Enchanted Dreams (21 page)

This has got me thinking, but I want to do some research before I form a hypothesis about what might be happening.

Tom was once again issuing ultimatums last night and before I even realized what I was doing, I had agreed to seek counseling with him. But it was not really for our marriage that I acquiesced. While Tom was ranting, I had an idea. I happen to know that I am not susceptible to hypnosis, but if I were to go through the motions and allow Dr. Czernick to believe I was hypnotized, I might be able to find out how he achieves such incredible influence over his patients, if, in fact, this is the case. I will, of course, record the entire session in the event that I do, at any point, lose consciousness, and then I'll examine the tapes after the fact. This is perhaps a bit unorthodox, and no doubt risky, but I'm too excited to worry about the risks. I have to admit I'm enjoying the intrigue of this mystery that could potentially become a scandal of monumental proportions. I can't even say why, but I have a strong feeling that there is something very scandalous beneath this blanket of "happy" couples. I am surprised, frankly, that Dr. Czernick's success has passed without closer scrutiny so far. Anyone who works with couples would agree, I am sure, that even the most loving couples can grow apart and, more often than not, it becomes healthier for them to move away from the relationship if they are to reach their true potential as individuals.

I have already scheduled our first appointment with Dr. Czernick! I did it first thing this morning. Since I still have some time open on Tuesdays, it looks like that will be the best day for it. Tom appeared shocked when I called to tell him I scheduled the appointment. Naturally, I have not mentioned any of my suspicions about Dr. Czernick to Tom.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I'm continuing the deprogramming therapy with Eleanor Dobbs until I have a better diagnosis. I must say I see very little result from it so far, but then again, it is too soon. I will have to watch and see how things proceed.

Tom and I had our first session with Dr. Czernick today. I have to admit that I felt rather foolish about my suspicions while sitting in the very ordinary-looking office of this plainspoken older gentleman. I felt a sense of impropriety toward a fellow psychotherapist, as well.

The session itself began as it might have in my own office. Tom and I each, in turn, had an opportunity to voice our grievances against the other. Tom went first, droning on and on about how selfish I am and then he went into his tirade about how I don't appreciate anything he does and so forth. There wasn't anything he said that I hadn't heard a million times before. But when my turn came, I was surprised to find that I had no shortage of complaints about him, either. There was no need to embellish or make things up; my antipathy for Tom has escalated to the point where his every action has become a source of irritation for me. Voicing my feelings out loud to Dr. Czernick made me realize that Tom and I should most definitely separate. I said as much to Dr. Czernick.

This took up about forty minutes. Then, Dr. Czernick gave us a brief overview of his therapeutic methods, all of which I was aware of already. He then set up a few ground rules—nothing out of the ordinary—such as that Tom and I avoid discussing these issues at home from now on and so forth. He told us he would be seeing us separately for the first month or so, alternating between us each week. We each signed a consent form to be hypnotized. It was agreed that I would have the first appointment on the following week.

I've been second-guessing my speculations quite a bit since my meeting with Dr. Czernick. I want to look more carefully at Eleanor Dobbs in the sessions to come. My assumptions about her psychosis could be influenced by my first impressions of Dr. Czernick. As a psychotherapist, I know that it normally takes much longer to effect a change in a patient than the amount of time she and her husband saw Dr. Czernick. I must explore other aspects of her background that may be critical in her delusional behavior. I could very well be missing a deeper issue. This is not to say that my suspicions have been alleviated, only that I see now that I have been too fixated on my suspicions about Dr. Czernick to be objective.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

After listening to the tape of my session today with Dr. Czernick
twice
since coming back to my office, I still can't say for certain what happened. I was able to be hypnotized after all. For that period of time, at least, I am forced to determine the events from what I can hear on the tape.

But first I want to review the entire session so that I will have it documented. I'll also note here that I once again felt a sense of impropriety over "spying" on Dr. Czernick in this way. He has a very simple, matter-of-fact manner that leaves me feeling rather irrational.

Dr. Czernick was all business, immediately instructing me to lay back on a very comfortable lounge-type divan. My tiny, high-frequency tape recorder, which is made to look like a cell phone, was already running, smoothly and silently where it was strapped to an outer pocket of my handbag.

Dr. Czernick sat in a chair about a foot away from me, to my right, and asked me to relax. There was a very low-volume music playing in the background. He attached a blood-pressure check to the middle finger of my right hand. So far, all of this was standard.

Once I had settled in, Dr. Czernick began to instruct me on my breathing. I obeyed his commands and felt myself gradually relaxing. Throughout the process, he continued his instructions for me to breathe slower, breathe through my mouth, then through my nose, etc., also offering phrases of affirmation in between, such as "all is well," "life is a journey," "you can feel your problems floating away," and so forth. Some of these I felt were a bit clichéd, but of course, these comments do have their effect, and I found myself becoming more relaxed and developing a more positive frame of mind. In listening to the tape afterward, I recalled feeling very open to suggestion. However, this is not only normal but acceptable in therapy, so nothing Dr. Czernick said could be, on the surface, construed in a negative light.

Throughout the encounter, and even after I had reached a fully relaxed state, Dr. Czernick never let up with the gentle commands relating to my breathing, posture, etc. In between these commands, which were designed to distract my conscious mind so that he could probe my unconscious, he would ask me leading questions. For example, he began by questioning me on the matter of the flowers, saying, "Please breathe out through your lips as you answer. Why do you
think
Tom Tom brings you flowers?" I concentrated on my breathing and responded, "Tom knows I don't care for flowers." To this Dr. Czernick countered, "Please breathe into your words this time as you answer. Why does Tom bring you flowers?" This time I responded with, "I don't know why Tom brings me flowers." Undaunted, Dr. Czernick continued. "Breathe a single breath out through each word as you answer. Why do you
think
Tom brings you flowers?" And so it went, until my conscious mind stopped fighting and I found myself admitting that Tom probably wasn't trying to annoy me when he brought me flowers. There was most certainly a leading quality to Dr. Czernick's questions, but in listening to them afterward, it would be difficult to present a case against him for this. It could be argued that all therapists, especially those who practice hypnosis, are attempting to lead their patients toward the conclusions we think are best for them. It could also be argued, for that matter, that this power of suggestion is exactly what people are looking for when they seek hypnosis, such as in the case of smokers.

After a while, I lost consciousness. Yet I continued to mechanically respond to Dr. Czernick's questions, which were persistent and repetitive like the beating of a drum.

About midway through this period of unconsciousness, there was a moment in the taping when I felt Dr. Czernick might have administered something to me, had he been inclined to do so. I was in the middle of a statement and abruptly stopped speaking. Having no recollection of the moment now, I can't be certain why I stopped, but the strange thing was that Dr. Czernick did not appear to notice my faltering at all. In fact, he simply issued his next question along with another breathing instruction. This distracted me from whatever it was that had given me pause, and I simply resumed answering his questions while attempting to follow his instructions.

I should note here that since I left Dr. Czernick's office, I have searched all over my body and can find no evidence of a needle prick anywhere. I am fairly certain that I would have been able to tell if I had been given something—there would have been some visible mark, or if not that, then a slight discomfort that I would be able to detect. But even the most thorough search could produce no sign of anything having penetrated my skin. Furthermore, there were no other indications that I might have been administered a drug.

A few moments after this incident on the tape, there was another thing that I noticed. There was a change—very slight, imperceptible to most, perhaps—but I got the distinct impression that my replies were becoming markedly less confident. Another thing I noticed was that, at this point, Dr. Czernick's questions were gradually becoming more like statements. These statements were extremely positive and, on the surface, they appeared to be little more than positive affirmations. However, having listened to them several times now on the tape, I feel that they were predominantly in Tom's favor. For instance, Dr. Czernick would say, "Wouldn't you agree, Angela, that every gift, whether it be flowers or diamonds, is a gesture of love that should bring joy?" or, "Are you aware, Angela, that pleasing your husband is tantamount to pleasing yourself?" Toward the end of our session, his statements turned toward the therapy, with the clear objective of getting me, the patient, to embrace it.

None of this is especially unusual in any way, and I find myself feeling a little discouraged. Eleanor Dobbs would have had to be extremely susceptible to the power of suggestion for this therapy to account for her deep-rooted delusions about her husband. It is more likely that she had existing issues that Dr. Czernick's therapy only compounded. The only variable that remains unknown is whether or not she was exposed to any drugs that might have significantly enhanced the effects of his treatment.

I personally feel that Dr. Czernick's session had practically no effect on me whatsoever. Listening to the tapes helped me realize that I haven't put forth any real effort toward my marriage lately, but aside from that, which I already knew, it was pretty ineffectual, and even a little primitive. If I were actively trying to save my marriage, would I feel differently? Perhaps, but what I have seen so far does not seem to account for Dr. Czernick's incredible success in the field of marriage counseling. I wonder if he may have held something back because of my being a fellow therapist. I continue to puzzle over this enigma.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

It was Tom's turn with Dr. Czernick this week. I'm not sure I will continue seeing him myself. I feel very disturbed and out of sorts.

At the mention of Dr. Czernick's name when Tom brought it up this morning, I suddenly had a flashback that I was being hypnotized. But I am almost positive that it was not the event itself I was seeing, but an extremely vivid dream. Whatever it was, it was frighteningly familiar, and I had the distinct impression that I had relived it over and over again since the event. Perhaps it was only a flashback of my subconscious state while being hypnotized.

The frightening thing—the thought I had in that first instant when the flashback occurred—was what Dr. Lang had told me about Zeldane's hallucinations. They were often replays of the actual events taking place during the time period that the patient was under its influence. I thought of the man whose house had caught on fire.

It occurred to me suddenly that if these dreams were actually hallucinations, they could be having the effect of hypnotizing me over and over again in my sleep!

But as the day wore on, I had the sense of how preposterous this idea really was. Working with Eleanor Dobbs intensified this impression. She is not responding at all to the deprogramming therapy. And yet, if she were still being hypnotized through hallucinations in her dreams…

After Eleanor left, I listened once again to the tape of my first session with Dr. Czernick. Hearing his bland voice reiterating the positive affirmations made it hard to defend my suspicions. I feel like I have been reaching somewhat in my effort to get something on Dr. Czernick. But why? Is it because subconsciously I am resentful of his success? Is my dissatisfaction with my marriage and my difficulties with my patients causing me to seek some kind of intrigue as a way of escape? I don't know that I can answer these questions objectively.

As for Tom, I must say that he appears to be trying especially hard to please me. He has not brought up any of his usual grievances, and we've actually been able to talk and laugh together in conversation. I suppose he, unlike me, is approaching the marriage counseling with the hope of things getting better between us. I wonder if Tom's session will be similar to mine. If only I could listen in on that one!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Despite my misgivings, I saw Dr. Czernick again today. This session went much as the first one had, except that his questions and statements were blatantly more focused on Tom this time. It was apparent that he was attempting to get me to look at things from Tom's perspective. His questions and statements were of a nature to encourage me to consider Tom's feelings rather than my own. He repeatedly delved into the past, when Tom and I first dated, but in a random manner, and I couldn't form a clear idea about where he was going with it, even in listening to the tape after the fact. No doubt he was trying to open my mind to Tom's point of view while reminding me of why I fell in love with him in the first place.

Here again, developing empathy for one's partner is a crucial part of maintaining a relationship and often will be taught in couples' therapy, but the way in which this was done is certainly questionable. There was a definite sense of being manipulated. But there's a fine line here, because in a sense, hypnosis is nothing at all if not the power of suggestion. I am not an authority in the field of hypnosis, but my understanding is that this power of suggestion is normally only as potent as the individual's beliefs in what is being conveyed. And indeed, I could feel myself resisting and rejecting some of the more self-effacing suggestions that Dr. Czernick put to me. If one went solely by the tapes, there would be little more than enough to raise an eyebrow.