Effortless (21 page)

Turning his head to the right, he looked down and spoke. “I’m glad you’re here, kitten.” He swiveled his body to face me. As always, he took my breath away, even though his eyes were cold as ice.

“Are you?” I asked with a bit more uncertainty than I wanted.

Wincing against unseen pain, he nodded. “I have a video conference call in fifteen minutes but you can stay as long as you want.”

The rich, velvet sound of his accent lulled me into believing we’d be able to work through our problems. I wanted that with every fiber of my being. He walked around to the front of his desk and sat on the edge. I still hadn’t moved from the center of the floor.

“Come to me,” he commanded quietly.

I did, surprised when he wedged me between his thighs. I thought I felt a tremor but dismissed it. Brushing back my hair, he traced a finger over the bruise on my temple. He didn’t have to say anything for me to know it bothered him to see me injured. As impassive as his expression remained, I knew every twitch of his jaw muscles signaled what he felt deep down.

Overcome by my love for him, I leaned in to kiss him. My heart shattered when he restrained me and turned his head.

“Don’t,” he breathed. “It’s too much.”

“Stop fighting it. You haven’t let me touch you or kiss you all weekend. It’s driving me crazy.”

“You and me both.”

“Then why are you being this way? Why are you making me feel this way?”

“I told you. I don’t know any other way to be.”

“That’s bullshit,” I snapped. “I refuse to let you wither away and lock yourself behind that fucking wall.”

The sun escaped from behind a cloud and blazed through the window, reflecting off my diamond and shooting fractured, fiery shards of light on Alastair’s clothes and the floor.

His bitter laugh clashed with the gentle way he held me. “It’s the only place I’m safe, Lia.”

“Are you
serious
right now?”

“I can’t control myself or the way that I feel when you’re near me,” he said through clenched teeth. “I’m like a loose cannon. I’ve lost my grip on that goddam cliff and now I’m scrambling. Don’t you understand?”

“I understand that you’re being selfish right now and using your family’s death as a crutch and a way to destroy any happiness you might have. You’re shutting me out. What I don’t understand is why you just can’t let yourself love me.”

The stinging echo of my words filled every corner of his office. I shook, defeated as he let go of my arms.
I’m such an asshole
. Something shifted in the air between us. A rift had opened, puncturing the love that bound our souls.

Running a hand through his hair, he squared his shoulders. “I’m going to be in London for the rest of the week. Paxton will be here if you need him.”

“Alastair I’m—”

“You’ve said all there is to say, Amelia.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I.” The love and affection that gave his eyes the glow I adored was gone. He stared at me dispassionately.

“Mr. Holden, your call with Los Angeles is starting soon.” Simone’s detached voice floated through the intercom on the desk phone. Alastair turned and held down the talk button.

“Thank you. Have them start reviewing the specs. I’ll join them in a few minutes.”

I backed away, shocked at how tightly he’d held me between his thighs. I shouldn’t have come here. I made everything worse. My presence was hurting him. I could see it even though he was shrouded by the protective shield.

“When do leave for London?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“Please don’t work late tonight.”

A small tremor streaked through his body. It was subtle but it was there. “I have to start this call now.”

Swallowing down the acerbic taste of regret, I showed myself to the door. Glancing over my shoulder, I noticed he remained sitting on the edge of the desk with his hands folded. He never did come home that night.

“It’ll be just like old times. Only in a way better condo.” Stephanie squeezed my shoulder and carried my overnight bag upstairs. I’d decided to stay with her on Tuesday night mostly because I couldn’t stand being in that house by myself. The townhouse she shared with Darren with beautiful. Since she moved here, she added a more feminine touch to the space with her love of scented candles, bright pops of color and quirky artwork. Much like their friendship, everything gelled together with ease.

“I’ve been ordered to make you some tea, young lady,” Darren said with a wink. “Just honey, right?”

I smiled. “You got it.”

Settling onto the oversized couch, I let out a huge sigh. Work had been a challenge today so relaxing with good friends was just what the doctor ordered. Stephanie bounded down the stairs and flopped on the couch next to me.

“I don’t think you’ve been here since, like, the weekend after you arrived.”

“Has it been that long?”

“Yep. We went on that picnic in the freezing cold, remember?” She shivered for emphasis.

“Come on, Steph. It was twelve Celsius out. That’s a luxury for us this time of year.” Darren placed the mug of tea on the table in front of me. “Wait until the winter really gets going. You’ll wish you were basking on Cocoa Beach.”

“I already do,” she grumbled. “I didn’t think I’d miss that damn city this much.” She turned to face me. “Do you miss Orlando at all?”

“Sometimes,” I shrugged. “I miss Sydney and the guys at the station more than the actual city. Although, running at Cranes Roost Park would be heaven right about now.”

“You should play tennis with me,” Darren exclaimed. “That one doesn’t want to break a sweat so it’s hard for me to get into the game.”

“Why don’t you just double up with that girl you keep staring at every time we’re on the court. I’m sure she’d be a much better partner for you.”

“Could be.” Darren looked thoughtful. “But then I’d miss out on all this quality time with you.” He ruffled Stephanie’s hair, much to her immense displeasure. If I hadn’t known them as well as I did, I’d be a huge advocate for the two of them hooking up. But they were friends, great friends. Nothing more.

“Do you see what I have to put up with daily?” she squealed.

I sipped my tea, half listening to their faux brother-sister bickering. Darren continued to tease her, forcing her to exclaim -on more than one occasion- that she’s an only child for a reason.

“Alright, Meyers. No pouty face,” Stephanie said, throwing an arm over my shoulders. “Every time you pout I’m going to make Darren sing
Total Eclipse of the Heart
. Believe me, you don’t want that to happen.”

“Watch it now,” he said. “I have a great voice.”

“For dogs, yes. For humans, not so much.”

Amused, I frowned on purpose. “But what if I want to hear him sing?”

“Oh no,” she groaned. “Now you’ve asked for it.”

Darren stood in the center of the room, bowing to an audience of two before clearing his throat.

“Those judges on X-Factor don’t know what they’re missing.” He smiled and launched into the most tone deaf, horrible version of that song I’d ever heard. The hilarious part was how passionate he was as he sang. At one point, he spread his arms wide and looked to the heavens while out-of-tune notes and the occasional incorrect lyric saturated the room.

“
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
,” he screeched.

I laughed and clapped, encouraging him to do more. His enthusiasm was contagious. I hopped off the couch to join him and launched into a so-so rendition of
Don’t Stop Believin’
, because, why not.

“You’re both going to make me go deaf and I’m only thirty. Stop.” Stephanie covered her ears and smiled. Satisfied that we’d performed the greatest concert ever in the history of living room concerts, Darren and I rejoined Stephanie on the couch. For the rest of the night they did their absolute best to keep my mind off of a particular redhead who’d disappeared to London.

We had wine and beer. We laughed. We even made a pizza. I was fortunate to have a strong support system here and I hugged them both fiercely before we retired for the night.

I sat on the bed in Stephanie’s room, pulling at the comforter. It was all I could do stop myself from looking at my cell phone to see if any texts were waiting. My best friend climbed into bed and snuggled under the covers. The last time we slept in the same bed was during a weekend in Daytona. We spent the entire night up talking about the most random life stuff and then ditched the hotel room for the beach to watch the sunrise.

“So, how are you feeling? I mean, your head is okay from the accident?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. The bruise is fading which is nice. I still can’t believe that guy ran the light.”

“Bad drivers are everywhere my friend.” She looked at me. “I’m going out with Colin again tomorrow night. The band has a few days off.”

“Wow. Another date. Sounds serious.”

“We had a good time on Saturday. I’m really excited to see him again.”

“No more Brent, then?” I asked, shifting to face her.

She frowned. “Nope. He’s a great guy but I’m not cut out for that lifestyle. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“I mean, he treated me like a queen but I always felt like I owed him something. I don’t know what to do with myself with all the fancy dinners and nice cars and expensive houses and…it’s just so not me. Don’t get me wrong. The sex was amazing. I’ll miss that.”

“But you have Band Guy now. I’m sure he fills the void.”

“I don’t know.” She lifted her shoulders and scrunched her nose. “We didn’t sleep together.”

“Really? The way you were talking about the date I assumed you guys had.”

“Nope. We sat up all night talking.” She gave me a look. “I know. Who am I, right?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I laughed. “It means you might actually like him as more than just a conquest.”

A dreamy look took hold of her pretty face, making her eyes sparkle. “He’s smart and talented and makes me laugh like nothing you’ve ever seen. And he’s a gentleman with a wicked bad boy streak.”

“Ah. So he’s the perfect man for you.” I grinned.

She pushed herself up and hugged me. This was a big hug. The apology hug. I squeezed her tight and smiled. No matter the fight, no matter the circumstance, we’d always pull through.

“I was such a bitch about the whole Olivia bridal shower thing,” she said, breaking the embrace. “I have no excuse, really. I just thought maybe…if things could be smoothed over with her—”

“It’s okay. Your intentions were misguided though. I’m not going to sugarcoat that. She’s not what you think. She’s manipulative.”

Stephanie’s shoulders slumped as she nodded. “Brent worries about her. He’s not so much pissed at Alastair as he is at how everything was handled.”

I swallowed. “Did he tell you?”

“Yeah. It’s shitty, Lia. It’s really shitty. But Alastair had his back against the wall and had no choice I guess. Don’t worry. I’ll never breathe a word of this to him. I love you too much to make you guys feel uncomfortable about this. You trust me, right?”

A week ago I wouldn’t have known how to answer that question. “I do.”

Relief swept through her, visibly relaxing her body. She engulfed me in another hug. “When can we start planning your wedding?”

I stiffened, swallowing down a bitter lump. Stephanie looked at me with concern.

“You guys are getting married. I have zero doubt about that. He’s just being…I don’t know…he’s being a douche but he loves you. The accident must have scared the shit out of him. That’s the only thing I can come up with.”

“I know,” I said quietly. “He’s so frustrating sometimes, you know? And then I say stupid crap to make it worse and it’s a dumb, annoying cycle that we go through.”

“The level of passion between you two is out of this world. You argue as hard as you love. But at the end of the day, he’s your guy and you’re his girl and nothing will ever change that.”

I chuckled. “When did you become so poetic, Tempe?”

“I’m dating a musician. Everything he says is always so poetic and cool. It must have rubbed off on me.”

“You went on one date.”

“Oh, Lia. It so much more than a date. Did I tell you how hard his abs are?”

I threw a pillow at her as we laughed and settled under the covers. We talked late into the night, like we’d always done when having a sleepover. Before drifting off to sleep, I heard her mumble, “Good night my unofficial-little-sister-official-best-friend. I can’t wait to watch you walk down the aisle.”

* * *

The next day at lunch I decided to do a little impromptu retail therapy. Meredith was with me, so it was a nice chance for me and her to bond a bit more. She had tons of questions about the news business and I happily answered them to the best of my ability.

“Do you think I’ll make a good producer someday?” she asked.

“Absolutely.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not. You have a good head on your shoulders and you’re smart. Plus, you’re a hard worker.” I paused. “Julian thinks you’re great and you know how he is.”

“He does?” Her eyes widened.

“Yep. He told me this morning after you pitched that story idea about the independence referendum.”

“Wow.” She stopped walking. “I’m speechless.”

I laughed. “See? The only thing holding you back is your own self-doubt.”

“Do you think we’ll be able to stay in touch once my internship ends? I’d love to have you on my side after graduating next spring.”

“Of course.”

We strolled through the bath and body department. I grabbed more of my favorite almond scented bubble bath and lotion. I’d be using them tonight for a long bubble bath after indulging in some heavy carb laden meal. I walked to the cashier to pay for my items and bumped right in to Olivia fucking Garrison.

“Really?” I said, putting the lotion down.

“Lia.” She smiled. “What a coincidence.”

“There are no coincidences with you,” I muttered.

“And who’s this?” she asked, sizing up my intern.

“Meredith Sanders. I work for The Archer Hour with Lia.” She offered her hand and Olivia made a half-hearted effort to shake it. Turning her attention back to me, she grinned.

“I adore that scent. So does Alastair, I imagine.”

My blood boiled. I turned my back on her and paid the saleswoman, who was listening and watching us intently. I lifted a brow in her direction and started for the exit. Olivia followed me out like a little eager dog nipping at my heels. Thank goodness the sidewalk was crowded. It left no room to stop and talk.

“Lia,” she called after me. “This isn’t going to end.”

Okay, that made me stop. I whipped around. Meredith stared at me with huge eyes. The last thing I wanted was to have this out in front of her. “Go back to the newsroom and tell Robbie I’ll be a little late for our afternoon meeting.”

She nodded and scurried off. I glared at Olivia.

“This isn’t going to end because you keep inserting yourself into my life. Jesus Christ. You’re getting married in a month. Go pick out flowers or music or something. Focus on your own life and leave Alastair alone.”

Her eyes glazed with a distant look. “The way he looks at you and talks about you…he was never like that with me.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“You reached him. I don’t know how but you did it.” She set her jaw. “He really did say he would marry me, you know. He’ll never admit it to you but he did. We were in love, Lia.”

“I’m really all set with your shit,” I lashed out. Keeping a handle on my emotions wasn’t easy. We were so different, her and I, in every way. And not just physically. She just didn’t know when to let something go.

“He knows he didn’t treat me well,” she continued. “He knows we could have had something special. I only did what I had to do when he discarded me like an old pair of shoes.”

“You blackmailed his family and threatened to expose his most private moments with you. You broke whatever trust he might have had in you. That makes you a bitch and not worthy of his love.”

Sidling closer, a cunning smile curved her mouth. “Has he ever gone down on you at the beach under the moonlight? Fucked you in a hot tub overlooking the Alps? Made love to you on a balcony in Greece?”

By the grace of some higher power, my urge to slap her dissipated the second I saw the dozens of photographers surround us. This would make for one hell of a show, wouldn’t it? I kept my expression as placid as possible while my insides raged.

“Olivia.”

I turned and saw Brent standing next to a black Bentley.

“We have to go. Sergio is expecting you.”

She looked at her brother and turned into a completely different person. Sugary sweet and all smiles, she hugged me goodbye. I cringed.

Brent walked over after she climbed into the car. “I’m sorry about this, Lia. I am. She’s not— I’m sorry.”

“Keep her away from me.”

He nodded, setting his jaw in determination. “I know you’re frustrated but she’s my sister. This hasn’t been easy for her.”

I tightened my hold on the bag, keenly aware of the photographers nearby. “I get it, Brent, I do. But you and I both know this can’t go on anymore. I know everything that happened and I know it sucked but it can’t be changed. At some point, she has to own what she did and accept the consequence. And you have to help her get to that point.”

Turning back to glance at the car briefly he sighed. “I’ve been trying.” He looked at me. “It’s all such a mess.” A small smile pulled at his mouth as he took in all the paparazzi. “Thank you for being so graceful about this in public.”

“Well, like you said to me once before, regardless of your history with Alastair, I’d never do anything to embarrass either one of you in the press.”

Nodding, he returned to the car. I let out a long sigh and went back to work.

* * *

The doorbell rang around nine that night, startling me. I shuffled to the hallway, zipping up my hoodie. I figured it couldn’t be anybody threatening since Paxton was stationed in front of the house while Alastair was away. My heart seized just thinking about him and the awful things I’d said. I still hadn’t heard from him but Paxton reassured me that he was working in London and he was fine.