Enjoying Trouble (Trouble #3) (8 page)

“I still don’t understand why, but you’ve made a choice and I guess I’ll accept it.”

I looked down at his fingers on mine and blinked back the tears that were forming.

“You want a new life and I’m not in it”.

I slowly blinked, feeling every word like a slow punch.

“It’s not like that, Will,” I whispered.

“Then how is it?” he asked leaning into me, our foreheads barely touching. “You were all mine, my Janey and then you went in to rehab and you became a stranger.”

I swallowed back a sob and closed my eyes.

“I didn’t want to be a stranger, but it’s the only way I can do this,” I whispered.

“But what if I just want my friend back?”

“I’m the worst type of friend to have,” I whispered. “You of all people should know that.”

His lips gently brushed against my forehead as he said, “Yeah, but it’s what we have together. We wouldn’t be us without it.”

His words both caressed my heart and squeezed it painfully. My Will, the one who would at times put his humour aside and bowl me over with his true emotions. No-one else got to see this version of him, only me. One day, he would find another girl and she would see this side of him, and I hated her already.

“Was it because I was bad for you? Enabled you somehow?”

“No,” I said immediately, pulling back a little and looking him in the eye. This wasn’t his fault. It was all mine, and I had to own it. “You’re not the bad one here, Will. Leave that for me. I’m the bad one. I’m the one that needs to get my life in order. I need to stop ruining yours and get it together.”

“And if I said you had never ruined my life?” he pressed.

I leaned back further from him as I said, “But I have Will. In so many different ways.”

He frowned, looking like he was going to argue with me.

“Don’t pretend otherwise. I just need space and time to get myself together. Shape myself into a normal person that doesn’t escape her problems through hurting herself and hurting the ones closest to her.”

He nodded, his hand slowly letting mine go. I felt the space between us instantly and it was so hard to let go.

“So what’s the plan then?” he asked next.

The question stumped me. I had no plan as yet. I only had an epiphany a few hours ago, so I was yet to set things in motion. I had only concentrated on trying not to get wasted and hurt myself over the last few months. It had taken all the power I had to keep afloat and not drown in the depths of my own despair. Now I needed to take the next step; to take care of myself and look towards the future.

“I need to find a job,” I said suddenly. Maybe that was a good first step on my road to fixing myself. I needed to take some responsibility and not have the time to get lost in my depressing thoughts.

“Cool. Want me to help? I’ve got…contacts, especially in the bar business. I could organise something for you straight away.”

I tried not to feel overwhelmed at the direction of the conversation. I had hurt this guy over and over again and he was still going out of his way to help me with my new plan.

“I guess if I’m behind the bar, I can’t drink myself crazy and make bad decisions.”

“Exactly,” he said pulling his phone from his pocket and texting someone.

“You’re texting someone now? It’s nearly six am.”

“Nightclubs don’t sleep,” he said receiving a text, reading it and then typing something back. I reached over to the sink, put my mug down and grabbed another marshmallow. Maybe this was a really good idea. It was something that I could own for myself. I could take responsibility and wouldn’t have to rely on Zac anymore. Maybe I could really fix myself.

“Done,” he said, slipping his phone in his pocket. “You start today at five pm.”

“What?” I exclaimed.

“Got you a bar position at Disclosure.”

“But I’ve never done something like that. I’ve never –

“It’s cool, Janey. They will train you up,” he said finishing off his milk and then putting the mug in the sink. “Want me to take you?” he asked, before pausing and thinking better. “Or I’ll just text you the address. Ask for Jake. He’s the manager there,” he said texting me the details.

“But, it’s not that simple –

“Some things are that simple. Give it a go. If it doesn’t work out, you can do something else,” he said with a shrug.

“But –

“I’m going to have a shower, I’ve got to be at work in thirty minutes,” he said walking away.

“You haven’t had any sleep.”

“So what else is new,” he said with a grin, before leaving me with a wink. I went to smile and then stopped myself, hearing him head up the stairs. I heard his door close upstairs somewhere and then I let myself smile for a moment. Will had not only made me smile once again but he had given me hope. I had a new job. Maybe my life could be okay. I turned the light off in the kitchen and went back to my makeshift bed on the couch. My phone lit up with a message in the darkened room and I grabbed it, hoping it was from Will saying goodnight or something from upstairs.

Unknown:
Whore

And just like that, any hope I felt drained away from me in an instant.

Will

I was struggling. I had just finished my lunch break and now all I wanted was to fall into bed and sleep for the next twelve hours. I had hoped that I had mended a small part of my friendship with Janey earlier that morning; even if I had left her thinking I was happy with the friend situation. I would always want more but I knew she needed the time and space. I was happy that I could help her out with a job - she didn’t need to know that my family owned the club and that I had made the decision to hire her. I had told Jake, my half-brother, to expect her and to take care of her. She was also in no uncertain terms, off limits to anyone in the club. But of course Janey didn’t need to know any of that.

I flicked my cigarette into the metal ash tray on the floor outside and finished off my energy drink as I walked back to where I was working. I worked construction. My family owned half the city but I sweated hard each day building commercial offices. After my first misdemeanour with the law, my now late grandfather had set up a contract that I had to follow. I had to do what he required or I would not be allowed to access my trust fund that he had set up for me. He had one requirement - for me to work, at a specific construction company. He gave no other instructions, other than I had to fulfil a job there for at least three years. At the time I had put it down to him wanting to show a rich kid high on life and drugs a bit of responsibility and hard work. I guess it had. I had already passed the three year mark just recently and I was still there. I missed my grandfather. I had never met my father and to this day still didn’t know who he was. I was obviously created during a one night stand, or so I was led to believe, and I left it at that. I didn’t have daddy issues because my grandfather alone had been the strong male in my family. I had always looked up to him and he was the only one in the family who seemed to understand me. His death had really done a number on me and I missed the hell out of him.

The hard work didn’t hurt me. Most days when I hadn’t missed sleep, I enjoyed coming to work. I liked the boss and I had made some good friends there.

But today I was struggling.

I couldn’t get Janey off my mind, even though she was never far from it most days. These last months had been hard on me and I hated the fact that I was in the dark with what happened during rehab. She had gone in and disappeared from me. The girl who had been my future had changed, and we were finished. No proper explanation. Just…done.

I couldn’t let her go. She meant too much to me even though she had clearly told me to move on. I felt like she was lying, not only to me, but to herself. No one could deny the attraction, the familiarity and intensity between us. She was it for me. I had tried to forget her but no matter how many girls let me in between their legs; she was always there in my mind. I wanted to demand answers. I wanted to find the shrink that had told her I was a bad idea and ask why.

I had always been on her side and never took advantage like the other fuck heads before me. I wasn’t there to use her or make her feel bad; I wanted her better. I wanted her to see the girl that she really was inside, the beautiful soul that had captured me the moment we had set eyes on each other all those years ago. It pained me that she was so willing to throw everything away.

“Will!”

My head shot up to see Dean, the boss, looking over at me near the doorway. He smiled and shook his head as he said, “Your shift finished ten minutes ago.”

“Shit,” I said as I put my tools down and wiped my hands on my work pants.

“It’s got to be a girl, right?” he said with a knowing smile. I looked around the place to see if the other guys had gone because I didn’t want to be teased.

“Yeah.”

“Trouble?” he asked next.

“Always,” I said heading over to him.

“Want a beer and talk about it? Or have a beer and not talk about it like real men?” he asked. We usually had beers together at the end of the week with the rest of the guys, as a wrap up of a long, hard week. But if he was offering up tonight as well, I wasn’t going to say no.

“Yeah, sure. Why not!”

It wasn’t long before we were in the local bar across the street, sipping on a cold beer and talking about anything but my troubles with Janey.

“So you’re married,” I stated, noting his wedding ring.

“I am…well I was, but I lost my wife a few years back now. To cancer.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said not even comprehending the idea of cancer and losing someone I loved.

“And I’ve got two sons; very proud of them both. Think you’ll settle down one day soon?” he asked.

“I can’t even keep a girlfriend, so no, probably not in the near future. But when its time, yeah I’ll settle down. Have a stack of kids.”

“Good luck with that,” he said with a smile.

I shrugged and said, “I just want a big family. Be a good dad.”

“Sounds good,” he said motioning to the bartender for another two beers. “You have any brothers or sisters?”

“I have two half-brothers but don’t have much to do with them,” I said as I put the bottle to my lips and took a long swig. “I’m the outcast of the family and I like to keep it that way.”

Dean sipped his beer and then asked, “And your parents?”

“My mother enjoys keeping me as the outcast and I never knew my father.”

“That must have been hard.”

“I accepted early on that he wasn’t part of my life for whatever reason. My mother never wanted to talk about him, so I just moved on I guess. I put it down to a one night stand.”

Dean nodded and then asked, “So you’re not close to your mother?”

“Hell, no! She’s actually the devil incarnate, disguised in a woman’s body. She owns half the city and lives and breathes her businesses. Nothing else matters to her. It’s quite possible she feeds off defenceless babies in her down time.”

“Right,” laughed Dean.

“So you close with your sons?” I asked, just knowing he probably would be.

“I am. They’re my world,” he said proudly. I clinked my beer with his and took another sip. I wanted to be just like that one day.

Past

Will

“So what if I was to say that I like your sister?”

Zac chuckled as he leaned back on the couch, a joint to his mouth.

“I’d say no shit,” he said with a smirk.

“No big surprise there¸” laughed Noah. “You had your tongue out as soon as you saw her the other night and your eyes were all googly and shit.”

“Googly?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Yeah, like a lovesick puppy.”

“How about you say that again, but this time with my fist in your mouth,” I said.

“Boys, keep your fantasies private. I want no part of it,” said Zac, sitting up and taking a sip of his beer. He looked over to me thoughtfully.

“Yes, I can see you’re into her. I don’t think there are many guys who would ever be able to handle her, but you just might. You know what she’s been through though and I wouldn’t want to see her hurt.”

I nodded with confirmation and said, “Understood.”

I saw her again at a club a week later. I didn’t do the club scene but I went along on the off-chance that I would bump into her. Having just come from a metal gig, the thumping club music jarred my brain, but I pushed on and headed to the bar. Zac had found a girl at the metal gig and had already gone home with her, leaving just Noah and I to deal with the clubbers around us. We eyed them as we made our way through, knowing that this crowd was always ready to fight. Give a wrong look and it was on. I put it down to the repetitive, shit dance music that was frying their brain. I wasn’t a lover of it, never would be and it was one of the reasons we never relaxed at these places. We always got into trouble. Noah ordered two beers as I took a casual look around the place. Yes, I was looking for one girl in particular, but no-one needed to know that. Noah passed me a cold beer and I took a grateful sip. It was hot as fuck in there.

“Ten minutes and then we’re out of here,” I shouted over to Noah, who nodded and continued to scan the club. It took another ten minutes, with us moving through the club to finally find her. She was past the main dance floor, in a section with red couches against the walls. She was with a group of friends but clearly dancing with herself, her eyes closed and her supple body moving to the beat. Every guy within a few feet of her was clearly eyeing her over and enjoying the sight.

I deliberately played it cool, staying back and watching her from afar for a while. I could tell she was enjoying the dancing, but I could also see she was clearly off her head on something. I leaned against a pillar with my beer and watched alone, having lost Noah to a female somewhere behind me. I tempered down the sudden urge to shove everyone away from her because as far as I was concerned, they were enjoying the sight of her a little too much. I had no right to be so possessive, but I hated the fact that she was making herself vulnerable with drugs. Counting in my head slowly to calm down, like my trainer taught me, my eyes focused on only her. A new song started and she smiled to herself, before opening her eyes. I didn’t believe in connections until then, because somehow across the dance floor, her eyes opened and landed directly on me.

Two beautiful eyes took me in and I was sucker punched. I knew she remembered me, even through her drug haze because her small sexy smirk gave it away. She continued to dance, but this time it was just for me. I casually sipped my beer, pretending that I wasn’t turned on at the sight of her. I watched her hips gyrate to the beat, her long blonde hair flick over her shoulders as she moved. She mouthed the words to the song; her full red lips making my mind go instantly dirty. She smirked at me again and I couldn’t hide a slight grin as I tipped the bottle to my lips. She laughed, the sound silenced with the music, but the action making her look even more beautiful. I thought of moving over to her, but knew that she would expect me to dance with her, and I didn’t dance - for anybody.

Then a guy appeared behind her and started to dance against her. She continued to dance, moving her body against his, her eyes not moving from mine the entire time. I knew she was teasing me but I wasn’t in the mood for games that night. I wouldn’t be teased into a fight with the guy who was unknowingly pissing me off right now. I had already come to a club I hated and I wasn’t going to stand around like a schmuck and get jealous. I took the last sip of my beer, looked at her one last time, then turned and walked away. I made my way through the bodies, scanning for Noah. A hand suddenly grabbed my arm from behind and I turned to look at its owner. Big beautiful eyes met mine in question.

“Are you leaving?” she asked.

“Yep,” I said, secretly happy that she was now in front of me but I refused to show it.

“Why?” she asked, cocking her head to the side as if trying to work me out. I had obviously not done what she had expected. I put my beer bottle up between us and said, “Beers finished - time to go.”

Her eyes narrowed at me and she crossed her arms. “You came here for one beer?”

She now looked completely focused and no longer high, making me wonder if she had taken anything at all. I leaned over into her ear and said, “How do you know I haven’t been here all night? I might really enjoy making my ears bleed with this god awful music.”

She leaned up into my ear and said, “You seemed to be enjoying it a moment ago.”

“Was I?” I asked, my cheek deliberately brushing against hers. She pulled back, her eyes narrowing on me again.  She was still trying to work me out and I hid a smile. Unsure, she then folded her arms in front of her. The girl was a walking contradiction and I loved it.

“Why are you here then, if you hate this music?” she shouted over the music. I shrugged and leaned into her again, taking my time at her ear before I said, “There was something that I had to see in here tonight.”

“And did you see what you wanted to see?” she asked into my ear, her cheek now against mine.

I grinned and said, “Yeah, I did.”

She pulled back slightly, her eyes on mine.

“Was it worth the awful music?”

“Too early to tell,” I said with a shrug. She smirked and shook her head, before putting her body up against mine.

“Every second you were here watching me was worth it and you know it,” she stated with fire in her eyes. I totally agreed, but she didn’t need to know that just yet. I looked down at her hands, now trawling their way over my chest, feeling every muscled crevice that I had worked hard to get. I wasn’t playing her the way she expected tonight and she suddenly looked unsure. Her hands stopped and she took them off me like I had burnt her. I moved to put my empty beer bottle on the nearest flat surface and then turned back to her. She was standing there with her arms folded again, the fire in her eyes still burning. I wanted to pick her up, throw her over my shoulder and take her home.

“I’m going to grab some food somewhere; you want to come with me?”

“As in a date?” she asked with a frown.

“No, as in two friends getting something to eat. I don’t date.”

“I don’t date either.”

“Well we have something in common then,” I returned. She paused for a moment and I saw the change in her; the fire in her eyes now competed with the fear that she buried down in the dark depths, where no one could easily see. Except for me. I knew she was scared of feeling. She didn’t date and she didn’t get close to people because she had been hurt too much to do either. If I wanted to pursue this broken angel, I would have to be one step in front of her at all times.

“Janey, come back and dance,” said a girl, putting her arms around her neck before settling her eyes on me. “Well hello, you.”

My eyes didn’t move from Janey’s as I waited. She didn’t answer me but didn’t move away with her friend either.

“Hey Mr Muscles, how about getting us a drink?” said her friend with a sexy smile. My eyes didn’t move from hers.

“I’ll be outside if you want to join me. I’ll give you five minutes and then I’m gone,” I said.

“Where are we going?” asked her annoying friend with a drunken laugh. I turned to go and then stopped and turned back to her. I took her arm and pulled her closer to me.

“Every second was definitely worth it, just so you know,” I said into her ear. I then turned and moved away without another glance. I made my way through the hot club and headed to the entrance. I had taken a risk by letting her go. In five minutes I’d know where I stood with this new friendship. I texted Noah.

Will -
I’m outside, gone in 5

Noah -
Meet up later

I smiled and slid my phone back in my pocket. He had clearly found a girl inside and was enjoying himself. I nodded to the security guys and waited.

And waited.

I even waited another two minutes after the five minutes were up. She wasn’t coming out. I had to admit I was disappointed but I was also suddenly starving and that got me walking away from the club. I headed down the street with my hands in my pockets and let out a sigh. I had taken a risk and it hadn’t paid off tonight but I was still glad I had done it. I didn’t want to be like every other guy in her world; wanting a piece of her to satisfy myself. I could have stayed in the club tonight, danced with her, fed her more drinks and had my wicked way with her but I didn’t want that. I wanted to be different.

“I think Franco’s is still open and they do a mad pizza.”

I stopped and turned to see her walking towards me, her arms crossed over to keep herself warm. I hid my excitement as I took her in. I waited for her to catch up to me and didn’t miss the sudden vulnerability in her eyes. She had left the club to be with me.

“Cool. I’m starving,” I said, starting to walk again. She fell into step beside me and was silent.

“So your friends were cool with you leaving?” I asked.

“They’re not friends. Just people I party with,” she said concentrating on the pavement in front of her.

“Fair enough.”

“Friends are overrated. So are people,” she added.

“Well I’m not overrated. Remember everything you hear about me is true, including my sexual prowess, stamina and size.”

She suddenly smiled and all felt right in the world again.

“That’s right, I remember now - it’s the size of a thumb,” she laughed wiggling her thumb at me. I laughed and replied, “A thumb of a fucking huge giant maybe.”

She laughed heartily and we headed to Franco’s.

As each day passed after that, she became more important to me. Over the next few months, I lusted after her but also respected her as a friend and enjoyed hanging around with her. Zac never became an overbearing brother with me because deep down, I think he knew that I would never fully have his sister. She kept her heart at a great distance where no one could have access. I knew her history and knew it was for protection, but I always aimed to be the one that got to her heart in the end. The one that could break through those thick-walled defences and see the real girl inside.