Embarkment 2577 (12 page)

“No one thought of activating my mobile
unit.”

The little group was
uncharacteristically quiet; everyone except for Adam and Anya were exhausted.
It was still nice to be together. I had found a new family of humans, aliens,
and artificial life forms. It was a varied group, but we belonged together.

At dessert, Ima yawned and my eyes
wanted to fall shut. Adam said, “Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

It wasn’t far, just to the lift, down a
couple of floors, and maybe twenty yards through the corridor. I could have
gone on my own just fine, but after a day like this, company was good. I tucked
my hands around his arm and he teased, “Do you want me to carry you?”

“Nah. Thanks, though.”

He seemed thoughtful, and paused by a
bench. “I know you’re tired, but I need to talk to you.”

That cured my fatigue. In my experience,
a person saying they need to talk to you is rarely a good thing. A little voice
in my mind insisted running away might be a good solution. He couldn’t give me
bad news if I wasn’t there.

I sat down anyway and he took my hand,
looking at it as if it was an interesting object. It relieved my worst fears,
so I pulled my feet up under me and rested my head against his shoulder.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, okay.”

“I won’t.”

He sat quiet for a few long moments,
looking at my hand. When he spoke, his voice was so quiet I had to struggle to
hear him. “I know I’m a machine and not human. I know my maker isn’t my mother,
but that’s still how I think of her. Does that make any sense?”

What a curious statement. “Yeah, I think
so.”

“She’s brilliant, and not entirely sane.
Thus far, no one else has managed to make androids the way she can. I’m
modelled after her husband. She built me when he left her, thinking I would
replace him.”

Wow. No pressure…

“I saw her as a mother and not a spouse.
It revolted me. When she realized she made an error somewhere and reprogramming
me didn’t fix it, she built me a partner modelled after her. The idea was that
we would rule the universe or something idiotic like that.”

I lifted my head to stare at him, and he
laughed joylessly. “I saw Eve as a sister, and decided to run away while I
still could. That might have been cowardice, I don’t know.”

It couldn’t be an easy way to enter the
world. How much was he like this man he was built to replace? I leaned on his
shoulder again and squeezed his hand. “It sounds terrible. I’m sorry.”

“They might still be looking for me, I
don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if those ladies will show up here one day and
claim me. Maybe she just built a new one.”

Why was he telling me this? Knowing his
past would help me understand him better, but the timing was a bit strange.

“I don’t know if my feelings are the
same as a human’s, they’re all I’ve ever known. I usually keep them
suppressed… maybe I should say turned off… They’re difficult to cope with
and they disturb my judgment.”

What clarity of perception. My emotions
probably disturbed my judgment all the time, I just didn’t notice. This was
turning into a much too deep conversation for the late hour. No one could
really know what someone else felt, or
how
it felt to that person, I
just never thought about it before.

“I sometimes forget I’m a machine.
Especially here; people don’t treat me like one. It’s still what I am.”

“I don’t…”

“It’s what I am. I have a perfect
memory. I remember everything I’m exposed to. Everything, including emotions.
Does that make any sense?”

I nodded. I couldn’t imagine having that
kind of memory, but I understood what he wanted to say. My imagination painted
out images of someone very lonely, not belonging to any species anywhere. “Adam,
why are you telling me this?”

He sighed. “You need to know me. You’ve
asked what you are to me, and I’ve avoided answering. I don’t want to influence
you. Whoever you want to be or whatever you want to do should be your decision.
It’s bad enough you’re here because of me, we’re not even the same species.”

I sat up straight. “Wait a minute,
that’s not fair. If you want me to make my own decisions you have to give me
the facts.”

No matter what happened between us back
in my time, good or bad, I wanted to know.

Adam made a pacifying gesture. “You’re
right. I’ve been wrong. That’s why I’m telling you all this.”

Fair enough. I snuggled down against him
again.

“I told you I crashed and you brought me
home. It took some time for us to figure out how to contact the Bell, for them to
adapt a shuttle, and to find the perfect spot in the anomaly. I was in your
world, living in your house for 187 days. I wanted to forward all the
information I gathered. So much about your time has been lost, and now I knew.
I was going to give them a memory circuit, and let them know I’d be staying
with you.”

“Say what?” I thought he might have been
in my time for three days or a week. This was over six months. And he intended
to stay there? With me? The world swayed around me.

“Are you alright? You’re pale. Do you
want me to take you home? It’s been a long day.”

It
had
been a long day and I was
completely exhausted, but that wasn’t it. “No. No, I’m fine. Go on.”

We had spent a lot of time together, and
I didn’t remember it at all. Why did I forget?

He sounded amused when he spoke again. “Okay.
Not to brag, but I seem to be a novelty. I meet women everywhere who want to
see if they can make me feel something for them. You can probably guess most of
it. It’s a pain.”

I swallowed an almost hysterical bout of
laughter. “Did anyone ever succeed?”

His voice oozed with sarcasm. “My mother
did intend to use me for a spouse. I suppose she programmed me after her
preferences, I don’t know.”

How many surprises would this day carry?
I never expected to sit in a corridor discussing sex with an android. “You
still haven’t answered the question. What am I to you?”

It might be unfair to put him on the
spot, but I couldn’t bear waiting any longer.

“You’re everything. You accepted me for
what and who I was, even though your world didn’t know anything more advanced
than one of those funny little phones. I never felt anything besides friendship
for anyone, and I fell in love with you within a day.”

Did I hear that right?

“I haven’t wanted to tell you. I just
wanted you to know I’d always be there for you, always be your friend.”

This would be a good time to say something,
but I had nothing.

“Even with my emotions turned off, I
will always remember what loving you feels like. I realize I act oddly around
you at times, and now you know why.”

There was more to it, of course, but he
didn’t have to say it. I heard it anyway. He was responsible for me being
there, for me dying. He’d always do his best for me, no matter what. If I found
someone else, or if I wanted to leave the ship, he’d let me go. He couldn’t
know I longed for him every moment he wasn’t there.

“Did I… Did we…?”

“You’re the first woman I’ve kissed, the
first woman I’ve given anything more than a friendly hug, and the first woman
I’ve made love to.”

I asked for information, and now I had
it in abundance.

“I hope I haven’t offended you. Come,
you need some sleep.”

We had been lovers. I had probably loved
him back. I still did, didn’t I? My mind was too tried to assimilate the
information, and too overwhelmed to move. The mere thought of walking made my
feet and back ache.

Adam swept me up in his arms and carried
me towards home. “I’m sorry. I should have saved all this for another day.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and
rested my head against him. We were only steps away from my door, and I
expected him to bring me all the way inside, but he put me down in the corridor.
“Good night, Alex.”

“Wait…” Even if I couldn’t formulate a
coherent answer, I could at least kiss him. He seemed surprised, and hesitated
for a split second before holding me close and kissing me back. “I love you
too.”

For the longest time, I had wondered
what kissing him might be like. Maybe androids didn’t do things like that. I’d
been afraid to admit it; maybe he only cared for me out of guilt, or as a
friend. Now, I clung to him. “Come inside.”

He held me close, and his face was so
near mine it made me weak. When hearing my plea, he ran a hand over my back and
pressed his lips against my forehead. “I have to go. I still have a few hours
of work to do.”

I kissed him again. Maybe his sense of
duty could be corrupted, just a little. “Are you sure? Please come in.”

“I can come back when I’m done, if you
want me to, but it will be in the middle of the night.”

My cheeks heated. When did I grow so
bold? “It doesn’t matter. Just hurry back.”

One more tender kiss and he was gone. I
went into my room, all fatigue forgotten. If anything, I walked on a cloud.

Who would be able to sleep after
something like this? I checked for monsters in the closet, just to be on the
safe side, but it contained nothing but clothes. I expected many hours’ tossing
and turning, but my eyes fell shut the moment my head hit the pillow.

It might have been the combination of
excitement, terror, and adventure, or the fact that Adam and I were on the same
page again. Either way, my subconscious worked hard as I slept. I relived parts
of my life in my dreams, and woke from shouting out his name.

The computer answered, “Commander Adam
is currently in Engineering. Do you want me to call for him?”

How embarrassing. “No. Thank you.”

I was at home, on the ship, in no
danger, but my mind lingered on the last thing I saw before I died. A shuttle
landed behind my lover like a giant bird. It was beautiful and strange. I stood
to the side, and in front of him a row of men crouched down with rifles.

They ordered him to stand down, to
surrender, and I saw one man’s finger tighten around the trigger. It must have
been incredibly quick in real life, but in my mind, it played in slow motion.

I threw myself in the line of fire to
save him. Most likely, they wouldn’t have been able to hurt him, but even if I
knew at the time, I forgot everything when he was threatened.

Going back to sleep seemed impossible. I
took my robe and plodded over to the replicator. “I’d like a cup of tea,
please. Jasmine.”

Just for once, the machine gave me what
I asked for. Good thing; I wasn’t up to arguing with it.

I curled up in the sofa, and woke in the
very same spot when the front door opened a couple of hours later.

Adam stepped into the room and lifted an
eyebrow when he saw me peek up. I mumbled, “Hi lover.”

He hunched down and brushed a lock of my
hair away. “Why are you sleeping on the couch, sweetheart?”

My eyelids were so heavy, and I blinked
a couple of times, trying to make them stay open. “It’s a long story. Take me
to bed?”

“Sure.” He swept me up in his arms as if
I weighed less than a butterfly. I could remember things like this now. I
remembered him carrying me, and me giggling because it was something no one had
ever done.

By the time we reached the bed, I was a
little more awake. “I love you.”

He smiled, put me down, and pulled the
sheets up around me. Taking a seat on the edge, he answered in his usual serene
manner. “I love you too. But you know that.”

I patted the bed next to me. “Come to
bed. It’s late and I’ve missed you.”

He didn’t seem surprised, but it was
usually difficult to read him. Maybe he was. He took his shoes off and
stretched out next to me. I rolled over so I could curl up close. It had been
so long, and I wanted to sleep in his arms with my head on his shoulder. “I
remember now.”

He ran his free hand over my hair. “What
do you remember, sweetie?”

“Everything. Did you break into the
Smithsonian?” I had a vivid memory of standing outside the Information Center
in Washington DC in the middle of the night.

If he answered I didn’t hear it. I was
fast asleep.

*****

When morning came, I woke up in the
exact same position. Adam had his eyes closed, and I was happy he hadn’t spent
all night staring up at the ceiling. He might not need to sleep like a human,
but had a stand-by routine for purging his databases. He couldn’t have gotten
much of
that
in lately, hurrying between duties and me. Remembering
something like this about him made me bubble with joy.

I didn’t want to disturb him, but he
woke as soon as I started to move. “Good morning, handsome.”

He seemed amused. “Good morning,
beautiful.”

“I think your uniform is getting
wrinkly.”