Echoes and Embers (Rebel Angels) (12 page)

Surprised by his willingness to touch her, she stepped closer and raised her gaze to his face. Firelight complimented his golden coloring and accented the desire in his gaze. How would they ever resolve these longings? They wanted the same thing, yet he held himself back.

He cupped her shoulders with his hands, his expression intense and conflicted.

She only knew she had to try to reach beyond his barriers. “Last night I asked you what frightened you.” He started to speak, but she placed her fingers against his lips, staying his objections. “You misunderstood me then. I want to explain myself now. I don’t doubt your courage. One glance into your eyes would convince anyone you are a force with which to reckon. I need to understand what you think will happen if you allow yourself to care for me.”

“I care for you already, don’t you know that?” The passion in his tone sped her pulse. “It’s not affection I resist. It’s desire.”

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she asked, “What do you think will happen if you surrender to your desire for me?”

He heaved a heavy sigh, obviously dreading the topic. “Why must you persist in this? I cannot join with you and that’s all that matters.” He removed his hands from her and turned back toward the fire.

“You
will not
join with me. I understand the difference, but I don’t understand the cause.”

“Why do you want to know these things?” He crossed his arms over his chest, withdrawing even further. “The entire incident happened so long ago. Besides, I doubt you’ll find comfort in my answers. Those were wild, lawless times. My order is still paying the price for the role we played in them.”

Slowly licking her lips, she organized her thoughts. She wanted to understand, she needed to understand, but she hated that she was causing him pain. “And you personally. What part did you play in them?”

He
laughed,
a harsh, humorless sound. “I am their leader, Alyssa. What do you think? I encouraged the decadence and reveled in the excess. I took and gave pleasure without a second thought. I indulged my beast until there was nothing left of me. I—”

“That’s not true. You are not a beast now. You conquered that part of yourself.”

“Only after I destroyed countless lives and…”

Pain pulsed off him. Alyssa could barely catch her breath. What was he remembering? What could possibly— “Your children,” she whispered.

He stared into the fire, his face an expressionless mask. “Two were corrupt. I could not save them, but I would not allow them to
Fall
.”

She choked back tears to form the words, but she had to understand. “What happens to a
Nephilim
if it is destroyed? Why is it better than Falling?”

“The
Nephilim
are unique creatures. They possess two separate natures, two souls. Their behavior and abilities are determined by whichever nature is in control. This can change over time. A
Nephilim
can go for many years with no sign of wickedness and then their corrupt nature can take over.” He heaved an audible sigh and raked his fingers through his hair. “When a
Nephilim
is corrupted, but not
Fallen
, the human soul can still be saved.”

“But the body must be destroyed?”

“Aye.
By killing the corrupted spirit, we set the human soul free.”

His passionate revelation in the forest came back to haunt her. He had fathered three children and two had died by his hand.

Without glancing away from the fire, he responded to her thoughts.
“Aye.
Two of my children had to be destroyed. I murdered them while their mothers screamed, clawing at my flesh and cursing my name.”

Alyssa’s legs trembled so badly she sank onto a wooden bench. Three thousand years was not enough time to heal such a wound. No wonder he hesitated to touch her. She couldn’t even imagine such devastation.

“How many of your order
Fell
?”

“Nine-tenths.
When our sin was revealed, nine-tenths of the Grigori joined the ranks of the Fallen. I was not allowed to
Fall
. I was given the task of locating and judging the
Nephilim
. Beginning with the three I had fathered.”

Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes. She quickly wiped them away, not wanting to draw his attention. He would resent her pity and he wasn’t ready to accept her compassion. One question still bothered her, but she hesitated. She had caused him enough pain.

“What do you want to know?” he demanded impatiently.

“Are Fallen Grigori still able to reproduce?”

He closed his eyes, his hands clenching into fists against his sides. “All can beget demonic children, but the most powerful can still impregnate humans.”

“Then the
Nephilim
you hunt, some of them are sired by
Fallen
Grigori?”

“They
all
are, Alyssa. If the Grigori is not
Fallen
before he lays with a Daughter of Man, the act seals his fate. It is forbidden!”

His hostility compounded her fear. He was speaking in generalities, but her mind had focused on Rosalind. “How many
Nephilim
are allowed to live and how many are destroyed?”

“You know the answer. Why are you doing this to me?”

“Are any of them saved? Is it only a matter of time for Rosalind?” He was right. She found no comfort in his answers. She had only managed to make them both miserable.

“We find a rare few who inherit their father’s angelic nature while it is still pure. But the vast majority must be destroyed.”

She covered her mouth with her hand, shaking. Hearing what he had been through tore at her heart, but Rosalind loomed before them, even larger than his past. He had already determined Rosalind was not human, so she must—

“Do you understand now?” His sharp tone cut through her troubled thoughts. “Lust cost my order everything. We fed our carnal natures until we were ruled by them. We devoured any female flesh within our reach. That beast is still very much a part of me. If I lose my hold on it, to even the smallest degree, I am
afraid
it will control me again. I am
afraid
I will revert to the creature I was then. Not even for you will I risk such a fate.”

They balanced on a razor’s edge. His mission loomed from one side, threatening to tear them apart. His past pelted them from the other. The temptation to retreat, to leave him with his torment and surrender to the mist called to Alyssa. They had so much to overcome.

Do you love him?
The voice was so pure and confident it took Alyssa a moment to recognize it as her own. Her angelic nature, the protective, selfless part that had been neglected for so long, stirred and stretched, waking from its slumber.
Does he need your love?

“What did you feel for these women?” She kept her voice soft, compelling. “When you held them in your arms and joined your body to theirs, did you feel only lust?”

“Aye!
It was new and intoxicating. I couldn’t get enough.”

Shame and regret radiated off Sariel. They were uncomfortable emotions, but Alyssa was thrilled with her ability to sense them. “And what do you feel when you touch me?”

He considered the question for a long while. His gaze caressed her face and then he looked into the fire. “I feel more deeply for you than I did for the Daughters of Man.”

“Then you needn’t be…afraid.” She hesitated over the word, not wanting to anger him again. “If tenderness guides your hand, it will hold the beast at bay.”

“You don’t know that,” he snapped. “You have no idea what I was like back then, how ruthlessly I pursued my desires.”

“I know what you’re like now.” She took a step toward him, her need to touch him, to comfort him nearly overwhelming. But if she reached for him, he’d turn away. “I feel only tenderness when you touch me. I’m not afraid of the beast. We can tame it together.”

“You’ve never seen the beast, or you’d be terrified.”

Frustrated by his stubbornness, she poked him in the chest. “Then what do you suggest we do? Ignore these feelings? Deprive ourselves what comfort we can find in this uncertain world?”

He glanced down at the spot where her finger had collided with his chest. Was he so used to people bowing and scraping? Did no one stand up to him? She wanted to laugh. Of course they didn’t. He was prince of the most ancient angelic order. Who would dare rile Prince Sariel?

“How do you see this ending?” His quiet, thoughtful tone calmed her seething emotions, made her seriously consider the question.

“I see the mist forever banished and you standing at my side. Is that so much to expect?”

“And what becomes of me? Do I sacrifice my immortality and abandon my purpose to grow old at your side?”

He was speaking of Gideon and Naomi. She resented his dismissal of the choices they had made. “Would that be so terrible a fate?”

“Aye.
For me it would be unbearable. I have responsibilities. I protect humanity from an insidious threat, a threat I and my kind created. Others rely on me. My order must come first.”

Another complication.
She sighed, even as determination surged through her. Anything worth having was worth the fight. Her battle for Sariel had just begun.

“None within your order are allowed to love?”

The challenge in her question took Sariel back to his conversation with
Gadrayel
. The Grigori were allowed to choose permanent mates so long as they were also Grigori. It was only the Daughters of Man who were forbidden to them. “You are not Grigori. I don’t honestly know if I’m allowed to love you or not.”

She smiled and placed her hand against his chest. “Love doesn’t often wait for permission. I know it flared within me when our eyes first met. I was surrounded by conflict and confusion, and you drew me like a star shining in the night.” Her cheeks flushed and she glanced away, but her hand lingered on his chest. “Aren’t I fanciful all of a sudden?”

He covered her hand with his, pressing her palm against his heart. “The attraction is mutual. I think you know that.”

“When two members of your order wish to be together, what do they do?”

Her gaze returned to his and Sariel’s heart lurched within his chest. She was so beautiful, so vulnerable, so willing to trust. The thought of hurting her terrified him. Despite her calm assurance, she would not survive the beast. “They ask me to bless their union and then they are one.”

“So bless our union, so we can be one. I’m tired of being alone. Aren’t you?”

* * * * *

Enos clasped his hand over the woman’s mouth, tired of her shrill screams. She writhed beneath him as he thrust into her with brutal force. He had mastered this game. It was almost too easy now. They came to him willingly, eager for the pleasure he promised with gentle kisses and tender caresses. He aroused them to the point of madness then revealed his demonic nature with the first thrust of his mighty cock.

“Haven’t lost your taste for human flesh, I see.”

The woman went limp beneath him and Enos ground his teeth. Couldn’t Paimon have waited until he finished? “Unlike you, I seldom welcome an audience.” Leaving the human sprawled and senseless on his bed, he turned to confront his uninvited guest. He didn’t bother to dress. Paimon had seen him naked more times than he cared to remember.

She gazed with licentious interest at his erect shaft. “Shall I take you in my mouth while you explain why you’re wasting time between the thighs of a mortal? You seemed to enjoy my skill when I saw you last.”