Ellida (10 page)

Astrid laughed. “Lucy might be leading the
list, but Crusoe came to you as soon as we stepped in.”

“Well, we are sort of distant cousins, aren’t
we? His father’s a wolf, just like mine.”

“So what did you tell your cousin?”

“To watch over Lucy,” Jack said in a somber
voice.

Less than two months ago, it would have
sounded totally crazy, but now Astrid just nodded.

“Good idea,” she said.

JACK WAS about to leave again, and he was
tense.

“I’ll do my best to be back by next Sunday,”
Jack said quietly, tracing my arm with his fingers. I felt loved
and cherished.

We were in my room. Lying on my side facing
Jack, I caressed his face with the back of my hand, trying to
soothe his anxiety. I knew everything inside him was screaming
against leaving me when he thought I was the most vulnerable.

“Don’t worry about me, Jack,” I said. “You go
and do what you have to do. I’ll be fine.”

“If I’m delayed, Mom and James will stay with
you during the transformation.”

“They will not!” I snapped, jerking upright.
“Why are you making such a big deal out of it? I’ll go to my house
and just do it. I did it before.”

“You never lived among werewolves before,”
Jack said sternly.

“Meaning?”

“Before the change, your body sends signs and
signals you’re ready to mate. Humans and wizards don’t react to
them, but here…”

“Translated to
lupus lingua
, I’m in
heat, and every available man will try to have a roll in the hay
with me. Is that what you’re telling me? Okay, Jack Canagan, what
if I got sex-crazy and did it with someone else? What would you do
then?”

He rubbed his chin. “I’d kill the
sonofabitch, of course. I’d be miserable for a while, but that
wouldn’t change what I feel for you. I’d still love you and I’d
still want you. Although, Miss Spock, I’d prefer if it didn’t
happen.”

“I’m also a wizard, Jack Canagan. Cool and
rational, remember? I can control my wild side.”

“But can
she
? Your wolf, I mean. She’s
damn hot and not shy to show it.”

“And I’m not?”

He let out a frustrated sigh. “Come on,
Astrid, you know what I meant. Of course you are, but you have
control over your instincts.”

“And she doesn’t?”

“Why do I have the feeling that whatever I
say will be used against me?”

“Give her some credit, Jack. She loves you as
much as I do. Despite the ‘in heat’ thing, do you really think
she’d let anybody else touch her?”

“It’s not incomprehensible, Astrid. Don’t
underestimate your carnal instincts,” he said miserably.

Okay, he needed some serious reassurance;
otherwise he wouldn’t be able to function normally. And I believed
I knew the right person for the job.

I stood up, pulled on my underwear and my
shirt, and walked to the window, staring for a moment into my
reflection. I’d never summoned my wolf before. She’d always shown
up of her own accord.

I closed my eyes and asked her to come. She
was there in the blink of an eye.
Jack needs his peace of
mind
, I told her silently.
Tell him there’s nothing to worry
about. He doesn’t trust me as your representative.

When I opened my eyelids again, an amber set
of smiling eyes looked back at me from the windowpane.

Unaware of her presence—he could only see my
back, as I was staring through the window into the night
outside—Jack walked to me and wrapped his arms around my waist from
behind. He lowered his head and rested his chin on my shoulder.

“You didn’t get permission to get dressed,”
he whispered. “Take your clothes off, I haven’t finished with
you.”

“Jack, I don’t want you to drive yourself
crazy imagining what’s going to happen with me while you are away.
We both love you. And we both want only you,” I said in a husky
voice. I turned slowly to face him, looking up at him.

He instantly realized what had happened.

He smiled, amused. “Well, hello, darling!
Long time no see. How did you do that?” he asked, looking into my
eyes.

“I thought you needed some help. But I have
to tell you that you’ve hurt Miss Spock’s feelings. And you’ve hurt
me, too.”

He pulled me close, gently as if I was
labeled ‘handle with care.’

“Astrid, I’m sorry.”

“I understand you’re nervous. But there is no
need to be. I’ll keep myself safe during the change.” I kissed his
mouth. “You’ll be the one to screw me, I promise. Go and do
whatever you need to do and come back safely, so that next month we
can work on connecting my spirits. I’m tired of thinking of myself
in the plural. Feeling better now?”

“You are incredible.” Jack’s mouth closed
around mine in a soft, loving kiss. “I love you so much,
Astrid.”

“I love you, too. We both do.”

I blinked and let the wolf go. When I lifted
my eyes again, I knew they were blue.

“Do you know what just happened?” Jack asked,
holding me tight.

“I let you talk to your kinky
girlfriend.”

“Do you remember what we talked about?”

I smiled. “I do, and I knew I would. She
cooperates because I don’t fight her anymore.” I reached for Jack’s
lips and gave him a juicy smack. “I want to ask you something. It
crossed
her
mind and I couldn’t help but have a peek. When
we, ahem, make love for the first time—I’m thinking about going all
the way, right?—isn’t it going to be a bit crowded between the
sheets until my loose parts are stitched up together?”

Jack snorted. “I can hardly complain. That’s
every man’s dream, darling.”

“Well, it could be a bit challenging, don’t
you think? Two girls in one body. And I’m not going to close my
eyes and think of England so that
she
can enjoy everything,
you know. If she gets your full attention, so do I. Are you going
to be able to manage?”

Jack scratched his head. “Well, I expect some
help from you two, and then between the three of us, yeah, we’ll
whoop it up.”

I KNEW that my safety was Jack’s greatest
concern, not the carnal component of my transformation. Even though
I never wanted witnesses, I was rarely left to my own devices.

Thanks to Jack’s exaggerations, my family had
come up with a plan. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” my uncle said one
evening, patting my hand. “Somebody will stay with you all the
time.

Great. Exactly what I needed.

ALREADY ATTUNED to the subtle changes in my
mood, Takeshi asked if I needed a break from my training, but I
declined. Physical activity smoothed out my rough hormonal edges.
Moreover, being among werewolves somehow soothed my own wild side.
My wolf wasn’t alone anymore, and she didn’t feel neglected.

Paradoxically, Jack’s absence helped, too.
She was always strongest when Jack was around. His presence during
my last transformation had provoked my sexual response. This time,
without Jack around, the sexual part of the upcoming change was
nonexistent. My wolf did not react to the presence of other male
werewolves.

She was quiet for now, true, but I didn’t
expect it to last very long. She was going to miss her partner more
and more as the full moon approached, and start whining.

There was still a week before the full moon,
however. I had plenty of other things on my mind, more important
than the inevitable transformation. I couldn’t stop thinking of my
mother, as if I was trying to make up for the time when I hadn’t
thought about her at all. In the span of several weeks, she had
transformed from an abstract
persona non grata
to a brave,
selfless woman who lived in constant danger.

Darius adored her, Jack had said. She was my
mother, I thought, I wanted to adore her, too. I was worried sick
about her, and my only solace was in the fact that she’d regained
her wizard powers. With them, she wasn’t helpless. Deep inside me,
I knew I’d see her soon, and all I could do was to pray that we
would have time to know and love each other.

AS IF the approaching transformation and my
worries weren’t enough trouble, I’d decided it would be a perfect
time to become friends with Peyton Kincaid.

As an Ellida, I was supposed to bring
harmony, prosperity and balance, I told myself. If my presence
would make Peyton’s life miserable, then something was very wrong
with that whole concept.

Could we be friends, in spite of everything?
Did I have enough humanity, enough love inside me, to love somebody
that I didn’t like?

If I were a true Ellida, I should be able to
find a solution to that problem.

After that afternoon at Cafe Insomnia, I’d
decided to stop avoiding her. Sure thing, the very next day we’d
bumped into each other on the street during her lunch break.

“I’m going to have lunch here in Paganini. Do
you want to join me?” she said.

I nodded and followed her into the small
Italian restaurant across the street. For a while we sat in
uncomfortable silence. I was panicky trying to think of what to
say, and when my brain came up with nothing, I simply wanted to
leave. Peyton seemed be wrestling with similar thoughts.

And then it got worse.

“I don’t even know why I’m here, Astrid,” she
said, breaking the silence. “I know that you and Jack are a couple.
Everybody knows.”

God, I wasn’t ready for that line of
conversation.

“See, Jack was everything I’ve ever wanted,”
she continued quietly, “and I’ve always hoped one day he’d be mine.
Until you showed up.”

I couldn’t utter a word, couldn’t find a
single coherent thought in my head. I just sat, quiet.

Then I took a deep breath. Well, if she could
be so bold, so could I. “We are bond mates, Peyton. I love him. I
didn’t mean to hurt anybody.”

She smirked. “Well, it does hurt. Oh, God, I
hate you sometimes!”

I smiled and relaxed a bit. “Of course you
do. That’s logical. I have something you wanted. How about this,
then? Choose a part of the day to hate me, for example in the
morning, and then stop hating me for the rest of the day. I’ll also
try to see beyond the fact that you have feelings for the man I
love.”

She managed a lopsided smile, and her eyes
sparkled. “That’s the craziest idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Maybe not. We can be like those schoolgirls,
the best friends forever who are both in love with the same movie
star… I’m sorry, Peyton, I didn’t mean to hurt you or anybody
else.”

“I know. That’s the one reason why I’m doing
this.” She smiled. “I’ll take your crazy advice. I’m done with
hating for today. Let’s eat.”

We dug into our plates of Spaghetti
Carbonara. We kept our conversation on the safe ground of small,
neutral topics. She told me about her job, her frequent business
trips virtually all around the world. She loved Italy, she said,
and I immediately wondered if she had been there with Jack.
Ashamed, I pushed such thoughts firmly back.

I told her about my difficult
transformations, my long inner struggle with who I was, and how I
missed my job and my friends.

Two hours later, before we parted, I asked
her, “What’s the true reason you’re doing this?”

“The Mohegans are like my family. They’re the
only family I ever had, in fact. I can’t afford to lose them. I
don’t want them to choose between you and me. You’re their blood
and you are the clan’s Ellida. I can’t win this battle. But I do
have a place in their hearts, and I want to stay there. Besides,
you seem okay, except, well, you know… How about you? Why are you
doing this?”

“If I’m the Ellida, I shouldn’t be hurting
you. There must be a way to deal with it. That’s supposed to be my
job here, to find solutions for such problems. If you hate me, if
my presence causes you pain, then maybe I shouldn’t be here at all.
And besides, you seem okay, except, well, you know…” I repeated her
words with a smile.

“You can’t expect everybody to like you.”

“I know, and I don’t need that. But I need
you to like me, I need your friendship. I don’t want to usurp your
place in our family. There must be room there for both of us.”

IN THE next couple of days Peyton and I
established a fragile equilibrium in our relationship. We avoided
topics that could challenge that fine balance. Beyond her tiny,
girlish appearance, I quickly found a courageous young woman who
fought her own battles, in spite of her emotional insecurity and
sensitivity. She was also intelligent, charming, with a nice sense
of humor, a loyal, devoted friend. Her description nicely fitted
another person I knew well. Me.

I UPDATED my resume and e-mailed it to the
Red Cliffs Health Center. The next day Dr. Falkenstein, the CEO,
phoned to invite me to an informal interview. “One of our ER
doctors is moving to the East Coast,” he said. “Her position will
be posted on our web-site next week. Keep an eye on it.”

My heart jumped. So somebody had gotten a
once-in-a-life-time offer. Thank you, Tristan! An ER job would be
perfect. I could probably pick night shifts, which would leave me
enough time for my mornings with Takeshi, afternoons with his
mother, and early evenings with Eamon.

BY THE end of the week, I was too weak to
continue with my training. The pain became increasingly stronger.
My skin was hot. Even the softest clothes irritated me. It didn’t
improve my mood, of course. I was angry with Jack for not being
there. I missed Liv and Tristan, my faithful companions during
numerous changes. My family’s concerns annoyed me. I wanted to be
alone in my room, but they wouldn’t let me.

To cheer me up, Maggie organized a spa-party.
James, Eamon and Takeshi had been ordered to go fishing, and we had
a whole day for ourselves. “It’s nothing special. Mom and I do it
from time to time,” Maggie said. “We send the men out, and then we
turn the living room into a beauty parlor. Later we make
sandwiches, drink wine and watch movies.”