Enemy From The Past (Unseen Enemy Book 4) (7 page)

“I will.”

They gave her a hug on the way out, and Jim shut the door behind them. Kat sat on the sofa, suddenly completely and totally wrecked and exhausted. He saw it in her face, and he sat next to her.

“How you doing?” he said.

“I’m not sure.” She considered. “Worried. Relieved. Tired. Happy.”

“All at the same time?”

“Yeah.” She smiled at him, and he loved how her face lit up. “I’ve got a blender going full-speed inside of me. I’m all mixed up.”

He grinned at that. “You want to go lie down for a while?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“OK, you go do that. And when you get up, we’ll drop by my place and pick up some of my clothes and stuff.”

She started. “Oh, Jim… you don’t have to do that. I mean, I’ll be fine here on my own.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What did I tell you?”

She squirmed under the intensity of his gaze. “When?”

“Not even three minutes ago.” He glowered at her. “Didn’t I
say
that I wasn’t leaving you alone?”

“Yeah.”

“You trying to make me a liar?”

“Uh. No.”

“OK, then. You get some sleep, then we make some dinner, then we go. Deal?”

“Deal.”

In her bedroom, she peeled off her clothes, climbed in to bed and closed her eyes. The last thing she felt before falling in to a dreamless sleep was a deep sense of calm.

I’m not alone, for the first time in years. I’m safe.

For now.

**

About five minutes after Kat –
or whatever the hell her name is
– closed her bedroom door, Jim started to have some trouble with himself. He sat and drank a second beer, trying hard to stay in control of his anger.

Now that he knew almost all of Kat’s full story, he felt an odd combination of relief and rage. OK, yeah… he’d guessed that she was on the run from something, and he’d assumed it wasn’t pleasant, and he’d known that he’d be pissed about whatever it was. But still, he was taken aback at just how much he wanted to look Sheriff Michael Ferguson in the eye as he beat his head in to a wall, over and over again. Jim longed to do to this asshole what he’d done to Kat: Jim wanted to scare him, hurt him, humiliate him. Make him feel unsafe and insecure.

Tit for tat, you fucker.

In a weird way, though, what was really making him see red was the news that this guy was ex-military; that he was, in fact, one of Jim’s fellow highly-trained brothers. When Kat had innocently said that he was ‘one of you’, Jim had jumped at her
precisely
because she was right. This sick, abusive asshole with a badge and a gun
was
one of them. And since Jim, Dean, Chris and Dallas knew what this guy was capable of – in some ways, they knew even better than Kat, despite her personal experience at his hands – that made stopping him their responsibility.

We take care of our own – and that goes both ways.

Jim had come across abusive men in his years of training, sure, but they rarely made it to the elite squads. And God knows, he’d been no stranger to throwing a punch when he’d signed up for Basic, and additional training had honed and sharpened his already-considerable skills. Ranger training had made him nothing short of a lethal weapon, and he knew this ex-Marine was the same. The thought that he’d put his hands on Kat made Jim physically sick: most men wouldn’t be able to stay standing once an ex-Marine started hitting them. Hell, for all Jim knew, Ferguson would give
him
a run for his money in a fist fight. A woman like Kat wouldn’t have a prayer.

Jim’s anger ballooned up in his chest and he took a deep breath, felt his heart rate drop again. The thing about really intensive and specialized military training was that the farther you advanced in it, the more deadly you became, but you also became more controlled, more focused, more disciplined.

It was a delicate balancing act, a beautiful symbiotic relationship, one that had been drilled in to Jim’s head over and over: with great power comes greater responsibility. Just because Jim and his friends
could
wreak havoc and spread human misery didn’t mean they
should
or
would
. But Ferguson had turned his back on the creed, the code. He’d gained tremendous power and now he used it to hurt others.

But
how
did he get so far in the military in the first place? According to Leanne and Bobby, the guy had been sending up red flags all over the place as early as high school football practice…
no
way
he should have even been a Marine.
No way
he should have been given the tools of destruction that he had been. He should have been stuck as a grunt forever, not handed elite skills and training.

Uncle Sam’s psychologists sure fucked that one up.

Jim wrestled with his own thoughts before reluctantly facing the truth of what was really upsetting him: the truth was that he’d long been afraid that his
own
training was a mistake. That he’d somehow slipped through the cracks, lucked out, slid on through. That Jim Alden was not anything close to elite material. That it had all been a colossal administrative fuck-up: somebody had pushed his file forward when it should have been kicked right off the desk and thrown in the trash. That he should be back on the family farm in Iowa.

That maybe I have more in common with fuckers like Ferguson than I do with guys like Dean and Dallas and Chris.

Jim thought about his quick temper, his suspicion, his inability to trust or connect with anybody beyond the guys. And God, just
look
at him compared to his friends, right? Dallas was a business owner and one of the best damn snipers that anyone had ever known. Dean also had his own business, and he’d been the LT of their unit. Chris had been a foot-soldier like Jim and was now a mechanic, but he also had that almost magical quality that made frightened women trust him, even after they’d been brutalized by the Taliban. Or by four drunk assholes up in a cabin over two days.

And who was Jim, what was Jim? Just a guy who did what he was told to do: as a Ranger, as an employee. Dean was, after all, his boss at the tattoo parlour, and even though Jim liked his work a lot, he knew it was all he could do. He’d never lead, never own.

I’m nothing special. I’m nobody important. How the hell did I end up among the elite? Somebody fucked up somewhere; that’s the only explanation.

This dark, secret fear had been whispering to him for years, and hearing about Ferguson had now dragged it kicking and howling in to the light. The hard and undeniable knowledge than an abusive man had been pushed and promoted in to the upper ranks was now staring him in the face. And after all, if Ferguson had somehow received what he didn’t deserve and shouldn’t have even been offered, then who’s to say that the same thing hadn’t happened to Jim?

He finished his beer, went to get a third one, then thought about Kat. She’d wake up soon and God knows, the last thing she needed was Jim drunk and angry. He’d promised to make her feel safe, and he guessed that had to start with making sure she was safe with him. None of his fucking snapping and bad temper.

Maybe you don’t deserve what you’ve been given, man, but you sure as hell can make sure that Kat gets what she needs… including respect, calm and security. It’s not much, and God knows she deserves more and better, but it’s something you can do. So fucking do it.

Chapter Seven

When Dean and Dallas walked in to Dallas’ house, they were surprised to see Emma and Olivia sitting on the sofa, giggling and swilling Champagne. Dean’s heart jumped, and he hoped this meant what he thought it meant.

“Hey,” Dallas drawled at them. “Is this a party?”

“Damn right,” Liv said. “Tell him, Em!”

“I’m in remission,” Emma told Dallas shyly. “Cancer-free.”

Dallas stared at her for a few seconds, totally stunned, then he whooped and grabbed her up in a massive hug. She held on to his muscled shoulders, laughing, as he spun her around and around. He set her down again, and just gazed at her like she was the most astounding thing he’d ever laid eyes on.

“That’s amazing!” he said, then turned to Dean. “Why the hell didn’t you
say
something, man?”

Dean looked at Emma, saw the worried look on her face. “Oh, I thought that was Emma’s job, you know? It’s her healthy bone marrow.”

She looked relieved, and flashed him a big smile.

“Yeah, that’s true.” Dallas bounded in to the kitchen and grabbed two more glasses. “Champagne, Dean?”

“Hell, yeah.” Dean smiled back at Emma, happy to finally be able to celebrate the way that he’d wanted to since hearing this amazing news. “You’d better believe it.”

Two hours later, Dean and Emma headed next door, back home. She was stumbling a bit, and he grinned down at her as he took her arm.

“You tipsy, angel?”

“No. I’m actually smashed.” She gazed up at him blearily. “I think my tolerance for alcohol is shot to H, E, double-hockey-sticks.”

He laughed, thinking that she was an adorable drunk. “Come on. Let’s get you lying down. Last thing we need is for you to waste any of your time in remission in a full-body cast, huh?”

She nodded and hiccupped. “Uh-huh.”

He took her by the hand and led her down the hall to their bedroom. Dean undressed her, helped her in to bed. She smiled at him sleepily.

“Normally, I’d ask you to join me in here.”

He grinned. “Normally, I’d be there in a heartbeat. But I want our first time when you’re totally healthy to be when you’ve got the energy.”

“And I’m not drunk.”

“That too.” He pressed her head to his chest and dropped a kiss on her hair. “I have the day off tomorrow, so don’t make any plans, Emma. We’re going to spend the whole day in bed, celebrating.”

“Sounds good.” Her eyes gleamed up at him. “Sounds very good.”

**

It was already evening when Kat woke up slowly. She was warm and relaxed, and at first, she was puzzled at her calm happiness. Then she remembered: she wasn’t alone any more. She climbed out of bed, opened her bedroom door.

“Hi,” she said to Jim.

He glanced up briefly from his book. “Hi.”

She paused at the look on his face. He was distant and detached, and that surprised her. After what she’d shared with him, she’d have thought that they’d be closer now, not farther apart.

“What have you been doing while I’ve been sleeping?” she asked.

What Jim had been doing was working himself in to a slow but steady rage at the man who had hurt Kat so badly. He averted his eyes, not wanting her to see the anger still simmering in them.

Jim shrugged, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. “Nothing much.”

Her brow wrinkled. “You OK?”

Jim stared at her now, disbelieving. She’d been through a living hell with that fucker – he’d raped her, terrorized her, beaten her, killed her baby – and she’d been on the run, alone and frightened for years… and
she
was asking him if
he
was OK? Then he realized that he was being a closed-off, unresponsive dickhead. Again.

God, Alden. You’re being cold and hard and you’re worrying her. Stop being such an asshole.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” His voice was still too gruff, and he knew it. “You?”

“Sure.”

Kat had no earthly clue what she’d done wrong. He was barely making eye contact with her, and he looked really pissed off. All she could think was that he’d had time to really process her story while she’d been sleeping, and now he felt uncomfortable around her. It was heavy, she knew, and now she’d placed lots of stress and expectations on Jim and the guys.

They now feel responsible for keeping you safe, and Emma and Jenny and Liv, too. God, you’re a selfish bitch. You have no right to ask this of them, and Jim knows it.

She bit her lip and turned away. Jim watched her walk in to the tiny kitchen and put the kettle on the stove.

“You want some tea?” she asked, keeping her back to him. He could tell by her constricted tone that she was upset. Maybe even crying.

Cursing under his breath, he got to his feet. “Kat?”

“Yeah?” She still didn’t turn around.

“Can you just – can you look at me?”

She glanced over at him, her eyes bright.

“Goddammit,” Jim said. “Look – I’m sorry.”

“Why are
you
sorry?
I’m
the one who dumped all this on you, and now you’re stuck helping me.”

He blinked. “OK, what?”

“You heard me.”

“
Stuck
helping you?” His voice was rising again and she flinched. “Is that how you see it?”

She nodded.

“Come over here. Right now.”

She approached him, hesitated, stopped. “Yeah?”

“I’m not
stuck
with anything. Clear?” He moved closer. “Don’t you say anything like that to me, not ever again.”

Kat looked at her feet, totally confused now. “OK.”

“The thing is… well. The thing is that I have no idea what you need me to do, Kat. I don’t know what to say to you, what to do to help you. And I’m worried that I’m going to fuck it all up. Make it worse. Maybe even scare you.”

That
startled the hell out of her and she looked up at him. “What?”

Jim ran his hand through his dark hair. “I’m not good at stuff like this, Kat. Leading anything, or coming up with a plan. I’m just – I take direction. That’s it, that’s all I know how to do. I can’t be trusted to think for myself.” His face was hard with his own self-loathing. “You have to tell me what you need me to do for you. I’ll do it, I swear… I’ll do any damn thing you ask of me, I don’t care what it is. But you need to come right out and ask. OK?”

“Wait.” Kat shook her head. “I still don’t get why you’re so angry.”

“Because you’ve been through a living hell and you deserve better than being stuck with
me
.” His laugh was a sharp bark. “I’m the most useless of the four of us, but you get me anyway.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked, genuinely perplexed. “That you can’t think for yourself? That you’re useless?”

He shrugged again. “Because I can’t and I am. Dallas has access to all kinds of staff and resources that can really help you… track this guy, keep eyes on him. That’s helpful, yeah? Dean’s a natural-born leader, and he’s smart and calm as hell under pressure, and always knows what to do to get everyone out alive. And Chris… well, Chris knows just what to say to people to make them feel better. He’s just – he’s got that way about him, you know? He’s gentle and people trust him and like him.”

“And you think you’re not as good as them?”

“I
know
I’m not.” His eyes were unflinching. “And I just feel bad that you get me and not one of them. I was thinking it may be better for you to move in with one of your friends for a while, so you can be closer to one of the other guys.”

“Jim,” Kat said. “If you want to get away from me, just say so.”

“No, I don’t want to get away from you. If you want better than me,
you
say so. Tell me what you want, Kat, and I’ll give it to you. Anything you want, anything you need.”

“I want you.”

The words came out of her without any conscious thought. Shocked, they gazed at each other for a few seconds, adjusting to what Kat had uttered aloud.

“You – you do?” Jim said.

“Yes.” She held his eyes. “I want you here. I want you to be the one that I talk to, alright? I don’t know why this is so hard for you to believe, but it’s true. The other guys are great, no doubt about that. But I want
you
.”

“OK,” Jim said quietly. “Then I’ll stay. Just promise that you’ll spell it all out for me. I swear, I’m a fucking moron when it comes to how people feel and what they need to feel better. But tell me what I can do to help you, and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything you need to get through this.”

Her eyes filled up with tears. “You can hold me.”

Without even one second of hesitation, Jim opened his arms to her. “Come here, baby.”

Kat almost stumbled forward, and he pulled her to him, wrapped those amazing arms around her tight. Immediately, she felt warm and safe, maybe even a bit cherished. She closed her eyes and held on to the back of his t-shirt, feeling like her whole world was a storm and he was offering her a safe harbor. A tiny calm. Kat felt her breath slow now, felt the tension start to leave her body.

How can he piss me off so much one minute, and then make me feel so relaxed the next? That’s truly a gift. Albeit an annoying one.

Jim stood totally still, felt her body grow soft and curved against his hardness. He didn’t know what to say to this tough, exasperating, hurt woman, so he didn’t say anything. He just held her, tried to communicate through touch, through his body.

My God, I want to kiss her. Touch her everywhere. Take her to bed, put my body between her and the world, make her feel good and safe. She deserves to feel safe; I don’t think she’s felt that in a long, long time.

A minute passed, then two. The kettle started to boil, and reluctantly Jim pulled back.

“You want me to make you some tea?” he asked.

Kat smiled up at him, and he stared down at her stunning face. Sometimes he got the sense that in her eyes, he was the man that he wanted so desperately to be – that maybe she saw him at his best. It made him want to try to
be
that man, for her.

“See?” Her voice was soft and a bit teasing. “
This
is all you need to do, Jim.”

“What’s that?”

“Give me hugs and make me tea.” Absently, she brushed her fingers over his chest muscles, not even aware what she was doing to him. But
God
, he felt the tips of her fingers straight through to his core. “You can do that, right?”

Startled at her grace, he smiled back at her now. Kat blinked: it was rare to see Jim genuinely smile, and whenever that open, warm expression spread across his gorgeous face, she had to stamp down hard on the urge to kiss him. When he looked like this, all she saw was his good heart, his fierce desire to protect and comfort the people he cared about. In these seconds, she always,
always
loved him, just a little bit.

“Yeah,” he said, letting her go. As soon as he did, his arms felt empty. “Hugs and tea, I can do, no major problem.”

“Good.” Her body felt cold away from his embrace, and she moved to the sofa, trying to ignore this fact. “Then I’ll be just fine.
We’ll
be just fine.”

**

Late that night, Kat was lying in bed, every inch of her body aware that Jim was out on the sofa-bed in the living room. He was less than eight feet away, just on the other side of that door. She couldn’t see him or hear him, but dear God… she could
feel
him.

They had gone to Jim’s apartment after a late dinner, and she’d waited while he’d packed a bag. She’d been to Jim’s a few times before, but she had never really looked around. This time, though, she tried to take in as many details about this rough, tender, infuriating man as possible.

The apartment was small, almost as small as hers. As a cash-in-hand hairdresser who set aside almost everything she earned in her ‘emergency fund’, Kat was pretty strapped for disposable cash a lot of the time, and she wondered if Jim was too. Odd that Dean would pay him so little, but then again, Kat had no idea what a fair rate for tattoo artists in Denver could possibly be. So maybe Jim lived in a tiny place because he was a single guy, and he saw no point in wasting money on a larger apartment.

Anyway, from the looks of it, the man spent every penny he had on books. They were jammed on to a couple of cheap bookshelves, and piled high on every available surface. God, he even had books on his kitchen counters and neatly lined up under his bedroom window. She peeked at a few of the tiles, and was amused to see the range of topics: mystery, action, contemporary literature, some horror. She even spotted a few military romance books, and she grinned at that.

Maybe he’s reliving his days as a Ranger, reading about bad-ass military heroes saving damsels-in-distress in a war zone?

Then it occurred to her that Jim was, in effect, playing heroic bad-ass to her distressed damsel right at that moment, and she sighed.

“What’s up?” Jim asked as he emerged from his immaculately clean bedroom. “You OK?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said. “You finished packing?”

“Almost.”

Jim walked over to the largest bookshelf, reached under it and pulled out a large metal box. Kat watched as he unlocked it, flipped it open to reveal a handgun. She gasped and Jim glanced up at her.

“You OK with this?” he said.

“Uh… I guess so. I mean… I think so.”

He studied her. “You don’t want me to bring it, I won’t.”

“No, it’s OK.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Sorry. It just took me by surprise.”

He stood again and tucked the gun in to the waistband of his jeans at the small of his back. Kat was shocked to find a jolt kick her in the stomach as he did that.

Fuck. I find that weirdly sexy. Holy shit… just sign me up for the lead female role in a military romance, huh?

“OK.” He glanced around. “I think I’m good. Let’s go.”

They had spent the rest of the evening on her sofa watching a movie. It wasn’t the world’s biggest sofa, so despite the fact that Kat was practically climbing the arm at her end, she and Jim were touching a bit. It made her tense, but not necessarily in a bad way. She wasn’t sure
what
she felt, to be honest.