Endlessly (9 page)

“I’m going to take a nap before we open
the store,” I said, getting up from the couch.

“Yeah I would be tired too if I’d
tapped two chicks in one night. Lucky bastard. Wish I had control
over peoples’ minds. I would be getting all kinds of ass up in
here.” He leaned back into the couch, propping his feet up on the
coffee table.

I walked to my room, my head lowered to
hide my anger. Once I’d shut my bedroom door I leaned back against
it, looked at the four-poster bed, then saw my reflection. I was a
crazed monster.

That is when I realized I could never
let Jason have her. He only wanted to get laid. He didn’t care for
her, and never would. Jason was incapable of ever having the rooted
feelings I had for her. All he saw was a pretty face on an
incarnate. He would never want anything deeper than that. I didn’t
care about the law. I wanted her, and I would not let her fall into
Jason’s hands.

I stared at myself, hands trembling,
and fingers curled into white knuckled fists.

I would do whatever it took. You know
the saying: All is fair…

Chapter 8

EVADING HOPE

On Saturday I woke up early. Jessica
had briefed me about what I might need, so I gathered those items I
had, putting them in my worn black backpack.

Chris came in early. “Hey, I seen you
were up early. Ready to go blow up some shit?”

I’d forgotten about target practice.
“Shit!” I said. “I completely blanked it out, dude. I had something
come up last minute. If you’re not busy tomorrow I can go. Jason
can come with us. He’s itching to use that horrendous
gun.”

“Why, what’s up today?” He
asked.

“Just some stuff.” I
answered.

“What kind of stuff? Come on man, just
blow it off. You can do it later.”

Through the open door to the apartment,
Jason overheard our conversation. He poked his head out and cried:
“It’s a giiirrllll wooooo!”

“Shut up jackass!” I snapped. “No one
asked you!” I picked up a pen and threw it at his head. He ducked
back into the apartment.

Chris laughed. I was lucky that he
wasn’t paying much attention. With my vampire strength I’d pierced
the door with the pen. My sensitive ears caught Jason’s mutterings
about how I’d almost killed him. Chris didn’t notice any of
it.

“Augh man, a girl?” Chris jeered. “Come
on, blow her off. She’ll forgive you. If she doesn’t, dump her.
You’ll find another.”

“No, man. Sorry. I really got to do
this,” I said.

“You got it for her pretty bad, huh?
Well, I hope she can cook. Someone needs to feed your ass. Jason
don’t cook for shit, does he?” He was talking in a stage whisper so
Jason would hear. Of course, Jason would’ve heard Chris’s slightest
breath.

“Hey! I can cook!” Jason
shouted.

“No, you can’t, dipshit!” Chris
laughed. “All right, all right. Since you got a hot date, I’ll
swing by tomorrow. Just remember, Verloren, when Jason says no, he
means no.”

“Ha ha very funny.” I flipped him off
as he walked out laughing.

Jason spent the rest of the morning
getting ready. I double-checked my books and herbs, then got ready
to open. I felt bad leaving Jessica in the store by herself all
day. She had the seminars going on in the back. But I knew she
could handle it.

Though Jessica knew more than I did
about many things, I still didn’t completely trust her. She wasn’t
giving me answers about the flashes. Whenever I brought it up she
changed the subject, diverting me until I forgot what I’d asked. I
think she was using some kind of spell. Every conversation we had
ended with my thoughts getting hazy.

Jessica had agreed to work all day, so
she would be there if any problems came up. I knew that meant she
would stay there until we returned. I trusted her to do this, but
if anything bad happened I knew she could resend her soul. That
would be a last resort. There’s seldom any reason to give up the
body, and wipe the memory clean, but it happens. Sometimes an
incarnate will simply decide that this present life isn’t worth it.
This occasionally happens to a werewolf, troll or fairy. When it
does, a witch can resend the soul and make the person forget
whatever horror made it necessary. It’s a lot like permanent
amnesia.

I waited on Jason to finish grooming
himself. This took awhile. He was sure he was going to be with Ash,
so he pondered over clothes, hair, and every other part of his
appearance.

Finally I’d had enough. “You’re acting
like a girl,” I said. “Knock it off and hurry up.” Just then I
heard the shop door open. Jessica had arrived. “I’ve got to talk to
Jessica. When I get back you better be ready.”

He rolled his eyes. “Or
what?”

I sighed and walked away before we came
to blows.

In the store I saw Jessica’s fiery red
hair bobbing down an aisle. Her movements were light and buoyant.
She was getting back to her usual self. As she pulled a wheeled
suitcase toward me she smiled broadly. “Good morning,
Verloren.”

“What’s with the extra supplies?” I
asked her. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, not wanting her to
touch them. Even a brush of our fingers would let her glimpse my
thoughts.

“If you boys run into problems I’ll be
fully equipped,” she said, still smiling. She reached for my
hand.

I shoved my hands even deeper into my
pockets. “I’d rather not, if you don’t mind. Once was
enough.”

She jumped at me trying to get at my
hands, but we both knew that it was pointless. I gave her a
devilish grin. She wanted to know everything, while I wanted her to
know only that which was absolutely necessary. Though I could
confide in Jessica about things that I wouldn’t discuss with anyone
else, I had to consider the law. Besides, the onetime she’d read my
thoughts, she’d acted so strange.

Jason appeared in the apartment
doorway. “What the hell are you guys doing?”

Jessica bounced over to him. “Let me
see your hand.”

Jason knew the routine. He towered
above her as he held out his hand. She gazed at his palm, then laid
her own tiny palm against it. Jessica stared into his chest as if
she were looking right through him. Jason glanced at me, grinning
like a crazy man.

She mumbled something, then gasped and
let go. As she recovered herself she smacked him hard on the arm.
She was blushing. “Jason, you pervert!”

“Ow!” he cried, rubbing his arm. He
kept grinning.

“What did he show you this time?” I
asked.

“He was picturing doing stuff to that
girl.” As she got her suitcase and wheeled it to the back of the
store, Jason and I exchanged glances. His was a smirk, while mine
was an angry glare. As Jessica looked back at us, I realized she
knew. You can’t keep anything from a witch.

“Are you done fucking around?” I asked
Jason. I wanted to hit him…hard.

“Yeah.” He turned to go to the
car.

“I’ll be right there,” I called after
him. I walked back to get my black trench coat. Picking it up, I
looked at Jessica. She was beaming.

“So you know, huh?” I said.

She looked to the doorway. Jason was
gone. “Oh, Verloren,” she whispered, “I’m so happy you found her.”
She hopped around in a dance.

“Found her? What do you
mean?”

“You know…found someone to be
with.”

Was she hiding something from me? I was
sure she was, but I didn’t have time to interrogate her. “I haven’t
found anyone,” I said. “You know that I can’t be with her.” “You
can try anything for love,” she said, grabbing my arm.

“
Trying will get us both
killed. She’ll do better to find someone like herself.” I pulled
away from her, and put on my coat. “But it can’t be Jason,” I
said.

“She deserves you. You are one of the
greatest men that I know, Verloren.” She looked upset.

I flipped my collar into position. “She
deserves the best. That’s not me,” I said, thinking of the Quatre.
“Life with me leads only to death. Even if she were lucky, all
she’d get would be a monstrous existence like mine—killing to
survive.”

Jessica bowed her head. I hated
upsetting her. I grabbed her chin and turned her face to mine.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ve been around a long time, and I’m still
ticking. I can do it alone. I’ve proven that.”

She gave me a half smile.

As I left, I said: “Don’t wait up, Mom.
And you still have some explaining to do when I get back. You’re
going to tell me about these flashing pictures. No more evasions. I
want to know everything.”

I walked through the apartment and out
to the car. Jason sat in the passenger seat, his cigarette dangling
from between his lips.

Chapter 9

ALTERNATE REALITY

The car stereo blared. I drove while
Jason kept his eyes on the scenery. When the landscape bored him he
flipped through the book of CDs, and wailed along with the songs.
Sometimes the rhythms moved him to play drums on the
dashboard.

It was noon before we reached Ash’s
place. I parked the Grand Prix in her driveway next to her older
Camaro. Jason got out and looked around. I sat in the car debating
if this was the right thing to do. My mind and body were having
another argument. I could feel the pull in my chest. I pushed my
sunglasses up the bridge of my nose, covering my eyes more
completely. Even the dim winter sun hurt my eyes. Finally I got
out.

“Could bring a meal out here and no one
would know.” Jason said, hands on his hips. He surveyed the wooded
area, nodding.

We heard Ash call from the clearing:
“Verloren! I’m down here!” I walked past the garage toward the
stairs, with Jason at my heels. The fallen leaves crunched under
his feet.

When I reached the top of the stairs I
saw her. She’d loaded the ring with wood and started a fire. Now
she stood there, her eyes shaded by my sunglasses, and her aura
beaming. She jogged toward me. I felt the magnetic pull, and almost
fell down the stairs.

For a moment I saw Ash in a different
setting. Flashing images blinded me, and I stumbled. My body
twitched in a spasm.

“Hey! Watch what you’re doing asshole,”
Jason snapped as he nearly ran into me.

“Fuck off,” I mumbled.

Ash saw Jason and stopped. “Oh! You
brought someone.”

She jabbed her hands in pockets,
shrinking like a wilting flower. She faked a smile, then bit her
lip.

I went down the stairs toward her. The
pull in my chest made it impossible to do otherwise. Jason
followed.

“You remember Jason Zurk from the
store, right?” I said.

“Yeah, I do.” She stood,
fidgeting.

As we walked toward her I abandoned my
habitual vampire’s stealth, and let my feet crunch dead leaves. I
didn’t want her to notice anything out of the ordinary. I would
drop my human facade soon enough, but first I wanted her to trust
me. Instead she looked as if she was having a panic
attack.

“Are you okay with him being here?” I
asked.

“Um…yeah. I’m just nervous around new
people. You’ve seen that for yourself, Verloren.” She smiled,
shifting her hands in her sweatshirt pockets.

“Don’t be afraid of Jason. The worst
he’ll do is ask you out on a date,” I said. I glanced at him. He
glared back at me.

Ash giggled, her eyes darting between
Jason and me. She blushed and looked down at her shoes.

I watched Jason. Finally he was
accepting the fact that I was not going to let him be with her. He
squinted at me and clenched his jaw. I’m sure he wanted to go back
to town, but I had him there for a reason. He huffed and closed his
eyes.

I smiled at Ash. “I brought him here to
show you something,” I said.

“You did?” Jason stared at
me.

I nodded and smiled, hoping he would go
along. “Yes,” I said. “I did.” I approached Ash, then turned so we
were both facing Jason. I spoke to her while keeping my eyes on
him. “Ash, remember how I told you that once you find out what your
soul is, you can shift into that entity?”

“Yes?”

I saw Jason stiffen, and knew he didn’t
approve. Nevertheless, he’d come this far, and it would be
difficult for him to stop now. I was counting on that.

“Jason, please,” I said. “You do the
honors.”

“This isn’t exactly how this is suppose
to go, Verloren,” he said.

I knew he was reluctant to shift in
front of someone who didn’t yet know. It could be terrifying, and
it violated the most basic laws of the Quatre.

I flashed on Sara. In these visions she
was still a child, though I realized that she must be a grown woman
by now. I took a deep breath, recovering from the thought. “It…it
will be fine,” I said. “Trust me.” I looked at Ash. “You said you
love horror movies, right? You’re about to see what a real werewolf
looks like.”