Enemy One (Epic Book 5) (71 page)

Raising an eyebrow, Esther remarked, “We’re going to
hijack
it?”

“That’s right.”

“Can’t say I expected that.”

Esther rounded the corner for the straightaway that led to the hangar, Scott following in step. “We land on the train, we get the device, we get out—preferably fast.”

She glanced back at him. “You say that almost as if this’ll be easy.”

“Yeah, well, easy ain’t happening. Everything has to go seamlessly, which we’re definitely capable of, but…it would be bucking a trend. We also need to coordinate this without the use of comm traffic, as Antipov thinks we need to go radio dark. So, yeah. This should be
real
simple.”

Emerging into the hangar space, Esther paused as she saw the pair of body bags. As if registering what they meant for the first time, the scout inhaled a small breath.

“You okay?”

After a short hesitation, Esther nodded. “Yes. Which one is him?”

“Far-side one.”

Taking a step in Travis’s direction, Esther stopped and looked back when she realized Scott wasn’t following. “Aren’t you coming?”

Scott took a step backward. “I already made my peace. I took you here for your sake.” Sliding his hands into his back pockets, he said, “Tell your friend goodbye.” Without another word, Scott turned and made his way out. Esther was left standing alone.

It took barely more than a few steps for the heaviness to hit. As Esther drew within meters, then feet of the black body bag with Travis inside, the air in the room become suffocating—despite the bitter, dry coldness of the gusting mountain winds outside. Eventually, even as her pace slowed, she found herself standing in front of Travis’s body. The scout’s brown eyes lingered on the black fabric. She said nothing.

Death. Not even the speed of a Vulture could outrun it. Death was always a little bit faster, always a few more steps ahead, ready and waiting to pounce when it was least expected. It was the ultimate hunter in that, with rare exception, no one saw it coming. And it had taken their pilot. Kneeling down in front of the bag, Esther rested her hand atop it. She felt Travis’s head underneath. She closed her eyes, drew in a deep breath, then exhaled.

How easily the bullet that struck Travis could have struck Jayden—not that the Texan’s life was any more valuable to the universe. Just the same, Jayden could have been taken away in the blink of his one good eye. Who was to say that it wouldn’t happen tomorrow? They were all on borrowed time.

Resting her hand atop the bulge where Travis’s forehead was, Esther smiled softly and said, “You were always such a nerd.” A cold silence came after the statement, as did a slow, ugly twisting of her face. It was hitting her now, just as it must have hit the others as they’d stood around him earlier. There would be no more mess of comics strewn about. No more animated monologues about Steller Man or his nemesis, Commander Kill. No more good-natured ribbing through the
Pariah
’s comm about operatives having to go out in cold or wet weather. No more Travis. Sucking in a breath through nostrils that were a little less clear, Esther managed to squeak out the words, “But you were our nerd,” before lowering her head and letting her emotions go. Staring at the hangar’s floor through watery eyes, Esther let out a moan of aggravation before looking up and wiping the tears away. “You got shot by a
sniper
! That’s ridiculous.” Blowing out a breath, she looked at the bag and said, “I am going to miss you.” Leaning forward, she placed a soft kiss where the top of his head was. “Fly fast up there, Navarro. I love you.”

Rising slowly to her feet, Esther let her gaze linger on the bag for a moment longer before she stepped back, turned away, and made for the hangar exit.

Scott was right. Wallowing in a sea of self-loathing was going to solve nothing. If she wanted Jayden back—if she wanted her dignity and sense of control over her own life back—she was going to have to make concessions. She would have to do the thing she hated the most: admit she wasn’t good enough.

She wasn’t good enough at being pure—at least not enough to avoid making slips of the tongue as she’d made with Scott’s name. That had been a dreadful mistake, and it could very possibly happen again. She needed to reiterate to Jayden, as she had at Route 66 in
Cairo
, that she had literally been a fool for Scott. She was still a fool now. Though her cravings for Scott were no longer at the forefront of her mind, their echo was still there. That would take time to go away. She needed to ask Jayden to be patient with her as she would desperately try to be a good girlfriend.

She wasn’t good enough at being honest. Jayden would know that for sure when she’d bring up her position as valkyrie—which she would. She would tell him that secrecy and misdirection were parts of her nature that she wanted to be rid of, horribly. She wasn’t good enough to change on her own. She needed the Texan’s help.

She wasn’t good enough at being calm. That was an Esther trait of which everyone was well aware. She was a firecracker. It was part of her that made her who she was. It was a big reason why she
needed
Jayden for that balance, as Scott had accurately claimed. Jayden was the yin to her yang—a calming breeze in the hurricane of her heart. He could teach her how to control that passion of hers that got her into trouble.

And last, but not least…Esther simply wasn’t good. The realization of that had been the most painful part of all this. She was not a good person—but she was trying to be. Jayden was a big part of that. She
wanted
to be good for him. He deserved a good woman. Why couldn’t that be her?

Why…
couldn’t
that be her?

In the midst of a new, unexpected thought, Esther stopped in the hallway. Despite the stillness around her, she felt her heart suddenly flutter. As a swell of lightheadedness hit her, she found herself bracing against the wall with the palm of her hand. “What are you thinking, Molly Esther?” she asked herself quietly. A fear—and an anticipation—was hitting her. Briefly, she looked back at the hangar entrance far behind her, where she’d just said goodbye to one of her comrades. One of her comrades whose life was over. Whose tomorrows had run out. As her breathing grew heavier, she said, “You’re crazy, girl. You are out of your sodding mind.”

But she didn’t feel so crazy. And all of a sudden, the troubled scout knew what she had to do. She knew there was only one solution to all of this. A solution that defied everything about who she’d always been.

She could be that woman.

Feeling on the verge of hyperventilation, Esther blew breaths, in and out, until she could stand up straight again. She needed to talk to Jayden. She needed to tell him everything, and then some. She needed to grab hold of that whirlwind before it passed.

But first…she needed to solve something else. A nagging problem that’d been a thorn in her side for days. A problem that had the potential to derail everything.

As fate had it, Esther happened to have a solution for that, too.

*
      
*
      
*

Scott had been in his room for barely five minutes before the knock on his door came. Opening it, he was surprised to see Esther standing eagerly on the other side. Raising an eyebrow, Scott simply said, “Yes?”

“Antipov wants you to go radio dark,” Esther said, “yet you need to coordinate this perfectly. You need to communicate without the use of a comm.”

Hesitating for a moment, Scott slowly nodded his head. “That’s the gist of this, yes.”

Lifting her chin, Esther said with total confidence, “Ju`bajai.” Scott looked at her curiously. “Start getting the Falcons accustomed to Ithini connections. Use her as a mental comm of sorts. Everyone will be able to communicate without saying a word.” Leveling her head again, she said, “And there’s your radio dark coordination.”

Deep thought evident on his face, Scott fell silent for several moments before responding. “That’s actually…a very good idea.”

“I know,” she said, smirking just a bit. “I came up with it.”

Scott’s eyes narrowed. “You’ve been on a crusade for Ju`bajai’s release. There must be a reason.”

Her smirk disappeared as, very slowly, a smile took its place. “Not anymore.” Without further word or elaboration, the scout turned and walked away.

Closing the door after she’d gone, Scott stepped to the middle of his room with his hands on his hips. “Ju`bajai, huh?” he asked himself aloud. Nodding his head as if pleased, Scott grabbed a pen and paper to work out the details.

*
      
*
      
*

Freedom. At long last, Esther could taste it. It pulsed in her veins, and with every step she took closer to Jayden’s room, the feeling grew stronger. By the time she arrived at his door, she was riding a wave of unbridled, unadulterated liberation. She didn’t need confirmation that Ju`bajai would indeed be freed and that her captivity in the being’s mind would finally end. Her idea
was
valid. If Scott had the power to free Natalie Rockwell, he’d have the power to free the Ithini, too. However he worked that out was his problem—not hers.
Esther
’s problem was behind an old, wooden door. Reaching up to it with her hand, the scout bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes. Drawing in a preparatory breath, she finally knocked.

It was the Texan who answered, and a quick glance past him ensured that—as she’d hoped—his Irish roommate was not present. As her eyes flitted back to his, she beheld his disapproving stare. Beneath that black eye patch, it only seemed that much more menacing. She tried to smile just the same. “Hi, Jay.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

Holding her open palm out and before anything else could come out of his mouth, she said, “I was addicted to him.”

Jayden squinted with his good eye.

“I was addicted to Scott for so long. I thought of him every hour, every waking moment. But you mustn’t think these habits are representative of how I feel toward him now…or toward you.” Swallowing deeply, Esther waited to see if a retort of some kind would come. One didn’t. Angling her head a bit and wincing, she asked, “May I come in?”

Initially, there was no reaction at all from the Texan—he simply stared at her as she stood awkwardly albeit hopefully in the hall, waiting to see if he’d clear the way. At long last and with a sigh, he did. “Come in.”

She exhaled with relief. “Thank you, Jay.” Slipping inside as he stepped aside, Esther walked to the center of his room. Only when she heard the door click shut did she turn back around to face him. “I owe you an apology.”

“You think?”

“I don’t deserve you, and I know it. That I was…that I
am
the weak link in this relationship is not unknown to me. You do me grace simply by calling me a friend, let alone your girlfriend.” Gently, she brushed the fringe of her bangs from her forehead. “And if I were you, I would dump me in a heartbeat. But I am not you, and I hope you hear me out.”

Folding his arms across his chest, but not aggressively, Jayden nodded a single time. “I’m listenin’.”

Though Esther smiled faintly at his willingness, she quickly tucked the emotion away. Clearing her throat, she began. “I have been enduring some things lately that no one knows about. They are deeply personal things. Painful things.” The scout played with her fingers. “I don’t say this to make an excuse, but I do hope they provide some context as to why I’ve been…why I’ve been the way I’ve been.” It was the least crass way she could say it. “Many of my past mistakes, my past failures, have been coming back to haunt me. From Khatanga, to mistakes I’ve made with comrades, to my propensity for narcissistic idiocy…I’ve come face-to-face with some realities about myself that have left me humbled, in the way that no one likes to feel humbled. They’ve made me feel humiliated.”

“Esther,” Jayden said, breaking into her monologue, “if you’ve been dealin’ with all this stuff, why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Because they are difficult to discuss with myself, let alone with anyone else,
let alone
with you—a man of character whose affections I am completely unworthy of. But what you need to know is that I have dealt with these things. I am ready to move on—which brings me to you.” Her dark brown eyes locked on him. “I beg of you to forgive me for the mistake I made with you. You have every right to ditch me for it, but it would break my heart, as you are the one it longs for, regardless of the lies my tongue may have told. I want
you
, Jay. You and no other.”

Rubbing his eye with his hand, Jayden looked down at the floor. “Man…”

“
Please
forgive me, Jay. I really,
really
need you to before I go on.”

“I forgive you,” he said, looking up at her again. “If you mean all the things you’re sayin’, if you really did just slip up, then yeah, I forgive you.” His expression shifted warningly. “But I don’t want to be competin’ with Scott.”

She looked at him flatly. “There is
no
chance that you’re competing with Scott. The woman Scott is meant to be with is Sveta, and she with him. They have their own ‘white knight saves damsel’ love story going on. That is, as soon as he finds her again.” Brushing back her hair again, she said, “The love story I want to talk about is our own.”

“Like I said, I’m listenin’.”

“Good,” Esther said, smiling warmly, “because I have a lot to say.” Her smile slowly faded. “Before coming here to your room, I said goodbye to Travis. And as I stood there, staring at that black, faceless bag he was in, all that struck me was how incredibly short our lives are, and how utterly perilous this situation is that we’ve all found ourselves in. Less than twenty-four hours ago, Travis was alive.” She shook her head in wonderment. “And just like that, in the blink of an eye, his life is extinguished. Right there, in the cockpit of the
Pariah
, the place where he felt most secure. Jay, that could be
us
.” Echoing her solemn countenance with his own, Jayden listened quietly. “EDEN could find out about
Northern Forge
tomorrow. At any
moment
, we could die. So I don’t want to waste a moment.” For the first time, the scout’s voice began to tremble. “If this were any other time, any other place, what I’m about to say would be ridiculous. But, for the life of me, Jay, right now it’s the only thing that makes sense. Let us not waste another minute.”