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Alex looke
d me over. “Do you want to tell us?” He asked.

I shook my head.
No, I don’t but I need people to see it. I need to see them react to it. I need to know I was wrong. “I can only show you.” I said. I set up Alex’s TV and switched it to computer mode. “It…I don’t want to talk about it so please don’t ask any questions…or say anything about it period. Just watch it. People already saw this and they think it’s fake.” They nodded. “This isn’t everything that happened but it’s enough for you to know what happened…and understand why I never talk about it.” I said.

I sat down on the coffee table and hit play.

There was a message to the viewers.
Mature material is showed in this video. Please be advised. No one was hurt during the making of this video, all substances are fake and everything is legal. Thank you to the participants of the video. And thank you for the amazing acting on your behalf. You know who you are.

The screen went black and
then
And the World Was Gone
by Snow Ghosts played in the background. Then the photos showed up. There was a caption.
Be above the influence. Don’t hurt the people you love…don’t hurt yourself.

Some personal photos from my phone were on it, and the rest were taken by Christy. There were photos of Ty and I. Just starting out, holding each other, everything a couple would do, smiling and being happy. Most of them were in black and white. There were photos taken at parties, drugs being handed out–faces were blocked
out in those ones.

The photos were taken every second of this moment. I walked over to Ty’s house and stood under a window. He dumped a bucket of water on me, I stood with my jaw dropped then I smiled. I stood on the hood of his car and made my way up. I took off my shirt and called him down. Smiles were everywhere. Ty wouldn’t come do
wn. I unbuttoned my shorts. That’s when Ty left the window and came down a second later. He grabbed me by the legs and put me on his shoulder. To anyone looking, it was a normal thing happening. But to Ty and I, it was more. I reached in his back pocket and took out a tiny clear bag with cocaine. I slipped it into my back pocket and let him hold me. We stared into each others eyes when I got up. I blew a kiss to Christy and held onto Ty. Whispering unknown words to him.

The next were me
and Ty in Marks place. Spread out on the couch, bed, and kitchen. The next few were of me and Tiffany. We got into a fight and I stormed off. Tiffany holding her head in her hands, hurt.

The last few were tough. It was the beginning of August. Ty and I were spread out on his couch, me on top of him. Sleeping. So it looks. Mark walks over, ta
kes the alcohol out of my hands and studies my face. Then he looks at the table and finds a syringe. He checked my arms. He checked Ty. Ty woke up and stared off into space. Mark was back to me. Talking, moving me, opening my eyes. I was passed out. Drunk and high. Mark looked into the camera with worry. Looking at Christy. He picked me up in his arms and left Ty there.

The photos stopped there because Christy left wit
h us.

A few days past and that’s when that something
happened. I was almost raped by the drug dealer that Ty worked for. Christy doesn’t have pictures of that and I’m thankful.

Then came the end of the video. Tears were already in my eyes.

I was back at Ty’s place. He was leaning against his car looking at me. My face was…so sad, angry, and disgusted. It wasn’t his fault but it almost happened.

One of the last photos was of Ty reaching for my hands and mine slipping out of his. I walked away and Ty tried to follow. Mark backed him up to his car and talked to him.
Ty covered his eyes and threw his head back. I didn’t turn back. I walked up to Christy with tears falling out of my eyes. The last photo, I was lying on the tattoo bed. My hair was pushed to the side, covering my face. Mark was holding an iced coffee towards me with a smile. A hand was stretched out on my back, the tattoo artist was hidden.

How could I have done this?

I stared at the TV. It’s bad. This summer was bad. I was crazy and I didn’t care if I got in trouble or if I got hurt. Looking at that video…how could I do that to myself? How could I do that to my family and friends? How could I not give a shit about anyone, not even myself?

I turned the TV off and
stared at everyone. They’re giving away nothing. I want to know what they think but I’m afraid I’ll crack more than I already am. I glanced at Tiffany.

“
I’m sorry…Tiffany.” I said. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” Tiffany stood up and hugged me. “I’m scared that I’ll go back to that. Everything I do always falls apart. I’m scared what I do won’t be enough.”

“Look at me. I’ll help you.” Tiffany
said holding my face. “We’ll help you. Em, you are a strong person and nothing can stop you. You won’t go back to that. We’ll help you.”

“If you say rehab, I will kill you.”
I said sniffling.

She started
laughing. “You can’t kill me.”

Alex stood up and held me in his arms.
“Anything you need, I’ll be here.” He said. “Tiffany’s right, Em. We’ll help you. Don’t ever feel like you’re alone because you’re not. You have us.”

I won
’t go back to that. I won’t.

After crying for so long
and letting my friends comfort me, we headed to the pool. No one talked about the video but I know they have questions. I have questions for myself to that will probably never get answered.

The boys were throwing around a footba
ll when Sophie, Tiffany and I walked out in bikini’s. I have to deal with my scars sooner or later. They’re going to be a part of me.

We jumped
into the cool water and swan over to the guys.

Everyone’
s happy.

I’m
happy.

I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

And right now, I’m just a normal girl who is having fun.

Alex’s arm is draped over my stomach like it always is when we wake up together. I love when Mom goes on vacations and I love that Declan and Scarlett are back in college. We have the house to ourselves most nights.

The sunlight
coming in through the windows was blinding when I opened my eyes to glance at Alex. Damn, last night was hot! He makes me forget about the bad things. He makes me think about the future. A future where I’m safe and nothing bad can happen. A future where I’m enough and my baggage is a part of me.

M
om’s spending the weekend with Garrett so we don’t mind one bit at the moment. After a few weeks of never finding someone following me, my family started to stop worrying all the time. Alex is always around so they backed off too. But we have to spend nights away. Mom’s orders. Alex has to stay at his house during school nights. But we make it up when we can. It’s always fun.

Today Scarlett and Declan a
re coming home for the summer. I can’t wait. I miss them. But that means no more fun nights here.

Mark and Christy made up for my missed birthday, Christmas and New Years. They went big
and it’ll be the best party I’ve ever went to. They’ve been hanging out with my friends too…a little. They’re still on the fence, they don’t want to overstep. It’ll all work out soon though.

The
last four months were the best so far. Scarlett and Officer Blondie, as she called Trey, started dating. Liam and Tiffany started going out, Sophie and Zach are still going strong and Justin is doing so much better…he’s officially cancer free. It was fast and I’m happy. Everyone’s happy. And me and Justin, we feel like life is better. He won’t stop mentioning the
date
we’re suppose to have soon but I don’t mind. He deserves it. And Bryan has been seeing a lot more girls lately but none of them work out. He’s picky.

Alex and I have been spending more time at his
place. Gizmo even has his own room there. We worked through the rough patches together. The last time Ty called, it was bad. Alex helped me through it. Ty called and said hi. Hi. He said hi and I freaked out. I didn’t know what the fuck I was suppose to do so I panicked. Alex helped me and I ended up calling Ty and telling him I needed him to stop calling me. He’s not using but it’s still fresh on my mind. All of it. I need time. I made an improvement though because I actually called him. Pats myself on the back.

Alex’s naked body
is semi-covered by the sheet beside me. He’s so…damn, words can’t describe it. I love this guy so much.

Gizmo nuzzled my foot
so I sat up. He wants attention.

On my way to
the bathroom, I grabbed Alex’s t-shirt, a clean bra and panties and took a quick shower. I grabbed my hamper and called Gizmo to walk with me.

I sat on the couch in the basement and brought Alex’s t-shirt to my nose. I am crazy, I know. I love
wearing his shirts. They’re comfy and smell like him. I’ll never get tired of his scent.

“Declan and Scar are coming back today.”
I said to Gizmo as I scratched under his chin. He barked and licked my hand. I miss them.

Alex’s shirt rod
e up my leg and I stared at the scar on my thigh.

The wounds
are all healed up now and only left a small reminder of what happened in December. I don’t like to think about it much anymore. Just like Ty, I need time to deal with this. No one gets over something like that in a blink of an eye.

May i
s a busy month for me. There’s prom, graduation and the Victoria’s Secret show. They are only a few days apart from each other and sometimes I wonder how seniors can deal with all the stress. It’s hard. But high school’s going to be over. Finally.

I finished all
of my laundry and brought the hamper up to the kitchen. Everything’s different at home. Mom renovated the whole house and I’m still not use to it. The living room and kitchen were made bigger for the fact that my friends are always over. They don’t stalk me, they just come by to visit and do homework.

My dad
–Bryan’s dad–and I have been spending more time together, getting to know more about his side of the family. I like it. He’s like Bryan…except older. We went to dinner the other day and it was nice. We got to the topic of Alex and he told me he approves of him. Who wouldn’t? He mentioned how he likes that Alex treats everyone with respect and how he cares about me then we got to a point where he told me to be safe with him. I wasn’t comfortable talking about having sex with my dad so I changed the subject to anything that came to mind.

If he found out the truth…I don’t know what he would say.

I was on the pill but sometimes things happen.

When I was putting the dishes away
, Gizmo ran upstairs. I cleaned the countertops and made sure the house looked spotless. I want Mom to come home and not do a thing. That’s the way she left it for me…

“Gizmo nudged me down here.”
Alex said. I turned and watched him walk toward me only in sweatpants. I don’t see boxers. Yum. He yawned and leaned on the counter of the island. “I thought he hid my shirt but I was wrong.” He said eyeing my body. I crammed my way in between him and the counter. I’ve come to terms with my Alex obsession. I need to touch him, so I’ll touch him. He doesn’t seem to mind.

“If you want it back
, you can take it. But I think it looks better on me.” I said wrapping my arms behind his neck. He lifted me up and sat me down on the counter then kissed me hard. I knew that would work. “My family’s coming back today.” I said pulling back a bit. He held my eyes. “We still have some time alone.”

I saw the smi
le forming on his lips. He’s going to savor every second.

I wrapped my leg
s around him and let him lift me up to my room. He even brought up my hamper. Who does that? Amazing men.

When he set me on my bed, I was already excited. His hands ran over my body
, making the muscles under my belly clench a few times. Alex planted kisses all the way down my body until his hands ran down my thighs and parted my legs. With each flick of his tongue, I was thrown even more into my own high. When he came back up and wrapped me in his arms, I couldn’t hold myself together. This is pure ecstasy.

***

We laid
in bed, wrapped up in each other awhile until I turned and started caressing Alex’s face. I have to tell him…he deserves to know. He
needs
to know. Come on. Just say it. Let it go.

M
usic was playing and I was too lost in thought that I didn’t hear the doorbell ring. It’s still too early for my family to be home though so I waved it off.

“It’s proba
bly someone selling something.” I said.

They didn’t ring the bell again so I snuggled clos
er to Alex and kissed him because I don’t know how many more kisses I’ll get.

“W
hat do you want to do today?” Alex asked.

Gizmo jumped on the bed and faced the window.

“I was thinking–”

The doorbell rang again and Gizmo started barking like crazy.
God. He jumped off the bed and left my room. He kept barking so I sat up and pulled on my bra and underwear. “Gizmo.” I stood up and pulled on Alex’s shirt again. I walked over to the window and saw no one outside. The doorbell rang again. “God, can’t they take a hint?”

Alex slipped into his sweats and walked down w
ith me.

I picked
Gizmo up and told him to be quiet, he whined and obeyed.

When I opened the door,
I couldn’t believe who was standing there. My heartbeat stopped and I almost lost control. I felt nothing and I felt everything at this exact moment. I don’t know what to think because he’s here. Standing right there.

I slammed the door
shut and tried registering what was going on.

Why? Why i
s he here?

“Who was it?”
Alex asked behind me.

The doorbell rang agai
n and Gizmo started barking.

“Emily, that’s not a n
ice way to say hello to your father.” David said.

Alex’s eyes widened as he stared at the door
then back at me. He reached for the landline and made sure the front door was locked.

“Don’t open the
door.” He said.

I don’t know what I want to do. I’m
so angry that he showed his face here. And I feel nothing as I think about him. Is that normal? To feel so much and to feel nothing?

I
ran upstairs to my room and over to the window. I saw him walking down the street. He turned and looked back toward me then he turned a corner.

I grabbed my phone and sank to
the floor. I should call Mom. Garrett. Someone. Who is Alex calling? The police?

I realized I was squeezing
Gizmo really hard so I let him go.

Alex came
in the room but I didn’t really see him. I was lost in my own head. I don’t know what to do. What to say.

I curled my legs
up to my chest and burst into tears.

“Emily.” Alex
called out, holding me. I feel him. I should feel something because he’s touching me but I don’t. I feel nothing.

I looked up at him and
he wiped the tears from my face.

“
How can he just show up like that?” I cried.

“I called Garrett. The police will be here soon and your mom is
coming back as fast as they can. He’s gone…when I checked, he wasn’t there.” Alex said.

Just like I won’t be soon enough.

He sat down next to me and let me lean on him. I inhaled his smell but it did nothing to be because David is all I see. He’s ruining me from the inside out. He’s breaking me again.

Make it stop!

The front door opened and footsteps stomped up the stairs. Alex and I turned our heads in confusion. They can’t be back this fast.

“Alex.” Tiffany
breathed. She and Liam ran into my room and caught their breaths. “There’s a woman at your house…” Tiffany looked over at me. “She says she’s with your son.” I slowly turned my head back to face Alex. What!?! His son? She said something else but I didn’t make it out. I think it was something between, ‘it’s not his’ or ‘was a good lay.’

Tiffany walked over to me and kneeled down.

“David came by just now.” I whispered.

Her eyes widened and she sprang up.

“What? Who?” Liam asked moving leaned over to see us.

“
David.” She said. Tiffany kneeled back down and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Babe, you have to do something because he wants to kill you.” She whispered. I locked eyes on her. What did she say? “He wants to kill you.” She said again.

I glanced at Alex but he
’s not looking at us, he’s looking at Liam.

“I have to tell you something and it’s going to sound crazy.” Tiffany said. “I know what he’s going to do. He wants to hurt you. Emily, do you hear me? I’m your guardian angel.”

My heart is beating out of control. That’s not good. I grabbed Alex’s arm. I feel like my head is spinning and I can’t breathe. What the hell is Tiffany saying? Why is she whispering? What the hell is happening?

“I can’t–
”

My
breaths came out short and fast.

My vision went
dark.

I
’m falling backwards.

What the hell i
s happening? David comes back and Tiffany is telling me he wants to kill me? Alex has a son?! This can’t be happening. I was just about to tell him that our lives were going to change. I just found out some news about myself and now this happens.

My eyes closed and I hit something.

Please just be a dream
.

When I wake up
everything will be back to normal.

Please
.