Eruption (The Hunted Series Book 3) (21 page)

I reached up and unlocked the stall door.

When she looked down at me, the only thing on her face was
concern. She knelt down on the gross bathroom floor and threw her arms around
me. "What's wrong?"

Instead of saying anything, I sobbed into her shoulder.

She rubbed my back and kept her arms around me. "It's
okay," she said in a soothing voice. "Everything's going to be
okay."

I had my best friend back. But I had lost the love of my
life. Nothing was ever going to be okay again.

Sunday

"God I miss you," James said and then there was
long sigh. "I'm calling you from the hotel lobby because Rob won't let me
have my phone. We're staying at some place called the Blue Parrot Resort. You
can call me back at this number, but I'll be back tonight. I can't wait to see
you. Oh, and you'll need the pa...hey, Rob! No, I wasn't calling Penny. Fuck,
get off of me!" The recording beeped, signaling the end of the message.

I played the message for the hundredth time. My intense
hangover had made me sleep till well past two o'clock. And I had woken up to
this message. James' voice was soothing even though his words weren't. He
missed me? He didn't fucking miss me. It seemed like he was plenty entertained.

I had called the number back, but I couldn't get through to
James. The person on the other end asked for a password. When I didn't know
what to say, they immediately hung up on me. I had tried to call back a few
more times, but no one had even answered my call. They must have blacklisted my
number or something.

There wasn't much information about the Blue Parrot Resort on
Google. It was clearly some super private hotel if they required a password to
even talk to the concierge. And it was probably as sleazy as it was secretive.
I sighed and pressed the replay button. It was so good to hear his voice. The
recording beeped, signaling the end of the message.

I knew Isabella was just trying to get in my head. Guys did
crazy stuff during their bachelor parties. That was just a fact. And I had
touched some random man's six pack last night. If there was a picture of me
doing that, it would look bad. The pictures that Isabella had sent me were
probably out of context.

I shook my head. What horrible context would have made James
hook up with some random whore? The only thing that made sense was that he was
being threatened at gun point. The Blue Parrot Resort seemed secretive, but it
didn't seem mobstery.

This wasn't what was supposed to be happening before our
wedding. We weren't in the movie The Hangover. This kind of stuff didn't happen
in real life. I leaned back and folded my arms across my face. I wasn't sure I
could go through with the wedding in just a few days, but I still wanted to. I
really, really wanted to. If I closed my eyes and pictured him smiling at me, I
felt like I could forgive anything. But I couldn't live with him sneaking
around. Maybe at first I could, but it would eat away at me. It would slowly
kill me. If the man I loved didn't love me back, the best thing I could do was
let him go. I wanted him to be happy. I cared about him so much.

But it didn't matter how rational it was. I'd never be able
to let him go. I needed him. Even if he cheated on me? Even if he'd do it
again?
God.
I sat up and rubbed the tears away before they could start
to fall again. James was my rock. He was always there for me. I had let him
become my whole world. I needed to let this go. It was just a bachelor party.
He had one last hookup as a single man. That was it. The thought of him hanging
out with Rachel and kissing Isabella popped back up in my head. I pinched the
skin above my nose.
Stop.
None of this was helping.

I put the rest of the pictures into the shoebox full of love
notes to Isabella and slid it under the bed. James would be back soon. I didn't
want to fight with him. And I certainly didn't want to confront him about
cheating on me. I couldn't have that conversation. He had to bring it up. He
had to confess what he had done to me. I didn't have the strength to do it.
Maybe he was going to come home and break up with me immediately. If that's
really what he wanted, would I be able to let him go? Would I even have a
choice?

The past few weeks I had been so stressed out. I had lost my
perspective. There wasn't anything to be upset about, though. I was lucky. I
was madly in love, I had been given a great job, a beautiful new home, and I
was getting married. Those were great things. And I was too blind to realize
it. Now that I wasn't going to have those things, I realized what they truly
meant. But I didn't care about the job or the house or the money. All I cared
about was losing him. I felt empty just thinking about it.

I wanted to delay our conversation. I couldn't do it tonight.
I laid down in the bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. There was never
going to be a good time, but it had to be before the wedding. I couldn't walk
down the aisle if I didn't know if I could trust him. I needed one more night,
though. One more night of his arms around me. I shut my eyes as tight as
possible, as if it would make my wish for more time a reality.

***

My eyes opened when I heard the front door close. I must have
drifted to sleep waiting for James to come home. I glanced at the alarm clock.
It was right before midnight. Mason had kept his word.

I closed my eyes again.
One more night. Please let me have
one more night with him.

His footsteps echoed across the marble in the foyer and
treaded lightly on the stairs. But they paused when they reached the bedroom
door. He let out a deep sigh.

I closed my eyes even tighter. I could picture him leaning
against the door jam. He was probably running his hand through his hair in that
sexy way he always did. I took a deep breath. There was a mixture of scotch and
his amazing cologne in the air.

He entered the room and I could hear him getting undressed.
Then it was silent again. He didn't get into the bed. I could feel his eyes on
me. He must have just been standing there, staring at me.

I wasn't sure what I had been thinking earlier. There was no
way I could ever let him go. If he was cheating on me, we could work through
it. We had to. I couldn't live without him. And I couldn't let him end it with
me. We were getting married on Saturday. It was too late for him to change his
mind. You had to call off a wedding at least a month in advance unless you were
a horrible human being. That was just a rule. And James wasn't horrible.
If
he cheated on you he is.
I felt like I was going crazy. One day alone and I
had completely lost my mind.

"Are you awake?" he asked softly.

I bit my lip. My tears had started dampening my pillow. If he
thought I was asleep, we couldn't have whatever conversation we needed to have.

The bed squeaked as he slid in beside me. "I missed you,
baby," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.

Was that his excuse for cheating on me? I didn't have sex
with him for a few days so he slept with someone else? I thought we were
stronger than that. I thought he loved me. It took every ounce of control in my
body to stay completely still when it felt like my whole world was collapsing.
I wanted to cry loud, ugly tears, but I didn't want him to know I was awake. If
this was the last chance I'd have for him to hold me, I wasn't going to ruin
it. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up and forget about this weekend.

I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself down. His
arms wrapped tighter around me. It seemed like he knew I was awake. I closed my
eyes even tighter. I could forgive him. I could forget about all of this. For
some reason a memory popped into my head of me telling my mom that I was in
love with James. Her response to me had been that maybe it would be love one
day.

"I cave," James whispered so quietly that if I had
been sleeping, I definitely wouldn't have heard him.

I pressed my lips together and tried to breathe slowly so
that he couldn't hear me crying.

"You win," he said and placed a soft kiss against the
back of my neck.

Now that he was back he suddenly wanted me again? I felt
cheap. Maybe my mom was right. Even though she had said it over two years ago,
maybe what we had wasn't love. Because a key part of love in my eyes was being
enough for one another. It was about being faithful. I wasn't enough for James.
I wasn't sure why I ever thought I could be. 

Monday

When I woke up, James' arms were wrapped tightly around me. I
tried to take a deep breath, but it felt like I was suffocating. I slowly
unwound myself from his arms and slid off the bed. He sighed in his sleep, but
didn't wake up.

I pulled on my robe and stared down at him. He was so
handsome. I had never taken that for granted. Whenever I woke up before he did,
I'd stare at his beautiful face. Someone else had woken up to that face this
weekend. Was that why he had finally called me back Sunday morning? Did he feel
guilty for what he had done?

I went into the closet and quickly got dressed. We needed to
talk, but I couldn't do it right now. I needed to calm down. Because right now,
I hated him. I hated how content he looked sleeping. Was he thinking of that
slut from this weekend? Or Rachel or Isabella?

The lump in my throat wouldn't seem to go away. My heartbeat
wouldn't seem to slow down. And I hated that the only place I could escape to
was work. He had imprinted himself on every part of my life. I couldn't get
away from him, and I felt pathetic for not even really wanting to escape. He
wasn't the addict, I was. And I couldn't breathe without him.

***

It was easier to believe that I could forgive him when I
wasn't looking directly at him. The idea of moving past it together and making
us a stronger couple seemed logical when I was sitting at my desk.

"I'm usually the first one to get here," Zach said
and sat down at his desk.

I jumped when I heard his voice. The office had been
completely empty when I had come in an hour ago. "Oh, hey, Zach. Did you
have a good weekend?"

"Better than yours, I'm assuming."

"Why would you say that?"

"Your eyes are so red that it looks like you've been
here crying all morning. And ice cream for breakfast is usually a sign of
depression."

I laughed awkwardly. "This was almost empty." I
picked up the pint of Ben and Jerry's that had been completely full earlier and
tossed it in the trash. "And I have seasonal allergies."

"Right." He opened up a drawer in his desk and
tossed me a small bottle of eye drops.

"Thanks." I tilted my head back and put in the eye
drops. My eyes strung for a second, but I assumed they'd be less red in a few
minutes. "So, why do you have these?"

"I'd make up a lame excuse about how my eyes get dry
because of my contacts. But, honesty is a better policy right?"

"I guess so?"

"I smoke weed in the bathroom with the tech guys
sometimes."

I laughed. "Seriously?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure those guys are
always high. Don't tell Hunter that, though."

Telling James that his tech department was a bunch of
druggies wasn't on the top of my list of conversational topics at the moment.
"It's a stressful job. They probably need a release." I turned my
attention back to my computer screen.

"Is that your reasoning with Hunter too?"

"What?"

"The way he treats you. You excuse him because it's a
release?"

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"If he's..."

"Zach, I can't have this conversation with you right
now. James isn't abusive. He's a good guy. He'd never hurt me." I seemed
to choke on my own words.

"Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical..."

"He's not. It's not like that, Zach." Other people
were starting to come into the office. I needed to get my shit together and not
wear my emotions on my sleeve.

"He was really possessive with you when we got drinks
the other night."

"That's because you were pretending to flirt with
me."

"Does he always act like that? If you talk to other
guys?"

"If you don't drop this, I'm going to tell James you
smoke weed in the bathroom every day."

He frowned. "I said sometimes. It's not every day."

"Sometimes is still bad."

"You're such a tattletale." He gave me a small
smile.

"Does that mean you'll drop it?"

"Whatever you want, Fight Club. I'm just trying to
help."

My phone started vibrating. I pulled it out of my purse to
see that James was calling. I was about to put it back in my purse, but I
noticed Zach shaking his head. It was pretty clear that he didn't believe me.
James may have made a mistake this weekend, but he was a good guy. I didn't
want his employees to think he wasn't.

"Hey, James," I said and turned slightly away from
Zach.

"Where are you?" He sounded concerned. "I woke
up and..."

"I'm at work. I'm being a super great employee."
Not really. I was never even sure what I was supposed to be doing. And I had
only come here early so I'd have a place to cry alone.

He laughed. "I'd rather you be a bad employee and come
home."

"We're only working four days this week. I don't think
you can afford to take today off too." I could feel Zach staring at me.

"Fair enough, boss. Did you eat breakfast?" He
sounded so cheery. It was disconcerting.

I looked down at the pint of Ben and Jerry's in the trashcan.
"Yup."

"Okay. Well, you can hang out with me while I eat mine.
I'll be there in a few minutes. See you soon, baby."

The line went dead before I could make up something about
having too much work to do. I sighed and looked at my computer screen.
I can
forgive him.

"You good?" Zach asked.

"Mhm. Everything's great."

"You're an awful liar. Just so you know."

"Hey, man," Tavon said and did some weird handshake
with Zach. "What were you guys talking about?" He flopped down in his
desk chair and put his feet up on the desk.

"Nothing," Zach said. "How was your
weekend?"

"Awesome. I freaking love New York. It's basically like
still being in college."

I laughed.

"You don't think so, Fight Club?"

"No, not really. College was a lot simpler." At
least it had been at NYCU. The University of New Castle had kind of ended in
disaster. But now that I had graduated from NYCU, things seemed complicated and
shitty. I'd do anything to go back in time. Back before this weekend.

"Well, yeah, but I mean the vibe, you know? It's like a
huge college town. There's always something to do."

"There certainly is." At least, always someone to
do, if you were James and you were an asshole.
Damn it.

"You okay?" Tavon asked.

"I'm great. I just don't think New York is all that
great. And you know what? Costa Rica is a crappy place too. It's the freaking
worst."

"Okay?" Tavon looked at Zach and raised both his
eyebrows.

"I'm not crazy."

Tavon laughed. "I didn't say you were. Are you sure
you're okay? You're kind of hostile this morning. I mean, I hate Monday's just
as much as the next guy. But you're like on a whole other level."

"Yeah, I'm just...PMSing."
God, why did I just
say that?!
It wasn't even true.

"Gross. Too much information, Fight Club."

"You asked."

"I did not ask that."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Anyway, I needed to ask you. What's Sierra's
deal?" Tavon asked

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know...like is she single? Is she looking for
something casual? Or is she a commitment type of girl?"

"Tavon, you've spent more time with her than I
have."

"But what have you found out?" he asked.

"Nothing. Although, I'm going to take a guess and say
she's not interested in you."

"Harsh. I guess you are PMSing."

"Sorry, I didn't mean that. But even if she was
interested, and I have no idea if she is, you shouldn't get involved. Because
dating is complicated. It's exhausting. And terrifying. Just...don't do it.
It's not worth this feeling." I was about to burst into tears again.

Zach was staring at me with the most sympathetic expression
on his face, which just made me feel even worse.

"Yeah...I was thinking more about a one night stand kind
of situation anyway," Tavon said. "To break that streak she has going
on."

"All men are disgusting." I stood up and walked
toward the break room. It felt like I couldn't breathe. I was glad when Zach
didn't follow me to try to squeeze out information from me. I leaned against
the counter and poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Penny," Nita said as she walked into the break
room. "I was just getting James his coffee. He's looking for you."
She filled up a mug. "Do you want to just give it to him? I need to use
the restroom real quick."

Would it be rude of me to say no? Probably.
"Yeah,
sure."

"Thanks, Penny." She handed me the cup and quickly
walked out of the room.

I looked down at the two cups of coffee in my hands. Maybe it
was better to get it out of the way sooner than later. I needed to just
confront him. And then he'd apologize. Then we'd be good. Simple.

I felt like I wanted to throw up. I tried to tell myself it
was from eating a pint of ice cream instead of how worried I was about losing
him. Before I could think anymore, I walked out of the break room and toward
James' office.

The blinds were open and he saw me before I even attempted to
knock. Which was good because my hands were full. He opened up the door,
grabbed both cups from me, and placed a swift kiss on my cheek. "Good
morning, beautiful." He had a huge smile on his face. His hair was still
wet from his shower and it was starting to curl in that way I loved so much.
And he was wearing his glasses, which had always been a weakness for me. I
hadn't noticed how tan he had gotten earlier when I had stared at him sleeping.
It just made him look even sexier, which for some reason made me angrier.

Why does he look so happy? The guilt should be eating away at
him. I closed the door behind me and followed him toward his desk.

He placed the mugs down on his desk and then grabbed my arm,
pulling me against his chest. "God, I missed you." He pressed his
lips against mine before I could protest. I could have easily gotten lost in
that kiss. But I couldn't stop picturing him kissing Isabella. I pulled away
from him.

"James, the blinds are open."

He winked. "Gotcha. I was thinking the same thing."
He let go of me, walked over to the windows, and began to close the blinds.
"It's about time we bent those rules. All I've been thinking about since
you started working here is having you on this desk."

I swallowed hard. "No, that's not...I don't think we
should bend the rules." I sat down in one of the chairs and grabbed my cup
of coffee, using it as almost a shield.

He walked up behind me and ran his hand down the side of my
neck.

I still got chills whenever he touched me. Even though I was
mad at him, that feeling hadn't just disappeared overnight. I still wanted him
just as much as I always did. Probably even more since I hadn't been able to
have him in so long.

"Rules are meant to be broken." His breath was hot
against my neck as he began to massage my shoulders.

Fuck that feels good.

"And I know breaking rules turns you on. You're probably
dripping wet right now, just thinking about it aren't you?"

"Stop." I shifted forward on the chair, letting his
hands fall from my shoulders. "You're going to make me spill my
coffee."

"Penny, I'm caving." He walked around me and leaned
against the front of his desk. "I need you. I can't even function anymore.
I'm horny as hell."

"Sure you are." He had sex this weekend with some
hooker. And he had probably screwed Isabella and Rachel too.
Asshole.

He lowered his eyebrows. "What, do you want me to beg
you? I'll beg if you want, baby." He kneeled in front of me and ran his
hands up my thighs. "I need you. Now."

I took a huge sip of coffee instead of answering him. Why was
he trying to have sex with me right now? He should have been apologizing. And
groveling. He was acting like nothing had happened.

"How was your weekend, James?"

"I missed you."

I pressed my thighs together to stop his hands from traveling
any farther. "Tell me about your bachelor party."

He sighed and sat down in the chair beside mine. "It was
okay."

"Just okay?"

He ran his hand through his hair. "I think Rob and Matt
probably enjoyed it the most. I really just hung out with Mason by the
pool."

"Nothing super eventful that you want to tell me
about?"

"No, it was just relaxing."

Fuck you.
"Nothing you want to talk to me
about?"

"Um...no? How was your weekend? Did you have fun without
me?"

"Not really, no."

He lowered his eyebrows. "Is everything okay,
baby?"

I was getting exasperated. I didn't want to run around in
circles. "No, it's not. I had a really shitty weekend actually. I tried to
call you a million times, James."

"I didn't have my phone. What did you expect me to
do?" He gave me a playful smile.

"To figure out a way to call me back."

"I did. And you didn't pick up."

"Yeah, because I was sleeping. I tried to call you back
and they asked for a password. When I didn't know it, they hung up and then
none of my other calls went through. Where the hell were you?"

"I told you. It was called the Blue Parrot Resort. It's
in Costa Rica. I heard you had a bachelorette party. How'd that go?"

I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. Is that why he
did what he did? Because he thought I was doing the same? I didn't fuck a
random stranger. What the hell was wrong with him? Before I could answer him,
his phone started ringing.

"Sorry, I need to take this. I missed all my calls this
weekend and I don't want to get any further behind. Hold on a sec." He put
his hand on my knee, leaned over his desk, and grabbed his work phone.
"Hunter."