Durarara!!, Vol. 1 (novel)

This is a twisted story.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! I know you’re in there, Seiji! I’m here again today! Oh no, you forgot to unlock the door! How am I supposed to get inside?”

Warning, warning.
My house is under siege by a stalker. She’s been pounding on my door for minutes. Why hasn’t she thought to try the intercom?

“The door is locked! Are you asleep? Omigosh! How cheeky am I? Sneaking in on a man while he’s in bed!”

Alert, alert.
Alert to myself last week. Some girls that just moved to the big city were being harassed by a thug, and I saved them from trouble. It turned out they were about to start at the same high school as me tomorrow. And somehow it turned into this. The other girl was so polite and normal, too.

“Hey, I want to tell you something… I just wanted to say, I’ve been in love with you for a long time! Do you remember me?! I was the girl sitting right next to you during our exams! The boy on my right had this crazy name like Ryuugamine, so I started wondering what the boy on my left was named. And when I turned, it was love at first sight! So I made sure to learn and memorize your name! But I didn’t have the guts to speak to you…and then you saved me, and I thought—oh! This must be fate at work! It gave me so much courage! Please, just show me
your beautiful face, let me see you looking bright and healthy, please, please, please!”

Caution, caution.
She freakin’ followed me home. Ever since then, this has happened every day. She doesn’t listen when I order her to leave. I’ve heard these same lines two thousand times.

“Are you not feeling well?! So that’s why you’re not answering the door! Oh no! You need to open up right away! I’ve done lots of research since the exam day! I know your birthday, your family members, your—”

Police, police.
I’m going to call the cops. Only that threat was enough to finally chase her away.

Three hours after the assault, I felt safe in assuming that she’d finally gone, and I left to pick up some things from the convenience store below my apartment building. Even as I selected my toothpaste and magazines, that stalker chick’s face was floating through my brain.

My first impression was that she was gorgeous. There was an adult air to her—she seemed to be a perfect example of a lovely young lady. But personal experience soon taught me exactly how a girl like her could be single.

No amount of good looks made a crazy chick like her palatable. Maybe it was different if you were looking for that—but I wasn’t. I already
had
a girlfriend.

So, what to do about the first day of school tomorrow
, I wondered as I climbed the stairs to my floor and headed down the narrow hallway.

If I have to meet her there every day, it’s better not to go at all. I mean, I’ve already got a girlfriend. A quiet and graceful one, not like her. As long as I’ve got my girl, I don’t need to bother with high school at all. I could get a part-time job at my sister’s company instead.

Oh, now I remember. I was wondering why I even saved that chick in the first place. It’s because, at a glance, she looked like my girlfriend—until she opened her mouth. That’s why I saved her. It was a stupid decision. I saved her because they looked alike, but she couldn’t have been more different on the inside.

I put the key in the lock of my apartment door.

Huh? Weird.

It’s already unlocked.

Mayday, Mayday, Mayday.
My danger sense is on full alert.

Alarm, alarm, beepedy-beep.
Inside the door, a pair of women’s shoes.

“S-Seiji…”

Farther into my apartment, the stalker was standing stock-still.

I realized that I was taking the presence of this trespassing intruder with remarkable calm. I’d spotted the look on her face.

When I spoke, even I was surprised by the coldness of my voice.

“You
saw
?”

“I, um, er…”

There was terror and unease on her face, nothing like her typical expression.

…Well, well, you’re capable of looking like this after all.

That’s when I knew she had
seen something she shouldn’t have
.

“Uh—um, Seiji, I…I won’t tell anyone! This doesn’t change how I feel about you. It’s okay, I don’t care about what you’re secretly into. I can change myself to match your interests, just, um…”

The tables have turned. Now I’m the one putting pressure on her.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, Seiji!” Her voice filled with hope.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Sei…ji?”

She noticed the chill in my eyes, and the hope instantly turned to fear.

I had to take it one step further into absolute despair. I repeated myself.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Seiji!”

When my sister burst into the room with two of her employees, I was seated in the living room, eating a cup of instant ramen. The
employees quickly and expertly packed the stalker into a body bag and removed her from the room. My sister made a brief inspection of the place, noted the blood spatter on the wall, then hugged me from behind.

“It’ll be all right. You’ll be fine.”

Her comforting warmth enveloped me. All I thought was that this made it hard to eat.

“There’s nothing to worry about, Seiji. Just leave this all to me. Okay?”

“Sis, as for
her
—not the girl, I mean…”

“You were the one who took her out, weren’t you? Don’t worry, leave all that to me. Understand? As long as I’m here, nothing bad will happen to you… Especially not the police—they won’t get you. They’ll never get you, so don’t worry about that.”

And with that, she gave her employees more orders and left.

Maybe it’s not the best idea to get a job with her company. She knows a lot of people working in unsavory occupations, people the office doesn’t know about. Those men that came in with her took a dead body and did their jobs without a word. They couldn’t have been ordinary, law-abiding folks.

I’d rather not work with evil people. They’d turn me evil, too.

If I turned bad and got caught by the police, my girlfriend would be so sad. That’s the last thing I want.

I watched the workers calmly scrub the blood off the wall and shoveled more cold, stale ramen into my gullet.

God, this ramen is terrible.

This is a twisted, twisted tale.

A tale of twisted love.