imagine a time when if she'd told him that he'd have laughed it off and said they'd nothing to worry about. Not now.

Had something happened on his weekend? Or was his mood just part of the frustration he'd expressed before when they'd discussed their situation? She resolved to speak to him and discover what was in his mind.

‘How was your weekend?' she asked at their coffee break. ‘You didn't say.'

He drank some coffee. ‘Fine. I always like to see the Borders.'

‘And your mother? Was she well?'

‘Just the same. Baking, cooking.'

‘Missing you, I expect.'

‘Can't be helped, I'm afraid.'

‘I was just thinking you seem a bit down again. Did anything happen? I mean, to upset you?'

He put his cup aside and stood up. ‘No, why should it? Look, what is all this? Why do you think I seem down?'

‘You're usually so cheerful, Jamie, sort of unworried. But lately, you've been – different. Not all the time, just now and again, you know, as though you've something on your mind.'

‘Well, that's it, isn't it? I do have something on my mind. Haven't you?'

‘Yes, but it doesn't stop me being happy to be with you.' Roz turned away. ‘I do get a bit depressed sometimes, about the difficulties, but when I'm with you I feel better.'

‘I'm the same.' He caught her hand and squeezed it. ‘If I seem a bit depressed, it's over the difficulties, just like you.' He gave her one of his old smiles. ‘We'll just have to sort them out, Roz. Of course, at the moment, you're sad about your sister – I wish there was something I could do to help.'

‘There's nothing—' she was beginning when the door opened and Mr Wray looked round it.

‘Busy?' he asked. ‘Or can you spare a moment?'

‘Just finishing coffee,' Jamie told him. ‘Come on in.'

‘Can I get you a coffee, Mr Wray?' Roz asked, but he shook his head.

‘No, thanks, Miss Rainey. I've had my elevenses.'

Advancing into the room, the painfully thin Mr Wray took a seat in one of the chairs for clients, adjusted his glasses and gave an uncertain smile. When Roz made a move to excuse herself to return to her own office, he held up a bony hand.

‘No, Miss Rainey, please stay. I really want to talk to both of you.'

As Roz instantly looked towards Jamie, she was wondering if he was feeling the same sort of sudden, ominous sensation inside that was gripping her, but as his eyes left hers and met Mr Wray's, he appeared totally calm.

‘So, what can we do for you?' he asked pleasantly, at which Mr Wray fingered the frames of his glasses again.

‘It's a bit awkward, really. I feel I may sound as though I'm intruding where I have no right … It's just that I know I should speak to you – to both of you – and I hope you'll take what I say as concern for your own well-being at Tarrel and Thom's.'

This is it, thought Roz, this is the blow falling. Somehow, she'd always known it would, but now that it had she felt curiously resigned. It had never been possible for her and Jamie to meet, to feel as they did without someone discovering their relationship, and if Norma didn't count because she wouldn't tell, Mr Wray would be very different.

Not daring now to look at Jamie, Roz sat very still, keeping her eyes on Mr Wray, who was himself in fact having difficulty knowing where to look.

‘The thing is, Mr Shield, Miss Rainey,' he began, ‘I happened to see you both the other evening when you didn't see me. You were, I think I may say, rather preoccupied with each other.'

‘Mind if I ask where this was, Mr Wray?' asked Jamie levelly.

‘That little restaurant, the Rowan, on the Peebles road. I'd gone there with my wife and a cousin we were entertaining. I saw you as soon as we arrived and meant to come over, but then I realized that you hadn't seen me and maybe didn't want to, and I said nothing.'

Mr Wray waited a moment, perhaps expecting a comment, but when none came he cleared his throat and went on.

‘Now, I do realize that every member of staff here is entitled to a private life. Tarrel's doesn't own people body and soul. Nevertheless, Mr Banks has to consider the efficiency of the firm and there's no doubt that when personal friendships develop, efficiency can be affected. That's why such friendships – or relationships, if you like – are not encouraged, particularly when people work together, or, rather, wouldn't be encouraged if there'd been any.' Mr Wray halted. ‘Yours is the first.'

‘On the strength of seeing us together in a restaurant, you believe we have a friendship that might damage efficiency?' Jamie asked, still keeping his tone level.

Mr Wray now fixed him with his gaze. ‘Mr Shield, are you denying there's something special between you and Miss Rainey? I did see you together, I may remind you.'

Jamie was silent. Finally, not looking at either Mr Wray or Roz, he sighed deeply. ‘No,' he said at last. ‘I'm not denying it. We've become … attached to each other.'

‘We never meant it to happen,' Roz said bravely. ‘It just did.'

‘That's true,' Jamie murmured. ‘But I take the blame. I knew it wouldn't be accepted here but, as Miss Rainey says, it happened and you can't put feelings back.'

He looked away, his face as serious as Roz had ever seen it. ‘I do blame myself,' he said, his voice low. ‘I'll always do that.'

Mr Wray looked down at his hands, then slowly raised his eyes. ‘The point is, Mr Shield, what can be done?'

‘That depends on what you do, Mr Wray. I suppose you'll be informing Mr Banks?'

‘No, I don't think so.'

‘No?' As he glanced quickly across to Roz, Jamie's eyes were widening. ‘You're not going to tell him?'

‘I've no wish to bring him in at this stage. All I want to do today is to warn you about the situation here and to tell you to take care. For a start, be very sure that your work is in no way affected. Can you promise me that?'

‘Yes!' Roz cried promptly. ‘Work has to come first, we both know that, Mr Wray. But we've discussed something else, Jamie and I, that might be best for us.'

‘Oh, no,' Jamie murmured. ‘No, Roz, I didn't say it would be best. Don't suggest it.'

‘I have to,' she declared, and turned to Mr Wray. ‘What we thought – well, I thought – is that I should leave. Mr Shield is the professional, he hasn't been here long and it would be a shame if he had to go. But I'm sure I could find another job and then there'd be no problem.' She sat back in her chair, breathing hard. ‘That's the way I see it.'

Mr Wray studied her for a long moment. ‘It would also be a shame if you had to leave, Miss Rainey, because I know you're happy here and you're very efficient. We'd be sorry to lose you, but you're right, it would be the best solution to your problems.'

He rose to his feet and moved towards the door.

‘I must say, I feel somewhat happier now about this matter. I wasn't looking forward to having to speak to you.'

‘Mr Wray, thank you,' Roz said earnestly. ‘Thank you for your understanding.'

‘We're very grateful to you,' Jamie said. ‘Very.'

‘That's quite all right.' The lawyer smiled briefly. ‘You may not believe it, but I was young myself once. These things happen – they're not difficult to understand.'

‘Well, what do you make of that?' Jamie asked when they were alone. ‘John Wray is human, after all.'

‘I can't believe he's not going to tell Mr Banks,' Roz whispered. ‘He's been really nice, eh? And we've been lucky.'

‘Lucky, when you're leaving me?'

She hesitated, her eyes searching his face, which had still not really lightened. ‘I think it's the only thing to do, Jamie. If we want to keep on.'

‘Keep on?'

‘Keep on loving each other.'

‘I'll always love you,' he said quietly. ‘Always.'

‘But for now, maybe we shouldn't go out so much? And definitely stick to what we said, about being above reproach at work.'

‘I agree. But we can meet sometimes? I mean, what else will we have?'

‘Maybe at weekends? Just till I find a job?'

‘What a future!'

‘When we're not both working at Tarrel's we can go out whenever we like – remember that.'

It was all that made the future bearable, Roz reflected, returning to her office, for it was only the thought that she would be able to meet Jamie freely after she'd left Tarrel's that made it possible for her to imagine going.

It seemed right, somehow, that when the lovely summer faded into autumn, the weather should match the mood of Roz and Jamie, Chrissie and Flo. There were golden days, it was true, but still the feeling of melancholy in the air, with the festival over, the exotic visitors departed, the Tattoo stands taken down from the castle to be put away for another year. What would come next? Falling leaves, days shortening, the first fires to be lit – all anyone could do was accept the new season and try to look on the bright side. After all, they did it every year.

At least there was comfort for Roz in knowing that her mother had not gone into a state of depression again, though she couldn't of course be anything but sad over Chrissie's continuing misery. True to her word, Chrissie had not returned to the Café Sunshine, and had instead found herself a job as waitress in a George Street restaurant, much to Flo's disappointment.

‘It's not the same at the café without her,' she complained to Roz. ‘And she'd have been welcomed back. She needn't have left.'

‘Richard used to go there, Ma, that's what she minds. You have to let her do what she thinks is best.'

‘Aye, well it would be best if she could stop thinking about that Richard at all. Dougal was all for giving him a punch or two, you know, if he hadn't already gone to Newcastle.'

‘As though that would have done any good!'

‘Would have done Dougal good, he says.' Flo sighed. ‘Och, what a worry it is, having a family! Why, even you are looking for another job, Roz, and I thought you were settled.'

‘I explained how things are, Ma. It'll be better for me and Jamie if we don't work together. Though I haven't found anything suitable yet.'

‘How about finding wedding bells suitable?' asked Flo, narrowing her eyes as she looked at Roz, who merely shrugged and laughed.

‘No wedding bells at the moment, Ma. All I'm looking for is the right sort of post. Might take some time.'

And so it did, for October was well advanced before a likely job for Roz turned up in a New Town law firm requiring a typist and assistant for their property department. Exactly what she was looking for, she told Jamie, as he prepared to leave for a valuation in Murrayfield – she would get her application in that very day.

‘I suppose I should be pleased,' he said gloomily.

‘You know what it will mean if I get it,' she told him. ‘Freedom!'

‘True,' he admitted, brightening, and would have kissed her, except that they no longer kissed at work. ‘Can't come too soon, then. Better type out your application now.'

‘By the time you come back it will be in the post.'