Enjoying Trouble (Trouble #3) (22 page)

Another sob escaped me and then I started to cry my heart out. Pain slashed at me as I let it release. None of them moved to console me, but I didn’t want them to anyway; this was my release, my pain. I dropped to my knees and let it out, crying like a baby. My head felt like it was about to burst as every sob racked through me. I covered my face; the tears running down my hands and wrists. I cried for all my past mistakes, the worry I had put everyone through, the depression, the fate I tempted most nights, the complete and utter dislike of myself during those times. My past terrors. The hatred.

I opened my eyes to see that Will had moved; he was no longer standing near me. I looked around in panic to find him out on the balcony, looking out over the city. With all my fears, I feared losing him the most. I wiped at my tears and turned back to look at Zac and Noah.

“I don’t think you’ve got any more chances,” Zac quietly said. “Don’t fuck this up.”

I didn’t know if he meant with my life, with him or my Will but I nodded to them all. He then got up from the couch, leaned over and kissed me on the top of the head. “Love you,” he whispered.

T
I hadn’t heard t
hose
two whispered
words
,
from his lips
settled over me and made my chest ache
and I fel
t the ache in my chest as they settled over me
. Noah caught my eye and gave me a wink as fresh tears appeared.

“I need coffee,” said Zac as he headed over to the lift.

“Me too,” said Noah following him. “We’ll be back.”

I cried a little more as they left, before wiping at my tears and slowly getting up from the floor. I turned to look at Will, his muscles tense as he looked out over the city. I wanted to remove his anger, let him know that he could trust me from now on but whatever I said, he wouldn’t believe me now. I would just have to show him over time - hopefully time that he would give me. I walked over to him outside and stopped behind him. I put my hand on his back and kept it there for a moment, touching the living, breathing protector of mine. I moved my hand up to his shoulder blades and then back down again. I leaned in and kissed his back, before resting my face against him. I couldn’t say sorry; “sorry” was just a word, a word I had uttered too many times over the years to the point it was completely meaningless.

He hadn’t moved, so I kissed his back one more time, leaning myself against him. I slowly moved both arms around his waist and held on to him; he was my anchor and the most important person in my world. I would never jeopardise that again. It was my own silent promise. If I did, I didn’t deserve to live.

“I want nothing more than to grow old with you too,” I murmured against him.

He didn’t move at first, so I just held onto him. I felt all other words were redundant so I just held on tight.

Then I felt the urge to say one more thing.

“I love you, Will. More than you ever know; you mean everything to me.”

I felt instantly lighter, releasing those words. They were heartfelt and no longer something I feared because it was the simple truth. I did love him. Every inch of him, every breath.

He moved and took hold of my arm that was wrapped around him, pulling me around to face him. He enclosed me in against the balcony edge, his hands either side of me, gripping onto the railing. I looked up into his eyes, seeing the man that my teenaged sweetheart had grown into; this man had the strength to keep me, to hold me, and protect me. He leaned his face into mine, our noses slightly grazing each other before our foreheads touched. I could see the anger, love and strength deep within his eyes. He was a force to be reckoned with and I knew I would forever be safe in his arms. I only hoped I had the strength to hold onto him.

“Say it again,” he demanded softly.

I moistened my lips before I said again, “I love you, Will.”

His lips touched mine, softly first, before he took more from me. I returned his kisses, my tongue meeting his as my hands travelled up and around his waist.

He pulled back for a moment and looked into my eyes. “It all stops, now.”

I nodded and kissed him again.

“I’ll tie you up in my room and keep you safe in there if need be. Or marry you. Maybe both,” he said cupping my cheek with his hand.

I looked at him surprise and asked, “Marry me?”

He gave a slight grin and said, “Why not? I’m serious about getting old with you. You wouldn’t marry me?”

I bit my lip and then started to laugh. “I think I’d marry the fuck out of you.”

He gave me a full grin and kissed me again. “That’s my girl.”

I laughed against his lips and said. “Do you realise what we have just agreed to?”

“Yes, you’re going to allow me to tie you to the bed and let me do dirty things to you,” he said.

I laughed again and said, “No, we both said the ‘M’ word.”

He gave a mock gasp.

I hit him in the chest and laughed. “If that was a proposal, it sucked.”

“When I
do
propose, it won’t suck. I promise,” he said with a grin.

I smiled happily and kissed him. “Okay, so let’s go back to the tying me to the bed situation.”

“With pleasure,” he said taking me at the waist and lifting me up in the air.

I laughed and held onto his shoulders as he walked us back inside before he put me over his shoulder. I laughed and squeezed his buns of steel before realising we had stopped. I heard Zac’s voice and then smelt the aroma of coffee.

“I’ll put your coffees here and we’ll head off,” said Noah.

“I’ve got a lot of shit to do anyway,” said Zac.

“New ink, Janey?” asked Noah. “I thought we made the pact years ago that you wouldn’t get a tramp stamp?”

“What?” I asked, swinging my head to look at him upside down. “I didn’t?”

“Then, what’s on your lower back?” asked Zac, walking towards us.

Will lifted me off his shoulder and swung me around gently as my feet touched the floor. He lifted my top slightly at the back and then there was instant silence.

“What is it?” I asked, pulling my head around to look at them as Will’s grip went tighter on my waist.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” said Zac.

“What?” I asked, trying to turn against his hard grasp of my hips.

“Fuck,” growled Will suddenly, before letting me go.

I stumbled slightly and watched him pace the room, his face contorted with rage.

“We played into his hands last night; he’s fucking playing all of us,” said Zac angrily.

I ran to the nearest bedroom and up to the full length mirror in the en suite. I turned back to see what he was referring to and gasped. In black marker, there were two words on my lower back.

Mine first

“Shit!” I said, starting to shake. “Shit, shit, shit...” I said over and over again. I ran my hands through my hair and then quickly went back to the main room. I found Will getting off the phone from someone and pacing in the main living room. He was so angry and I knew I had disappointed him yet again.

“Tell me you remember something,” he demanded.

“I don’t,” I said with emotion, watching him pace.

“You went right into his fucking hands and he’s playing games with all of us, with me. Telling me that he had you first.”

I tried to think of something to say but nothing would calm him now. Happiness never lasted long before I fucked it up somehow. I felt dirty. Really dirty. I thought of the photos and swallowed.

“One of the photos of me is missing a couple of recent tattoos on my arm. It’s old.”

He took in a deep breath and held the back of his neck as he exhaled. “I’m so pissed right now. He’s been fucking around with you for years, right under our noses. Now he’s proving that no matter what I do, he can still get to you. He touched you last night. Talked to you and you can’t remember shit.”

“He must have done it on the carousel, when I was lying in the carriage,” I said quietly.

“What else did he fucking do?” he asked angrily, coming towards me and looking over my body.

“Nothing,” I said starting to cry again. “I don’t remember him.”

“How can you not remember anything?” he asked angrily.

“I remember different parts of the night, like I have snippets of the party in my memory. I remember feeling out of it and trying to make sense of what was going on around me. The house was full of people everywhere.”

“Where was Tilly?” asked Zac.

“We all know what Tilly was doing,” spat Will.

“I remember arriving there and having a drink with Tilly. I met a few people through Sebastian, but then he disappeared with some girl.”

“I need to speak to Tilly and Sebastian again,” said Will.

“Tilly could have been the one to spike her drink,” said Noah.

“I need to look into her and Sebastian,” said Zac.

“What else do you remember?” asked Will.

I closed my eyes and focused on the hazy memories of last night. “I remember leaving the party and Sebastian stopping me outside on the street. He was saying something to me but I can’t recall his words now.”

My head hurt as I tried to recollect memories of that night. I felt Will come closer to me and I yearned to be in his arms again.

“How did you feel when you were with him? Weird? Scared? Happy?” asked Will. “Close your eyes and think hard.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before releasing it. His voice was familiar to me, even though the recollection of it seemed buried deep within my brain.

“Scared,” I said suddenly.

Will let out a deep sigh and then closed the distance between us by taking me in his arms. “I’m going to find this creep and end him, I promise.”

Present

Will

As Zac dove into the digital world to find things on Tilly and Sebastian, I went to find Tilly myself. I had left a freshly showered but clearly shaken Janey in the care of Ava and Ivy at my place.

The club wasn’t open yet and as Tilly watched me walk over to the empty bar, she stopped preparing the glasses in front of her and looked at me in trepidation.

“He’s upstairs,” she said timidly.

“I’m not here for him.”

“Oh?”

“I found Janey, just in case you were wondering,” I said, watching her closely for her reaction. I had never trusted this girl, even when Zac was boning her.

“She okay?”

“She’s fine,” I said. “So tell me some of the people at this party last night.”

“I hardly knew anyone. You should speak to Sebastian when he comes in, they were his friends.”

“So what about the name of the guy you were – ”

“I don’t know his name,” she said darting her eyes away from me and over to the door that led to the office.

“I want names of the people there last night. You had to know some of them.”

She set her eyes on me again and raised her chin. “Are you going to tell him anything?”

“I don’t give a shit about my brother’s love life. You can do whoever and whatever you want, Tilly. I want names.”

“Zac looks good.”

“Zac is great and stop changing the fucking subject.”

“I fell for him, you know.”

“Well, it sucks to be you, then,” I said narrowing my eyes on to her. I really didn’t trust this girl.

“It does sometimes,” she said thoughtfully.

“Names, Tilly,” I demanded.

“He looks…happy.”

“And you realised this from the two minutes you saw him last night?” I asked.

“And the other night when he was here before you all left in a rush.”

“I’m guessing Zac is unaware of the unrequited love you seem to have for him?”

Her eyes darted to the office door again before she focused on the glasses again. “I’m in love with Jake, not Zac.”

“I’m very happy for you. So, Janey left the party with a guy, know anything about that?” I asked.

“Nope.”

“You didn’t see what he looked like?”

“You should ask Sebastian; I didn’t see anything.”

“Too busy bumping uglies with the guy with no name, right?” I asked, my temper rising.

“I don’t know anything, Will,” she said, looking around again. Her face changed when she saw Jake coming out of the office door.

“Hey, Will,” he called out, heading over to us.

I nodded at him in greeting and said under my breath to Tilly, “If you have anything to do with Janey that ends up hurting her, I will hurt
you
…and that’s a promise.”

Tilly looked at Jake as he reached us and smiled up at him. A smile that hid the fact she had been pumped hard last night by a guy who wasn’t my brother. I would have to tell him eventually because we did share the same mother after all.

“Hey man,” said Jake. “What brings you here?”

“I’m looking for Sebastian.”

“Well, interesting you say that because I just got an email from him saying he’s not coming in tonight or any other night from now on. I tried calling his phone but it’s disconnected. Sounds like he’s done a runner, which is kind of weird.”

“Weird,” I said, looking to Tilly. She deliberately didn’t look at me, focusing on Jake.

“I gotta go,” I said, pulling my phone out of my pocket as I headed out of the club. Something definitely weird was going on.

I told Zac everything including Tilly’s infatuation with him. Tilly and Sebastian were key to all of this somehow and we needed to find out more immediately. He sent me Sebastian’s address; I picked up Noah and went straight over there. If he was planning on disappearing, I needed to speak to him first. He definitely didn’t live in the place where the party was last night as I looked up at the small apartment in front of me. We knocked on the door, ready for anything as a guy opened it and looked at us in question.

“Is Sebastian home?” I asked.

“No,” he said, going to close the door on us.

Noah shoved the door open wider before he could close it.

“He’s not here,” said the guy, now looking at us in panic.

“Where is he?”

“He moved out a few days ago; I have no idea where he has gone.”

“Bullshit,” said Noah.

The roommate stepped back to let us in. “See for yourselves; his old room is on the left.”

We went over to the door and looked in. The room was empty, except for a bed.

“If you find him, tell him he owes me rent,” said the roommate.

I went inside the room and lifted the mattress, looking for anything and nothing. Noah opened a closet door and then swore. I turned to see the back of the door covered in photos.

A girl laughing, crying, smiling, all at different times, in different places.

My Janey.

All taken without her consent.

Noah and I both started to quickly take the photos down, before looking around the rest of the room.

“You know who she is?” I asked the roommate.

“Never seen her,” he said with a shrug. “Sebastian always had a lot of girls. He never brought them back here though.”

“Where did he take them?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug.

“And he didn’t tell you where he was going?”

The roommate shook his head and said, “He rarely told me anything. Does he owe you money?” he asked nervously. “Cause I don’t have any.”

“He owes us information, that’s all,” I said.

Later that night, I headed home after being at Zac’s place with Noah. We had spent the night going over the photos and waiting for Zac to find something online, but all he seemed to get were dead ends.

I got home to Ava and Ivy asleep on the couch. Pizza boxes and empty bottles of soda were on the coffee table; they hadn’t had any alcohol for Janey’s sake and I appreciated it. I looked around for my girl and wondered why she wasn’t with them.

The balcony’s sliding door was open so I went out there first.

I found her sitting on one of the deck chairs, her knees up to her chest and her arms hugging herself. She was deep in thought and looked just plain sad. I hated that someone was playing with her, I hated that she had let them last night. It was a cruel world, where one could never feel true happiness for long, before something in their life went wrong. I wanted to change that, wanted to make her happy. Forever.

“Hey,” I said walking over to her.

“Hey,” she said, resting her chin onto her knees.

“How come you’re not asleep on the couch like the others?” I asked.

“Can’t sleep,” she said quietly.

“You okay?” I asked, straddling the deck chair and facing her.

“It wasn’t Sebastian.”

“There were photos of you at his place.”

“The stalker isn’t Sebastian. I’ve been trying to remember; I get flashes of memory and I know he tried to warn me last night. He was saying things to me and I can’t remember exactly what they were, but I remember him taking my arm and pulling me back.”

“Why didn’t you go with him then?”

“I can’t remember. I just know it wasn’t him.”

“But you said this guy was familiar to you. Sebastian is familiar to you.”

              She shook her head before burying her face back into her knees. I touched her feet, moving my fingers slowly over her ankles, before pulling them gently towards me. I then scooted her over towards me, her legs going over my thighs. She put her hands behind her to keep herself upright and looked at me.

“Sebastian’s gone to ground. We can’t find him anywhere, it’s like he didn’t even exist. Did Tilly know any of the guys there last night?”

“A few, why?”

“I don’t trust her; she’s hiding stuff,”

“You think she would be a part of all this? I’ve only just met her, along with Sebastian.”

“I don’t know. Nothing is making sense right now. I’m going crazy with all the unknowns,” I said honestly.

“Here I go again; making you crazy,” she said with a sigh.

“Hey,” I said cupping her cheek. “Where’s my girl gone? Where’s that fiery spirit I love so much.”

“I’m just tired, I guess. Tired of living like this. Tired of being a pain in the ass.”

“What can I do? What will make you smile again?” I asked, leaning into her and kissing her softly.

“I don’t know,” she whispered against my lips, her eyes filling with tears. “This is me. I’m not always going to be up, some days I’ll be down. Like now. And you’ll probably hate it.”

“I’ll take you however I can get you,” I said softly. “We’re in this together, remember?”

She nodded and kissed my lips, savouring the moment.

“How about we go for a ride on my bike? Just leave it all behind us for a couple of hours.”

She suddenly smiled, remembering the times when we disappeared on my bike together, lost in the wind and rumble of the engine.

“Let’s go,” she said with a grin.

Janey

Nothing much in life can change you when you’re feeling so down. There are the days when you just want to distance yourself from everyone and get your head sorted. You know that it will eventually pass and that you will be back up again, fighting each day and smiling.

Then there are the other days, when you feel a like a cloak is over your entire body, weighing you down. Sometimes it becomes so heavy, it’s hard to walk and hard to breathe. You surround yourself with nothing but your own dismal thoughts, your own sometimes unexplained sorrow. There is always the underlying anxiety that it may never pass this time, that the cloak will end up strangling you and you will be lost within it forever. On these days I disliked the people around me; going about their lives, smiling and getting things done. I almost envied them a little, feeling so righteous about their lives. Why did I have to get the cloak of despair? Why had I had so many wrongs in my life?

When was I going to be right?

When would I get my chance to be a normal person; going about her life, achieving great things, taking happiness in the mundane? Breathing lightly without any darkness in sight.

I yearned for just a slice of that life, where everything was uncomplicated. I wanted to be a girlfriend that made her man simply happy by just being me.

I didn’t want to wallow in my past and the terrors I had been through. I wanted to shrug it off and start afresh; I wanted to shed my old skin and be the person I had always wished that I could be.

I just wanted to breathe again without the looming darkness overshadowing my every move.

Out of all the wrongs that I had experienced in my life, there was one right. One big right that was currently taking me on a ride on his bike. Someone so thoughtful and considerate that he knew escaping for a few hours and experiencing a taste of freedom together would help towards lifting my spirits.

As the cold night air swept through my hair and made my eyes water, I hugged the warm, hard body in front of me.

He would be my saviour from here on in.

I would desperately try to break through the cloak of darkness, stomp on it and set fire to the fucking thing.

This was it. This was my chance to breathe and be happy. We drove for miles through the empty streets and down to the bay. The cool winds from the water were like ice on my face but it was beautiful and liberating.

We stopped at the edge, where the bay turned into the great big ocean and took a moment to breathe. There were a few big ships out in the distance, their lights twinkling being their only signs of life. Will held me tightly against him, saying nothing but his silence saying so much.

“We’ll get through this, I promise,” he whispered into my ear.

I held on to each of his words, believing in them.

Will

Getting a call at six am is not the best way to wake up from a deep sleep. We had only been back from our ride for two hours and one of those, I had proceeded to show Janey just how much I loved her. Seeing her fall asleep in my arms with a smile on her face was one of those defining moments in life. I felt ten feet tall.

I answered my phone without checking the screen, my eyes still trying to fully open.

“Will, its Ryan.”

I frowned, my brain not fully working, wondering who the hell Ryan was.

“Dad…I mean - Dean - is in hospital.”

I sat up in bed, rubbing my hand over my face.

“What happened?”

“He’s had a heart attack. He just got here in the ambulance and I’m waiting for them to tell me something more. I thought you would want to know.”