Edge of Instinct: Rabids Book 1 (12 page)

“
March 2034…
”
she mused quietly, realizing this entry was about three years ago. Amiel tried to think of what she had been doing at that time in her life, tried to match a landmark in life to this important entry. She couldn’t come up with a thing. It was all a big jumble of balls and other nonsense. Focusing back on the book before her, she read each word with growing suspense, the words sucking her in until she felt she could see the very scenes playing out before her own eyes.

“
We’ve named them Raiders. They are Infected just like the others, but that’s where the similarities end. These ones are smarter, stronger, faster even. Rabes kill mindlessly, without purpose. Animals, Cleans, each other, they don’t care. If it’s in front of them, it’s dead. Plain and simple. Raiders are more calculated in what it takes to kill. They hunt their prey. And once they get it, they take far more pleasure in causing its slow, agonizing death. Brutal like sharks, with the demented curiosity of cats.

Yesterday they took Johnsen. He was new and young, only 18. It was like they could sense he was the weakest of our group. They attacked relentlessly, to the point we didn’t even notice when a few of them had herded Johnsen out of formation. We managed enough space from the attack to set up an energy field, the only safety you can get in the Vast. When the field was up, and we could finally breathe…that was when we heard the screams and realized we’d left a man behind. I had left a man behind.

Have you ever felt the crippling sensation of watching someone die, someone you were responsible for, and there’s nothing you can do about it? Wanting to save them, but you can’t even try because it will get everyone else killed? I wanted to go back for him, would have sacrificed my own life if it meant I could save that kid. But there were too many of them. We were completely surrounded. They were pressed so close to the e-field it singed their hair, and the scent filled the air alongside Johnsen’s screams. There was no way for me to get to him. If I took down the e-field long enough for me to get through, they would get in. And so I made the call.

We stood pressed together like sardines, surrounded by Rabes and Raiders alike. And all we could do was listen. He screamed and screamed. He screamed my name. He screamed for God. He screamed for death. He begged for me to save him, to kill him, anything to end his suffering. It lasted four hours. May have lasted longer if the sun hadn’t started rising high enough that the freaks couldn’t stand it anymore. I have never hated myself more than in those four never ending hours.

The screams turned into skin crawling moans as the Infected started to leave. I held onto the hope that when they left we could get to Johnsen, that maybe it wasn’t too late. And then one of them walked up to me, what used to be a blonde curvaceous bombshell of a girl. It was covered in what I can only assume was Johnsen’s blood. It stood so close to the e-field that the blood began to pop and sizzle on its skin. It stared into my eyes, an understanding of common hatred shared between us. And then it smiled. A bone chilling smile, teeth covered in bits and pieces of blood and guts. A smile forever burned into my mind, the image that I see every time I close my eyes. A smile on a face so gorgeous it should be on a magazine cover, yet horrific enough to make any grown man cry like a baby. Because that smile lit a light in those clear blue eyes, the light of intelligence, of understanding.

This Raider before me knew exactly what it had been doing for the last four hours straight. And not only did it understand what it had been doing, it enjoyed it, it craved it, and it couldn’t wait to do it again. That is the true, horrifying depth of the remaining members of the human race’s situation. We face a creature evolved beyond humanity, beyond any sense of conscience or compassion. A creature satisfied only with blood, death, and suffering. A creature without the trace of a soul, and the smile of the damned.

That evil smile turned into a scream as it tipped its head back and let out a howl. And just like that, they turned as one and chased after the few remaining shadows. I stood, frozen, watching them leave. Greysen shook me until I snapped out of it, told me to pull it together. He was right. Everyone around me was in that same state of shock and despair. Their minds had shut down, unable to handle any more of the situation at hand. They needed me to lead them home, someone to tell them what to do, in a time that the fragility of humanity could take no more. I shouted out orders, gave them something to focus on, and slowly they began to pull down the energy field. It was good the Rabids had left when they did. We only had ten minutes of usable power left on the portable e-field, before it would have failed and we would all have met the same fate as Johnsen.

His moans were barely audible now, sounding more like a dying animal than a human being. I walked toward him numbly as I stared down at what was left. I won’t describe what I found. Not because I can’t remember the details. No, every horrific detail will be etched into my mind until my dying day. I can’t write it, won’t write it, because nothing so soul wrenching should ever be put to paper. He stared up at me with the one eye that still worked, begging me to end it. So I did.

The whole ride back to the barracks, I stared at my hands, oblivious to their shaking and uselessness. I would later have to use those hands to write home to Johnsen’s family. I’d have to explain to his parents that I had watched their baby-faced son be tortured, ripped to shreds right in front of me. And I had done nothing to stop it. But in that moment, staring down at my pathetic hands, I could only see the condemnation for me in Johnsen’s dying eyes. And that damned chilling Raider smile. That one expression had made me doubt for the very first time in my life. It made me doubt whether humanity, Cleans, had a chance of survival. It gave me a glimpse into hell’s depths, and I knew. There is no hope for Cleans.”

Amiel slammed the book shut, tossing it into her duffle like it was a rattle snake. She stared at it for a long moment, heart racing, fear suffocating her. This is what she faced in the days before her? This is what she was blindly running toward? She swallowed hard, body shaking as one horrifying scenario after another raced through her mind. She saw herself in poor Johnsen’s place, the sheer debilitating horror and pain he must have endured. Amiel hadn’t known the human body could even endure such things. Squeezing her eyes shut, knuckles pressed to each side of her temple, she fought to erase the images produced by Jaron’s words. Now more than ever, she wondered at her sanity for making this trip. Had her eyes once been naïve to the true dangers of the vast, that single journal entry had erased that as surely as the wind wiped clean a footprint in the sand. Now she was aware of what the Vast had to offer her. Was she still stupid enough to dare it? How had Jaron handled it all? Amiel was sure she would have gone mad, turned tail and deserted the first chance she got.

Glancing at the journal that lay haphazardly flopped into the duffle, she summoned the image of her brother’s face. No, he hadn’t escaped unscathed. He’d given her a smile and his love same as always, but his eyes had been haunted. Just as his journal intimated, he had carried the guilt of deaths and terror he faced daily onward in his life. Had death possibly been a relief to him? Shutting that thought off quickly, Amiel more carefully placed the journal in the bag, zipping it as she made a mental note to only read his journal during daylight hours. The dark lighting of the shop suddenly seemed more oppressive and menacing. Amiel crouched for a long time on the couch, eyes nervously darting from shadow to shadow. How would she ever sleep now?

Eventually her eyes landed on the dark form of Harley’s experimental car. Grabbing the blanket and pillow, Amiel skittered swiftly toward it hoping the doors weren’t locked. Popping open the back door, she sighed in relief, grateful that it was not only unlocked, but that the doors didn’t scream in protest. She was sure it would have given her a heart attack if they had. Sliding into the car, she shut the door as quietly as possible and pressed the buttons down to lock each one. Sitting inside, she struggled within herself, trying to find some balance. Could she do what would be required of her, if it meant gaining her freedom? Was her freedom worth the new hauntings she would carry in her own eyes? A thought occurred to her then.

How did one become as strong as her brother? Was it a genetic predisposition, or something that had to be earned? Jaron had always been strong and larger than life in her eyes. He had always been her protector, her guide and solid foundation. Had he always felt that way, strong and steady? Or was it something that had shown from the outside, while he struggled within? Amiel found herself resolving that yes, Jaron had always carried that inner strength. But he had also faced many struggles and hardships, then been forced to overcome those in order to be a strength to those around him. First with Amiel, and then with the men and women who followed him into the maw of death each day, knowing they may never return.

So genetics perhaps played a part, but a healthy dose of strength of spirit was also needed. Jaron had definitely had that. Under these assumptions, was it possible that Amiel could gain these attributes herself? What was that quote that she had read in a book once?
‘Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the strength of will to overcome despite it’.
Something like that. With a soul-heavy sigh, Amiel plopped the duffle on the seat as a makeshift pillow and lay down with a new resolution. Each day that followed would test her, temper her mettle. And maybe, just maybe she’d survive and be a little closer to someone Jaron would be proud of. One day at a time.

Snuggling down into the leather seats, she instantly felt more at ease. Something about the strength of the car surrounding her, cocooning her, gave her a sense of protection. Her mind reasoned the thick metal of the car could keep her safe against Rabid attacks, and the darkened windows would help keep her from their immediate sight. The relative sound proofing also shielded her ears, and sanity, from the hair raising screams that occasionally still filtered through the air. The leather smell of the seats comforted her most. Her own coat and chaps smelled of leather too of course, but somehow this smelled differently, the smell of the seats comforting her in a way her clothing didn’t. They held a musky scent that was unlike any that she’d smelled before. Pressing her face against the seats, she inhaled slowly, deeply, letting it lull her into deep slumber.

Amiel bolted upright with a start, hearing her name shouted dimly from the world around her. She hadn’t even realized she’d drifted off, and now the sun light was streaming through the buildings windows. The dark windows of the car kept most of the sun from penetrating her cocoon of safety. Over a pile of tires, she could see Tandy’s head. He was looking around with an expression of concern and confusion, and she immediately scooted out of the car.

“I’m over here,” she replied with a groggy yawn, edging around the tires to come into view. His eyes immediately shot toward her and he released a sigh of relief. His gaze shrewdly took in her disheveled and sleep clouded eyes.

“Where ya been, honey? I’ve been lookin’ for ya a good ten minutes now.” She winced, looking down at the ground.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.” She paused, unsure how he would feel about her sleeping in his son’s prized car. “I uh…I slept in Harley’s car,” she blurted out, waiting for the anger. Instead his brows rose in surprise, and he leaned to the side to see around the tires, then looked back to her. After a long moment he merely turned around and headed back toward the fridge.

“So what would ya like to eat for breakfast? I’ve got…mac and cheese, meatloaf, chicken and gravy.” He went on to name just about everything in his freezer, while she wondered at his lack of reaction to her sleep arrangements.

“Tandy…” She paused, waiting for him to look at her. He turned around, arms full of meals, and regarded her curiously. “Aren’t you angry with me? For sleeping in the car, I mean?” His brow creased as he watched her cringe, waiting for his reply.

“Now why in the world would I be angry over somethin’ like that?” he asked in true confusion.

“Well.” She paused, unsure how to continue. “I don’t know. It’s your son’s car, and I really had no right to be in there. Not to mention you were worried about where I disappeared to. I didn’t even ask,” she blurted out. He shuffled the boxes around in his arms.

“Honey, if it makes ya comfortable to sleep in there, y’all be my guest. Ain’t no reason for me to get mad at ya over somethin’ as small as that. I was worried about ya when I woke to find ya missin’, sure. But now I know where you was, and I know where to look for ya from now on.” He shrugged, as though that answered everything. And she was finding for Tandy, it probably did answer everything. He was nothing like her mother, and that fact alone increased her reasons to trust him. Smiling brightly she walked to his side and pulled a potatoes, gravy and turkey meal from the pile in his arms. He smiled jovially in return and tossed the rest of the boxes back into his freezer.

“I knew I liked ya. Meat and taters, a girl after my own heart.” With a wink, he popped her food in the microwave while she went to the bathroom to freshen up a bit.

Amiel

The next few days went by in a flurry. That first day, he had her try out her gun and was pleased when she managed to hit the targets and not him. After a few rounds, he reloaded it and had her holster it. That was all the practicing they could afford, not being able to waste any more ammunition. From that moment on, the days were spent on the dirt track, trying to get her comfortable enough on her bike that she could ride it without killing herself. Tandy stood nearby, shotgun always in hand, just in case of a rogue Rabid attack. Every night she tiredly crawled into the back of Harley’s car, locked up, and slept solidly through the night with her nose pressed to the leather. And every morning Tandy would wake her, never saying a word about her choice of sleeping arrangements. She thought often about Jaron’s journal entry, unfortunately. At one point she even asked Tandy if he knew anything about Raiders. He’d looked at her strangely, but gruffly replied that he’d never heard of them. She wasn’t sure if she should be pleased, or disappointed with that answer.

She’d also made a disconcerting discovery about Jaron’s tags. When the Rabes drew near at night, the tags would warm against her skin. The wilder her heart beat in reaction to them, the warmer the tags grew. The more afraid she became, the angrier she became. As close as she could figure, the tags served as a sort of warning device against Rabids, probably issued on a daily basis in the military. Soldiers needed all the help they could get in this war, after all. Whether her anger was a natural reaction to her fear and still tender mourning, or from the tags interference, she had no idea. But she had a feeling she’d be finding out a lot more about these tags while on her journey across the Vasts.

Either way, she now understood what Jaron had meant about them being his last way to help protect her after his death. The punk could have explained things a little better though, instead of making her figure it out on her own. She smiled at the one-sided sarcastic banter, though she knew she didn’t mean a word of it, nor did she blame Jaron for not telling her more. He’d been on his death bed, wracked with pain and had been doing his best to protect her. She would just have to figure things out as she went, and appreciate the gift he’d given her.

By the end of the third day, Amiel was beginning to feel more confident on the bike, and her hopes of survival were rising. Tandy seemed surprised by her swift adaptation to the art of riding a motorcycle, and she often caught him staring at her with a strange expression she couldn’t name. At the end of each day he’d gruffly compliment her on her job well done, they’d eat, he’d pat her on the head, then shuffle off to the isolation of his office to sleep. In the few short days she’d joined him on this crazy quest of hers, she’d grown rather fond of Biker Man. He was slightly awkward and rough around the edges, but had a sweet temperament and gentlemanly side to him that made her think of what she imagined a kindly uncle would be like. It was easy for her to lose herself in the daily routine with his easygoing manner, and pretend that she wasn’t about to likely sign her own death sentence.

Then while eating her mac and cheese in the dusk of the third evening, her cell phone chirped. She stared at it in surprise, knowing only one person had her number. Hesitantly she flipped it open to find a text message waiting from Jeller.

“
Don’t reply. Harpy is headed home early. The search is on. Hope you are safe…and long gone. J.”

“Gosh,” she said, hands shaking. Her time was up. And now, she had to face the Rabes, or face her mother. She could turn around, mark this up as nothing more than a daring adventure and return to the relative safety of her house. It had to say something for her home life, that Amiel found she would rather face the Rabes.

“What’s wrong, Amiel? You’ve gone pale,” Tandy asked, concerned.

“I was so close.” She looked up with a slightly crazed expression splayed across her features. “My mother is coming home. I’ve run out of time.” Tandy shook his head.

“We’ll leave first thing in the mornin’. It’s not over yet. ”

“How about now?” She stood quickly, heading for the car. “My bag is packed, we can leave right away.” Tandy strode toward her with his long legs, gripping her shoulders as her shaky fingers struggled to open the car door.

“We’ll get ya on the road, but not til mornin’. It’s dark now, we’ve got some time. No one leaves or enters the Outer Gates at night, no matter who ya are. Not even Malinda ‘high and mighty’ Hilden.” Her shoulders slumped, releasing a shuddery breath.

“Do you think I can do this Tandy? Without getting us both killed?” She wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to hear his answer. Tandy grunted but smiled charmingly as he headed for his truck.

“Y’all are set on goin’, whether you’re ready or not?”

“Yes.” Her tone was quiet, but resolute. He nodded, turning toward his truck and climbing inside. He paused, door wide open, penetrating eyes latched on hers. She did her best not to fidget under his gaze.

“You’re still a bit wobbly, but you’ve taken to it like a fish in water. I reckon you’ll be just fine.” She beamed at the praise. The dogs were jumping up on the side of the truck, barking as though wanting to go for a ride. He shouted a stern order at them to calm down, then turned back to Amiel.

“$32,000.”

“What?”

“That’s my final price; $12,000 for your bike,$10,000 before we go, and the other $10,000 when I get ya to Texas. That also figures in the cost of the clothes.” She flushed, realizing she hadn’t paid him for the clothes yet, much less his helping to train her.

“Is that the price you make everyone pay?”

“Sure.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably and she had the distinct impression that he was taking it easy on her price wise.

“It doesn’t seem like enough, considering the risk you are taking in bringing me along.”

“Well, I ain’t too worried ‘bout it. I’m completely prepared for Rabes, Cutthroats, flat tires, PMS, you name it.” He paused. “Well, maybe not so much the PMS…but I’ll do the best I can.” He winked, drawing a nervous laugh from her gut as she did a quick mental calculation. That was all she needed, being on her period during this crazy trip. Luckily she still had another couple weeks before she was due.

“Do you have a debit card reader here? Let me at least pay $10,000 now and the other half when we get there. You are taking a big risk on me.”

“Y’all sure ya got the funds for that, honey?”

“Are you secretly hoping I won’t?” she asked with a sly grin.

“It’d save ya an awful lotta danger, honey,” he said, concern plainly etched his face. That was a big chunk of her savings, but she doubted she would ever find a better deal. And she had no doubt that she would be dead before she even got half way there without Tandy. If he wanted $32,000, he’d get $32,000.

“Well, as long as you’re still willing to go along with my crazy little stunt, I am not backing out either. And if I die along the way, feel free to take all of your belongings back.”

“Stop that. You’ll jinx us.” Amiel’s brow rose as she regarded Tandy’s uncomfortable stance.

“Are you a superstitious guy, Biker Man?”

“Too much unexplained in the world to say either way, but I sure ain’t gonna take my chances, neither.” With a smile, Tandy slammed the truck door, shutting himself in. Eyes wide, she ran up to the door, standing on the step to reach the window.

“Wait. Where are you going? I thought we weren’t going anywhere until morning?” She fought the hiccup of panic lodging itself deep in her gut. She was being ridiculous. He was probably just moving the truck for some reason. The window rolled down and he smiled reassuringly.

“I have to drive back into town and prepare the garage and dogs for my leavin’. I was planin’ on doin’ it tomorrow durin’ the day, but with your mama showin’ up early, my schedule’s moved up.”

“But…it’s almost dark,” she whispered, suddenly feeling entirely terrified.

“I know but there’s no helpin’ it.” He handed her his shotgun. “Keep this here. You’ve got your pistol too, and the dogs. Stay in the garage, don’t open the doors for anythin’.” He paused, eying her carefully. “I won’t come back before light of day. If I show up before then…shoot me.” Her eyes just about popped out of their sockets.

“Shoot you!”

“If I come back before then…” He looked her deep in the eye. “It means I’ve been infected, and I’m comin’ to kill ya, honey.”

“Gosh,” she stuttered, feeling faint. She grasped his arm, eyes wild. “Then don’t go. We’ll wait. Wait until tomorrow, and we’ll leave when you get back.” He shook his head, gently prying her fingers loose.

“Y’all know it can’t happen that way. The Inner Gates lock up at night, won’t open till an hour after sunrise. We have to be out of them Outer Gates tomorrow before your mama gets back. There’s enough daylight left that I can make it to town if I leave now.” She nodded, understanding his logic but wishing there was another way. He pointed to the wall above the metal catwalks. A blue button glowed next to a red lever, both right next to a window that would give a clear view of the gateway.

“When I pull outta the gates, crank the red lever till the gates close. There’s a few monitors up there, they’ll help ya see what’s happenin’ outside the wall. I’ll bring down the field, but once I get past that blackened circle, you push the blue button to bring it back up. It’s a safe guard. I won’t be able to take down the field, or open the gates from my truck if they’ve been enabled from the inside. I’ll come back as soon as the sun rises, and honk the horn. Push the blue button to bring down the field long enough for me to pull in, then bring the field back up, got it? Once I’m in, crank the red lever. It’s touch sensitive. Harder you push, the more the gates open. Crank it just far enough to send them dogs out, then shut ‘em tight. If the dogs are alright with me, I ain’t infected and y’all can let me in. If not, they’ll fight me back until I’m bug juice on the field, or until y’all can shoot me. Don’t matter how much they love me now, if I get infected, they’ll kill me. Don’t let me in till ya see their reactions to me, and my reactions to them. Understand?” He reached out to gently lift her chin, which was now trembling.

“Come now, don’t fret, honey. You’re stronger than ya think. And you’ve got my boys to keep ya company. I’d take ya with me, but goin’ into town with your ma searchin’ for ya probably ain’t the best idea.”

“I understand.” She offered up a brave front though it wavered slightly as she glanced down at the Dobermans who sat quietly watching her. “Though I think they might be more inclined to eat me once you are out of sight.”

“Naw, they know y’all are good people by now. They’ll watch out for ya, not eat ya.” He winked. She swallowed hard, fighting against the sobs of fear threatening to choke her beneath the surface. With a stiff nod, she stepped away from the truck, and headed for the cat walk. He started the truck, heading out the garage doors. He stopped the truck, yelling up at her through the open window.

“Lock up them garage doors, too. Key’s on the hook by the fridge. And no matter who comes to that gate, no matter how normal they look,
don’t
open it.” She grimly nodded her understanding.

Once she had the gates shut and the field back up, she stood watching the dust trail of Tandy’s truck as he drove away in the surveillance monitors. She felt the most cowardly she ever had, in those moments. Because as much as she feared for Tandy’s life and safety as he ventured into the darkening terrain, the majority of her paralyzing fear was for herself.