Enemy Within (Vampire Born Trilogy, #2) (8 page)

Well . . . I figure wherever I go, Mirko goes. Or I’ll follow him. I even like the idea of being able to go to dances with him. He did tease me at The Base about taking me to prom.

We’ll find a way to be together. We love each other so we’ll make it work.

“I still choose him,” I whisper because saying it aloud the first time was too hard.

Jaren drops my hands. “What? Why?”

I sigh. Do I tell him that I simply love Mirko more?

No, I have lots of reasons why Jaren isn’t the one for me, and it kind of ticks me off. “You shunned me. When something unknown was introduced, you pushed me away. Don’t get me wrong, I do love you. And that’s what made it so hard for me to see. It wasn’t until I quit accepting what you did as okay and started to think about how I would’ve responded if our situation were reversed.

“When I saw the fear in your eyes, the disgust when we found out what I was, I let that define me. I’m happy that I’ve now been able to shake that off, but it didn’t come without pain. You’re not supposed to hurt the people you love. You’re supposed to be there for them. Especially when something worth fearing is happening to them.” I drop my voice. “If we found out you were a vampire, I would be scared of what that meant. But I would cling to you tighter, too afraid that if I distanced myself, the new information would change your mind about us. Fear of losing you to that new world would push me closer to you. And that’s why I know I can never be with you. Not truly the way I’ve dreamed we could. When I needed to be held and comforted, you ran. I need someone to cling to me when I need clinging to.”

“Brooke, I’m trying—”

“I know. You’re trying to make it up to me. And you’ve been great through some pretty horrific stuff. But this world is still too new, too unknown, and I can’t risk my heart on you anymore. Love can either be a strength or a weakness, and I’m sorry to say that loving you is my weakness.”

My chest aches. I love Jaren—I really do. And the look in his eyes tells me his heart hurts too, which causes my lungs to constrict.

I can’t breathe. I knew this would be difficult, but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel the potency of my words or that they needed to be said.

I don’t say anything about Holly Anne because I don’t blame him for that. My decision for not being with him has to do more with him shunning me than anything else.

Jaren’s lips thin into an angry line. “If you love me, how can you be with him?”

I can’t blame him for being mad at me. “Sometimes love isn’t enough to trust your heart to someone else.” And he’d broken mine.

“Oh, it’s not, huh?” He steps closer so he’s right in front of me. “All my life, people have turned their backs on me, but despite that, I loved you enough to trust my heart to you. I was lost and finally started to feel like I was finding my way home. To you. But when things got crazy, I got scared. I freaked out. I was afraid to get close to something I didn’t understand. But I loved you enough to come back around and still trust you with my heart. I remembered the days of staring at you in class. I missed your laughter in the halls, the bounce in your step when you saw me. It was all those little things that had me still willing to trust my heart to you, even though you look at Mirko that way too.”

Guilt pounces on me. It can’t be easy for him to see me look at Mirko the way I’d always looked at only him. But I can’t have them both, and trying to hang on because I’m not strong enough to decide is selfish. Choosing one over the other takes courage . . . thing is, I don’t feel courageous. I feel like crap. “I know, and I’m sorry.”

“I’m not sure where that leaves me, but I’ll get my things from Garwin’s after school.” He steps back, putting distance between us.

“No,” I say, grabbing his wrist. “You have to stay. At least until everything is figured out with my father. He knows who you are. He’s met you and knows you’re important to me. I still care about you. I can’t just leave you to fend for yourself when I got you into this mess. Please.”

“I’ll think about it.” He steps back until his wrist is free from my grasp, and then turns and walks into school.

I stare at the doors that swallowed him up. I hadn’t considered how my decision would affect his safety. I brought vampires to his doorstep, and I hate that he’ll have to watch me with Mirko because he has no other choice but to stick around if he wants to survive.

I’m not sure how, but I get my legs to move. I walk toward the building, dazed.

“You can’t have both of them, you know?” Tiffany blindsides me.

I pause and stare at her. “What are you talking about?”

“Jaren and the new boy toy. Unless there’s someone else too, which wouldn’t surprise me by the way you’re bouncing from guy to guy.”

Did this chick really call me a slut? It’s bad enough I hate her guts for trying to steal Jaren away from me when we first started dating, but to insult me like this inflames me. “Who do you think you are? You know nothing about me, Jaren, or the
new guy
.”

She snickers. “What? Did you think I’d be outside of the loop? Word on the street is that you’re juggling both of them.” She raises her eyebrow at me in challenge. “And the new guy looks like a lot of fun.”

I’ll kill her if she as much as looks at Mirko.

I take a step closer to her. “You might be pretty and think you own this town. But number one, you made your move and Jaren still chose me. Number two, you’re a nobody. I could crush you right now without even trying. You need to start thinking before you open your mouth and let out the putrid air bottled up in there.” I tap her on her head and shove her aside as I make my way to the bathroom.

Within moments, my guilt has turned into fury.

I have to get away from her and calm down before I do something regrettable.

The bathroom door bangs open. I walk back and forth in front of the stalls like a jaguar paces her cage.

I can’t handle it. I’m stuck between two worlds, never really belonging in either of them. On the one side, everyone wants to kill me. On the other side, I’m ready to kill everyone.

Someone walks in before I’m calm enough to leave. “Want me to slap her for you?”

When I look up from the sink, I find Holly Anne. I laugh. “You? Stand up for me?”

She shrugs. “Sure. Girl’s a bitch. I’ve only heard her speak five words, but I already can’t stand her. I mean, if you’re worried about getting expelled or whatever, I’ll smack her for you. They can expel me all they want.”

I study her, dumbfounded by her. “What’s your deal?”

She hops up on the sink and crosses her legs at the ankles with an unnatural feminine grace. “No deal. I do what I want.”

I huff. “Oh, that’s right. Like using Sanjam on Jaren when it was against the rules?”

She raises an eyebrow. “No harm done.”

I shake my head in disgust. If I had the strength and confidence then that I have now, the harm would’ve been to her. I wouldn’t have asked Mirko to take care of her—I would’ve snapped and done it myself. “What are you doing here? Why would you risk your life for me?”

She clicks her tongue. “Not for you, sweetheart. For Mirko.”

Jealousy flares inside me. Tiffany thinking she’ll catch Mirko’s attention to play some evil game with me is one thing, but I have no idea what kind of history Holly Anne has with Mirko. She messed with me by toying with Jaren, and then she came out here for Mirko. I have to figure her out. Especially if she plans to stick around. “Right, he did offer up financial gain, didn’t he?” Mirko said she didn’t come for the money, but if not for that, then what?

She smirks at me. “I have my own money, da’ling. I don’t need his.”

“Really? Based on the way you’re dressed, I figured you got your clothes at Hoochies-R-Us in trade for sexual favors.” It’s a low jab, but I’m confident and frustrated, and taking it all out on her.

She slides her lithe form off the sink and steps in front of me. “Not quite, but I’ll let you borrow them sometime. I know what you’re feeling. We all know you drank from Mirko. Confident, sexy, powerful. On top of the world.” She stretches her arms out wide and drops her head back. “But you have no idea what’s it like—what it’s really like—in our world.” She lowers her voice and her eyes tighten around the corners. “Mirko has you wrapped up so tight in his little protective cocoon, you don’t have to face the bigotry, the racism, the sexism. You think you have it sooooo bad. Oh, no. The big, bad vampire wants to kill me. Try living a day as a Zao Duh. No, try living a day as a Zao Duh woman.

“At least you have Mirko. He’s willing to die for you, and not because he thinks it’s the right thing to do.” She laughs. “I can’t believe it, but I think he actually loves you. He saves people, but he doesn’t cocoon them like he does you. I’ve never seen him so taken with someone in all the years I’ve known him.” She folds her arms and rests her hip against the sink. “Trust me, I’ve tried.”

Anger rises in the back of my throat. I can’t handle her around much longer if she and Mirko slept together.

But what is this about being a woman in this world? Jelena mentioned something about women not getting the same treatment as men, but I have no idea what it’s like for the Zao Duhs. “If it’s so terrible for you, why did you want to turn?”

Her snarky grin fades. “It’s rare for someone to be turned under favorable circumstances.”

A small part of me softens toward her. Mirko’s circumstances had been terrible. And Holly Anne’s a person, not just some girl I’d like to slap. “What were yours?” I doubt she’ll tell me, but I have to ask.

She steps away from the sink but keeps eye contact with me. “The scumbag I dated at the time liked me enough that he wanted to keep me. Mirko thought better of it and eventually saved me. Just trying to return the favor.” And then she glides out of the bathroom without saying another word.

Heavy stuff. Whatever she means by that, it couldn’t have been good for her.

Second bell rings and pulls me from my thoughts. I hustle out of the bathroom and down the hall to class.

Mirko comes out of the classroom as I nearly reach the door. “Where have you been?” he chastises.

Ha! Like I’ve been off having fun or something. I grit my teeth. “Well, I had a chat with Jaren, then a chat with Tiffany, and finally a chat with Holly Anne. Tell me you never slept with her.”

He chuckles, clearly amused by my jealously. “Why? What did she say to you?”

I’m pissed at him for chastising me, about Tiffany’s skankiness, about everything, but it’s all clouded by my need to know. “Tell me if you did or not,” I growl.

His grin is lopsided. “Oh, she tried, but I never did. She and Ace, though. They had a thing for a while.” He steps closer and wraps me in his arms, kissing me on top of my head. “Then she and Hawk were intimate a few times—”

I step back and hit his chest. “Eww. I don’t need to hear about everyone she got around with. I only had to make sure it wasn’t with you.”

He pulls me to him with one arm. “And I thought you were cute when you were mad. Jealousy suits you, Slatki. I like it.” He purrs the last line in my ear, and although it clenches the muscles low in my gut, I push him away.

I hate being jealous.

I walk into class and he follows behind me. A grin on his face, no doubt.

***

The rest of my day doesn
’t improve much. The only highlight is that Mirko’s in my first three blocks, but by midday, I’m paranoid that he doesn’t think I can take care of myself.

I confront him after third block. “You really don’t think I can handle myself, do you?”

“Only taking precautions.”

“No, more like babysitting. Did you forget I took out Jelena by myself?”

His lip curls. “No, but Jelena got sloppy. She was comfortable with her lifestyle and having others take care of her dirty work. She underestimated you, and you got lucky.”

I bristle when he says I got lucky, but I did. Jelena underestimated me and I capitalized on that.

“Don’t worry,” Mirko says as he turns toward me and straightens my necklace, “I don’t have this next class with you.”

Any defensiveness I had fades, and regret for being grumpy washes over me. Maybe he really does trust me, at least one class worth. I reach up and kiss his chin. “Sorry for being a brat. I’ll catch up with you at lunch.”

He grins at me as I make my way to my next class. Normally, I would be bashful about his focus on me as I walk away. Now I like it.