Emma's Deliverance (11 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Emma was thinking about Jason as she went over some invoices that needed her attention. She felt a shiver go over her body as she thought about the night before. She was just about ready to leave and go home so she could change and get ready for the weekend. She was excited and now she wasn’t nervous at all. She was happy she decided to be with Jason. She finished up and told the girls she would see them on Monday. She wished Becky a happy first day back at school and she headed out the door. She saw her neighbor, Mr. Elliot across the street and said good morning to him. She waved and smiled, but he didn’t look too impressed. She noticed how he really didn’t look anything like the stranger. She wondered why she had attacked him. She had no memory of it, but to hear him tell it, she was a crazed woman. She was so embarrassed to see him, but held her head high and hoped that one day he would accept her apology.

Emma thought she saw the man again on the road driving home, but she only caught a glimpse of him. She wondered if perhaps she might be slightly schizophrenic.
Can someone be slightly schizophrenic? If it weren’t for seeing that lunatic everywhere I go I would be as normal as, well who is normal anyway? Maybe if I don’t make eye contact with him he will go away. Maybe I should tell Jason about this. If we get serious, oh God, I hope we’re already serious. Yes, we are very serious. Maybe he has a right to know what he is getting himself in to. I know I’m not crazy. I can’t be crazy, but what if I am?
She sighed.

Emma pulled into the parking lot and parked her car. She walked upstairs and changed her clothes. She wasn
’t sure exactly what time Jason was coming, but she was ready. She tied her hair up and grabbed an extra sweatshirt. Just then there was a knock at the door. She looked through the peephole and then flung open the door and threw herself into Jason’s arms.

“
Happy to see me?” he said kissing her.

“
Happy would be an understatement,” she said kissing him back.

“
I’m all ready. Let’s go,” she said grabbing her bag and patting Sam on the head.

Jason took her bag and Emma locked her door. They walked down to the car and
he put her bag in the trunk which was full of food.

“
Wow, what are you cooking for us?” she asked.

“
You’ll have to wait and see. We may not have much time to eat, but I brought some food just in case,” he said kissing her and helping her get into the car. Jason got in and they were off.

The drive was nice at first, but the road became winding and it twisted and turned a little too much for Emma. She
tried to look out the window, then straight ahead, but the turning was just too much. She began to feel queasy. Just when Emma thought she couldn’t take the ride a minute longer they arrived at the cabin. Just getting out of the car made her feel so much better. Stepping onto solid ground was what she needed. Emma typically had no problems with mountain roads, but she was excited and perhaps this contributed to her upset stomach.

“
Are you okay?” Jason asked.

Emma
’s face was a little pale. “I’m feeling better just being out of the car. Usually I can handle it. I’m fine now. Besides, I’m dying to see the inside. Come on.”

The
older A-frame cabin was small, but well kept. The front yard was a little overgrown, but it was clean and green. On the inside the living room and kitchen blended into one area and there was a tiny bathroom downstairs. The fireplace was enormous. Jason took their bags upstairs and Emma followed him. He stopped just inside the small bedroom and Emma bumped into him.

He turned around with that grin she had come to love.
“Looking for something?” he said raising an eyebrow that made her smile. He sat the bags down and put his arms around her. He pulled her close and kissed her. He looked over at the bed and she smiled at him with eyes that said, “Take me.”

* * *

They came downstairs several hours later wearing only robes. Jason went outside to get firewood and Emma helped him bring in the groceries.

“
Good thing it’s cold up here,” Emma said, “or our dinner would have spoiled out here while we were busy upstairs making love.”

“
I can live off your love,” he said swatting her butt.

Emma wondered why he used the word love. They hadn
’t talked about it before. Emma was certainly in love with him. She loved him and she hoped he was falling madly in love with her. He just had to be, she hoped.

“
Did you bring a bathing suit?” he asked smiling.

“
No, was I supposed to?”

“
No,” he said laughing as he grabbed for her, removing her robe. Emma was comfortable having him see her naked. He took her out to the back and pointed to the hot tub. He led her up the steps and let her get in first. “Yikes,” she cried. “It’s too hot.” She wasn’t sure she could sit in such hot water.

Jason climbed in and sat down. It was a little too hot, but he made it seem as if it were
perfect. He pulled her down onto his lap and she let out a gasp.

“
Jason,” she moaned.

Jason kissed her and began to touch her through the water. His hands were all over her and she relaxed on his lap.

“Is the water still too hot?” he asked when they were done making love.

“
Huh? What water?” Emma said feeling wobbly all over. She froze for a moment as she thought about the condoms. They had been very careful at his house, but in all the excitement neither thought about protection here at the cabin. Just as Emma was going to bring it up Jason jumped out of the tub, grabbing a towel. He promised to be right back. He went in to the cabin and lit the fireplace. He returned minutes later and re-joined her in the steamy water. He kissed her and brought her close to him. He held her tightly then kissed her again. Emma pulled away from his grasp.

“
Emma, what is it? What’s the matter?”

“
We didn’t use a condom when we were upstairs and we sure didn’t use one now.” She was crying, clearly upset.

“
I’m sorry. I guess we lost our minds a few times. I swear to you there’s no reason for you to worry. I promise it won’t happen again. I’ve been extremely careful and have always used condoms in the past. I swear to you. I hope you believe me. I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t even think about protection. All I cared about was being with you. I’m so sorry.”

“
I wasn’t so worried about, well you know what I mean, right? I didn’t think there was anything to worry about as far as disease. I believe you wouldn’t make love to me if you had some disease, right?”

“
No, I wouldn’t ever hurt you like that.”

“
I could get pregnant. We need to be careful,” she sighed. “I don’t have experience with this stuff.”

“
Emma, please forgive me. I promise, from this moment forward to always use protection. I’m sorry,” he said taking her hand.

Emma was embarrassed. She didn
’t want this to come between them, but she knew it had to be said. Emma was cold and she sank back down in the hot steamy water. She was having a hard time looking at him. She wasn’t sure what to say next.

Jason was the first to speak and Emma was relieved.
“Are you getting hungry? Why don’t we dry off and go back inside.”

Jason prepared a vegetable stir-fry while Emma showered. She had noticed earlier a basket of strawberries in the fridge. She was hoping there was whipped cream too.

“What can I do to help?” she hollered out coming down the stairs. “Something smells wonderful.”

“
You can sit your pretty little butt down next to the fire and I’ll get us a glass of wine. I want you rested and willing. Believe me I have thought of everything.”

“
Ah, so you think this butt is pretty, do you?” She was relieved that their discussion of protection was over and done with. She really didn’t want it to continue. She knew he was sorry and she was just as responsible for it as he was.

“
Actually I do. I love that pretty little butt of yours.”

Emma thought he was about to say more, but suddenly he stopped.
Was he going to say he loved me?
she wondered.

He handed her a glass of wine and sat down next to her.
“Are you ready to eat?”

“
Yes, I’m hungry all of a sudden. You’ve really helped me work up an appetite.” She blushed.

“
Let’s eat then. I’m hungry too. I have a surprise for dessert,” he whispered.

Emma thought
she better confess that she already knew about the berries. “Strawberries?”

“
You peeked. Just for that I’ll have to find another way to use the whipped cream.” He raised an eyebrow. He seemed to enjoy teasing her and she was enjoying every minute of it.

“
I can think of a few ways we can use the whipped cream, too,” she exclaimed surprising herself for her boldness. She was feeling very comfortable with Jason and felt she could tell him anything. She found herself saying and doing things she had never said or done before. It was so easy being with him.

After dinner th
ey settled on the couch and listened to music. They drank more wine and Jason brought in the bowl of strawberries and whipped cream. Emma wanted to experience this with him again, but she felt she needed to tell him who she really was. She knew she needed to tell Jason about the stranger. She needed to tell him about her wild imagination. She needed him to know all about her if they were to have a future together. If she was having schizophrenic tendencies then this might turn into a rocky relationship. She worried that if she became too ill it wouldn’t be fair to include Jason in on this madness. She had to tell him and she was afraid. She wasn’t sure if he would let his feelings get in the way. Would he take her seriously? She worried and fretted, but she took courage and trusted her feelings that he would understand. She listened to her heart and not her fear.

“
Jason, I need to talk to you about something very important. I guess you’d better put the strawberries back in the fridge because this could take awhile.” Emma saw the look on his face and knew he was concerned.

After h
e returned the strawberries to the refrigerator he sat next her and looked towards the floor. Then he raised his eyes to meet hers. “Emma, what is it? Is it about us? Are you still upset about the condoms? I’m so sorry about that. I though you understood.”

“
It isn’t about the condoms.”

What is it then?
” he asked sounding confused.

“
Jason, it isn’t about us, but it could affect us. First, I want to say that the condom issue is dead. Okay?”

“
Okay, sure, but then what’s wrong?”

“
This is about me. I need to tell you something. I’m not really sure how to begin, but I am having strong feelings for you and I feel you are having the same feelings for me. It looks like we are going to be spending a lot more time together, so you need to know a few things about me before we start making commitments about the future.”

“
Emma, I am having very strong feelings for you,” he said softly. “I’ve never brought another woman here, to this cabin. I can only hope that you feel the same way about me. We’re already committed to each other. I see how you look at me and I can feel in my heart that this is special between us. I want–”

“
Please, let me try to explain,” she said stopping him mid-sentence. “I don’t like talking about this. Actually I haven’t, but I need to tell you about what happened to me. What I am about to tell you are things that happened, but I don’t have any recollections of it. I told you that my parents were killed in an automobile accident, but that wasn’t true. I’m sorry I lied to you. I really am, but that’s what I tell everyone. I never have wanted to talk about it before.”

“
You don’t have to tell me this. I can see it’s causing you pain. It’s okay.” He reached over for her, but she continued her story.

“
When I was three years old my entire family was murdered in their sleep. I was the only one that survived. I hid in a closet and the murderer didn’t know I was there. It was a robbery, but something must have gone wrong. Maybe he thought there wasn’t anyone home. I don’t know. He murdered everyone. This man was arrested a few weeks after the murders. I’ve had nightmares since I was small and most all my life I have seen this man in my nightmares. After I got to be a teenager the nightmares almost went completely away. I stopped seeing him in places like parks and playgrounds. So it wasn’t just while I slept, I would see him during the day, too. The problem is, I’m the only one who has ever seen him. He’s just someone my mind has made up. I’m told it’s all in my imagination and that he really doesn’t exist. There was never any evidence that there was more than one person who murdered my family. I have seen him in my dreams, forever. Sometimes I get really mixed up and think I see him when I really don’t. I get so scared. I don’t remember anything. I’m repeating myself, I know, but it gets worse. For instance, I attacked my neighbor across the street from the flower shop. I accused him of bothering me and stalking me, and a few days later I did it to him again. It was my neighbor, Mr. Elliot all the time, but when I looked at his face I saw the man from my nightmares. Now I see him walking down the street. He even applied for a job at the shop. I truly believe this man is real and so therein lies the problem. If he isn’t real and I still see him then I have a huge problem. Whatever I went through as a child has caused some psychological problems and I might not be up for a relationship. It might not be a good idea. I want to be with you forever. I am so afraid that maybe I’ll get worse. I can’t make him go away. I see him all the time and my parents already think it is getting worse. I hear them talking and lowering their voices around me. I’m terrified of the sight of blood. Just the sight of it can cause me to lose consciousness.” She started to sob. She couldn’t go on. It was so hard to tell him these things. She tried to read his face, but couldn’t tell what he was thinking.