Envisioning Hope (9 page)

And
he would have to deal with her forever…and ever…

His
slight cough brought me back to the conversation. "…Incident the other
night. She had to be sedated and she's resting. Give her ‘till tomorrow, Ollie.
I'll make sure she's ready." I looked at my watch. I had already made two
trips to this hospital and still hadn't begun my initial assessment.

Well,
I had, but I couldn't turn that in because they'd lock her up and throw away
the key. Thinking back to the when the doctor put seven stitches in the back of
my head, I fought against whether or not I should include that in my notes.

I
decided against it.

"I'm
comin' back tomorrow morning, doc, and she better be ready to go. Here…I'm
leaving these. Saves me from having to lug them all back in here a second time."

Doc
Underwood looked at me and tipped the right side of his mouth up as he nodded
once. He wasn't gonna give me a full smile, but he knew that I was smart enough
not to run around in public with white bras and panties that just might catch
the wind a certain way and blow off the pile of women's jeans.

That's
all I needed.

I
walked back out to my car and opened the door. I slid inside and scrubbed my
face with my hands. I was so frustrated with this whole situation. The lady
didn't want any help, especially from me, so why wouldn't they just let her do
what she wanted? What harm was she doing? She was either going to die from heat
exhaustion from all of those damn lamps, or end up going deaf from the fucking
radios.

I
really didn't see her being a nuisance. She was like a bumble bee; as long as
you left her alone, she wouldn't sting you. I rubbed my hand over the back of
my head where I could feel the physical evidence of her sting.

"Just
like every other one of your clients, she deserves to live again, Ollie,"
I said to myself, answering my own question.

Hope
Saxton was empty inside. Just a hallowed shell, a vegetable, autonomically
responding to the environment around her. That was no way to live. I opened up
her file that was lying on the passenger seat and looked at the picture that
was stapled to the top of the manila folder one more time. I couldn't read her
eyes because they were shut, but her face told me all I needed to know.

I
couldn't give up on her.

Mrs.
Saxton had given up on herself…someone needed to show her that while, yes, she
had been through a horrible life changing ordeal, there was no way in hell her
husband would want her living like this: locked away, sitting in a corner,
dirty and unhygienic, and throwing coffee mugs at everyone that walked in to
speak with her. She was still young and needed to fight for something.  That
something was a word she heard every time someone called her name.

Hope.

I
set my eyes to the rearview mirror and took in the reflection.

"You're
coming back tomorrow."

I
made sure I understood that there was no way I was backing out of this.
Morally, I knew that it wasn't in me not to help her, but physically…I ran my
hand over the back of my head once more. I really had taken more than enough. I
put the key in the ignition and backed out of the parking space.

*
* *

"How
we doin', Ollie? Need a refill?"

Jackie's
rough voice came at me as she put her purse behind the bar. She didn't smoke,
but you couldn't tell by the scratch in her tone. It must've been all the years
behind a bar she had under her belt. I dropped my eyes to my bottle of beer and
held it up as I smiled a half grin. She read my expression and dropped to the
mini fridge to grab me another. I watched as she made her way down the bar to
me, placing the small square napkin down before setting the beer bottle on top
of it.

"Doin'…how
are you tonight?" I asked in response. They knew me here. At this bar, we
were family, at least the kind of family I needed. They didn't get in my
business unless I wanted them there and they didn't ask to borrow money from
me. We were all here for one thing and one thing only, to tie one on and then
go home by ourselves and jerk off before closing our eyes to start this shit
all over again.

"The
same as I was yesterday, and the day before that… lonely and broke."

That
was always her response. She began wiping unseen water marks off the bar,
giving her reason to not stand and chat. Jackie was actually neither since her
old man had just taken a seat at the end of the bar. I had a feeling the reason
she said that same phrase was to make us that actually were lonely and broke
feel as though we weren't alone.

I
nodded once as I put the longneck beer up to my lips and let the cool liquid
roll down the back of my throat. This bar was not a happening place. Having
been here since I'm sure the early seventies, it was just a hole in the wall
neighborhood bar that was in walking distance of where most of us lived. There
was no live band, no dancing, and sure as shit no females other than the normal
patrons.

"How's
work going, Ollie?" Glenn slurred from the other end of the bar. I hadn't
been in here since I had my incident with Hope Saxton. For all these people
knew, I was busy with my other clients and life was going just great.

"Oh,
you know, got my nose to the grindstone," I joked. Glenn raised his hand
toward Jackie and pointed down to his glass of bourbon that was just about
empty while never taking his eyes off of me. "Ain't that the truth? I
remember those days. Don't no one want to hire someone my age, ‘prolly afraid I'll
keel over and die on ‘em," he finished, laughing at his reality as though
it were a joke.

He
talked before about his issues with finding a job and he was right, times were
tough here. Recession hit and companies weren't hiring, especially people Glenn's
age. He took it hard, seeking sympathy in the bottle.

Suddenly,
the jukebox kicked on and played an old Hank Williams song which I took to be a
sign. I picked up my beer and commenced to getting my drink on. The night
continued and the conversation became casual and entertaining. Laughter masked
the signs of gloom and dejection while sounds of whooping and clinking glasses
made everyone vow that, by morning, all things would be different. Deep down, I
knew that I would be going home to a lonely, silent one bedroom apartment and
nothing would be different for me.

I
turned my attention to my watch and noticed that it was almost midnight. I
threw back what was left of my beer and got up, throwing some money up on the
bar for Jackie. Her eyes caught mine and I lifted my head in thanks for the
service she had given me as I headed to the entrance.

Glenn's
voice caught my ear as I heard him slur his declaration.

"New
challenges await you tomorrow, Ollie. If you're not careful, they're gonna hit
you smack dab in the face!"

I
just rolled my eyes and held my hand up in acknowledgement at the absurdness of
his statement. I knew what tomorrow held for me and I was not going in blind, I
was going to be ready for whatever Hope Saxton was going to throw my way.

Literally.

Chapter 9

Arriving
back at the hospital that morning, I noticed the same young nurse who manned
the main desk every morning in her usual spot wearing that usual smile that took
up most of her face. Her demeanor had changed from the first day I met her,
laughing up a storm when she saw who I would be visiting. As I approached, she
waved me through, earning her with a smile and a wink. She was saving me from
having to dig in my bag for identification and paperwork. My eyes dashed
between the entrance of the hallway and the clipboard that seemed to be
screaming for me to approach and record my name.

I
decided to take a chance and continued to walk through. When I heard no
response, I kept going. The morning nurse, who I had never seen before, stopped
me and asked me for my pass. I showed her my identification and followed her as
she walked me down the hallway.

I
was tired. I didn't sleep due to stressing over how today was going to go. I
wasn't sure how Mrs. Saxton was going to take me, or if she would even react to
me at all. I don't think I was nervous, I think it was more of the fact that
the entirety of this woman's future livelihood depended on me. Today was going
to be the beginning of her future and I still had no idea what to expect.

Okay,
maybe you could call it apprehension.

The
sound of the key turning in the door brought me back to the reality that I had
to walk through that entry and quickly deal with what I was about to find. Of
course, I knew that all the lamps would be on, along with the television and
radios. I saw Mrs. Saxton lying in bed on her side with her back toward me. I
didn't want to frighten her, so I decided to call out her name even though I
was pretty sure she knew I was there.

"Mrs.
Saxton, its Oliver Sheldon. Are you awake?"
I didn't move until I heard a response, a response that never came. I took a
couple steps closer to the bed, keeping my guard fully in place. If she heard
my voice, she could determine right where I was when it came to chucking
something at me.

I
stood there another moment before I said, "Mrs. Saxton…"

"Go
away," she mumbled from the pillow. I closed my eyes knowing that it was
more than likely going to get ugly in here, but leaving without going over this
evaluation was not an option. She had had a year of people turning their backs
to her just so they didn't have to deal with her, but her time of pushing
people away was over.

"Mrs.
Saxton, that's not happening. So, why don't you make it easier on the both of
us? I've brought you some clothes, let's get you dressed and we will sit down
and discuss what our relationship will entail.

"I
said, go away."

I
had a feeling that most of the people that came in here dealt with her in a
loving, gentle way. I also had a feeling that that kind of therapy was going to
get another mug thrown at my head. I decided that I would experiment with this.

"Mrs.
Saxton…" I said in a gentle, positive tone. The one they teach you in
college that will allow positive energy to flow, thus allowing the patient the
proper tools to make the correct decision.

Truthfully,
if you ask me, it's a crock of shit.

I
decided to ignore her negative remarks and began to fill the air with "positive
energy". "I think it would be in your best interest to get out of bed
and put some clothes on. Then we can discuss, together, the best option for
your rehab."

There.
I got it out. That was the biggest line of bullshit I had ever heard in my
life…and it came out of my own mouth! No wonder I barely passed that part of
the class. I stood there waiting for the response I knew would be coming at any
moment now.

Waiting…

Waiting…

I
looked down at my clipboard and dropped my bag down on the paper filled ground
deciding to give it a few more minutes. I pushed my leg out and clicked my pen
on my clipboard a few hundred times, still waiting for some type of response.

Nothing.

Finally,
I'd had enough. I cleared my throat and went to speak.

"I
said go the hell away. I'm not dealing with your shit test and I don't have
shit to say to you."

She
never even turned over, just said what she had to say. This was absolutely
ridiculous. I couldn't believe I had to coerce a grown woman out of bed and to
put some clothes on. I was done being nice. I tried it the way the manuals told
us to, which I knew wouldn't work, it was now time to do it the Sheldon way.

I
made sure she knew that I wasn't leaving. I slammed my clipboard down on the
table loudly and rummaged through the bag that Doc Underwood put the clothes in
for me the night before. Finding a shirt, jeans, and some socks, I made sure
she knew that I was not leaving.

I
did this all as I spoke in a deep, angry tone, "I told you, Mrs. Saxton,
that I was coming back today. I also told you that I was not dealing with this.
So, since you want to act like a three year old, I will treat you like one. I
guess I'm going to have to dress you myself!"

Just
as I finished, Hope sat straight up in the bed. Oh, that got her attention. Tough
love was apparently going to be the way to deal with Hope Saxton. If she could
dish it, then so could I.

I
marched to the bed, making sure to stomp so that she knew I was heading in her
direction. Her posture became more rigid with every step I took.

She
knew.

I
reached her side and lowered myself down into a kneeling position as I grabbed
her hands. She pulled away from me violently. I took a deep breath in, reigning
in my anger.

"I
want you to do this with me, Hope. I am putting my hands over yours so that you
can feel the textures and explain to me what you think you have in your hands.
Now, grab the material I am holding out in front of you." My voice was
loud and demanding, it had to be over all the noise in the room. I put the
separated cotton socks out in front of her.