Earning Edie (Espinoza Boys #1) (25 page)

“Language, Nickie,” she admonished, her voice muffled against my shoulder.

She stepped back and used a corner of her apron to dab at her eyes. “It’s not just you. I called Elana.”

I tensed. “What did she say?”

Mama sucked in a deep breath. “She didn’t answer at first, but I called twice last night and left a message, and finally she answered this morning.”

She looked up at me with such grief. “She told me that she and Gabriel were on the brink of divorce. Did you know that, Nickie?” She pressed a hand over her chest. “It just hurts my heart to think of my Gabriel’s marriage falling apart.”

“It kills me to know I added to the wedge between them,” I added quietly.

Mama turned back to the stove, turning off the burners before breakfast could overcook. She spoke without looking at me, and that was easier for me to handle.

“If what Elana says is true, you were a side effect of their troubles, not the cause. You made a big mistake, Nickie. But you were wrong about one thing.”

“What?”

“You can still apologize to Gabriel,” she said, as she bustled about plating up breakfast like we weren’t having a heart-wrenching discussion about my betrayal. “Have you been to the cemetery to see him?”

I shook my head. I’d been running from my secret for the past year. I couldn’t face the truth, much less my brother’s grave.

“Go, Nickie. Talk to Gabriel. He’s somewhere listening, and if I know my Gabriel, you’re already forgiven.”

A lump lodged in my throat, and I swallowed hard, but nodded agreement.

“What about Elana? Is everything okay with you two? I know you’ve become close.”

Mama sighed. “I don’t know how to feel. I love Elana like a daughter. I’m angry with both of you, Nickie. But I’m sad for you too. At least Gabriel was spared this, I think. Then I feel like the worst mother for thinking that Gabriel’s death was good for anything. I miss him so much.”

“Me too, Mama.”

“Take Tony with you when you go visit Gabriel. It’ll do him good.” She forced a smile and handed me a platter of scrambled eggs with chorizo. “Now, take that in to the table before the natives get restless.”

***

Cynthia helped set the table, as I delivered platters of food, and we sat down to eat. For once, Mama sat with us instead of leaping up to grab more napkins or the missing salt shaker. That, as much as the bags under her eyes, spoke to her exhaustion.

Tony was the last one to the dining room, and he looked about as good as Mama did. His face was drawn from too little sleep and his mouth was set in a grimace.

“Smells good,” he said, hooking a chair with his foot and yanking it out to sit down.

“Tastes better,” I said.

Tony glared at me, obviously still angry, then turned his attention to Mama.

“Everything looks great, Mama.” He stopped, staring at her tear-stained face, and whipped his head to me. “Goddamn it, Nick. Why are you still here?”

“Tony!” Mama protested.

“No, fuck that. I won’t watch my language when Nick comes home after a year of dodging the truth and breaks your heart. This isn’t good for you, Mama. He needs to go.”

My hand tightened around my fork, but I kept my words locked up tight. I had no right to defend myself. I
did
hurt Mama, and I hated it.

“He is my son, and he’ll always have a place here, just like you, Antonio,” Mama said, with a surprising amount of steel in her voice. “It was difficult news, yes. But I’ll decide who is allowed at my breakfast table, not you.”

Tony pushed back. “Fine, I don’t need this.”

He snagged a piece of bacon and shoved it in his mouth, then flipped me off on his way out of the room.

I sagged in my chair. “Maybe I should leave. Give him some space.”

“Don’t do it,” Cyn warned. “You know Tony. He holds a grudge like nobody’s business. You need to talk to him, one-on-one. Make him understand, without all the yelling, that you love Gabriel and regret your actions.”

“I’ve said all that!”

“Say it again,” Cynthia said, giving me a stony look. She must have learned it from Mama.

“Okay, I’ll try,” I said dubiously, and pushed back from the table. “Please rescue me if I’m not back in an hour.”

Cyn cracked a grin, though Mama didn’t seem amused. “Will do, Nickie. Now go fix this.”

***

I tapped on the door to Tony’s room, my gut clenched with nerves.

Tony and I had never been exceptionally close. Just two years apart, Gabriel and I had been much closer. Tony came later, and I was off to college by the time he was 11. But we’d always chilled together when I came by the house.

“’Sup?” Tony called, and I pushed open the door to his room.

He reclined on the bed, his back propped against the headboard, with a laptop on his legs. The keys clicked as he tapped out a few words, then glanced up at me.

His expression shut down when he saw me, and he returned his attention to the keyboard. I hovered anxiously as he typed furiously, wondering if his plan was to ignore me, but after a couple of minutes he closed the laptop.

“What do you want?”

His room had changed a little since he was a kid, but not much. He’d ditched the sports posters and baseball and basketball decals our parents put up when he was a preschooler. Now, his walls were papered with band posters and pictures of cool cars. I wondered if he still had a passion for mechanics.

I’d lost my love of cars — at least fixing up old ones — with everything that happened with Elana.

Across from his bed, a couple of big blue bean bags he’d gotten when he was 13 sat on the floor. I dropped into one, grunting at the impact, the trip down a little farther than I remembered. I grimaced, and adjusted myself to a more comfortable position.

“I was kind of hoping we could talk more,” I said. “I know you’re pissed, but us fighting is only going to hurt Mama more.”

Tony watched me squirm on the bean bag with amusement. “And that’s your only motive for talking to me, huh? For
Mama
’s sake?”

“To be honest, Tony? Yeah. The truth’s out there, and I can’t change what happened in the past. You can hate my guts for it, if you want. At this point, I’m doing damage control, and my biggest concern there is Mama.”

“Well, that’s awfully
selfless
of you, Nick. Maybe you should have thought of Mama before you slept with Elana.”

“Look, I know I fucked up. No one is arguing with you—”

“Then back off! It’s going to take more than one fucking day to get over what you did. You betrayed Gabe. Hell, you betrayed all of us. You don’t do that to family. How would you feel if I hooked up with Edie? Maybe I should. Karma’s a bitch.”

I lunged to my feet. “Don’t even fucking think about it.”

Tony shoved off his bed, coming to his feet a few inches from me. He looked me in the eye with a grim smile.

“Edie’s not even your girlfriend. Imagine if she was your wife? Imagine I snuck around with her behind your back—”

“Shut up!” I shoved him, all the pent up frustration, guilt and anger seeking an outlet before I could control the urge.

He fell backward, bouncing onto the bed. Anger twisted his face, but he didn’t try to fight me. Instead, he looked disgusted with me, which was worse.

“I get it,” I said, my voice rough. “I regret it. You have no idea how much I wish I’d never gone there. I’ll never disrespect someone’s relationship like that again.”

“Right.” Tony laughed bitterly. “So trying to steal Jaime’s girlfriend was your idea of respect?”

Shit, he was right. I knew Edie was dating Jaime. I’d known when I’d let Mama think she was my girlfriend, and I’d known when I kissed her and touched her and willed her to belong to me. I owed that kid a major apology, and not only for outing him.

“Fuck,” I said. “You’re right. I didn’t respect that relationship because I didn’t believe they had real feelings for one another.”

Tony lifted his gaze to mine, frowning.

“I kissed Edie before Jaime ever came along. If he hadn’t gotten in the way …”

Tony shook his head at me. “Dude, do you hear yourself? Edie’s not a toy you can call dibs on. She chose Jaime, and you didn’t like that, so you ignored the situation and went after her. Am I right?”

I slumped onto the edge of the bed and scrubbed a hand down my face.

“I never really thought about it like that.”

He smirked knowingly. There was still an undercurrent of anger to his smile, but the fury had dissipated.

I nudged his leg. “I thought I was supposed to be the older, wiser one.”

“Well, you got it half right. What are you, like 30 now?”

“Fuck off!”

He laughed at me, and I knew we’d be okay. Tony was pissed. He’d idolized Gabe before he died, and my betrayal cut deep. But we were brothers, and we’d get through it.

I had to give my little brother props. His threat to steal Edie brought home the gut-deep wrongness of what I’d done in a way my own lingering guilt hadn’t.

If Gabriel hadn’t died when he did, he probably would have beat the shit out of me. And that’s one beating I would have gladly taken.

“I want his car,” Tony blurted. “I want Gabe’s car. I’m the one who loves cars, and you don’t deserve it anyway.”

I loved that fucking car, but I also hated it. It was a constant reminder of how I came to be so close to Elana. If this would help Tony forgive me, giving up that particular token of my guilt could only be a good thing.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” he asked, shocked.

“Yeah. Let me shop around for another car. Once I have a replacement, you can have it. But if you total it, I’ll kill you.”

CHAPTER 16

Headline
: Local businesses step up for local students
Byline
: By Nick Espinoza
Lead
:
I’m happy to break the news in this column that a dozen local businesses, including The Ashe Sentinel, have pooled their resources to create a new scholarship that will benefit one local student each year. For the inaugural year, they’ve selected someone who’s become a good friend to me since writing her story: Edie Mason, the so-called “Lonely Graduate.”

EDIE

I let myself into Jaime’s place after a late shift at Wilde’s to see the whole family cuddled up on the sofa watching a movie. My heart ached at the happy family scene, and I missed my parents, faults and all.

Jaime’s family wasn’t perfect, I knew. He’d yet to come out to his mother. But even imperfection looked pretty comforting about now.

"Hey Edie, we're watching a movie," Jamie's younger sister, Crissy, said. "Wanna watch with us?"

Lily's house was still overflowing, so I'd ended up crashing with Jaime not long after I left Nick's apartment. I was still peeved with Lily over those outrageous credit card charges, so it was for the best.

I'd expected it to be awkward with Jaime after our break-up, but oddly it was the opposite. Without the relationship pressure, we'd relaxed and become best friends.

"I'm probably just going to go to bed," I said.

Jaime's mom gave me a sympathetic smile. "You do look tired. Have you even eaten tonight? You look too thin."

I thought back over the night. Wilde's had been crazy busy, and I'd ended up helping bus tables instead of taking my break. Then Logan got in a screaming match with Darla, a new waitress, and I’d had to play mediator.

"Maybe not ..."

She hopped up. "Let me get you a snack."

"Oh you don't have to—"

"Nonsense," she said, heading to the kitchen, and I trailed behind. "You need to take care of yourself. You do nothing but work and sleep."

I laughed helplessly. "Pretty much."

"Edie, you need to slow down. I don't know what's bothering you, but if it's about the break-up with Jaime—"

"Mom!"

Jaime spoke sharply from the doorway.

His mother didn't understand our break-up, and me staying here only confused her more. But Jaime wasn't ready to explain, and that put us in an awkward bob-and-weave situation when his mom got too curious.

"It's not Jaime," I said, before he started lecturing. I didn't want to be the cause of discord.

I'd spent the days since the lake party in what felt like a fugue state. I worked. I slept. I ate, when I remembered. Mostly, I made sure I was too tired to think because I was confused.

When I had time to think, I wondered if I made a mistake in pushing Nick out of my life. I missed him. But then I’d remember him outing Jaime and feel guilty for wanting to forgive.

For wanting to see him. Hug him. Kiss him.

Mrs. Harris places a ham and Swiss sandwich on a plate and handed it to me.

"Eat, at least," she said. "If you need to talk, I'm here."

"Thank you. Really."

She watched until I took a bite, and then left the kitchen. Jaime dropped into a seat on the other side of the table.

"Ditto for me. You can talk about it, if you need to."

I shook my head, cramming in another bite.

Jaime wasn't as easily dissuade as his mother. "I know this is about Nick."

I looked up guiltily.

"It's okay," he said. "You can care about him, or be sad over him, and still be my friend."

"But what he did to you..." I avoided saying the words because I knew it made Jaime nervous to say the G-word in his house.

"Yeah, I'm still pissed. He fucked up. But you guys have sparks. Maybe that’s worth the effort."

"You think?"

He shrugged. "Only you can decide that. Maybe he can be trained not to be such an asshat."

I laughed. Thinking like that is exactly what got me mixed up with Nick in the first place. I'd thought to teach him a lesson, but now I realized I couldn't fix Nick. I could only accept him for who he was, or walk away.

I wasn't yet sure what choice I would make.

***

I dragged myself upstairs to the guest room and changed into pajamas. I’d just climbed into bed when the phone rang.

Tequila's name came up on the screen, and I felt a flash of guilt. I'd been working but so much I hadn't seen her in weeks.

"Hey T, how are you? Sorry I haven't called lately."

"Hi, Edie. No worries. I thought maybe we could hang out this week."

"Oh, um let me think. I'm working a lot of hours."

I kicked myself again for letting tequila down.

"Oh, that's okay."

"I'm sorry. We really need to talk about how things are with your friends and Tyrone. I haven't forgotten." I groaned. "And I'll try to free up some time so we can start walking again."

"Hey, it's okay. Don't sound so stressed! Nick goes walking with me—”

"What, still?" I interrupted, startled.

"Well, again. He rescued me from a scary situation with Tyrone, and then talked to my parents and everything."

She filled me in on the details of what happened at the lake party, and my stomach clenched with fear at the idea of what might have happened if Nick didn't intervene.

With everything that happened between us that night, he still stopped to help tequila. Not only that, but he filled the void I left when I took on all these hours at work.

I should have been there for her. Thank God he was.

We said goodnight not long after and I promised to make more time in my schedule.

"Good! Nick is great, but I can't talk girl stuff with him. Plus, he's seemed kind of bummed. That boy needs to smile more."

My heart squeezed. "Yeah, I've been kind of bummed too. I guess it's going around."

"So call him," she said. "That would definitely cheer him up. You too, I bet."

For 13, she was very perceptive. I smiled sadly.

"I'll think about it, T. Goodnight."

NICK

The week after confessing to my family, I took a seat at a table in Edie’s section and nervously watched her keying in a ticket across the restaurant.

Would she see me and ask someone else to cover my table? Or would she look up and smile that shy smile of hers? It was probably too much to hope she’d be happy to see me.

Or maybe she wouldn’t notice me at all.

Edie crossed the room in long strides, her eyes on her order notebook. She looked distracted. She also looked really good. There was a tiny, shameful part of me that hoped she’d look as awful as I felt. But no. She was more beautiful than ever.

How did I not see that beauty the first time we met? I remember thinking she was pretty in an understated way. But there was nothing understated about the way my heart skittered in my chest.

“What can I get ya?” she asked, finally raising her eyes.

She jerked back in surprise to see me.

I smiled tentatively. “How about a full helping of crow?”

She hesitated, her eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere but at me.

“I … um, I forgot my break just started. I’ll get someone to come take your order.”

She was going to leave, without hearing a word I had to say. Desperate, I grabbed hold of her wrist as she turned away.

“Wait!” Her brown gaze finally met mine. “Please.”

Edie yanked her hand from mine and crossed her arms over her chest, but she stayed put. I sighed in relief, and immediately felt a new anxiety swamp me. If I screwed this up, that was it. Game over. I’d be done.

I was eager to tell her about the scholarship local businesses had agreed to create and disburse. I’d worked for weeks on local business leaders to charm them into giving out a scholarship with such short notice, but I promised it would be great publicity for all of them. But it wouldn’t mean anything to Edie unless we could get past my many screw-ups.

I cut to the chase. “I told my family about Elana.”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. It was pretty clear she thought I’d never do it. That hurt, but I deserved it. I’d fought the suggestion wholeheartedly when she told me I needed to do it.

“How’d that go?” she asked.

“Oh, you know … horrible.” I let out a weak chuckle.

Her expression softened. “You did the right thing.”

She glanced over her shoulder. Another table waited, and I sensed her desire to escape.

I also didn’t miss the way the eyes of the two men at that table glued themselves to her ass. They were old enough to be her father, for fuck’s sake.

Pushing down my irritation, I blurted the question I most needed her to answer: “Can you forgive me?”

She turned back, eyes wide.

“I’m not above begging, Edie. What I did, trying to start something with you to avoid the Elana issue, that was wrong. But you know that wasn’t my only motivation. I care about you.”

Edie shook her head in denial, a sad smile on her face.  “You’re kidding yourself, Nick. We barely knew each other.”

“Edie—”

“I can’t do this right now,” she said quickly, taking a step away.  “I’m working. I’m … really proud of you, for coming clean with your family, Nick. I hope you can move on now.”

With that, she was gone in a swirl of skirt. I sat stunned, watching her slim figure wind among tables.

I’d lost her … not that I’d ever had her at all.

EDIE

I sought out the busboy, Logan, and asked him to go take Nick’s order.

Seeing him here, so suddenly, had me rattled. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks, and it’d taken me almost all of that time to put him out of my mind enough to focus on my job. Now, here he was ruining the delicate balance I’d finally achieved.

“I’m not a waitress,” Logan complained.

“Please? I’ll give you some of my tips tonight.”

“Half of your tips,” he corrected, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“Ten percent,” I countered.

“A quarter, and that’s my final offer.”

Logan was driving a hard bargain, but as much as I couldn’t deal with Nick, I couldn’t bear to send out the only other waitress on shift just now. Rissa was too friendly with regular customers. Put a hot guy like Nick in front of her, and she’d probably offer to give him a complimentary lap dance. I wasn’t ready to see that.

I shoved Logan in the shoulder. “Fine. Just go before Rissa spots him.”

His grin widened. “Me thinks Edie has a crush …”

At the dark look I gave him, his smile faded. “Ah, I see. Sorry.”

His expression told me he’d figured out my crush was more like
crushing
.

Oh God, why didn’t I just say I forgave him? He did what I asked, didn’t he?

I felt so confused. Part of me wanted to run to him; the other part wanted to run away. I was afraid, and I wasn’t even sure I knew why anymore.

Logan strode over to Nick’s table, and I busied myself with work. I had to shove Nick out of my head, or I’d never make it through the night.

***

After a long shift, I picked up my last tip and swiped a rag over the table, grimacing as my fingertips grazed the sticky surface. I adjusted my grip and scrubbed at the wing sauce that had dripped on the table.

“Hey, Edie!” Logan called.

I straightened and pressed a hand to the small of my back. A 10-hour shift, all on my feet, had left me exhausted. The Nick shocker hadn’t helped, either. I’d been strung tight the rest of the night.

Despite my best efforts, I’d watched him from the corner of my eye until he left.

He was still gorgeous, but a lot less polished than usual. His hair looked in need of a trim, and he’d been wearing faded jeans and a wrinkled band T-shirt. It was a good look on him, but it wasn’t the way he usually dressed to go out.

Judging by his bittersweet smile, the family confession had been brutal. I should have been more sympathetic. Instead, I’d come across like an unforgiving ice queen.

“Do I get a quarter of this tip, too?” Logan asked.

He brandished a check in my face.

My breath hitched in my throat. It was made out to Edie Mason in the amount of $5,000. I covered my mouth, stunned, as my eyes skimmed over it.

Who would leave this kind of tip? Searching out the signature line with my eyes, I saw: “Small Business Scholarship Fund.”

What the heck?

I snatched the check from his hand.

“I don’t understand. Who ….” I trailed off, looking at Logan’s face.