Einstein's Underpants--And How They Saved the World (5 page)

CHAPTER 11

ITEMS WANTED

THE FOLLOWING WORDS
appeared the next day in the school magazine, published in both paper and web editions. (The magazine was run entirely by the pupils, with Mr Van theoretically overseeing the whole operation. Mr Van's view – not shared by all the other teachers – was that the kids had to be allowed to make their own mistakes, and so he only ever interfered to remove outright obscenities and split infinitives.)

FOR SALE

Full set of Alex Rider books, unread. 10p. Contact Malcolm Mitchin, Form 7G.

Valuable antique wooden tennis racket.
£1.50. Contact Mary Cunningham, Form 9J.

Pair of spectacles (unwanted gift). Any reasonable offer accepted. Contact Paul Burke, Form 8M.

Oboe. Working but badly stained. £25. Contact Francis Meanwood, Form 7L.

Mobile phone. Can get any make you want.£10. Text me on 07814 568 372.

Scotch egg. Only just past eat-by date. Probably delicious. 25p. Contact Simon Morley, Form 8G.

5 kittens. Two quid each. Will keep till end of week. If no takers, will put in sack and drown lot. Or microwave. Maybe just strangle them. You've been warned. Big Mac, Form 9J.

ITEMS WANTED

Copy of
Grand Theft Auto 4
. Will pay £10, or swap for pair of spectacles. Contact Paul Burke, Form 8M.

Monkey, any species. Will pay market rate. Kevin Williams, Form 9M.

Girlfriend. Must be gorgeous and like snogging. She must not mind clammy hands, acne, BO or bad breath. Text me on 07890 155 878.

Any persons with special powers, such as super strength, telekinetic ability (i.e. moving stuff with just your brain), anti-gravity skills (e.g. flying), controlling magnetism, etc. etc., to join an elite team of heroes to save the world. Come to room 111 at 12.30 on Wednesday. No time-wasters. No loonies. Refreshments not supplied.

CHAPTER 12

THE X FACTOR FOR FREAKS

MELVYN AND ALEXANDER
were sitting behind a desk in room 111. There was an empty wooden chair in front of them.

‘This is the most stupid thing I've ever been involved with,' said Melvyn, his long, sad, resigned face longer, sadder and more resigned than ever.

He wasn't convinced by Alexander's arguments that there were probably lots of kids with special abilities lurking incognito in the school. It seemed to Melvyn about as likely as finding out that a secret tribe of super-intelligent newts lived under the school and controlled them all with mind waves. But the truth was that Alexander was his best, possibly his only friend, and the
alternative to sitting here with him was sitting alone in the playground waiting for someone to slap the back of his head.

‘I mean,' he continued, ‘no one is going to turn up. Even if there did, by some amazing fluke, happen to be some kid who had a special power, then what on earth makes you think they'd want to come and—'

Melvyn was interrupted by a knock, which made his elbow slip off the table, slamming his chin down onto the desk. His tongue was, naturally, trapped between his teeth, and started to bleed.

In the excitement, Alexander didn't even notice. ‘Come in,' he said brightly, his voice full of hope, even expectation, that this was going to work after all.

Those hopes were soon dashed.