Elephant Dropping (9781301895199) (22 page)

‘Look, look,’
exclaimed Gem excitedly, ‘gazelle,’ as they reached the wide open
Athi Plains, ‘and giraffe, and over there ostrich!’

Doug was
visibly annoyed at the interruption. ‘Ok Brian, pull over, just on
the side there,’ he pointed ahead.

Brian slowed.
‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing,
bushes for the noisy one,’ he jerked his thumb in Gem’s direction.
Brian pulled over and Doug got out. ‘Over there wench, don’t step
on any snakes!’ He walked round the back of the rover to look at
his bike. ‘Blast! Got a slow puncture.’

‘Oh dear,’ Gem
said, ‘can’t you inflate it with all your hot air,’ and laughing,
she walked off for a pee.

The saloon car
that had been following them, slowed as it passed. Two men wearing
dark glasses peered at them curiously. ‘The fuck you looking at?’
Doug said, glaring irritably at the strangers.

‘What about the
tyre,’ Brian asked hoping to distract him.

Doug knelt down
for a closer look. ‘Actually it’s not too bad, the weight of the
bike in this position is accentuating it. We can inflate it at the
next service stop, which is about thirty miles. That should get us
to Hunters Lodge, where I can fix it while you have an early lunch
or late breakfast.’

‘Ok, agreed,’
Brian relieved to have a solution.

‘Want me to
drive for a bit?’ Doug asked and without waiting for an answer got
into the driver’s seat. Brian was hardly in the car when Doug
started to drive off. There was a yell and Gem came hurtling out
from the bushes still doing her jeans up.

‘Wait you
bastard!’ She shouted. Doug kept going for another hundred yards
before stopping, as Gem breathless, caught them up. ‘Oh verry
funny. Ha ha,’ she waved a warning finger at him. ‘He did that to
me before, and left me waiting for half an hour, standing by the
road,’ she told Brian as she climbed into the car.

‘Yep,’ Doug
nudged Brian. ‘She was very pleased to see me. Shall I keep
driving? I only wanted to tease her.’

‘Yes, that’s
fine. I will enjoy being a passenger for a change,’ Brian replied.
Doug drove fast, anticipating the bumps in the road with an expert
eye.

*

The two
Africans in the white saloon were a surveillance team selected by
Joe Rubia. One of the men in the car was Joe’s bodyguard Titus, and
the other one, Loda, was busy chewing
miraa
a mild narcotic,
as they settled into the drive. They passed the rover while Gem was
having a pee. ‘Why don’t we just shoot them here?’ Loda caressed
his pistol.

‘Because we
haven’t been told to, idiot, put that thing away.’

‘She looks like
a sweetie, I wouldn’t mind some Indian
nyama
,’Loda said
crudely with a big grin.

‘With the
amount of that crap you chew, I’d be surprised you could get it
up.’

‘No problem for
me, I’m not a delicate eater like some of us.’ Titus just snorted
in derision, refusing to be drawn.

*

‘Doug tell me,
were you born in Kenya?’ Brian asked.

‘Yep, I’m third
generation Kenyan. My grandfather came out here as a young man and
worked on the railroad. My father also worked there all his life.
Had a heart attack on the job, I saw him that morning, and by
lunchtime he had gone, bam, just like that!’

Brian nodded in
sympathy. ‘Sorry,’ he said.

‘When your
numbers up, there’s nothing you can do.’

‘And how about
you,’ he asked Gem, ‘are you Kenyan also?’

‘Yes, my
grandfather came out here with the Ghurkha Regiment, and after the
war he managed a coffee plantation in Thika. My father was born
there, and later trained as an accountant. Later, dad took over the
management of the farm, and he is still there.’

‘He doesn’t
think much of this one though,’ she pulled on Doug’s ear, ‘says if
he were any good, he would make an honest woman of me,’ she said
pointedly.

‘I just love
you, dishonest, Baby,’ Doug responded.

Doug slowed
down as a small town appeared and turned into the only fuel
station. He asked where the air pump was and fiddled with the bike
while Gem and Brian chatted.

‘So how long
have you been in Kenya?’ she asked.

‘About six
weeks, I love it. It’s an amazing country.’

Gem nodded.
‘Yes it’s incredible how many people who were born here leave, and
then do all they can to get back here, seems the grass is not
greener if you already live here.’

Doug got back
in. ‘Good news I hope. The valve was a little loose, so we
tightened it. I can check it at Hunters Lodge. Shall I keep
driving?’

Brian smiled.
‘Be my guest.’

At Hunters
Lodge, Doug checked the tyre. ‘I think we should press on to Mtito
Andei, it’s about fifty miles. We can top up with fuel and get
snacks to eat there. We need to get a move on, it’s a long drive
through the park.’

‘How did this
place get a name like Hunters Lodge?’

‘A man called
Hunter built his house here on a fresh water spring. It’s now a
hotel, and no pun intended, he was a hunter. He was hired by the
colonial game department to get rid of the rhino in this area. He
shot almost nine hundred over a two-year period.’

‘Nine hundred?’
Brian asked in disbelief.

Doug chuckled.
‘They wanted to introduce cattle and the rhinos nature is that he
reckons he is the biggest bastard around. Blind as a bat, he
charges anything that he doesn’t like the sound of, and asks
questions later. On more than one occasion, rhinos took on the
steam engines on the railway.’

‘Charged a
steam engine?’

‘Yup, ran smack
into them, derailed a few my father told me,’ Doug grinned.

‘Ahh, never,’
snorted Gem.

‘It’s true I
tell you.’

Brian still
shocked. ‘No wonder they are on the endangered list.’

‘The male rhino
is his own worst enemy, strictly a solitary animal,’ Doug
explained. ‘When a female wants to mate, she first has to find him,
then bullies him mercilessly, by repeatedly charging him and waving
her backside under his nose, until he gets interested, and then she
goes all coy and won’t let him!’

‘You’re such a
liar,’ Gem punched Doug playfully, ‘don’t believe a word he says,’
she warned Brian.

Doug ignored
her. ‘The female has a gestation period of 16 months and only has a
single calf that won’t become sexually mature for at least seven
years, so it’s a wonder they manage to breed at all. Anyhow, that’s
how the place came to be known as Hunters Lodge, and by all
accounts, Hunter was a crack shot. Eventually, he left the game
department and became a professional hunter.’

‘Have you done
any hunting?’ Brian asked.

‘Yep, used to
go out with my uncle - the one I’m going to see in Malindi. I need
to show him this one,’ he pointed at Gem, ‘see if I have picked a
good filly,’ he chuckled.

‘Crap!’ said
Gem. ‘You’re so full of it Douglas.’

‘You enjoyed
killing animals?’ Brian asked.

‘I loved the
chase and I never shot anything I couldn’t eat,’ said Doug, a
little defensively. ‘You need to be in the bush for at least six
weeks before a sixth sense returns.’ He sighed reminiscing.
‘There’s nothing like it once you realise how little you need to be
happy. Man is essentially a hunter, and women are gatherers –
that’s why they like to shop so much!’Brian had to laugh.

Gem as though
to make a point, opened another bag of crisps noisily. ‘Ohh, look
what I have gathered.’

‘Still, it must
have been a good thing when they banned the hunting,’ Brian
ventured.

Doug sighed.
‘Good for whom, the animals? The game department was run by
professionals. The whole country was divided into hunting blocks,
with only one hunting party allowed into each block at a time. For
instance, we are now driving through block fifty eight,’ he waved
his hand expansively. ‘It wasn’t just a question of driving off
into the bush and shooting at will. A license fee for every animal
had to be paid in foreign exchange to maintain this sustainable
natural resource. It earned the country a fortune, and licensed
hunters would inform the game department of the presence of
poachers.

The government
banned hunting overnight and an enormous industry employing
thousands was brought to its knees. Without the regular hunting
parties, poaching resumed on a massive scale. A certain minister’s
sister used the army to gun down elephants with machine guns from
helicopters it was wholesale slaughter.’ Doug’s voice rose in
anger, Brian remained silent, there was nothing to say.

‘Not so long
ago, you couldn’t fail to see elephants on this drive, in fact, you
had to be especially careful at night, in case you drove into a
ten-ton beast warming its pads on the tarmac. Now to see a single
elephant, despite driving through the middle of a game park for
over a hundred miles, would be an amazing sight.’ He had to slow
down to avoid potholes, skilfully swerving round them, he had
forgotten about the bike. A series of loud bangs from the rear of
the car reminded him. ‘Damn!’ he exclaimed, ‘my poor baby.’

They reached
Mtito Andei, halfway to Mombasa, without further incident. He and
Gem went into a roadside café while Brian refuelled the rover
before joining them for sweetened tea and cake.

‘On the other
side of the road is Tsavo West Park,’ Doug pointed out. ‘We have
about another thirty miles to go before we get to the Manyani Gate,
where we will get into Tsavo East Park. This is the area famous for
the man-eating lions that attacked railway workers when they were
building the railway. The lions around here are a little crazy,
none of your Hollywood type big king of the beasts. These buggers
are lean, tough and scrawny. Their manes almost non-existent, what
little they have is torn out by constantly pushing though thorn
bushes.’

‘I hope we see
some,’ said Brian. ‘I brought my camera; can I get a photo of you
two would you mind?’

Gem held Doug’s
arm and snuggled up, a bright smile on her face. ‘Come on you old
dog, smile for the camera,’ she chided him, ‘safari guide with
unwitting female tourist,’ even Doug had to smile at this.

Brian took the
photo. ‘I’ll give you a copy,’ he promised.

Gem got up.
‘Come on, we need one of you, with the great white hunter,’ she
took the camera from Brian. ‘Point and shoot?’

‘Yes,’ Brian
said, sitting by Doug as Gem snapped the photo.

They got back
on the road. Brian noticed the white saloon car with the two
Africans in it, pull out of another service station and fall in
behind them again. ‘There’s that white car,’ he said to Doug. ‘I
wonder if they are following us.’

Doug looked in
the rear view mirror. ‘I doubt it, but let’s keep an eye on them.
Car jackings are uncommon on this road and no one wants an
unreliable gas guzzling V-eight.

The road was
good from Mtito. They were soon at the turn off to the park. Gem
was particularly excited. ‘Ooh lucky me, going into the bush with a
hunter,’ she cooed.

They pulled up
at the gate and a ranger came out of the office. He addressed Doug
in Kiswahili politely - Doug replied in kind. The ranger walked
around the back of the car and peered at the bike in astonishment.
He came back to the driver’s side.

‘You can’t go
into the park with that motorcycle.’

Doug thought he
was joking and smiled. ‘Why not?’

‘Motorcycles
are not allowed in the park.’

‘Look, I’m not
going to ride it, we are actually on our way to Malindi. We are not
tourists.’ Doug explained patiently.

’The park rules
forbid it.’ the ranger said, unmoved.

Doug gave Brian
an exasperated look, and got out. ‘Now listen here,’ he said, ‘I’m
not going to ride it. You want me to pay extra is that it, like I
would for a trailer, right? No problem we can come to an
arrangement.’

The ranger was
adamant. ‘It is not a trailer.’

‘Ahhh,’ Doug
said, ‘come on Bwana don’t be like that, just let us go, we are
already late. You know I’m not going to ride it, wouldn’t dream of
it.’

The ranger
shook his head and pointed back the way they had come. ‘The way to
Malindi is that one,’ and to make his point, he walked to the gate
and locked it with a padlock. He called another ranger over. The
two of them discussed the problem in a native dialect that Doug
couldn’t follow.

Doug appealed
to them. ‘Listen, you guys, be reasonable. We are only passing
through and have driven all the way from Nairobi.’

The second
ranger went to look and then offered a solution. ‘You can leave it
here, and collect it on your way back.

Doug shook his
head. ‘Yeah right.’

He looked at
Brian. ‘I’m sorry, no chance. We can unload the bike and Gem and I
will continue to Mombasa on it, and you can drive on through the
park.’

‘No, don’t
worry, let’s go on to Mombasa. I can always drive back through the
park after I have finished my job in Malindi.’

A safari
Landcruiser with tourists came up behind them. The first ranger
rudely told Doug to move his car. Doug stared at the ranger and
reversed angrily, just missing the other vehicle.

Brian said.
‘Listen Doug, don’t worry about it. It’s obviously the park rules.
Let’s just continue to Mombasa.’

Gem piped up.
‘Let Brian drive for a while baby,’ she tried to soothe him.

‘Yes, I’m happy
to drive,’ Brian offered.

Doug got into
the passenger seat, silently seething as they drove back towards
the highway. ‘Can you stop for a second; I need to take a
leak.’

Brian pulled
over and stopped. Doug stalked off into the bush. When he returned
he said. ‘Those bastards, I’ve never come across such idiots. Of
course we can tow a bike across the park, they were just being
difficult. We could try at the gate in Voi, another twenty miles
further on. We might find a more reasonable ranger there?’