Eternal Shadows (26 page)

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Millie moved around where I could see her and stroked my face. “It’s all right. We all understand. It must be a terrible shock to hear such things.”

“Why would they do that to him? How can anyone be so cruel?”

Cade came closer until I could see him just behind Millie. “Rhys had taken a stand against them. They knew they would never get close enough to touch him, so they harmed him the only other way they could think of.”

“It’s horrible.”

“Yes,” he said.

“Did you find who did it?”

“We found some, but near as we can tell they were nothing more than scapegoats,” Cade said.

“And Rhys?”

“He went on a bit of a rampage. Killing any VFO members he came across. Eventually we had to stop him, lest he start the cycle all over again. Julius worked to drive the Organization out of city, and once that was done Rhys calmed down some. But in this case, the calm was worse than the storm.” Cade set his now empty glass aside on the bar. “He became desolate. The very definition of the living dead. He was so broken by Eva’s death it was like he had died as well. He went about day to day routines, talked to us, hunted and ate, but the Rhys we had known was gone. Fifteen years passed, the new century came and one day, Rhys had some life in him again. It was as though he had come back to life. He went out more, took an active part in conversations, went with Julius to city functions and private parties. We thought he was finally over the whole thing.

“But he was looking for her again.”

I heard the frustration in his voice. “Was that so bad?”

“We knew he wouldn’t find her again. Not so soon. It had taken him two hundred years the last time. Souls don’t change over so quickly. Aurelia tried to explain that to him, but he didn’t want to hear it.”

“So he searched.”

Cade nodded. “Searched until his heart broke again. And then we lost him. He went back to being the empty vessel he had been before.”

“We met him about twenty years later,” Millie whispered. “He never smiled. He was nothing like the Rhys we all know today.”

I closed my eyes, trying to picture Rhys so desolate and broken, then chased the depressing image away. It was too similar to what I had seen in the hall earlier. “So what changed? And why is he in pain now?”

Millie sat back on her heels. “About ten years after Madge and I joined this family we, as a whole, decided that something had to be done. Madge and I had been told stories about how Rhys used to be. How he’d been happy and so personable that everyone loved him. We’d never seen that. The Rhys we knew was dark and withdrawn. He almost never socialized. When Julius finally told us what had happened to him, we spoke with Cade and Aurelia, wondering if anything could be done. They argued with Julius for days. Finally, Aurelia convinced Julius that Rhys couldn’t be left as he was. He was a shell, and he deserved better. So Julius did the only thing he could do. He used his influence as Rhys’s sire and gave the first direct order he had ever given to the boy he loved more than his own life. He ordered Rhys to forget, to stop searching, to stop thinking. He essentially erased Bryn and Eva. Rhys was disoriented for a few days or so while his mind came up with lies to fill in the blanks, but after that…”

“He was himself again,” Cade finished. “The same as I had known all those years back.”

“That’s why he doesn’t remember his human life,” I said, looking from Cade to Millie and back again. “Why he didn’t recognize me when we first met.”

“Yes,” Millie said. “He doesn’t remember any of this. Not his life with Bryn, or the girl in France, or even Eva and his desperate search for her.”

“But, then, what’s wrong with him now?” I didn’t want to put the pieces together myself. “This has to do with why he collapsed in pain that first night Malachi came here, and whatever’s wrong with him now. This is why?”

Millie nodded, chewing her bottom lip. “Malachi knows about Eva. That first night, he made a comment about losing you, knowing the effect it could possibly have. I think it worked better than he expected. Malachi can also sense past lives, he must have suspected who you were, but he couldn’t have known that Rhys’s subconscious would have picked up on it as well.”

“And that’s why you made me promise not to say anything. Because it would have triggered the pain again. Pain from remembering something he’s not allowed to think about.”

“Yes. And it’s happened more than just that once. That day you kissed him to get the coin, after you left he had another bout. Smaller than the first, thank God. It was more easily contained.”

I remembered something else. “The first time, the day the general and Aurelia came, while Aurelia was speaking to me you all had Rhys in the library. I heard a crash.”

They all looked guilty. Even Madge, who’d said nothing this entire time. Cade had the courage to explain. “After Malachi triggered Rhys’s memories none of us could do anything to stop them. When a trigger occurs normally Julius is close at hand to end it. We had no choice but to wait. We were lucky Julius arrived so quickly. When he got here, instead of simply ordering Rhys to stop remembering again, Julius removed the restraint and let Rhys remember. He wanted to know if time had healed any of the wounds. Rhys was furious and mad with grief. He threw a few things. Julius gave the order again.”

“But you could have put a stop to this another way,” I said. My face felt hot. “You all know who I am. How long have you known?”

Guilt covered them all again. “Since I first laid eyes on you three years ago,” Cade said. “I reported back to Julius and Aurelia that I had found you and let them make the decisions from there.”

“Three years ago?” He had come here only last month.

“Yes. I had been watching you and your father for some time.”

Watching us? Like we were animals in a zoo? I swallowed the rage and shoved it aside. Nothing I could do about it now. He had watched us for his own reasons. I knew why. He had to know what kind of man my father was. I forced the conversation along. “And why not just tell Rhys who I was? Why let it carry on like this?”

“First,” Cade said, his expression hardening and his eyes locking with mine in a gaze I couldn’t break, “because you were too young. You were barely fifteen at the time. Second, because in order for things to work out you would have to like Rhys and if we unbound his memories again he was going to do nothing more than slip back into his depression. We had no way of knowing if he would even want to risk finding you again. At the darkest point he’d been at, he’d blamed himself for all your deaths. So Aurelia suggested we leave you both blind and see what happened.”

“We’ve been waiting for signs,” Millie said quietly. “Signals that you two might be growing to be more than friends.”

I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. “Yeah, well, we’ve been kind of sneaky about it. Or at least, we were trying to be.”

“We know that now.” Millie sat back on the floor. “We suspect your relationship is the reason for these small triggers Rhys has been suffering.”

“Then put an end to it! Enough is enough!”

“Two past lives are a lot to live up to, Kassandra,” Millie said. “We want you to be sure before we do anything.”

I sighed and put my face in my knees. As much as I hated it, she was right. The whole thing had left me more than a bit overwhelmed. And what if Rhys didn’t like me once he remembered Bryn and Eva? They’d both been beautiful by old fashioned standards. And they’d been human. What if I didn’t measure up?

“Maybe I should let this all settle before we tell him,” I mumbled.

Someone—Millie, most likely—patted my knee. “That’s a good idea,” she said. “Take some time to think. Then we’ll decide what to do, with Julius.”

I pulled my head up at that. “Will he be angry you told me?”

“Angry is a strong word.” She smiled a crooked smile that didn’t convince me.

Madge growled and stood. “This is ridiculous! Rhys needs to know.”

Cade stepped in front of her. “That’s not your decision to make.”

“Neither was telling Kassandra everything, but we did that anyway, didn’t we?”

“Only because she heard you yelling from the hall.”

Madge hissed at him, then pushed past.

Millie reached for her sister’s hand as she walked by, but missed. “Madge, please don’t do anything rash.”

“I’m never rash.” She stormed out, slamming the already abused door behind herself.

I sniffed and wiped at my tear-stained face. “I think I’m going to go to my room and think for a bit. I’ll come find you when I’ve processed everything.”

“All right.” Millie stood and helped me up. “Find me if you have any more questions.”

I nodded and headed for the door. “Thank you for telling me,” I said, directing it mostly at Cade. “You can tell the general I forced you, if you need to.”

He huffed. “I can blame Madge instead.”

I wiped my face one more time, just to be sure I looked as little of a wreck as possible, then concentrated on finding any scents on the other side of the door.

Nothing.

I took a deep breath and ran for my room.

The sun had set before I’d finished going over everything I’d been told a million times. I’d replayed my memory of Cade’s story over and over again, searching for anything that I might have missed the first time. I had only come to one conclusion. I wanted to tell Rhys. I had to know if I measured up. Had to know if he could love me, even with those other women in the background. Not facing Bryn and Eva would be like living a lie.

I washed my face, clearing it of most signs of my day-long crying escapade, and changed my clothes. I wanted to feel fresh and ready when I told Millie, and then the general, that I wanted Rhys to remember.

God, what would happen when he did? I couldn’t bear to see him crushed again.

Couldn’t think about that. We’d deal with the consequences as they came.

Someone knocked on my door. I was so caught off guard that I didn’t say or do anything in response.

The knock came again. “Coming,” I called out, then opened the door.

His scent hit me first. Fresh earth, crisp and clean. But then I saw the terror, the fury, the grief in his eyes.

“Is it true?” His voice was rough and scratchy, like he’d overused it recently.

I stepped back reflexively. “Is what true?”

“You—” He gasped and grabbed onto the door jam. “You’re—” He couldn’t finish his thought, but I knew what he meant.

“Yes.” I braced myself for his reaction.

He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” The wall creaked under the force of his fingers. “Madge—”

His body shook with pain. I reached out and gently touched his arm. Dammit, Madge, this is why you were told to keep your mouth shut. “Rhys, come sit. I’ll explain.”

He grabbed me by the arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I was so shocked we stumbled backwards into my room. “I didn’t know! I overheard Madge just this morning. I swear!”

His grip was so tight it felt like my skin would be ground into my bones. He’d never been so rough with me. Sweat broke out over his brow, and his breathing alternated between much too fast and non-existent. Pain flashed behind his eyes and I remembered the last time I had seen such agony on his face.

“You,” he stammered. “It’s been you…all this time…” His body shuddered, collapsing against me. He weighed far more than I had ever expected.

The sound of pain that ripped from his throat felt like it tore me in two as I struggled to keep him from crum
pling to the floor.

“Rhys!” He didn’t respond. I shook at his tense shoulders. “Rhys!” Still nothing. “Millie! Cade! Anyone!”

The sounds of running drummed in the distance, then I heard Millie yell for Julius. Cade appeared at my side, taking Rhys and supporting his trembling weight, freeing me. Rhys didn’t resist. He couldn’t. Cade got him safely to the floor, holding him clear of the furniture that seemed now perilously close.

I backpedaled, slamming into the wall where I then slid down to the floor helplessly. I watched, powerless, as Rhys clutched the base of his skull.

The general came in so suddenly, so quickly, I felt the air move. I tore my eyes away from Rhys to look at him, to plead with him. He was the only one who could do anything.

But I didn’t need to beg. He didn’t look at me once. His attention was immediately, and solely on Rhys. Aurelia swept in and stopped at his side. For a moment her eyes widened, then her whole face relaxed. Placing her hand in the general’s, she wove their fingers together, then squeezed.

Julius spoke over Rhys’s tortured cries. “Rhys, you may remember her. Think of her.”

It was like someone threw a switch. The pain instantly gone from his eyes and the tension released from his body. Cade let go, allowing Rhys to sit up of his own accord. I kept my distance, not sure he would want me to throw myself at him like I wanted to.

Breathing suddenly, Rhys closed his eyes and dug his fingers into the carpet. “You said you would never do that to me again,” he said. I knew he was speaking to Julius.