Eternally North (30 page)

Tink hunched his
shoulders, and silence filled the car for several blocks.

"Tink, did you
hear him say 'No-one, nothing special'…you... you don't think he
was referring to me, do you?"

He dismissed my comment
with the wave of his hand. "Are you kidding? You’ve hardly
been apart for the last few weeks. You’ve spent more time with him
lately than most couples do in months. I think we can safely say that
you definitely are someone special to him."

I sighed in relief.

Look, let me just put
in my two cents worth so you know where I stand. I am not a needy
girlfriend; I do not need to know every aspect of my boyfriend’s
life. I do however feel that I should at least gain some insight when
something weird starts going on. At this point, I would have even
been happy to just know how he was feeling in himself, but Tudor was
keeping me at arm’s length, pushing me back like the pose on the
friggin’ Heisman Trophy.

I’m an independent
woman
(‘throw your hands up at me…’)
and like having my
own space. Equally, I thought Tudor should have his, but I was
nearing my breaking point. I thought he would’ve confided something
by now, but in between the ridiculous amounts of sex and the
shower-storms of affection he had been throwing my way, he had been
cold and distant, leaving no room for discussion and certainly not
acting like the man I had come to know.

Tink put a hand on my
knee and squeezed it gently. "Look, my greasy Bacon Buttie, you
have two choices: you trust him like he has asked, or you decide you
don't like the secrets and make your mind up from there. Sorry to be
brutal, Wil, but dems the breaks!"

I hit my head back
against the head rest. "I know, I guess I'll have to trust him
then, won't I? I don't want to give him up over something that may be
nothing in the end, right?"

He nodded in agreement.
"Right, and I don't blame you for keeping your claws into that
hunk of prime cut beef... I'd like to carve me off a slice of that if
he was eating on the same side of the table!"

I cracked a smile, and
Tink tapped my thigh. "There you go, I hate to see you doubting
what you have, sausage."

Tudor didn't come over that night. I
received a brief text message to say he was staying at home – the
first time apart in weeks. I had never been to his place; I knew it
was in an affluent area near Aspen but I had never visited, and he
had never invited me either. I had always put that down to wanting to
keep our relationship secret from Boleyn, and that I understood, but
I was beginning to wonder…was I being kept on the sidelines? I
tried to not read too much into it and just went straight to bed, not
sleeping, and trying not to obsess over the ever-growing mountain of
secrets.

The next morning, I
went about my usual Sunday routine, planning to stay at home and get
the last of my pupils’ work marked before the Christmas break. I
was halfway through a mammoth stack of essays on the causes of the
Russian Revolution when I heard the doorbell. I headed to the door
and opened it slowly to Tudor, who I noticed looked slightly, shall
we say, stressed.

"Hey," I
greeted, my brows pinched in concern at his sad demeanour and unkempt
look. His clothes were heavily creased and his eyes looked tired and
dull.

"Hey," he
sounded morose.

I let him in and led
him to the kitchen. "Coffee?"

He nodded, and I set to
making it how he liked it – flavoured cream with sweetener, fact
fans – and poured him a cup. For the first time in our ‘official
relationship’, there was tension.

I took a seat next to
him at the breakfast bar and turned down the volume on the small
kitchen flat-screen so we could talk.

He looked down at his
mug and played with the handle before lifting his head to meet my
assessing gaze. "Tash, about yesterday, I-I shouldn't have just
left like that."

I expected more of an
explanation, but none came. I took a deep breath. "Is that it?
No ‘I left because of this’ or ‘the person on the phone
was...’? Nothing? All I'm getting is just 'I shouldn't have left'?"

He gritted his teeth at
my response. "Yes, I shouldn't have left so abruptly, it wasn't
right."

I tutted and went to
pour more coffee from the pot – I was going to need it!

Tudor’s phone dinged,
and he began pressing buttons, replying to someone’s text. When he
put it back in his pocket I slammed my mug down on the breakfast bar.
"And who was that?"

"No-one," he
said, avoiding my eyes.

"Oh, so you're
texting no-one? Really? Mr. Invisible sends you a message, and you
reply back with a blank screen?"

He looked at me
snarling. "Don't be sarcastic, Natasha."

Oh, I’m Natasha
when I’m being reprimanded, but Sunshine when I’m in the sack and
sucking his dick! Nice to know!

"I'll be anything
I bloody want! Who do you keep calling? It's making me nervous, Tude.
I hate to sound so stereotypical, but is it another girl?"

He recoiled back on the
chair, hurt written all over his face. “What? Do you really think
that?"

Deep down, I really
didn’t, but what else was I supposed to think? I threw my hands in
the air. "I don't know, okay?! You won't bloody let me in!
You’ve been getting calls in the middle of the night, you never
take me to your house, I don't even know
exactly
where you
live, after a month of being together and you are evading every
single question I have about your mystery caller. Your mother doesn’t
know we are together, we never go out, and if we do, it is never out
in public and you are acting so incredibly weird. What do you expect
me to think?" I was getting irate.

"I expect you to
trust me, especially now," he stated calmly.

"Yeah, trust. You
want me to trust you but
you
won't trust
me
with what
it is that’s bothering you. Bit of a double standard don't you
think?"

He held out his hand,
his face looking torn. I hated seeing him like this, but I had to
know what was going on. I stared at his outstretched hand. "Tash,
please. Come here."

I reluctantly moved
over to Tudor, and he pressed me to his chest, kissing my hair and
pulling me up on his lap. "Don't lose faith in me, Sunshine,
please. Just trust me on this. It won’t be forever."

I drew back, taking
hold of his face, searching his eyes for... something, anything, some
kind of divine sign.

"Trust you with
what?"

He glanced down, then
up at me through damp lashes. "Protecting you."

"Protecting me?
From what, babes? What should I be scared of?" I placed a hand
on his cheek. It was cold and pale.

He shook his head,
drawing my hand back down to kiss my palm. "Trust me,” he
whispered, and pulled me back into his embrace, running a hand over
my head like he was relishing any time we had left together.

We stayed like that for
a long time, until I was abruptly thrust back to a standing position
as Tudor jumped from his chair and ran over to turn up the volume on
the TV. When I looked to the screen, there was a full-sized shot of
me and Tudor from our walk a few weeks ago at Forget-Me-Not Ridge. I
was on his back, and we were laughing. I smiled to myself; we looked
very happy. However, my warm and fuzzy moment was interrupted when my
oh-so-romantic boyfriend started screaming expletives and pacing from
one side of the kitchen to the other while listening to the
presenter, a ridiculously thin and bronzed anchorwoman who was
enthusiastically sharing the details.

‘
Well done, Tudor
Chicks. We have managed to find the missing Tudor North, and in
Calgary, Canada of all places! What he’s doing there is a mystery.
This photo was taken by Melissa Brown, who happened to be in
Kananaskis National Park a couple of weeks ago. She claims that her
attention was caught by the flirtations and affectionate games of
this couple and she followed them back to Cowtown after realising who
it was. The man is none other than 'The Blade Reaper' himself, Mr.
North, but the bigger question is: who is the girl? Sources say that
she is not in the business, but it is clear that Tudor looks quite
smitten with this voluptuous beauty. Could this be a real-life
Canadian 'Notting Hill' storyline? We are on tenterhooks waiting for
a statement from Tudor’s people, but have no doubt that the news to
come back is that the infamous Tudor 'Bad Boy' North is officially
off the market. Pictures in this case really are worth a thousand
words!’

Tudor was pacing,
panicking, and just plain freaking out! "Fuck! Why now?" he
bellowed.

Howay, man! I know
you’re private, but this reaction is a bit over-the-top!

I moved over to where
Tudor was creating a worn-out patch on my pristine and much-treasured
marble flooring and stopped the nauseating back-and-forth movement by
holding his huge, two-hundred-and-fifty-pound frame in my arms.
"Tudor, it's fine, they would find out at some point anyway. At
least now we can live a somewhat open life. Is it so bad if we
announce it to the world?"

He just stared at me,
face blank, and pulled out his phone. He quickly dialed a number and
left me standing facing him with a questioning expression. "Kate,
have you seen the entertainment news?" Kate, his publicist. "I
want you to issue a statement today about my romantic status, do you
have a pen?"

There was a pause, and
I couldn't help but smile to myself. OMG! Tense arguments be damned!
In a few short hours the whole world would know about my relationship
with Tudor. This was crazy, but maybe it would make everything
better. Maybe all the problems had been stemming from him trying to
keep us a secret, and once it was all in the open he would go back to
being my sweet, loving Tudor and all would be okay?

Gosh! My mam was going
to flip. I jumped up on the stool and sipped at my coffee, waiting
anxiously to hear the way he would 'out' us, show the world we
belonged to each other. I couldn't keep the huge grin off my face.

Rose Tint My World!

"Okay, I want you
to squash it, deny it,” he snapped into the mouth piece.

Yeahhh – Wait,
what???

“Tell them that she
is a family friend and we were just messing about. I was in Calgary
to prepare for my next movie, but have left. Say, I don't know, that
I was there for research or some shit. I met her here and only saw
her a few times – in fact say she is in a relationship with someone
else, my friend from University, and she was visiting him. Her name
and credentials are not important, and there is no story so not to
bother delving into it. Tell them that I am casually dating, or some
spin like that, but there is no-one special. Shit, I don't care,
fluff up the Banks story or something, she won't deny it, and she’ll
want the publicity! Just... get them off the scent. You got all that?
Yeah, get it out immediately."

He hung up.
What.
The. Fuck???

Tudor turned to face
me, his face torn with anguish. My grin had slipped into a grimace. I
felt like I couldn't breathe. He held out his hands in a placating
gesture. "Tash..."

"Just get out,"
I barely whispered, a tsunami of devastation washing over me,
crushing my throat and all ability to speak.

"No, Tash,
wait..." He tried to reach for me.

I slapped his hand away
weakly, shaking. "I
said
, get out!" I finally stated
at an audible volume, tears tumbling from my eyes.

"No! No, Sunshine,
you need to listen to me. I said those things so they don't come here
looking for pictures of us, for a story. Tash, please. I need you,
don't send me away... not now, I need you more than ever. I can’t
do this without you."

I was breathing hard,
labored and wheezing, like I'd just run the freakin' London Marathon.
I guess a total thrashing of your heart will do that to you. "How
could you?" I whispered, gripping the counter to keep myself
upright.

He picked me up like a
doll and placed me on the table top, caging me in his arms, forcing
me to listen. "Tash, I can't have the media here now. I don't
want a friggin' circus when we have just started out. Please, this
changes nothing, I still want you. You have to believe me."

I let out a bitter
laugh. "You're just embarrassed by me. I get it. Fuck the chunky
normal girl, someone to pass the time with between movies, someone
no-one would
ever
believe you would be with, and then go back
to the glitz and glam and bloody Raquel Banks! The freakin' Barbie to
your overdosed-on-protein-shake Ken!"

"No! I don't even
believe you think that! And for the last God-damned time I am not
embarrassed by you. Quite the opposite in fact; you’re the best
thing in my life! Give me time and I'll shout it from the rooftops
that you're my girl, but not now, not yet!"

"Why? Why not
now?"

"Trust me, Tash.
Just not now!" His voice was gaining volume once again.

"You told Kate to
insinuate you were dating Raquel Banks. What the hell? I thought you
hated her? Was that a lie too?"

He pushed away from the
counter, throwing the dish towel off the table across the room.
"
Argh!
To get them away from here and away from
you
,
to get the spotlight off
you
. Are you not listening to me?
She's a fame whore, she'll play it up, give them a hook – she's
cannon fodder, that's all."

"Why is it so bad
to admit to being with me? I'm a big girl, I can handle it, believe
me. I've taken on a practically unbeatable cancer diagnosis and won;
I have fucked-up hormones but deal with it. What's a few paparazzi
and psycho blonde Twiglets compared to that? I know my shortcomings,
Tudor. I’m not naïve, but I am also super proud of who I am. You
will be hard-pressed to find anyone better than me, especially when
it comes to you. I adore you, I fucking worship the ground you walk
on. I just want to be with you without the lies and secrets. I at
least deserve that much. I want happiness in my life. I want the
fairy-tale happily ever after… I want it with you." My voice
was laced with hurt.