Edge of the Past (9 page)

“Why didn’t you say something at Elena’s?”

“I tried, but you kept rolling right along. Maybe I should’ve said more, but I was still in shock over what was happening.”

“I was in shock, too. I was just hoping Liza would see me, and then when she asked me for help…” Sergei’s voice caught. “All I knew was I couldn’t say no.”

The emotion on his face nipped at my irritation. What if I was in his position? Would I be able to think rationally if I was suddenly looking into my child’s eyes?

“You really feel a connection to her already,” I said.

“It’s crazy, I know. I’ve only talked to her for a total of five minutes, but I feel it.” He took a slow step back and sat on the small bench in front of the bed. “And the idea of leaving her when I just found her… I couldn’t do it. Not after all those years of wondering where she was and if she was okay.”

He bent forward, dropping his head, and I sank onto the bench beside him. I put my arm around him and rested my chin on his shoulder.

“You’ll never have to wonder anymore,” I said.

He turned his face to mine and brushed the lightest of kisses on my mouth. Taking me in his arms, his hands settled around my waist while I ran my fingers up and down his back.

Sergei’s lips grazed my hair and trailed down to my ear. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you first.”

The warmth of his breath and his words softened me even more, but I had to make sure he’d gotten my message. I shifted my head back so I could see Sergei’s face.

“Promise me you won’t spring any more surprises on me.”

“I promise,” he said, holding my gaze. His eyes searched mine, and I felt like there was something he wanted to say.

“What is it?” I asked.

“You didn’t answer me earlier when I said you don’t want Elena and Liza to visit.”

The problem was I had two answers – “No” for the first person mentioned and “Yes” for the second. I chose to reply with my other concern.

“I wish it wasn’t at such an already stressful time,” I said. “Besides the usual pre-competition crunch, we have Chris’s injury to worry about, wedding stuff going on…”

“I wish it was a better time, too, but I couldn’t count on Elena agreeing to let me see Liza later. I had to make it now.”

“I want you to be able to spend time with Liza, but having Elena around…”

“It’s asking a lot, I know,” he said, combing his fingers through the damp waves of my hair. “I don’t think she’ll make things difficult, though. She’s going to do whatever makes Liza happy.”

I didn’t have the same confidence he had, and it gave me pause again, thinking of Elena in my house. A woman I barely knew but who knew Sergei very well. Too well. The unsettled feeling that had taken residence in my gut flared up, and I pulled Sergei into another embrace, seeking comfort… if only temporary.

****

“I wish you not go home so soon,” Anna said, hugging me for the fifth time since I’d arrived for dinner.

I couldn’t get home soon enough. No offense to Sergei’s mother, of course. I just wanted to get out of Russia before any more life-changing events could occur.

“Thank you for another wonderful meal,” I said.

“Everything was delicious,” Dad chimed in next to me.

Anna released me and gave Sergei an even stronger hug, patting his back over and over. “You tell Liza she have grandmother and grandfather who want to meet her.”

Max rose from the couch with a grunt, and Sergei glared at him. “What, Papa? I know you’ve wanted to say something all evening.”

“I do not know why you push this, why you always make things more difficult in your life.” Max turned to me. “Why you do not stop it?”

My voice got lost in my throat, and Sergei jumped in. “Emily supports this. She understands why it’s important to me.”

Mom gave me a pointed stare, and I quickly looked away. Sergei made my support sound a lot stronger than I felt about it.

Sergei’s cell phone buzzed, and he answered the call, “Elena?”

He wandered a few feet from us in the cramped living room, and Dad set a worried arm across my shoulders. I kept my ears tuned to Sergei’s conversation, concentrating hard to translate.

“What happened since you bought the plane tickets this morning?” he asked. “You’re not changing your mind?”

An unbidden ray of hope streaked through me.
Maybe all the plans will fizzle out.
If Sergei knew what I was thinking, he wouldn’t be boasting about my support.

“You saw how excited Liza was,” Sergei continued. “Please don’t take this opportunity away from her.”

“He’s going to keep pushing,” Max said, throwing one hand up.

“Liza is our family,” Anna said. “He’s doing what is right.”

My ears and my brain strained to block out their bickering and focus on Sergei. He put one hand on his hip and said, “I’m not going to make her choose sides. I want us all to do things together.”

I stiffened, wrapping my arms around myself. Perhaps I was included in Sergei’s definition of “us all,” but the way he said it gave me a picture of their little family, me excluded. Add that to the pile of unpleasant pictures I’d imagined on the trip, and I had an entire album in my head.

Dad hugged me closer to his side as Sergei rattled on in Russian. I stopped trying to translate, growing tired of feeling on the outside. When Sergei ended the call, he ran his hand through his hair, expelling a slow breath.

“They’re still coming. Elena was having some second thoughts.”

I kept my face motionless, not wanting Sergei to see my disappointment. Anna moved toward him and placed her hands on his face. “Good, good. You should have this time with Liza.”

“Wonderful,” Mom muttered.

“Always making bad decisions,” Max said and went into the kitchen.

Sergei jammed his phone into his pocket. “Mama, we have to get back to the hotel. Our flight is very early tomorrow.”

Anna embraced him again. “I miss you and you not gone yet.”

“The wedding will be here before you know it,” he said.

Will it?
It felt so far, far away to me.

Anna gave the rest of us more hugs, and I watched over her shoulder as Max quietly reentered the room. Dad approached him with his hand extended.

“Thank you for all your hospitality,” he said in practiced Russian.

Max nodded. “You’re welcome.”

“We will return it when you come to Boston,” Mom said, giving Max kisses on each side of his face.

I hung back, not sure if Max would welcome any affection from me. “Yes, thank you both.”

He hesitated but slid over to me, bending to place kisses on my cheeks. When he faced Sergei, he simply said, “Good luck, Son.”

The emotional distance between them tore at my heart. No wonder Sergei so badly wanted to show Liza she could count on him. And I had to show him he could count on me to help him through this, as trying as it might be.

Chapter Nine

Thick gray clouds blocked my view of the European countryside below as I peered out the narrow airplane window. I wished I could tap my heels together and be home. But my shoes were sneakers, not ruby slippers, and Dorothy just had Toto with her. I had my fiancé’s ex-girlfriend and newfound child to tote with me.

Sergei yawned and unbuckled his seat belt. “I need to stretch my legs. Want to take a walk?”

“I think I’ll read for a while,” I said, pulling my paperback from the seat pocket.

“Oh, yeah, you need to finish that so we can talk about it. The end will blow your mind.”

I smiled a little. Our afternoon coffee shop dates where we discussed our current reads might seem boring to some people, but I thought they were the perfect way to relax after training. It would be nice to get back to a normal routine. Although, with Elena and Liza coming to town, I doubted there’d be much normalcy at home.

Sergei started to get up but stopped and turned back to me, surprising me with a kiss.

“You plan on being gone a long time?” I asked.

“No, I just want you to know how much I love you.”

When he said things like that, I forgot about the chaos he’d brought into our world. Then I remembered our traveling companions sitting ten rows behind us.

Sergei headed up the aisle, and I opened my book to its dog-eared page. I’d only read one paragraph when Mom dropped into Sergei’s empty seat.

“You can’t avoid me here,” she said.

I sighed and shut the book. The entire previous day I’d dodged being alone with Mom. I couldn’t listen to her question Sergei’s decisions because I was trying to ignore my own doubts about them.

“You know, that is my house you’re living in, so I have the ultimate say on who does or doesn’t stay there,” Mom said crisply. “I could override your offer to Elena and Liza.”

“Please don’t do that.”

“Why do you want them there? They’re only going to be a constant reminder of Sergei’s past.”

“It’s better than if they were staying at a hotel. This way, I can have some control over the situation,” I said, reaching up to adjust the air conditioning vent.

“Do you feel threatened? Is that why you need to control it?”

“No, I just… I’d rather Sergei come to my house to see Liza than have to go elsewhere.”

“You’d rather he not see Elena elsewhere.” Mom tapped her index finger on my leg. “Without you present.”

Shifting in my seat, I stared at the clouds, remembering the look in Elena’s eyes when Sergei had showed her a hint of affection. It was a look I didn’t care to ever see again.

“I trust Sergei completely,” I said. “But no, I don’t want them spending time together. I don’t think I’m irrational for feeling that way.”

“It’s perfectly normal. No woman enjoys seeing her boyfriend with an ex. Especially when that ex is also the mother of his child.”

Mom’s frown spoke of disapproval. Before she could launch into a judgmental rant about Sergei’s unplanned fatherhood, I steered the conversation to a new direction.

“I was watching them at the airport,” I said. “Liza’s still so upset that she’s barely speaking to Elena.”

“And you have to entertain them. That will be fun.”

I laughed dryly. “When I called Aubrey to tell her we’re having visitors, she said the same thing. Well, first she said, ‘Are you nuts?’”

“I second that.”

“It’s not going to be easy, but I couldn’t think of a better solution.”

Mom pursed her lips. “Sweetie, I’m worried about you. I think you’ve let yourself get caught up in this and haven’t thought how it could change things.”

“They’re only going to be with us for a few weeks, and then they’ll go back to Russia and everything can return to normal.” If I sounded convincing enough, Mom would have to believe me. And I’d have to believe myself.

“So, Sergei hasn’t said anything about trying to get custody?” Mom asked.

“No, he wouldn’t do that to Elena.”

“Wait until he spends more time with Liza,” she said with a voice full of warning. “He might have some other ideas then.”

I couldn’t think about that. I had to focus on getting through the next three weeks. I glanced down at my paperback and realized I’d bent the cover back and had smashed it into a creased mess.

Three weeks. One day at a time.

****

“Well, this is it,” I said, leading Elena and Liza into my foyer. “I hope you’ll feel at home here.”

Sergei helped us carry in our mounds of luggage, and I showed my guests their bedroom and bathroom just off the entryway.

“Let me give you a quick tour of the rest of the house,” I said and turned to Sergei. “I’ll see you at the rink in a bit?”

“I’ll be there as soon as I shower and change.”

“You go to rink?” Elena asked.

“Just for a little while,” I said. “I’m going to skate and then Sergei and I have a lesson with our junior team.”

“May we go with you? I like to see where Liza skate here.”

“Umm…” I hesitated and looked at Sergei.

“That sounds like a good idea,” he said. “Liza can meet some of the other kids.”

My heart sank. I’d been looking forward to my first day back on the ice being a peaceful one, away from any personal drama. Everyone at the rink was going to have questions the minute Elena and Liza walked through the door.

I followed Sergei out to his SUV, knotting the belt tighter on my cardigan. Though not nearly as cold as Moscow, the air had a chilly bite to it with spring still a few weeks away.

“Are you going to take care of telling everybody at the rink what’s going on?” I asked, setting my hands on my hips.

Sergei rubbed the back of his neck. “I talked to a couple of people late last night. Not sure if the word has spread yet, though.”

“I’m sure it has. It was a miracle we kept our relationship a secret as long as we did.”

Sergei kissed me goodbye, and I went inside to take Elena and Liza through the townhouse. I showed them the kitchen and small den on the bottom floor and then the second-floor living room. With its warm colors and comfy furniture, it was a striking contrast from the sterile living room in Elena’s house.

We passed Aubrey’s bedroom on the third floor and kept going up the stairs to my room. I deposited my carry-on bag inside, and Liza followed me into the doorway. Her eyes went straight to my Olympic silver medal, encased and hanging on the wall.

She went over and stared up at it. “That’s so cool,” she whispered.

“I have a whole box of stuff from the Olympics I can show you,” I said. “I think I have a few extra keepsakes you might like.”

Liza’s eyes widened even more. “Really?”

“The T-shirts will be pretty big for you, but you can use them as nightgowns,” I said with a smile.

Elena had also come inside, but her attention was on another item in the room – a photo on my dresser of Sergei and me at the Gay Head cliffs on Martha’s Vineyard, the site of our first kiss. We’d taken the picture at sunrise, our favorite time to visit, and the orange sky glowed around us as we reenacted the kiss.

Elena stared at the picture so long that I was about to ask if she’d like to inspect it closer. Instead, I put on my formal host voice. “If you need me for anything, you can knock on my door anytime.”