Even Odds (22 page)

Isabel and Caleb watched the door close behind Lloyd before their eyes met once more. “I want to see you again.” The words were out of Isabel's mouth before she even knew what she was going to say.

She saw amusement in Caleb's expression, but hesitation as well, which surprised her. This was the first time he'd seemed less than enthusiastic about them meeting up. He examined his fingernails, and Isabel felt a sick twist in her stomach as she realized how vulnerable she'd made herself by asking. If she could, she'd take the words back. Now he knew.

Caleb opened his mouth to speak, hesitating. She wished he'd just say no and get it over with. His expression already told her that's what he was going to say.

“I don't know, Isabel,” he said at last, and she was unsurprised.

“That's okay. Forget it.” Her face burning, she turned to walk back to her office, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“Isabel, wait.”

She shook his hand off. “No, it's okay. I shouldn't have asked.” Before he could give some crappy apology, she ducked into the design room and let the door slam closed behind her.

Caleb watched her go.
Why hadn't she let him explain? He couldn't keep being jerked around like this. Either she wanted him, or she didn't want him, but this on-again, off-again situation wasn't doing either of them any favors. He wouldn't hide. Lying to Lloyd was one thing, because Lloyd was clearly an asshole, but lying to everyone made him feel dirty. Maybe he'd give her some time to decompress and then explain himself. He headed back to his office to pack up for the day.

When he stepped back into the hallway, brown satchel under his arm, Lloyd was leaving his office at the same time. “Hey, fancy running into you here,” Lloyd said. His smile was all teeth, reminding Caleb uncomfortably of a shark. He wondered if other people saw the resemblance. “Headed home?”

“Yep. It's about that time.” Caleb shifted his bag higher up on his shoulder and walked toward the door. He really didn't want to talk to Lloyd any longer than he had to.

“Wait a second.” Lloyd caught up to him. “I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable, joking back there about you and Isabel.”

“I'm fine, but I don't know if you made
her
uncomfortable.” Caleb tried to keep his expression neutral rather than sour. Maybe Lloyd didn't know he was a total douche bag.

Lloyd chuckled. “Who, Isabel? No, she's fine. If she didn't want jokes like that, she shouldn't be getting all wild and crazy at the company conventions. I could tell you some
stories
, dude.”

Caleb felt his chest tighten with anger. He didn't want to leave Isabel to fight her own fight here. Listening to her get slandered like this was against everything he believed in. “That's none of my business, and it's probably none of yours, either.”

Lloyd was unfazed. He shrugged, the smile unwavering. “Maybe, maybe. Sweet of you to want to defend her, though. Thinking about dipping the pen in that company ink?” He actually gave Caleb an elbow nudge, as if they were coconspirators.

“You're a pretty nosy guy. Anybody ever tell you that before?” Caleb needed to walk away before he did something stupid like punch Lloyd in the teeth. He turned his back on the other man when Lloyd's voice stopped him.

“Hey, I'm just looking out for new guys like you. I like to see this company succeed. If there are any weak links, it's only fair other people should know about them, right?”

Caleb turned, trying to keep his blood pressure down. “Are you calling Isabel a weak link?”

“I don't know, man.” Lloyd shrugged. “She seems pretty emotional to me. Hot and cold. She's the ice queen here, then goes all ‘wild child' when we're away? I appreciate that Will probably wanted to do the kid a favor back when he gave her the promotion, since she's been here for years, but I can't help feeling like she's not really ready for this. I just thought you should know that, if you're hoping to get involved with her.”

“Funny, I see it differently.” Caleb squared his shoulders to Lloyd, who was an inch taller but thinner, reedy, like a bending plant. Given the chance, Caleb could definitely take him down. “I've only been working here a couple of weeks, but Isabel's been a great partner on this project. She knows what she's doing and I like working with her. I've never heard her talk badly about anyone at the company.” As he spoke, he could feel his body tensing, adrenaline coiling in his stomach. “On the contrary, I've barely gotten to know you today, and you're already badmouthing her. If someone's coming out as the weak link, here, I don't think it's Isabel.” He was gratified to watch the smile slip on Lloyd's face. “See you later.” Without looking back, he turned and left the building.

In his car, Caleb turned on the air-conditioning and sat in the enclosed space for a minute, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. The stupid sunshade he'd bought shielded him from the rest of the parking lot, so he could sit in moderate darkness and let the cold, stale-smelling air slowly replace the sweltering heat inside his car while he reviewed the conversation with Lloyd. He handled that better than he thought he would. He hadn't said anything incriminating about either of them, he'd defended Isabel without taking over for her, and he'd called Lloyd out on being a douche bag. Honestly, though, this was a lot of trouble over a woman who didn't even want other people to know they were anything other than work partners. It would probably have been easier to laugh off Lloyd's comments and leave. Now he'd made an enemy in the marketing department within his first month on the job. Great. If he didn't want to end up without a job, he needed to stay out of bullshit like this.

But Isabel. It killed him to hear someone talk about Isabel like that, full of swagger, like she was a punch line rather than a human being. He thought back to waking up with her Saturday morning, her limbs tangled with his, and felt his cock twitch with interest. Fuck.

Through the unblocked side window, he saw a blue Miata drive out of the parking lot, Lloyd drumming on the steering wheel with his sunglasses on as he turned right and headed out. He certainly didn't seem upset. Caleb, on the other hand, was composing himself in the middle of the parking lot like any of this mattered. Isabel probably wouldn't even care.

The view outside his window was occluded suddenly by a person, and Isabel opened the door and slid into the passenger seat next to him.

“What's this?” Caleb shifted in surprise. He may be confused about his feelings toward her, but his body was not.

“Thank you for that.” Isabel turned in the seat to face him, her eyes red. Had she been crying?

“For what?” Caleb asked.

“I heard you. I was about to leave, and I was right on the other side of the door. Nobody's ever stood up for me at work like that.” She twisted the hem of her shirt in her hands, looking down. “I can't believe that's what Lloyd thinks of me. I always thought I was overreacting.”

Her lip was trembling, barely enough to be visible, but Caleb noticed. Without thinking, he leaned across the center console and cupped her chin in his hand, kissing her. Her lips quivered under his before she opened her mouth with a sigh, and what he had intended to be a chaste kiss turned much hotter. Although he'd just wanted to comfort her, he found himself wanting her, wanting all of her, and the first tentative brush of her tongue against his made him groan and tug her closer.

No, he couldn't do this. He broke the kiss and sat back, catching his breath. “Wait, stop.”

Isabel was still leaning across the console, her eyes registering confusion when she opened them. “What's wrong?”

“I don't want to be your dirty little secret, Isabel.” Damn, it felt ridiculous saying this aloud. But he pressed on. “I don't want to hide whatever this is from our coworkers and pretend we barely know each other.”

“Well I don't want to run to HR and announce something if it's just a little fling.” Isabel shifted back in the passenger seat, her jaw set. “I'm not going public unless it's a relationship, and I can tell by your face that this isn't what you want.” She pushed open the door, but he reached out and took her arm before she got out.

“Wait,” he said, tugging gently. She closed the door again, turning to him with a wary look in her eyes. He considered his recent feelings, the tumultuous ebb and flow of his emotions, and let out a shaky breath. “Okay. Listen, it isn't that I don't want a relationship. But I'm really worried about fucking this up.”

Isabel didn't interrupt, instead kept watching him with a neutral expression on her face, so he continued. “My parents are domineering and obnoxious, but they're happy together and they're really successful lawyers. My brother has a perfect family with a perfect wife and perfect kids. He's a goddamn dentist. I'm the fuck-up of the family. I barely passed high school and had to do remedial classes before I could get into art school, even with a killer portfolio. I started a business and it failed. I've applied for a dozen other jobs and been turned down for all of them.” Now that he started talking, he felt like he couldn't stop, and the words kept tumbling out. “I had one serious relationship and she cheated on me, and I don't want that kind of heartbreak again. I don't do relationships because if I fuck up a relationship now, it's just one more thing I've fucked up. One more way I've failed. I have to look at my family and know that I'm a disappointment to them. It's easier just not to try, to shut off that part of myself.” He swallowed. “God, now that I'm saying this, it sounds really messed up. I'm thirty years old, Isabel, and I've only had one serious relationship. How screwed up is that?” He didn't give her a chance to answer. “And then you come along, and it was supposed to be just another fling, but I like you. I like hanging around with you, I
love
sleeping with you, but you want more than that. You want something serious, something forever, and I don't know if I'm cut out for that.” The earnest expression in her eyes was too much right then, so he turned away, staring instead at the underside of the bubble-coated sunshade. “I don't want to fail at this, too.”

Isabel was silent. After a couple of minutes, Caleb glanced over, just to make sure she hadn't gotten out of the car somehow without him noticing. She was still studying him with that caring expression on her face, that kind look in her eyes. He could forget his problems in those eyes. She reached out and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

“Okay,” she said at last.

He waited, but she didn't add anything. “Okay, what?” he prompted.

“Okay. This clearly bothers you, so we don't have to call it a relationship.” She shrugged, but the motion came with some effort. “If you want to be public with this and stop hiding, then we can go to HR in the morning. And I'll try not to press you for more commitment than you're willing to give. I figure if you stood up for me to Lloyd like that, then the least I can do is honor your wishes. It's not exactly what I want, but I think I'd rather have this than nothing.”

Caleb felt a rush of relief mixed with apprehension, an unsettling combination. Was he really this afraid of fucking up even something that wasn't a real relationship? “Really?”

Isabel nodded. “That's okay with you, right? We'll tell people. We'll tell HR.” Isabel visibly swallowed, and her smile was thin. “It'll be fine.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Fine.” He knew he wasn't very articulate at the moment, but he was pretty sure he'd just started dating someone without planning it.

“Okay. Then . . . we should take some time for this. Think on it.” She nodded. “I'll see you tomorrow.” After dropping a quick kiss on his lips, she opened the car door and was gone.

Even knowing she was
doing the right thing, Isabel felt like vomiting for the whole drive into work the next day. It didn't help that she'd barely slept at all, waking every hour with visions of Lloyd's shark smile leering over her, commenting on her sex life. After her standard two cups of coffee, she felt groggy and jittery, neither of which helped her nerves. The walk down the hallway to her office seemed longer than usual. Chuck greeted her, nodding as she passed, and she could barely manage a nod to him in return. Even Anton's bright smile elicited barely more than a perfunctory nod from her as she stepped into the dim main hallway of PI Games.

This was ridiculous. She had no reason to feel like she was walking to the gallows, even as she pushed open the door to the design room. Other level designers were just arriving, setting their belongings down, greeting each other, checking in about the previous night's escapades and their own plans for the day, but she couldn't say much. As she set her bag down, her phone beeped. A text from Caleb.

Let me know when you get here. We should do this together.

She sent a return message that she was there, asking him to meet her in the hallway. Still feeling sick, she left her bag on the desk and headed there herself.

Caleb gave her a reassuring smile as soon as he saw her, and it actually made her feel a little better. Not much, but enough that the overwhelming queasy feeling abated to “barely queasy.”

“You okay?” He reached out and rubbed her upper arms, an intimate gesture that comforted her more than she thought it would.

Isabel nodded, not trusting her voice at first. “Yeah,” she managed. “Nervous.”

“It's gonna be fine. This is fine.” He nodded his head at the door. “Come on. Let's get this over with.”

The human resources office was the last door before Will's office, so they had to pass by Lloyd's door on their way. Isabel was conscious of how much of her anxiety centered around this man and his tiny irritating habits when she felt her tension ease at the sight of his empty desk. Small relief. With more determination, she knocked on the door to the HR office.

Iris Parker gave them both a kind smile as they entered, stepping aside to let them in. Her office was the pinnacle of organization, perfect for someone in her position, and Isabel immediately felt calmer surrounded by her color-coded file folders and neat workstation. Aside from completing her annual paperwork, she'd had no dealings with HR, and she barely knew Iris at all. Iris looked as put together as her office, wearing a matching business suit with her light blond hair pulled up in an immaculate twist. Her cat-eye glasses completed the image, which gave her a retro vibe that Isabel could appreciate. Iris pulled out a folding chair from behind one of the desks to sit alongside the guest chair already set up, then settled into her own chair. “What can I help you with this morning?”

Isabel took a short breath as if she were getting ready to dive into a cold pool, and said it all at once. “We need to disclose our relationship.”

Caleb jumped in. “It's not anything serious. But we didn't want to get in trouble by not reporting it.”

Iris didn't look surprised at all, which in itself was surprising. Maybe this wasn't as uncommon as Isabel had imagined. “Thank you for coming to me,” she said, opening a file drawer nearby and starting to leaf through the papers. “It's much more complicated when this sort of thing is brought to my attention by other parties. Now, I need you to sign these documents here attesting that your relationship is consensual and you agree to abide by the sexual harassment policies and policies around public displays of affection at the office.” Iris produced copies of the policies and slid them across the desk along with a document for their signatures. Isabel picked up the documents and looked over them. The PDA document was familiar, and fucking on the desk was clearly beyond the pale. They'd need to never do
that
again. She lingered on the sexual harassment document, which she'd skimmed in the past but never really studied. Interesting. The specifics made her acutely aware that Lloyd's behavior was not as harmless as she'd thought, or that her previous job would have led her to believe. In fact, he'd breached at least several of these bullet points. Interesting.

Feeling Caleb's gaze on her, Isabel looked up, realizing she'd been staring at the document for a few minutes without signing anything. Caleb's signature was already on the center form. She quickly scribbled her name on the line below it and added today's date. A thrill went through her. This all felt more real, and more terrifying, than she had imagined.

“Okay, that's all I need.” Iris took the center form back and filed it. “You can keep those other documents for your records. If you end your relationship, please come notify me and we'll document that as well. Is that all?”

Caleb started to get up, but Isabel stayed where she was, feeling an inkling of courage. “One more thing.”

Iris closed the file drawer and folded her arms on her desk. “Of course.” Next to Isabel, Caleb sat back down, head cocked to the side in puzzlement.

Isabel scanned the list of sexual harassment bullet points on her document. Her fingers trembled slightly on the paper. “If someone is violating these, what happens?”

Iris shifted, studying Isabel with careful attention. “First offense is a written warning that goes in the employee's personnel file. Second offense is a mandatory seminar about inappropriate workplace behavior, which is sometimes warranted for grievous first offenses. Third offense is usually termination.” She adjusted her glasses. “Caleb, would you excuse us for a moment?”

Caleb looked to Isabel, who shrugged. There was obviously some kind of confidentiality issue at play here. He stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind him.

“Isabel, are you experiencing a hostile work environment?” Iris asked, direct and yet kind.

Isabel felt prickly, like she'd developed an allergic reaction to the conversation. “I don't know.” No, that wasn't true. “I think maybe? But I had similar issues at my last job, and HR told me what I was experiencing didn't constitute harassment.”

Iris's eyes narrowed, but Isabel could tell the other woman's irritation wasn't directed at her. “No HR representative should have told you something like that. If you're being sexually harassed, the harasser needs to know his or her actions are unwanted. You can either notify this person directly, or I can do it through human resources, but we can't proceed to disciplinary action without this initial step.”

Isabel nodded. That was uncomfortable, but she understood. Iris must have read the discomfort on her face, because she continued explaining. “I was the HR rep for a national bank before I came here. The thing about small companies versus national chains is that small companies get to be like families. People joke, they hang out together, they develop friendships that transcend workplace professionalism. When an office is too casual, it can be hard to draw lines about what constitutes a hostile work environment.” Iris smiled at Isabel, a supportive smile. “I'm on your side, Isabel. The company doesn't want you to be uncomfortable, and neither do I. If you'd like help taking the first step, we can give you resources to do so, or we can do it for you.”

Isabel examined the emotions tumbling through her. She still felt some residual anxiety from the morning, albeit somewhat alleviated, but it was offset by a new sense of relief and determination. “I think I can do it. Thank you.”

Iris nodded. “Anytime. That's why I'm here.”

Caleb was waiting for her in the hall when she stepped out, standing a respectful distance away so as not to eavesdrop. “How'd that go?” he asked. Even at a whisper, his voice sounded loud in the quiet hallway. Isabel scanned the hall, but all the doors were closed, even Lloyd's.

“Pretty good.” She nodded. “I think I know what I need to do now.”

Caleb's smile was a reassuring balm. “All right. Let me know if I can help.” He looked to the side, bit his lip, and then leaned in and dropped a peck on her lips. Isabel couldn't help smiling. They couldn't make a habit of this sort of thing, but she also couldn't deny that it was nice.

“I've got stuff to do.” Isabel jerked her thumb toward the end of the hallway, vaguely in the direction of her office.

“Yeah, me, too.” Caleb fell into step beside her.

They walked out into the main hallway. “Do you want to have lunch together?” Isabel asked.

Caleb appraised her. “Are you sure? People will see.”

Isabel made herself shrug as if it didn't matter, because it shouldn't. This was going to happen. “That's okay. They'll figure it out soon enough anyway.”

“Okay then. Lunch. Noon in the break room?”

“Yeah. See you then.” Isabel felt strangely light as she opened the door to the design room and returned to her workstation.

———

The walk to lunch
had never felt so significant to Isabel before. She was half expecting an orchestra playing dramatic music behind her as she headed down the hall at noon. Her casual walk didn't feel casual. She felt like an early-stage video-game character whose animators couldn't master accurate limb movement. She also felt ridiculous, because she'd already fucked the guy multiple times in increasingly creative ways, but the idea of sitting in the break room eating lunch with him made her heart flutter. What complete bullshit.

“Hey.” Caleb looked up from his leftover pizza and smiled when she walked in. She put her food in the microwave and leaned on the counter to wait. No one else was in the break room yet. Maybe this wouldn't be bad.

“Please tell me that isn't the pizza from Friday night.” Isabel wrinkled her nose.

Caleb shook his head. “No, I got another one last night. Didn't feel like cooking.”

“Do you ever feel like cooking?”

“Well, yeah. Sure. I like to cook, especially when I have someone to cook for.” Caleb picked a piece of pepperoni that was hanging off his pizza slice and popped it in his mouth. “I'm no chef, but I have a few go-to dishes.”

Isabel could picture him standing in the kitchen, stirring something on the stove or slicing vegetables. Of course he could cook; those hands that were so adept at drawing, sculpting, and teasing responses out of her body could probably do anything. She focused on his hands as he ate, the strong fingers and neatly trimmed fingernails, and tried not to think about the way they felt gliding over her skin. They were still at work, after all.

The microwave beeped, and she joined Caleb at the table.

“Rice and beans?” He looked into her bowl.

“Yeah. I have it for lunch almost every day. I'm not as much of a fan of cooking as you are.” She added some hot sauce and started eating. “So how's the design coming?”

Halfway through their conversation about the villain's weaponry in
Frost Prince,
the break room door swung open and a handful of employees entered, including Lloyd. Isabel looked up, felt her food stick in her throat, and forced herself to swallow and continue as normal. Caleb noticed, too—she could tell by the way his back stiffened—but then he pointedly looked at her and asked, “Is he going to have more melee weapons than just the sword?”

Isabel turned more fully to face Caleb. “No, we're going to play up the magic and minimize his melee encounters, so the sword is fine. The minions, though, are going to be both melee and ranged. Bows and lances. The designs you already showed me yesterday look great. We're building both types of encounters into the gameplay.”

Without looking, Isabel could feel someone slide into the third chair at their table, and knew it was Lloyd by the way Caleb's smile faded to a scowl. Even though she felt sick, she made herself turn and greet him. “Hi, Lloyd. Can I help you?”

“You two look pretty chummy over here.” Looking between the two of them, he flashed a smile.

“I don't think our personal lives are any of your business, Lloyd.” Isabel took a forkful of food, chewed slowly, and swallowed.

Lloyd winked. “You should've thought of that before you got so public with your personal life back in Boston.”

Okay, here it came. Isabel straightened. “I don't want you to bring that up anymore, Lloyd. It makes me uncomfortable.”

He laughed. “Oh, come on, Isabel. I'm just playing.”

“Well, I don't appreciate it.” She knew she had to be clear about this, but it felt difficult with her inner voice telling her she was making far too big a deal out of it. Funny, her inner voice sounded a lot like the HR guy from Pixel Dream.

Lloyd's smile faded. “Okay, fine. Sorry you're such a tight ass.” He pushed up from the table. “Enjoy your lunch, you two. Or your date. Whatever.”

Isabel watched him go with the vague sense that this wouldn't be the last she heard of this. Lloyd sat down with a few members of the art team who were just coming in to eat, leaning in to share something conspiratorially. Maybe it was about her, or maybe she was just being paranoid. Caleb touched her forearm. “Hey, come back.” When she looked away from Lloyd and met Caleb's eyes, he was smiling. “That was pretty good.”