Eloisa James - Duchess by Night (5 page)

Jem started thinking about some suggestions he might give Eugenias governess as regards reading materials the next time he saw her.

But Eugenia didnt even pause for breath. Mrs. Mahon is embracing sin as a friend. Because real y, what else can she do? She must eat.

And get more silver boxes, Jem said, unable to resist.

Love is not about sin, precisely, Eugenia told him. And its definitely not about silver boxes. To think about love, we need to consider my governess, in love with the beetle-browed footman. Because love is blind, Papa.

Thats a quote! We said no quotes.

Its an aphorism, she corrected him. It happens to have been repeated in many plays, but its provenance is unknown.

The good news was that the governess was obviously earning her salary, since his daughter was nimbly using words like provenance . The bad newsThe only time I ever fel in love was with your mother, poppet. And that only occurred because my parents forced the marriage. So youl have to discard the idea of dancing at my wedding.

You simply havent met the right woman, his daughter told him.

As you said, the house is ful of beautiful women. Loads of them.

Beauty is not everything, Papa.

Jem looked down at his daughters oddly angular little face. But I dont want to fal in love. It is my observation that only people who wish to fal in love do so. A case in point: your governess developed an affection for me, but transferred it promptly to a hairy footman when the opportunity presented itself.

That makes a great deal of sense, his daughter said, after a moment.

It was a sad reflection on his life, Jem thought, that he was most thril ed by praise from an eight-year-old.

However, Eugenia said, ral ying, perhaps you simply dont know what you want. Thats a common state of mankind. While the playwright George Chapman

Dont, Jem said.

I wasnt going to quote him, she complained. I was merely summarizing his argument.

Jem shuddered. Who would have thought that his household would be invaded by a child whose prodigious memory had nothing better to do than memorize large swaths of drama? Obviously it was his fault for inviting actors to rehearse their plays at Fonthil . Parenthood was ful of these traps, it seemed to him. An obvious decisionhave the actors out to Fonthil so he neednt travel to London for their performancesbecame fraught with complications once it intersected with Eugenia.

Meanwhile she hopped off his knee. I shal devote myself to finding you a mate, she said.

What?

A mate! She paused at the door and looked back at him, a beloved, enchanting, awkward little combination of himself and Sal y. Unless you would like to reconsider the question of my governess?

No, he said firmly. I dont want a wife at al , Eugenia.

But she was gone.

In Which Masculinity is Described and Detailed

January 7, 1784

The Country Seat of the Duke of Beaumont

Overheard at Tea

T he key to being male, the Duke of Vil iers said, is to think like a male. Its real y quite simple.

Thats exactly how I would have described it, Isidore said, laughing. Simple.

Vil iers cast her a look. Ribaldry aside, if a person looks male, everyone assumes he is male. If a bystander appears doubtful, say youre going to take a piss. Men never expect women to know that word. Or say something about your pole.

My what? Harriet asked, and then felt herself turn pink. Oh, of course. I can do that.

Youd better stuff your breeches in front, Vil iers said.

Thereby aligning yourself with the larger part of English males, Jemma put in.

This is al so vulgar, Harriet complained.

Men are vulgar, Vil iers said. If you are natural y rarefied and delicate in your thinking, then do not put on a pair of breeches.

I can be vulgar, Harriet said instantly.

If you can manage vulgarity, youre half way to being male. Men are direct while discussing bedroom matters. We never say that a couple dances in the sheets , or any of those euphemisms women employ. Good old Anglo-Saxon words prevail.

Talk about yourself most of the time, Jemma suggested. For a man there is no nobler topic than himself.

But, Harriet said confusedly, there wont real y be a myself, if you see what I mean.

Vil iers eyed her. Lived your life in the country. Youd better be my second nephew Cope. Hes an odd duck who is never seen in town. He has a doting mother: that explains the effeminacy.

Im not Harriet began and realized the absurdity of what she was saying. I suppose I wil be a trifle effeminate.

Youl have to figure out how to walk like a man. I can get you fitted up with clothes, Vil iers said, but walking is important. Can you smoke?

Absolutely not. But I shal enjoy the clothing. I loathe wearing panniers. Im always bumping into doorways, not to mention people.

What about your hair? Isidore asked. If you cut your hair now, youl never be able to wear it high again.

Harriet smiled. I dont wear it high now. She gestured toward her modest arrangement of curls and puffs. Most of this was added by my maid this morning. My own hair barely reaches my shoulders.

Very clever, Jemma said. I keep meaning to try a hair piece.

I doubt you could do it successful y, Harriet said. Your hair is such a beautiful gold color. But mine is dul brown, and its easy to match.

Your hair is not dul !

Harriet shrugged. Who would know, what with the hot iron and crimping and powdering? I shal positively relish being male if it means I could stop trying to straighten my hair.

Men do not straighten nor curl their hair, Vil iers stated.

Some do, Isidore put in. I am quite certain that Saint Albans curls his hair. And he wears lip color as wel .

I shant, Harriet said.

I wouldnt let you, Vil iers said. If youre going to do this, youre going to do it right. And that means youl be my creation.

Jemma laughed. Created in Vil ierss image: youre going to be a huge success, Harriet!

Harriet bit her lip. The idea of being Vil ierss creation, after the time when she tried to seduce him and he rejected her, was mortifying.

She wasnt the only one remembering that night. In the depths of his black eyes there was a mocking spark that said: you cant do it. After al , when she kissed him in the carriage, he had done something so shocking that she actual y slapped him. He knew her to be a conservative, tiresome country woman.

Theres no need to go to these extremes, he said now. We could simply dress you as Isidores elderly aunt from the country.

Youd make a fine chaperone and no one would question you.

The anger in Harriets chest felt like fire. She had played the fool when she tried to seduce Vil iers, and he had been right to scorn her. Benjamin had been his closest friend, and she had kissed him in a misguided impulse to make Benjamin notice his wife.

But she was no elderly aunt from the country.

I shouldnt think Il have the slightest problem playing a man, she said. I shal merely remember to rearrange my breeches in front at least once an hour, thereby drawing attention to the padding I careful y placed there in the morning, and Il blend in perfectly.

She let her eyes slide below his waist.

A low blow, Vil iers said.

Low indeed! Isidore crowed.

Lucky I brought my tailor with me, Vil iers said. You need everything from boots to periwigs.

You can be measured for boots and Il send to London for them, Jemma said.

I must return to Berrow for quarter sessions before I can travel to Fonthil , Harriet said with a frown.

Vil iers raised an eyebrow.

A sot rules the shire court in my vil age, Harriet told him. So we abide by the old customs. He sleeps off the brandy of the night before and I make the rulings. Otherwise he simply gives everyone hard labor, no matter the offense or the truth of it.

Whos the current duke?

Hes eleven years old, and at Eton, Harriet said.

You must know of his mother, Lady Brewyn, Jemma put in. She is currently living in Paris with a man twenty years her junior. A cheerful woman, by al accounts.

Im taking care of the estate for my nephew, Harriet said, and that includes the shire court, at least until he is of age or the current judge is replaced.

I shal wait for you to return from the quarter sessions, Isidore said. Meanwhile, Il send a letter to my husband declaring my visit to Strange. Im sure it takes a while to return from Africa.

I am immensely amused by this scheme, Vil iers said.

Theres nothing better than an occasional act of fol y, Jemma said. You would be the better for it yourself, Vil iers.

The fact that His Grace lies there recovering from a duel suggests that acts of fol y are second nature, Harriet said gently.

Then she smiled at the narrowed eyes of Vil iersand the amused eyes of Jemma.

She felt like a new Harriet.

Not a widow.

Not tedious.

A wild Harriet, a Harriet who engaged in fol y, a Harriet who saw life as a chal enge, not a failure.

Justice By Duchess, Part Two

February 1, 1784

Shire Court

The Duchy of Berrow

Honorable Reginald Truder, presiding

I f I understand you correctly, Mr. Burch, the defendant pretended to be a barber.

And then he stole my fish! Mr. Burch said, keeping his eyes imploringly on the duchess. Hed heard as how she was the only one who saw to it that justice was done.

Your fish, the duchess said.

What fish? What fish? barked the judge. He had deeply flushed cheeks and a beak of a nose. He looked more like a convict with a headache rather than a judge.

It was the fish that he pretended the haberdasher sent to my wife, Mr. Burch said. He skewed his eyes toward the duchess again. Anyone could tel that she was the only one real y listening; the judge was swil ing out of a flask again. It wasnt just the fish, Mr. Burch continued. First he pretended to be a barber and gained entrance to my house. Then he stole a silver cup that my wife had sent over from the silversmith, by pretending that hed come to deliver the fish.

So it wasnt your fish?

Wel , it wasI suppose it was his fish. He came back and took the fish anyway, tel ing my wife that Hard labor, the judge stated, glaring around the court.

The duchess put a hand on his arm. She spoke quietly, but Tom Burch stil heard her. Im just getting to the bottom of it, Reginald.

I dont like fish, he said.

She patted him again and said, So we can discount the theft of the fish, Mr. Burch, because the defendant sent you the fish, and then took it back again. But that was a stratagem to al ow him to gain access to your house and steal your silver cup.

He was caught with it! Mr. Burch said triumphantly. Caught red-handed! In the deed! With the cup!

The defendant claims that you asked him to carry the cup back to the silversmith and have it engraved.

If thats the caseand it isntwhy was it under his bed?

Hard labor, the judge said after another swal ow. I insist this time, Yer Grace. The mans a fish-stealer.

The duchess sighed and turned to the dock. Oscar Sibble, this is your third appearance before this court, al three of which were for rather creative escapades involving stolen objects.

Burch noticed that Sibble didnt even hang his head, the way any proper man would. He grinned instead. No one was hurt, he said. The cups back home with Burch.

The judges eyes narrowed. Transport him! he suddenly bel owed.

The duchess patted his arm again. We cant do that, Reginald. The colonies are at war, remember? We dont transport people there anymore.

Then drop him in the sea offshore, the judge said. He can swim over to them tarnishing Americans, most of em transported from this county anyway.

Two weeks hard labor, the duchess said. And Mr. Sibble, the only reason youre not facing imprisonment this time is because the cup was recovered. You appear to have had a merry time of it, delivering the fish, stealing the fish again, pretending to be a barber, ending up with a silver cup. But life is not a game, Mr. Sibble.

There was a moment of silence in the court.

If you appear again in this shire court, you wil face imprisonment.

For life, the judge added thirstily.

The constable hauled Sibble away, and the duchess turned to Mr. Burch. It sounds as if youve had a distressing time of it, Mr.

Burch. I want to commend you on your restraint in the face of these indignities.

Tom Burch stood up tal er. Everyone had been hooting, saying he was a fool because of losing his silver cup due to a fish. But the Duchess of Berrow thought hed showed restraint.

He put on his hat and marched out of the court. She wasnt a real judge, of course. But she was what theyd got in Berrow, and it was better than nothing.

Everyone nodded to him on the way out.

In Which Strange Guests Arrive at Lord Stranges House

February 5, 1784

Fonthil

Lord Stranges Country Estate

L ord Strange never managed to quite ignore his butler, although he frequently tried. Povy felt the need to make announcements three or four times a day, and although Jem had frequently pointed out that he had no interest in household matters, the butler persisted in informing him.

So Jem didnt look up when he heard Povys tread in the hal way, and merely reminded himself to instal a latch on the inside of the door as the butler came to a halt before his desk.

Visitors have arrived, my lord. Perhaps you might wish to greet them.

Il greet them this evening, as usual. Hed woken up in the middle of the night with two ideas simultaneously: one for a bridge suspension system, and the other for a madrigal. He had the bridge drawn in charcoal, and the madrigal in four parts and on the whole, the madrigal was the success. The bridge looked very pretty, but he rather thought the weight-bearing beams might be overburdened. Perhaps if he lowered the arch itself