The castle
had been abandoned by almost all of its inhabitants. Its population had decided, little point in staying only to be slaughtered by the English army, and so they crept out by ones and twos throughout the night, and they made what peace they could with the enemy. Some even begged to join Malcolm's troop, so as to be on the winning side in the morrow's inevitable English victory. When Macbeth awoke, with only Seyton in attendance, he found his halls deserted, his battlements unguarded. “Let them fly!” he blustered, striding up the stone stairs to survey
the scene from the top of his tallest tower. “I bear a charméd life. I need them not!”
He looked down upon the investing force: a mass of humanity stretching as far as the eye could see. They had thrown down the boughs and branches that they had taken from Birnam Wood, and now stood in serried ranks, their armor and their weapons glittering in the morning sunlight.
“It looks bad sir,” said Seyton, in a miserable voice.
“Nonsense!” boomed Macbeth. “We cannot be defeated.”
“But the charm, sir,” said Seyton, cringing a little as if expecting Macbeth to strike him in his furious frustration. “Has it not tricked you? It said you would never vanquished be, till Great Birnam Wood should come to high Dunsinane hill.”
“Indeed it
did
,” said Macbeth, with enormous self-satisfaction.
“And we need but look, sir!” said Seyton, indicating the host that lay spread before them. “Malcolm's army has brought Birnam Wood hither!”
“Seyton, Seyton, Seyton,” said Macbeth, genially. He clasped his servant about the shoulders and gave the top of his head a little rub with the knuckles of his right hand. “You've got to
pay
more
attention
. The one crucial thing about magical prophecies is that they are enormously and pedantically
precise
. So, whatâMalcolm's army cut down a few boughs and carried them along to Dunsinane! That's
hardly
the same thing as the forest moving! Ask yourself this ⦠if you were a mapmakerâ”
“Mapmaker,” repeated Seyton, nodding uncertainly.
“âyes, if you were
making a map
âfor the sake of argument, you knowâand you were making a map of Scotland, where would you put Birnam Wood? Over there on the distant hill”âhe pointed to the horizon where the blue-green forest still lay like a cloud against the horizonâ“the location of the
trunks
and
roots
and most of the
foliage
? Or here at Dunsinane, where a few thousand branches and leaves have been carried?”
“Um,” said Seyton, tentatively offering his answer like a schoolchild before a stern schoolmaster, “the first one?”
“Exactly! Birnam
Wood
is still on the
hill
. The prophecy has not been fulfilled. I am, accordingly,
un
worried.”
From below came the sound of repeated thuds. Malcolm's sappers, in the unusual position of being able to work without resistance from castle defenders, were knocking down the main gate with a large battering ram. “Right,” said Macbeth. “Better put on some armor. Not that I need it. More for the show of it than anything.”
With a great crash the gate gave way.
By the time he got downstairs, armored and besworded, Macbeth's main courtyard was filled with several hundred English soldiers. At the front of this fierce crowd were Macduff and young Siward. Siward made a rush at Macbeth, hurrying up the stone stairway to engage the Scottish king. Macbeth chopped his head off with a single stroke of his sword.
The crowd in the courtyard hissed their disapproval.
Rather relishing the theatricality of it, Macbeth cried out: “Begone, Macduff! You cannot kill me!”
The general hissing turned into a general laughing.
“Do you boast so?” said Macduff, cockily, throwing his sword from hand to hand and starting up the stairs. “We outnumber you, fiendish tyrant! Outnumber you considerably.”
“What you've got to keep in mind,” said Macbeth, “is that I bear a charméd life that must not yield to one of woman born. Actually.”
“Ha!” cried Macduff. “Ah! Ha! Well!” He seemed very pleased with himself. “Despair thy charm,” he said. “And let the angel that thou still hast served tell thee, Macduffâthat's
me
âwas from his mother's womb untimely
ripped
!' He stuck his chest out.
“You were still born of woman, though, weren't you?” Macbeth pointed out.
The courtyard had fallen silent.
“You what?” said Macduff.
“Born of woman nevertheless. Bornâyou. Womanâyour mother.”
“Ah no, but Macduff was from his mother's womb untimely
ripped
⦔
“Yes yes, Caesarian section, named after Julius Caesar, the Roman emperor who was born via a surgical incision into the wall of the abdomen rather than through the birth canal,” said Macbeth. “Yes we all know about that. But it's still a form of
birth
, isn't it? You're still
born
, and
of woman
.'
“No I wasn't.”
“Yes you were.”
“Wasn't.”
“What would you call it then? Are you really asserting that being born by Caesarian section is not
being born
?”
“Um,” said Macduff, a little confusedly. “Untimely ripped ⦠um ⦔
“I tell you what,” said Macbeth. “Let's pop along to the castle library, and look it up in a dictionary. That'll decide the matter.”
“All right,” said Macduff, brightening.
So they made their way to the library, stacked floor to ceiling with dusty folios and quartos and octavos. There Macbeth pulled the
Dictionarius
from its resting place, plonked it on a desk and turned its heavy pages.
“Here you go,” said Macbeth, with his finger on the relevant definition. “
Sectura Caesaris
âform of birth in which the infant is delivered through an incision in the mother's uterus and abdominal wall rather than the more conventional birth canal.' There you areââa form of birth.' In other words: you are still born of woman, regardless of whatever obstetric interventions happened to be used at the birth. You might as well say that the use of
forceps
meant that you were no longer âborn of woman'!”
“Well ⦔ said Macduff, scratching his chin. “I suppose you're right ⦔
“Have at you!” said Macbeth, standing back and raising his sword.
Twenty people had followed the two of them to the library; and so it
was that twenty people watched Macbeth and Macduff fight for about a minute and a half, clanging their swords together vehemently and grunting, until Macbeth swung a blow that Macduff failed to intercept, cleaved through his helm and split his head open. Macduff dropped to the floor dead.
“Right,” said Macbeth, cheerily. “Who's next?”
It took Macbeth
less than five minutes to cut his way through the soldiers in the library. No matter how they swung or stabbed, their swords always slid away from Macbeth's body. It was, as one of them observed (just prior to having his leg fatally severed with a lunging swordstroke, such that he fell and quickly bled to death) the
weirdest
thing.
Macbeth, his armor smeared with blood, strode along the corridor and out into the courtyard. With a cheer the crowd there surged toward him; but he was not dismayed. It was, from his point of view, a simple matter to stand his ground hacking and chopping targets as they presented themselves. His assailers soon discovered that swords aimed howsoever accurately and forcefully would glide from his armor as if they had been merely glancing blows wielded infirmly. When a hundred had fallen and Macbeth was still unscathed, the heart rather went out of the advance party. A few tried upping the general mood of heroic battle by yelling war cries and running at Macbeth. Many more retreated precipitously through the main gate.
Macbeth followed them.
The carnage that ensued passed rapidly through various stages, being by turns astonishing, distressing, and, ultimately, frankly, rather boring. Wherever Macbeth walked, his sword brought death to dozens. When its blade was too chipped to cut effectively, he simply threw it aside and picked up a sword from one of the many corpses he had created.
At the beginning of this assault by one single attacker, Malcolm ordered
a general charge. But from his vantage point of being on horseback on the hill, he realizedâthough he could scarcely credit itâthat not one of the swords, maces, arrows, or spears aimed at Macbeth was able to pierce his skin. His casualties began to mount up. He changed tactics: ordering a phalanx of men to press forward in the hopes of tramping or crushing the singleton enemy. But that was equally ineffective, and after two score men or more had been slain the phalanx as a whole broke up. Malcolm issued another order for a general crush, and the entire armyâtens of thousands of menâsurrounded Macbeth and tried to press in. There followed a quarter of an hour of uncertain alarum. But Malcolm soon became aware that a great circular wall of his own dead soldiers was being piled around Macbeth.
By the end of the day Macbeth had single-handedly killed over eight hundred men. This slaughter had tired him out, and he made his way back into the castleâwhich was, of course, wholly overrun by Malcolm's soldiersâmounted the stairs to his chamber, and went to sleep in his bed. “Now!” cried Malcolm, when this news was relayed to him. “Kill him in his bed! Stab him! Smother him while he snores!”
But no matter how they tried, none of the men under Malcolm's command were able to force the life out of the supine body of Macbeth. Blades skittered harmlessly off his skin. The pillow placed over his face, and even partially stuffed into his mouth, prevented him from breathing; but the lack of air in no way incommoded the sleeping man. They piled great stones on him, but no matter how great the weight Macbeth's body was uncrushable.
Finally the dawn came and Macbeth awoke, yawning and stretching. After a little light breakfast of poisoned bread and adulterated kippers (neither malign substance having any effect upon him) he resumed killing. He took it easier on this second day, careful not to wear himself out; and accordingly he worked longer and more efficiently: by dusk he had killed over a thousand men. Malcolm's army, hugely discouraged, was starting to melt away; deserters slinking back to Birnam Wood and away to the south.
On the third day Macbeth killed another thousand, along with Malcolm himself. After that it was a simple matter to either kill off or else chase away the remnants of the army, and by dusk of this day the place was his.
It fell to Macbeth himself to clear away all the corpses. He had, after all, no servantsâSeyton had been hanged from a gibbet on the first day's battleâand he could not command any. So over a period of a week or so he dug a large pit at the rear of the castle and dragged the thousands of bodies into it.
Life settled down
a bit after that. He found that he didn't
need
to eat; although he was still aware of hunger, and still capable of deriving sensual pleasure from good food. So he scavenged the nearby countryside and occupied himself with wandering about the empty castle, cooking himself food, heating himself bath water, thinking, sleeping.
He pondered the charms that protected him, meditating the precise limits the witches had established. They had not, for instance, said that âno
man
of woman born can harm Macbeth' (which would have left open the chance that a
woman
, or
child,
of woman-born could kill him): they had specified
none
of woman born. That seemed safe enough. The other charm was even more heartening:
Macbeth shall never vanquished be,
they had said,
until Birnam Wood to high Dunsinane castle shall come against him.
Vanquished meant killed by an enemy; but it also, he reasoned, meant poisoned, killed by sickness, laid low by old age, or any of the consequences of mortal existence. Until the wood actually uprooted itself and travelled wholesale to his castle, none of these fates could befall him. That was indeed a powerful charm.
After three months a second army came to beseige his castle. This time it was led by the English king Edward in person; and he brought with him, in addition to many soldiers, a huge assemblage of holy men,
wizards, magi, and people otherwise magically inclined who had promised to undo the charm that preserved Macbeth's life.
Macbeth rather welcomed the distraction. Life had settled into quite a tedious rut.
He made sure, this time, to do all his killing outside the castle walls, so as not to leave himself the awkward job of clearing dead bodies out of his corridors, rooms and stairwells afterward. And he especially took pleasure in slaughtering the magicians, most of whom were armed with nothing more than wands, books of spells, and crucifixes. Macbeth found and killed King Edward himself on day four, but it took a whole week for the army as a whole to become discouraged. Eventually the whole force broke up and fled, apart from a few hardened types who threw themselves at Macbeth's feet and pledged allegiance to him as the Witch King of the North. He swore them into his service.