Empathy (14 page)
She hands me my order, slipping two biscuits on the saucer. “I’ll cut you off at ninety nine, then,” she quips, surprising me. I like her innocence. She turns from me and hurries away to make a waiting order.
“I’ll cut you in half, spit roasting you, my cock one end and a twelve-inch double ended dildo the other, you virginal little bitch.” My eyes close, reining in the temper boiling on the surface today. Her tense posture warns me she may have heard me over the chugging of the coffee maker. Her head turns sheepishly and I offer her my shit-eating grin and a head tilt as thanks for the coffees.
I find Melody sitting in the back of the shop, snug in a corner booth. I place her latte in front of her which she cradles like it’s a lifeline. I slide in and just wait her out. I know she’s getting ready to divulge something I will want to hear every detail of.
She inhales a shaky breath. “My parents are dead.” She just blurts it out, like she’s telling me it’s raining outside. I bite down on my gum. My hand reaches over the table to take her hand, her eyes are focusing on something across the room but I know her mind is racing with memories. “Talk to me, Mel.”
She must know I need more than that. She was going home to visit them so she knows I know it’s a recent death.
“They were murdered. I found them and I’ve been struggling with it all, and the stupid guidance counsellor expects me to talk to her about it. But God, I can barely make it through the day trying to not think about the smell, the blood and the… the…” Her breathing has become unstable, her hand rattles in my grasp. “…and she wants me to talk about it. Like it’s that simple.” She’s crying now, her free hand swiping angrily at tears.
“What did you feel, losing them like that?”
Her hand snatches from me. “What the hell, Ryan? How do you think it felt!?”
I tilt my head and pinch my brows to show pain. I alter my breathing to make my voice appear small and affected by grief. “I lost my dad when I was eleven. Me and Blake found him. He tripped down the stairs, broke his neck.”
She leaps from her chair and cocoons me in her hold. Sharing grief solidifies a bond, I see.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I AGREED to go to this barbeque. Ryan is picking me up any minute and I’m still standing here in my panties and bra, staring at a dress and an alternative jeans and a tee. It’s hot today though; the heat pours through the blinds making my dorm feel like a furnace so the dress is the obvious choice.
I feel a little lighter today. I think sharing with Ryan helped me. The fact he has lived with the death of a parent too is a weird comfort. Granted, his dad wasn’t murdered but he was still robbed of a person who gave him life, who raised him until his passing.
Maybe I’m not a lost cause after all. Ryan and Blake survived
My phone buzzes, startling me. It’s Markus again, he won’t leave me alone. Our family lawyer is finally home from his vacation and wants to have the will read but I don’t feel ready to break up everything my parents owned, including the house and business. What will happen to all of that? God, I need to get it over with. Someone my age shouldn’t be thinking about this stuff, but caving into myself and hiding from it isn’t helping me. The shadows were creeping out from the dark and soon I would be completely lost amongst them never to find the light again.
“Melody.” Ryan’s voice booms through my door, making my heart almost explode in fright.
“Okay, I’m ready.” I toss the sun dress over my head, grabbing my bag and slipping on some beige cowboy boots.
We pass Cherry and Red on our way out. They blush which, with their genes, lights them both up like beacons. They giggle and hiss at me to call them later, no doubt making assumptions again. If only they knew it was his older brother’s lips I’ve been attached to in the past and every night in my dreams since. Will he be there? Hell, of course he will, lots of detectives will be. Will they know who I am? Will they know what happened? Anxiety pumps the blood too fast in my veins. I feel a wave of unbalance followed by nausea flutter through me, bringing a chilled flush.
“They’re just people, Melody. We won’t stay long. We bailed on the last one.”
My battle is clearly not just internal if Ryan senses my unease.
I DIDN’T BUY IT FOR one second when they arrested the drug dealer’s roommate when he was trying to flee with his pal’s drug haul. I’ve been going over the notes even though it isn’t my case, but having someone that isn’t me capable of such violence is a little too close to home. Ryan has been at the club many times and that murderer picked his victim on a whim, I just know it. He was too brazen for my liking.
“What’s that?” Ryan asks, walking into my office. I must have left the door open which isn’t like me. Damn, I’m all over the place lately. I’m obsessed with Melody’s brother and I keep going over the details, quelling the need to go confront him and wring his weak little neck. Her fucking eyes still awake me every night when they penetrate my dreams, my cock hardens and demands I relieve it as my mind relives her hot little mouth on mine, and now this case is niggling at me.
“Blake!”
I snap my attention to his risen voice. “Sorry. What?”
He lifts his chin in the direction of the photos and report on my desk.
“Oh, it’s work. Did you hear about the murder at Club Blue?”
“Of course, everyone has. The paper claims they have a suspect. That true?”
I lean back in my chair, my hands coming up behind my head. “His roommate, but I don’t buy it.”
He stares at me intently; a lift of his lip almost gives into a smile. “That’s because you’re better at your job than those text book nerds. What do you care anyway? He was a bottom feeder.”
I drop my arms, scoop up the files and slip them into one of the drawers. “It’s my job, Ry.” He scoffs, drawing my glare. “What the fuck’s your problem?”
I keep all details of my other job/activities secret from Ryan; it isn’t something he ever needs to know and if I ever fuck up and get caught, he can’t be implicated. Knowledge is power, but ignorance is also power in these circumstances.
“No problem.” He chuckles over his shoulder as he walks from the room.
“Ryan! Stay out of this room.”
“Whatever.”
I hate being at little events like this, surrounded by happy people, all friendly and engaging. I’m not the only one faking my smile. Suzanne’s smiling right now at Mike’s wife, Courtney, while inside she despises her for being the one he married when she has been in love with him since high school. Mike is sharing a beer with Mary’s husband, and later will be fucking Mary in one of the many bathrooms this place boasts. I’m not against having laughs, I actually like some of the officers I work with. My partner, Zach, is as close to a best friend as I allow myself since high school. Jasper was my best friend back then, when I allowed myself to have normal relationships like friendships, but he moved away for college and never came back. He’s settled down, got himself a husband and a wife if the rumors are true. Good for him.
I need to get laid. It’s been too long and I get trigger happy when I’m on the edge. Sex is a good release and I need to do anything to stop myself thinking or watching Melody. Damn, that woman has crawled under the surface into layers I didn’t even know I had. It’s confusing and I hate the unease inside me. I’m used to a slightly simmering calm on the surface of my façade while I bury any type of emotion and live with an indifferent quality to life. The only thing is, now I realise it’s just a way of concealing emotions I still own. If the way she made me feel is any indication, my emotions are becoming unburied and I hate her for making me notice this. I hate her for making me feel this way. I’ve never felt this before, how is she doing it? I just need to get laid, maybe that will wane whatever the fuck this is, because hate and lust are the only emotions I own up to feeling, so I’ll just hate fuck everything else out of me.
I check my watch to see how long I’ve been here.
“Not even an hour, don’t even think about it! You’re helping with the grill.” Zach glares, handing me a beer. Shit, that bastard knows me better than I thought.
“I need to get laid.” I groan, looking over at Jess wearing a summer dress that barely covers her ass. She has all the right equipment but my dick just isn’t up for playing with it. The noise grows boisterous with greetings. I look over and nearly spit out my beer; Ryan is here with her. Her LIVE tattoo is accompanied by a night blooming cereus but she doesn’t just blossom in the moonlight, she looks just as stunning under the beam of the sun. It embraces her in its glow, the flecks of red glimmering from its touch.
I stand, walking up behind them, overhearing Mills asking how long they’ve been a couple.
“We’re just friends,” Melody answers, her feet shifting. The shit-eating grin from Mills could have eclipsed the sun, it’s so big. His head tips back to let the “ha” rip free.
“You can’t win them all! Ryan, that has to be a first. Your pretty boy looks didn’t get a girl wet for you, huh?” Mills has been necking the booze, and he’s obviously well on his way to being wasted and punched out if he keeps letting his mouth run. Ryan studies him for a few seconds before turning to a red-faced Melody. As if in slow motion his hand moves up towards her, impacting her shoulder, causing her footing to stutter and her arms to flay wildly. Her body tips backwards and her mouth pops open, a little screech gaining everyone’s attention. She crashes, breaking the surface of the water in the pool, the splash small, raining down to puncture the undisturbed calm around her.
“I can still get her wet.”
There’s no joking, no remorse for humiliating and soaking his friend in front of everyone. Jess sniggers but mostly there are gasps and muffled words of disapproval.
Her little gasps for air when she surfaces make me want to lick the water from every inch of her skin to elicit gasps of pleasure. Zach holds his hand out to her, pulling her from the water. His wife, Jasmine, is already holding a towel out to her, whispering where she can dry off and find something to change into. She scurries away, her eyes downcast.