Echo-Foxtrot (11 page)

“I'll help. You do some thinking while I'm gone. And eat something.”

“Aye, sir.”

No sooner had Jack left, than General Merrick came over and sat beside her. “I heard about your escape attempt,” she began firmly.

“I wasn't…” Lou began, but at the look in the general's eye, she was tempted to shut up. Sometimes not saying anything was the best option. But let's face it, she'd gotten Airman Ryder into hot water and it wasn't fair he should be in trouble because of her. She explained her side of things quietly.

General Merrick listened and then began speaking just as quietly.

Usually Lou would have switched off, but Jack's words had woken something within her. So for one of the few times in her life, she really listened. Her face burned and her stomach churned.

“You now have an escort—Sergeant Whitlock,” the general finished. “She will not let you out of her sight.”

After General Merrick left and Sergeant Whitlock took up post by the door, Lou lay back on her pillows deep in thought.
I made a mistake and I'm paying the price for it now. If I leave, then other people will pay the price
. She finally understood what Jack had told her all those weeks ago.
Grief is the price you pay for love
. So many things had happened because of the decisions she had made. So many people hurt, so many lives altered because of her. Once more, the cloud descended, but this time, she knew that help was only a shout away.

14

An hour later, Dr. Andrews crossed the infirmary to Lou. “How are you doing?” she asked.

“I could do with a couple of codeine tablets,” Lou said. “Please,” she added.

“I think I can go stronger than codeine. Would you like some dinner?”

“Jack already made me eat lunch.”

“Lunch was hours ago. Wanna try that one again? I have a nice feeding tube with your name on it otherwise. It doesn't have to be much, just a little.”

Lou sucked in a deep breath. “Chips, if they have them—or fries or whatever you call them. And I'd love a cup of tea. That one earlier was nice.”

Dr. Andrews smiled. “I'll see what I can do. Let's sit you up a bit.”

“Thank you.” She leaned against the pillows as the head of the bed raised her upwards.

“I won't be long.”

Lou watched her go. She glanced down at her legs—well, leg and a half. It was weird. She could still feel it. Half the pain she felt was from the limb that wasn't there. And her toes still itched. The pain was real enough; just there was no reason for it. She turned her thoughts to what Jack had said. He made a lot of sense for a grown-up, she decided.

Dr. Andrews came back with a tray of food and a syringe. “One mug of tea, along with sausages, peas, and fries.”

“Peas are evil,” Lou told her. “Little green balls of pure nastiness.”

“So don't eat the peas.” She put the tray on the table and injected the morphine into the cannula. “It should start to work soon,” she said, pulling the table across the bed. “I'll set the morphine pump up again in a while. Jim's here to see you if you feel up to it.”

Lou nodded, not minding the fact there was more on the plate than she'd asked for. “Sure. So long as I can eat at the same time.”

Dr. Andrews said, “Don't see why not.” She left Lou and beckoned Jim over.

Jim came across and sat by the bed. “Those chips smell good,” he said. “Can I have one?”

“Are you here for the chips or me?” Lou asked.

He thought for a minute. “Lou or chips? Lou. Chips. Difficult one. Um...the chips.”

“That's what I thought. Help yourself. And you can have
all
the peas.”

Jim took one of the chips and ate it slowly.

“How was the beach?” Lou asked. She stabbed one of the sausages with the fork and bit into it.

Jim smiled. “Your mum is brilliant at beach volleyball. We beat the pants off the other team, thanks to her. How was your day?”

Lou shrugged. “It went. Jim, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he replied, taking another chip.

“Am I a particularly bad person? I mean, is God punishing me for running away?”

Jim looked at her curiously. “Because you lost your leg?”

“Amongst other things. Have the other sausage, because I won't eat it.”

“OK, thanks.” He took the sausage. “And to answer your question, no,” Jim replied emphatically, shaking his head. “God doesn't work like that. He loves you. He wouldn't take away your leg to punish you. Any more than my parents being caught in the tsunami or your dad being killed or Deefer dying was a punishment either. God may have allowed the injury to get your attention, but He certainly isn't punishing you.”

Lou finished the chips. “But how do I know He loves me?”

“Because He sent His only Son, Jesus, to die for you.”

Lou looked at Jim. “If He loves me that much, then why did this happen? How can a God who loves me, this great, loving, and good God, do this? Was He asleep? Busy elsewhere?”

“Lou, God never sleeps. He is always watching over you. Psalm 139:2–4 says so. He always does what is best for you. He knows what is good for you and that is what He does. Even though it may not seem like it at the time.”

Lou snorted. “Hah. You got that right.”

Jim looked at her. “Lou. God does love you. He knows how you feel.”

“Prove it. Prove that He loves me. Prove to me He knows what I'm feeling.” She broke off and looked up as Jack came across.

“Hi,” he said. “Am I interrupting?”

“No,” Jim said, noticing the Bible that Jack was carrying. “Maybe you're just the person we need. Lou wants proof that God loves her and knows how she feels.”

Jack looked at Lou.

She looked at him then down at the plate. “I just can't get past the fact that He could let this happen if He isn't picking on me. Or other bad stuff. If God is really out there...”

“Oh, God is out there, Lou,” Jack said. “And He knows how you feel.” He moved the table out of the way and sat next to her on the bed. He handed Lou his Bible. “Psalm 88,” he said. “Read it and then tell me that God doesn't know how you feel.”

Lou flicked through it and found it.

“Read it aloud,” Jack told her.

“
I am overwhelmed with troubles and my life draws near to death. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am like one without strength. I am set apart with the dead, like the slain who lie in the grave, whom You remember no more, who are cut off from Your care. You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths. Your wrath lies heavily on me; You have overwhelmed me with all Your waves. You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief. I call to You, Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to You—”

As she read, her voice wavered and tears blurred her vision. She struggled on, but eventually her voice broke.

Jack took the Bible from her and continued to read from verse thirteen. “
But I cry to You for help, Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before You. Why, Lord, do You reject me and hide Your face from me? From my youth I have suffered and been close to death; I have borne Your terrors and am in despair. Your wrath has swept over me; Your terrors have destroyed me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken from me friend and neighbor—darkness is my closest friend
.”

Jack stopped reading. The silence was only broken by Lou's sobs. He put the Bible down and took her in his arms. “You see, even God knows where you are coming from. Jesus Himself felt alone and separated from God. Remember how, on the cross, He quoted Psalm twenty-two, ‘
My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?
'”

Jim reread part of Psalm 88:8. “
You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them
.”

“I've managed that one,” Lou sobbed. “Haven't I?”

“You tried,” Jim agreed.

She glanced up at him.

“But it'll take way more than one of your bad moods to get rid of us. You see, we love you and don't like to see you unhappy. When you're sad, it makes us sad, too.”

Jack held her tightly, her tears soaking his shirt. “And God loves you, too. John three sixteen says so.”

“I know that one,” Lou said quietly.

“I guess you know Psalm twenty-three?” Jack asked.

She nodded. “
The Lord is my shepherd.
”

Jack smiled. “My pastor always says that goodness and mercy are the sheepdogs.”

She frowned. “Sheepdogs?”

“Jesus is the shepherd, I'm the sheep, and if goodness and mercy follow me, then that makes them…”

“Sheepdogs. I get it. That's clever.”

“What about Malachi four verse two?”

Lou shook her head. “No. Never been one for reading the Bible. Couldn't even tell you where that book is.”

“
But for you who revere My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays. And you will go out and frolic like well-fed calves
,” Jim read.

“Can't leap anywhere, can I? I can't even walk,” she sighed.

“It doesn't just mean literally leap,” Jack explained. “God leads us from darkness into light, sickness to health, bondage to freedom, cold to warmth, stuntedness to growth, inactivity to usefulness, and joylessness to joy. Because He loves you.”

Lou shook her head. “Not me. I'm not good enough.”

“Especially you,” Jack told her. “In Matthew nine verse thirteen Jesus says, ‘
For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners
.” He looked across at Jim. “There's a list in the front of my Bible. Would you read them please?”

Jim nodded. He pulled out the piece of paper and looked at it. “Fourteen of them,” he said. “Do you want me to read them all?”

“Leave the last one for now.”

Jim opened the Bible and read Jack's list. As he read, Lou's sobs diminished, and she listened, really listened.

When he finished, Lou looked at Jack. “But will God want me? I mean, what good am I to anyone now?”

Jack smiled. “Lou, do you know the story of the prodigal son?”

“Yeah. He ran away and spent all his father's money.”

“When he came home, did his father yell at him or refuse to let him back in the house?”

“No.”

Jack said, “He ran to his son. He came to him, met him on the road, even though the son had hurt him badly by running away and disobeying him. Then he threw a huge party for him because the son he thought was dead was alive and had come home. He never stopped loving him. Your mom still loves you, doesn't she, even though you ran away?”

“She says she does.”

Jack looked at her. “Your mom met you on the runway. According to General Merrick, she all but ran out there as soon as she knew your chopper was inbound. She's living on the base, hardly left your side the first couple of days, unless the doc threw her out or I made her lie down and sleep. Now if that's not love, then I don't know what is.”

Lou looked at him in amazement. “Even after I was horrid to her?”

“Especially after you were horrid to her. Likewise, your Heavenly Father loves you. Why should He turn His back on you now?”

“Yeah, but I've done religion all my life. It doesn't mean anything. You're different though, Jack. Despite everything you told me earlier about your wife and son and your leg, you still believe in a loving God. You talk like it means something, like Jesus is real to you. Like you have hope. Where is this hope?”

Jack looked down at her. “To put it simply,” he began, “there is only one hope—Jesus. God loves you with an everlasting love. We're not just flesh and blood, we have a soul. But unlike our body, the soul is eternal. God made it like that because He wants a relationship with us. Not just for the few years we are on the earth, but forever.” Lou glanced at Jim. He nodded, agreeing with what Jack was saying.

Jack continued, “Jesus loves you. He loved you enough to die on the cross to pay the price of your sins for you. There is nothing you have done nor can ever do that will stop Him from loving you or wanting a permanent relationship with you. But it has to be all or nothing. No half measures. He wants all of you, all the time. A daily two-way relationship. He's waiting for you now.”

She frowned. “It can't be that easy, surely?”

“Yes and no,” Jack said. “Life isn't easy. There is no magic cure. I still have bad days now when I miss Billy and Erin, or have flashbacks about Will, but I have God to get me through them. He'll do the same for you if you ask.”

Lou looked at him. “I want that for myself,” she said.

Jack nodded. “Let's pray,” he said. He led them in prayer.

Jim joined in.

Then Lou, stumbling over her words and interspaced with sobs, confessed her sins and accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. Afterwards she looked up at Jack, a sense of peace flooding her heart and mind. It was as if the clouds were beginning to break—a tiny ray of hope peeping through on a stormy day.

15

Lou looked up as Jack finished praying. “Thank you, Jack.”

He hugged her tightly and leant her back against the pillows. “It's not gonna be easy,” he told her. “You need to work hard at it. Read the Bible and pray every day. At least once.”

“I realize that,” Lou said. “I don't have a Bible though.”

“There is a Gideon New Testament in the drawer next to you. It's got suggested readings in the front of it. It'll do until you get one of your own.” He smiled at her. “You'll also need to work on your physio and follow the doc's instructions to the letter. If you want this prosthesis, you have to earn it and learn to walk again. I'll be here though, every step of the way.”