End of the Innocence (3 page)

I laughed despite how serious she’d become. “And what exactly are you going to do to them? Make them over to death?”

Remember, I have known this girl since we were kids, and I had been intimate with her for the last three and a half years, so when I say I thought I knew who she was, I am not making an idle comment. I had been there when her grandmother died, when her dog got hit by some asshole speeding on her block. I was there the night her dad said she looked like a whore for wearing a miniskirt on a date with me. I really had thought I’d seen every facet there was to this girl. But I assure you, there was a stranger staring back at me when she said, “Because my dad made sure I never leave the house without protection. And he didn’t mean condoms.” The smile she gave me was a predator’s.

“You’re serious?” I asked, more to myself than to her, because it was obvious from the look on her face she was more than serious.

“You fucked them up with that little speech at the school board. If you don’t move now, by the time we come back from the break, no one will remember what you said and did. And you and Kyle go back to being second-class citizens.” Now she leaned across the desk toward me. “You want to change this town? Show up with Kyle on your arm and force them to accept it. And if you go, I promise you, you’ll have at least one person standing there with you.”

I was stunned.

“I… I did not deserve to be with you,” I stuttered as I tried to get my mind back into gear.

“No,” she said, smiling. “That we can agree on.” She looked around to the other people whose heads were down in their books. “Now you wanna try to guess what we were supposed to be doing all this time?”

And that was when I knew things had begun to change at school.

K
YLE

W
HEN
class let out, Sammy and I walked out together.

“So where do you eat lunch?” she asked casually.

“Normally, the music room steps in the quad.” Brad and I had decided though there were less public places to eat together, we were making a statement in plain sight of everyone. For the first few weeks, people’s reactions had been pretty bad, but now people didn’t even give us a second look. The other day, one of Brad’s friends actually gave him a head nod as he’d walked by us. Brad said it didn’t mean anything to him, but I could tell it really meant the world.

“Oh, I usually eat in the theater,” she admitted as we walked out of the math building.

“Sit with us,” I offered immediately. “Your hair looks way better out in the light anyways.”

I saw her give a slight pause before asking. “Are you sure?”

“Of course,” I answered, nodding. “Unless you don’t want to be seen with the gay couple, then I’d totally understand.” She stopped walking. About three steps more and I realized she wasn’t following anymore. I turned back and asked her, “What?”

“Dude, I have zero problems with you and Wonder Jock being gay. Hell, if you want the truth, I think it’s kind of hot. I just… I never had someone ask me to, like, sit with them with other people around.”

I could feel the grin break out across my face. “Well, now you have.” I headed back to her and hooked my arm into hers. “Come on. Brad will be waiting.”

When we got to the quad, Brad was waiting. With Jennifer.

Now it was my turn to stop, causing Sammy to be jerked back since our arms were still intertwined. “Is that his ex-girlfriend?” she asked, seeing my face go ash white. I just nodded mutely as they sat there on the steps laughing at something. “Oh shit,” she said, biting her bottom lip.

Brad saw me and waved me over. As we walked over, flashbacks of him introducing me to Jennifer as his girlfriend kept racing through my brain. I think my knees literally began to shake. As soon as I hit the first step, he moved over and gave me a huge hug, an action that was normal for him but this time caused me to freeze in confusion.

He pulled back and gave me a worried look. “What’s wrong?”

I looked over to Jennifer and then back to him. “Something you want to tell me?” I tried not to sound like a jealous girlfriend. I say “tried” because, in my ears, I sounded like I was an extra on
Gossip Girl
all of a sudden.

He looked back at her and then back at me; if anything he looked even more confused than before. And then he started laughing uncontrollably. This reaction did nothing to make me feel better. If anything, it just snapped me out of my stupor and straight into pissed off.

“This isn’t funny,” I said, an imaginary hand whipping through my hair as I waited for the camera to come in on my close-up. When he didn’t stop laughing, I spat out a harsh “Fuck you” and turned to stalk away.

I felt his hand on my shoulder, and he spun me around into his arms.

His eyes were bright with amusement. “How many different ways do I have to say I love you?” The sincerity in his voice made all my previously stated anger turn into embarrassment. I saw the conviction of his emotions staring back at me.

For some insane reason, my eyes stung from unshed tears. When had I become a guy who got all teary constantly? He hugged me again, and my arms slipped around his waist, and I clung to him the same way a drowning man clutches a life preserver.

Wow! That analogy was a bit on the nose for my taste.

“You okay?” he whispered. I nodded into his chest.

Slowly, in exactly the same manner one would usher a nervous animal along, he walked me up the stairs. “You remember Jennifer?”

I smiled at her and hated how pretty she was. It was an ugly reaction, and I will completely admit to it, but it was the first time in my life I resented someone for being something I wasn’t. Brad chose me over this? I mean, I am not even into girls, and I would pick her over me. “Hi,” I said quietly. “Nice to meet you again.”

She held out her hand. “History whore, right?”

Oh my God, I am going to die.

I must have blushed, because she chuckled and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I just thought that was the funniest thing I’d ever heard. You’re Brad’s history whore, and I am Jennifer, formerly known as the beard.” Her smile was insane, and I found myself returning it automatically. “Pleased to finally meet you.”

I stepped a little away from Brad and shook it back. “I was a dick that day—” I began to explain, but she waved me off.

“Let’s just agree this is the first time we are all meeting and move on from there?” I thought she might be joking, but I could see the seriousness in her eyes. “I’m Jennifer, you’re Kyle, that is Brad, and you are…?” She looked to Sammy, who had almost faded into the background.

“Sammy,” she said, her tone of voice broadcasting she had no idea what the hell was going on.

“And Sammy,” Jennifer finished. “I love your hair, by the way.” And she really did; I could hear the truth in her voice.

And just like that, she had turned Sammy to her side.

“Thanks,” she answered quietly.

“So we gonna sit down and eat or just stand around introducing each other?” Brad asked, gesturing to the steps where we usually wolfed down lunch.

“Oh….” Jennifer paused. “You actually eat out here?” She looked to the student union where they actually sold lunches and then put on a big smile. “No biggie. I’m not that hungry anyway.”

As she began to sit down, Brad offered, “Why don’t I go grab us something?” He looked at me. “You wanna keep the girls company?”

No, no I did not, but that would have been rude and insulting of me, so I just nodded. “Grab me a Coke?” I asked.

He winked and then ran off.

I smiled at both Sammy and Jennifer and sat down. “So…,” I began to say, and then realized I had absolutely no idea what to say.

“So I thought you were pretty mad at Brad,” Sammy said to Jennifer when it became clear I wasn’t going to say anything of importance. “I heard some ugly rumors.”

I’m not sure how she asked that and didn’t sound like a complete bitch, but somehow she managed. Maybe it was the lack of hostility in her voice, or maybe it was because it sounded like she was actually asking a question instead of implying she already knew the answer. All I knew was it was the last thing I would have asked Jennifer.

“I was,” Jennifer answered; her smile was not quite as wide as it had been. “But I’ve had time to think about everything, and I don’t like the way people are coming down against the two of them.” She was talking about Brad and me as if we’d
both
gone to grab something. I relaxed and listened.

“Yeah, but weren’t you one of those people a couple of weeks ago?” Again, Sammy asked and didn’t demand. It was impressive to watch her stare down one of the most popular girls in school like she was Nancy Grace all of a sudden.

“My problems with Brad had more to do with him lying than with his actual sexuality.” For the first time, Jennifer looked at me. “I have zero problems with you guys being gay, seriously. I think it takes a huge amount of courage to do what you did.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, my entire body half-numb from shock.

She looked back to Sammy and locked eyes with the other girl. “Being angry takes way more energy than it’s worth. So I decided to see if Brad and I could be friends.” She didn’t ask, “Is that okay with you?” but she implied the question when she paused and arched one eyebrow.

An uncomfortable silence plugged itself into the next few seconds. The three of us sat there, not sure what came next. Josh Walker and his friends walked by, their heads turning like they were watching a car accident or something. “Hey, Wednesday Adams! Wash some of that shit off your eyes! You look like a fucking raccoon!”

His friends and the people around us in the quad laughed, and Sam’s whole body stiffened in embarrassed shock.

My mouth was half-open when Jennifer stood up and yelled, “Hey, Walker! Shut the fuck up before I tell everyone you have a tiny dick!” The three jocks froze in place just before she clapped a hand over her mouth—a little—and added in a stage whisper, “Oops. Too late.” The laughter that erupted from the quad this time was thunderous in comparison to what Josh’s insult had garnered. Sitting back down, Jennifer looked over at Sam. “Ignore him. All his rage comes from trying to compensate.” She held up her hands apart a few inches. Sam burst out laughing as I stared in confusion.

Then I got it.

“Seriously?” I asked much too loudly. I glanced over and saw the trio of letterman jackets and their humans flee away from the steps. I looked back at Jennifer, and she just smiled and nodded. Without even thinking, I muttered, “I’m bigger than that soft.”

“Oh really?” Jennifer asked, leaning toward me.

Oh my God! I said that out loud.

“So how big is that?” Sam asked behind me. The grin on her face made her look like a cat about to eat a bird.

You could have literally fried an egg on my face, it was so hot.

Thankfully, at the last possible instant, Brad walked up with a tray of food and drinks. “What’s so funny?”

The two girls laughed. I willed myself to melt into the concrete, where I could die of embarrassment unnoticed.

“What did I miss?” Brad asked, setting the tray down.

Jennifer chortled as she opened her Pepsi. “Well, we learned that your boyfriend has a bigger package soft than Josh Walker does hard.”

Brad gave me a double take and then gaped back at her. “I was gone for like a minute. How did the topic of his junk come up?”

“Please talk about something else,” I said under my breath, more as a prayer than an actual protest.

“From the way he sulked off, it looked like what you said was true,” Sammy commented, opening her drink.

“His junk is tragic,” Brad said, sitting down next to me. We all froze and looked at him. He casually took a drink before he realized he was the center of attention. “What?” he exclaimed. “I’ve taken showers with him. Everyone looks! Anyone who says they don’t is a liar.”

Even I had to laugh at that despite my mortification.

“So ask him,” Jennifer said as we began to pick at the food Brad had bought.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up as I realized she was talking about me. “Ask me what?” I asked Brad instead of her.

“Real subtle,” he grumbled to her after seeing my look. “Nothing. We can talk about it after school,” he assured me.

My stomach started hurting again from stress. “Tell me now.” I hadn’t meant for those words to sound like a demand, but from the way Sammy and Jennifer looked over at us with concerned expressions on their faces, I could tell it had. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I mean, why wait?”

Yeah, that didn’t sound lame at all.

“It ain’t important,” Brad said, not meeting my eyes.

I honestly felt like I was going to throw up.

“If it isn’t important, then just ask me.” In my ears my voice sounded like I was about to cry, but no one made any indication they had heard it.

“Jesus, you’re killing him,” Jennifer said, pushing Brad out of the way. She sat down in front of me, and her eyes locked with mine. “He is an idiot, and this is nothing serious. Do you know about The Party?”

I heard the way she inflected the words to indicate they should be capitalized. Obviously she hadn’t learned much more about me since the last time we met, back when I had no idea who she was, much less what the hell The Party was. I shook my head, which kept me from answering with something sarcastic.

“Kelly has this party every year, and it is just crazy, and I was thinking Brad and you should go this year.”

She sounded so kind and compassionate that I instantly felt bad for coming back with, “Why? Do you want us to be killed?” She recoiled like she had been slapped; that might have been less from my words and more from the coldness in my voice. “If Kelly can’t stand me walking around the school, how do you think he’d handle me walking into his house? That’s not even mentioning the rest of the Neanderthals Brad plays ball with. Suggesting we show up either means you are trying to get us beat up or just completely naïve about how bad it has been for us.”

I saw Brad’s mouth open in shock as Sammy tried not to laugh out loud.