Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) (8 page)

“So,
uh…” Gavin’s words died off and Ethan found himself waiting on pins and needles
to hear what he had to say.

When
several minutes passed, Ethan knew he would have to be the one to do the
talking. After all, he usually was. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah,
actually, there is.”

“And
that would be?” Ethan asked, smiling. He loved talking to Gavin, especially
when he seemed to be choked up on his own emotions.

Like
after the first time, when Ethan had been lodged to the hilt inside of Gavin’s
sweet body, he could’ve sworn Gavin had said the three words he’d been hoping
to hear. But, afterward, when Ethan held Gavin close to him, he had started to
wonder if he’d dreamed it.

“Look,”
Gavin began, staring down at this hands as he squeezed them together. “What
happened…”

Again
Gavin let the sentence drop and Ethan bit his bottom lip to keep from asking
more questions. Without saying anything, he chose to relocate himself to the
spot beside Gavin, reaching for his hand as he did.

That’s
when Gavin jerked away, pushing to his feet and putting several steps between
them.

“Look,
Ethan, I… I think you got the wrong idea about me.”

Ethan
lifted a brow and stared back at him. “Is that right?”

Despite
his confusion, Ethan’s heart began to thump painfully hard in his chest. He
could feel the letdown that was coming, knew Gavin was about to lie to him for
whatever reason, but for the life of him, he couldn’t stop it from happening.

“I
didn’t want to be with you… like that.”

Gavin’s
words were like a karate chop to the throat, cutting off Ethan’s air. “Like
what?” he asked, the words coming out as a raspy whisper.

“You
know,” Gavin said quietly.

“No,
I don’t know. Tell me.” Ethan pushed to his feet, hating the way his chest felt
as though it were caving in.

“I’m
not gay,” Gavin said, his words determined, his eyes finally meeting Ethan’s
for the first time since they’d made their way down to the water.

“You’re
not gay?” So, yes, that was a stupid question, but Ethan asked it anyway.
Surely his ears were playing tricks on him.

“No.”

“So,
the times we made love –”

“Don’t
call it that!” Gavin exclaimed, his green eyes darkening.

“What
would you prefer I call it?” Ethan asked, his own anger gripping him by the
throat.

“A
mistake.”

Ethan
swallowed hard, an effort to keep his heart from trying to escape through his
throat. How could Gavin stand there and say that after what they had shared?

“Gavin,
I know you’re scared. I am too,” Ethan said, taking a step closer, but stopping
as soon as Gavin took one step back.

“I’m
not scared. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. I’m not…” Gavin swallowed hard
and glanced around again. “I didn’t want that to happen between us. You
shouldn’t have made me.”

Ethan
stumbled back a step. If he thought he was short of breath before, now he was
on the verge of suffocation.

“What?
How can you say that?” Ethan asked defensively, trying to swallow past the ball
of emotion that had lodged in his throat. “I didn’t make you do anything. We
made love, Gavin.”

Ethan
watched as Gavin shook his head and then his eyes landed on something behind
Ethan.

Without
thinking, he turned to see what it was, and that’s when Ethan’s world was
forever changed.

“Hey.”

The
voice pulled Ethan from his memory, and he glanced over to see Braydon standing
beside him. A sigh of relief escaped because reality had found a way to
intervene with the past. He rapidly chugged his beer, hoping Braydon didn’t
start asking questions and praying that his brother didn’t see that his hands
were shaking.

“What’s
up?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could muster, setting his empty beer bottle
on the bar and signaling Mack for another.

“Just
checkin’ to make sure you’re all right.”

“Fine,
why?” he asked, not bothering to look Braydon in the eyes.

“No
reason.”

Ethan
knew his brothers had stopped questioning him in recent years. Sometimes he
wished they would push him to talk because there were times when he feared he
would be overwhelmed by everything he managed to keep bottled up inside. But he
knew they were better off not knowing Ethan’s deepest, darkest secrets. It was
in their best interest if he kept himself distanced, which he had become a pro
at.

“Wanna
play pool?”

Ethan
lifted an eyebrow and looked up at Braydon’s face, still not looking him in the
eye. “Do I
ever
want to play pool?”

Braydon
had the decency to laugh and then he clapped Ethan on the back before walking
away.

That
was about the extent of his conversations with his brothers these days.
Generally, Ethan managed to stay far away from them when they were in public
because it always seemed to be that Ethan drew the negative attention that he
didn’t want his family involved in. He knew without a doubt that his brothers
wouldn’t stand for the shit that Ethan was put through from the bigots in their
small town, and that was the main reason he kept them at arm’s length, even
though he knew it irritated the shit out of them.

Focusing
on his beer, Ethan forced his thoughts to remain in the present. He didn’t need
to relive the past, and he certainly didn’t need to get his hopes up about
something that wasn’t going to happen.

So
it would be in his best interest if he focused on the only thing he knew…
finding a way to be content with being alone.

♂♂

Beau
knew he should go inside, but he couldn’t bring himself to get out of the
truck. Maybe if he waited long enough Ethan would come outside. As it was, he
had been sitting in the parking lot of Moonshiners for the last half hour, and
it was getting late. But he was trying not to get his hopes up.

What
was he going to do? Confront Ethan in a public place?

Actually,
that’s exactly what he was originally planning to do. It was the least he
wanted
to do. Ethan had managed to avoid him throughout the day, and Beau was ready to
talk. Didn’t matter that he was going to use the excuse of needing to come by
and get his tools from the Walker Demolition shop tomorrow. That was just his
way in.

But,
the opportunity never presented itself, and after going by Walker Demo twice,
he had finally given up. After all, he wasn’t going to chase Ethan.

Then
why are you parked outside by his truck?

Beau
shook his head, dislodging the thought. Ok, so yes, he was sitting in his truck
like a pathetic loser when he could’ve been inside shooting the shit with his
friends. Instead, he was hoping that Ethan would turn in early tonight, and he
would have a chance to talk to him.

As
though he’d conjured the image right from his thoughts, the door to Moonshiners
opened and Ethan stepped out into the night. Once the door closed behind him,
effectively muting the blare of country music coming from inside, Beau released
his steering wheel and sucked in a breath.

He
waited until Ethan walked passed on his way to his truck before he called out,
“Hey.”

He
could’ve sworn Ethan rolled his eyes. The idea made him smile. Although Ethan
was playing hard to get, Beau knew good and damn well that Ethan felt whatever
this was that was churning between them. It was omnipotent, there was no way he
could avoid it.

“I’m
off work, Bennett,” Ethan muttered, but had the decency to stop close to Beau’s
open window.

Wanting
to be closer, Beau climbed down from his truck and stood just a few feet away.
“Good to know. I’m not here to talk about work.”

“In
that case, I don’t have anything to say to you.”

Ethan
turned to walk away, but Beau halted him with a very low, “Wait.”

Beau
wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen next, but what did happen hadn’t been
in his plan. A second later, he found himself slammed up against his truck,
Ethan’s big, warm body pressed solidly against him. He had to squeeze his hands
into fists to keep from reaching for the man, pulling him even closer so he
could taste him.

“When
are you going to learn, Bennett?”

“What
is it you think you’re teaching me?” he asked, locking eyes with Ethan.

“You
don’t want this,” Ethan said, his voice low.

Arguing
seemed to be a futile option because honestly it wasn’t going to get him
anywhere, so Beau waited patiently to see what Ethan would say next. After all,
at the moment, he had everything he wanted: Ethan plastered up against him, the
hard ridge of Ethan’s cock belying his denial of what was going on between
them, and the bewildered expression on Ethan’s sexy face.

“You
don’t want this,” Ethan repeated, his voice containing less anger and more
confusion.

Risking
a move in such a public place, although they were shielded by his oversized
truck and the lack of lights in the parking lot, Beau placed one hand gently on
Ethan’s hip. Tilting his head as he studied him, Beau kept his tone serious
when he said, “I want this more than you’ll ever understand.”

Why
that was, Beau had absolutely no idea, but he was drawn to Ethan in ways he’d
never been drawn to anyone. Not even Zane. Sure, Zane was his best friend, the
guy he had grown up with and yes, Beau cared for Zane, but what he felt for
Ethan was different. Significantly.

And
it wasn’t only about the physical draw either. Beau wanted to get to know Ethan
on a deeper level. He wanted to find out what made the guy tick and what caused
all of the angst he had built up inside of him. Hell, Beau wanted Ethan – all
of him – good, bad, ugly and everything in between.

“Sex?
You want to fuck? If that’s the case, I’m your guy.” Ethan’s words were
threaded with venom, but his eyes were softer, as though getting the words out
were painful but necessary.

Squeezing
Ethan’s hip gently, Beau forced himself to remain where he was, wanting to wrap
his arms around Ethan and hold him, but refusing to do so here.

“Let’s
get out of here,” Beau offered. “Let’s go somewhere we can talk.”

“I
don’t do the talking thing,” Ethan retorted.

Beau
noticed Ethan was trying to distance himself, but he also realized Ethan wasn’t
making any effort to pull away from him. The heat of his chest filled him with
warmth, the smell of beer on his breath made Beau want to get closer, to inhale
him completely until Ethan had no choice but to give in.

“With
me, you can do the talking thing,” Beau assured him. “Come on.”

Considering
Ethan had probably had a couple of beers, Beau felt better taking his own
truck, so he nodded his head backward, gesturing toward it. “I’ll drive.”

He
fully expected Ethan to balk at the request, but after a long moment, Ethan
surprised them both by nodding his head, another strange expression on his
face. Beau wasn’t willing to overanalyze it, he simply waited until Ethan took
a step back and then around the front of the truck before climbing in.

So
far. So good.

He
only prayed the rest of the night was this easy.

♂♂

Should’ve
said no.

Should’ve
said no.

Should’ve
said no.

The
words continued on a constant loop in Ethan’s head as he sat in Beau’s truck.

After
they left Moonshiners, Beau was kind enough to make a pit stop at the
convenience store to pick up a six pack of beer. Now they were heading to the
lake, despite the weather and the fact that Ethan’s stomach was churning with
nerves. He hated the lake. Absolutely hated it. In fact, he had only been back
there once or twice since the incident with Gavin all those years ago. When
Beau mentioned where they were headed, Ethan managed to bite his tongue. He’d
have pretty much preferred to go anywhere else.

The
truck finally slowed as they pulled into a narrow alcove that allowed them to
park close to the water without having to get out. Even with the moon shining
brightly overhead, the black water was barely visible when Beau killed the
headlights.

It
didn’t take long for the silence to become a heavy weight in the stifling
truck, so Ethan grabbed one of the beers from the six pack sitting on the
center console.

“So,
what did you want to talk about?” Ethan asked testily once he had satisfied his
thirst.

Beau
shifted, his back pressing into the driver’s door as he angled himself to look
at Ethan. The man made him nervous. And wasn’t that fucked up. Ethan didn’t do
nervous. He didn’t give a shit enough to even be nervous. Yet with Beau, he
felt like he had when…

No
fucking way.

Ethan
shook off the thought. He wasn’t going back there. He’d already relived part of
the memory, he damn sure didn’t have it in him to go through more tonight.
There wasn’t enough alcohol in the truck to get him to relive all of what
happened that night.

“Being
the strong silent type ain’t gonna get you many dates, Bennett,” Ethan said
snidely, downing the rest of his beer.

“Dating
isn’t high on my priority list at the moment.”

Well,
there was a shocker.

“When
did you realize you were gay?” Ethan asked suddenly, the question tumbling out
of his mouth before he could think better of it.

Beau
turned and looked out the front windshield for a moment before answering. “I’ve
known for a while.”

“Have
you dated a guy before?”

“Once.”

From
that single word, Ethan got the impression Beau wasn’t looking to expand on his
answer. Too bad for him. If Beau was insisting on pushing Ethan out of his
comfort zone, it was only fair he suffer the same way. “When?”

Beau
looked back at him, his intense gaze sending a strange sensation across Ethan’s
skin. The man was… the only word he could come up with was… beautiful. And
oddly enough, most people probably wouldn’t think that way when they saw him.

Not
only was he tall, he was tremendously built. Like a football player. And now
that Ethan thought about it, Beau had always been that way.

He
obviously spent time in the gym. A lot of time if Ethan had to guess. Ethan was
leaner, lacking quite so much bulk, but that was likely due to their body
types. He spent several hours a week working out, but only with the equipment
he kept at the shop. His motive for working out was to be strong, capable of
defending himself if need be. Never again would he get caught lacking in that
area.

Between
working at the shop, the few hours a week that he dedicated to weight-lifting,
and helping to take care of the few horses his parents and Travis had on the
ranch, Ethan didn’t find much time to do anything more. Nor did he have the
energy. But Beau filled him with an energy that had been lacking for some time
and he didn’t know why that was.

“Back
in March,” Beau said and Ethan remembered what he had asked.

“How
many dates did y’all go on?”

Beau
laughed, the sound callous and lacking any enthusiasm whatsoever.

“One.
That’s all I needed.”

“Y’all
didn’t hit it off?”

Beau
shook his head in response and Ethan continued to regard him in the shadows.
The blue lights from the dashboard highlighted the hard angles of his face,
making him even sexier. If that was even possible.

“Dinner?
Dancing? Movies?” Ethan asked, encouraging Beau to talk. After all, Beau was
the one who wanted to chat.

“Dinner.”

Something
niggled at Ethan when Beau answered. There was a question lingering somewhere
in his subconscious, but he couldn’t think clearly enough to put the words
together.

“His
name was Joe. I met him one afternoon when I went into Austin for parts. He was
the first guy to ever approach me like that. I was stunned. And a little
curious.”

“A
little curious?”

“Yeah.
I’d just come to terms with the fact that I’m not straight.”

Ethan
noticed that Beau didn’t say he was gay. He had specifically stated that he
wasn’t
straight. Did that mean he was bisexual?

“Were
you attracted to him?”

“He
was a decent looking guy. I’d talked to him on several occasions because he ran
one of the parts stores that I frequented. Outgoing, funny. So yeah, I was
attracted to him.”

“And
he took you to dinner?”

“We
met at a restaurant in Hutto.”

Ding.
Ding. Ding.
The warning bells sounded in his head,
and Ethan immediately remembered what he had wanted to ask Beau. “That’s when
you saw Blake?”

Beau’s
head swiveled slowly until their eyes met across the cab. “Yeah. I saw him.”

“With
another guy?”

“Yeah.”

“And
you didn’t think to mention it to me?”

Beau’s
eyebrows furrowed, his shoulders tensed slightly. “It wasn’t any of my
business.”

Fair
enough. Ethan knew he could find all the reasons in the world to argue, but
decided against it. The fact that Blake wasn’t part of his life anymore didn’t
bother Ethan. He wasn’t fond of being cheated on, but it was in the past.

“So,
you and Joe. Dinner.”

“Yeah,”
Beau said, a small smile tipping the very corners of his lips. Ethan fought the
urge to lick his own lips because he was suddenly extremely interested in
kissing the man.

But
for some reason, this talking thing… he kinda liked it.