Everlong: (Book One of the Everlong Trilogy) (16 page)

'Oh Celia, come on, it'd be fun!' said Cassie, placing her head playfully on Celia's shoulder. 'No,' she said, raising her head from Celia's shoulder, her eyes brimming with excitement, 'even better, what about fancy dress at the party?'

'A party?' I asked. My voice sounded like I'd sucked the helium out of a ten balloons, it was that high.

'Yeah, next Friday,' said Cassie, looking up at me through her eyelashes, her head tilted to the side, 'it's Celia's present to me and Dan, an engagement party at the club where Carl works. You up for it?'

'Yeah,' I said, trying to sound really excited. I wasn't. But what else could I say? I could feel Celia's eyes boring down on me. I didn't look at her.

'What about an Eighties and Nineties disco-'

'Really?' asked Celia.

'Yeah, come on Sis, let's dance like we used to! Let's forget all the bad stuff and just dance!' Cassie looked at Celia with her pleading "lost puppy" face. 'Come on, it'll be fun!'

'And fancy dress?' asked Celia.

Cassie didn't say a word, but her face lit up with a huge smile and I knew Celia didn't stand a chance.

'Okay,' said Celia, finally cracking a smile, 'It'll be fun, I'll sort it with Tom the DJ and I'll text or e-mail everyone to say it's fancy dress.'

'Thank you!' said Cassie, flinging her arms around her sister.

This week was now feeling more like a war zone - my first counselling session, a fancy dress party, and somehow I had to pin down Dexter, to arrange a time to work on our English presentation, due in first Monday after the holiday, even though he was one of the last people I really wanted to talk to right at that moment, but time was ticking and I couldn't afford to fail English.

How the hell was I going to get through it all?

Evie

The demonic beast inside me was growing fat, feeding on my fears and anxieties that I dragged around like a ball and chain. The idea of the engagement party was filling me with horror, and every day as it drew closer, I could feel the dark cloud above me growing stronger. Even worse, Celia had told me not to worry about the costume for the party because she'd sort it out, but as Celia hated me, I knew I should do the complete opposite and worry like Hell. Celia was never nice, not to me. But before I even got to the party, I had counselling to get through and, more worryingly, I had to try and sort out study time with Dexter for our mixed pairs English presentation, because he didn't look like he was going to make the first move and we only had a few weeks left before the half-term holiday.

We were back in our usual seats for English (we were supposed to be working on the presentations in our own time which was proving a little bit difficult). We had English together on Tuesday afternoon so I decided I'd grab him then, at the end of class. I didn't want to, and the thought of speaking to him actually made me feel sick, but I couldn't fail English, I didn't need any more crap in my life.

When the bell went for end of school, Mrs Jones dismissed us, but before Dexter could run off I was ready. I leapt out of my seat at the back of the class and bounded over to where he sat with Amber.

'Er...Dexter?' I said. He looked up and I could feel myself blushing. Amber sneered at me from under her thick lashes. Suddenly I felt very hot. I pulled at the neck of my jumper, feeling as though the eyes of the world were watching me, not just Dexter, Amber or any of the sixth formers still loitering in the class. 'We need to work out a time to work on the presentation, I was thinking, we could do it in our free period, tomorrow-'

'He's busy,' said Amber, quickly jumping in, her arm sliding across Dexter's shoulder.

'Well, we need to sort it out,' I said, focusing on Dexter, on being strong and just standing on the spot rather than running away, which is what my legs really wanted to do. I just kept telling myself that I couldn't fail, I had to get this presentation done, one way or another, even if it killed me. 'It needs to be done by the Monday after half-term, and I can't do it over half-term-'

'Like I said, he's busy.'

Dexter huffed. He stuffed his paper and books into his bag.

'I was speaking to Dexter, not you,' I said, sounding a little bit angrier than I had intended. I just wanted to get the goddamn assignment done. I didn't need this, I'd got too many things going on in my life and I could feel it all churning around in my stomach. 'After all, it's Dexter that I'm doing the presentation with, not you.'

Amber's mouth dropped open and she stared at me with incredulous eyes. She looked like she was trying to find something nasty to say. 'Dexter,' she said, finally, but the venom in her voice was purely for my benefit.

Dexter stood up quickly and grabbed his bag off the table. Amber's face fell as he let her arm fall away roughly from his shoulders. He rummaged around in his bag before fetching out a wodge of folded, dog-eared, paper. 'Here,' he said, thrusting it into my chest. 'It's all my stuff for the presentation, you can work around it.' He brushed passed me, leaving Amber sitting alone at the table.

‘But we’re supposed to be working on this together,' I called after him. 'How are we going to pass if we don't-‘

He stopped abruptly in the middle of the room, and spun on the spot to face me. ‘Yeah, well, that's not my problem. I tried to get us new partners but Mrs Jones isn't having any of it. I might have to work with you in class, but that doesn't mean I want to spend time with you outside of it, does it?'

'But-'

'God, Evelyn will you just look at yourself! When will you stop it?' He strode back across the room, closing the distance between us quickly. I was suddenly aware that the room had fallen deathly quiet. People were circling around us, like a baying mob waiting for the violence they knew was coming.

'I-' I didn't know what to say. I felt like a fox caught in the middle of a pack of hunting dogs. What little strength I had, (that had kept me in front of him, that had kept me together despite wanting to run) was now vanishing. Tears were building at the back of my throat, but I couldn't let them see me cry. I was losing my grip, teetering on the edge. I tried to hold my breath hoping that by doing so, it would prevent Dexter from exploding in front of me as I knew he was going to, that it would stop him from saying those things that I didn't want to hear.

'You're embarrassing. You've been following me around like a lost puppy for months-'

'But-'

'And you're getting worse, staring at me in class-'

'I don't-'

'Whatever, Evelyn. It's pathetic. You're pathetic, and I've had enough!'

'I'm-' I wanted to fight back, tell him I wasn't, but words we're failing me.

'You seem to think,' he said, his eyes blazing with a dark and troubling fury, 'for some reason that I'd be interested in a skank like you. You're just a tart like your mother. I mean, how many is that she's been with now? She's like the town bike.' There were giggles. Amber came to stand by him, looking like the cat who'd just got the cream. Or the bitch that had the dog.

'Thanks,' I said. But those words were like oxygen to a piece of tinder, and ignited some fire hidden deep within me. A fire that I'd forgotten I had. Fiery anger arose from nowhere, springing out of me like a coil. 'If I'm such a skank, why the Hell did you save me?' My anger momentarily surprised him. I'd surprised myself. Maybe after my tears, anger was all that was left.

'Save you?' he asked, his face scrunched up as he tried to dismiss what I'd said, 'I didn't save you!'

'So you didn't pull me out of the water on New year's Eve?' I knew everyone was listening, I knew I'd said too much, but what the Hell, I couldn't take it back now. And even if I could, what would be the point?

'No,' he said, his face relaxing as if it all now made sense to him. 'I didn't save you. You were lying on the towpath, out of your head.'

'But-'

'You were lying on the towpath, drunk. A pisshead like your mother.'

I glared and pointed my finger at him, not believing a word he said. 'So how did I get home? Why was your earring in my room?'

'You opened your eyes, slurred something about going home, so we took you home, despite the fact that you stank. We dragged you home, you took yourself upstairs to bed. We needed somewhere to hang so we stayed there-'

'Your earring?'

'Hell, Evie, what do you want me to say? It probably dropped off when I was dragging you home! When are you going to get it through your thick pisshead brain of yours that you mean nothing to me?'

I exhaled loudly as I finally understood. So I meant nothing to him. It hadn't even crossed his mind that I might've tried to kill myself. He thought I was just drunk.

'Hey,' said Sam, appearing at my side, out of nowhere.

'But you saved me,' I said, stepping forward, searching his face for something. Anything.

‘Don’t be stupid,’ he said, taking a step backwards, ‘I could never be with someone like you, so don’t be getting that Stockholm Syndrome or whatever it is because I’m not interested.’

'That's enough,' said Sam, stepping in between me and Dexter.

'You heard what he said,' said Amber. She was loving every minute of it.

Sam turned to me. 'Come on, grab your stuff, I'll walk you out.'

I looked up, into Sam's deep blue eyes, and felt them cut me in two as he searched my face for answers. I didn't speak, but turned and grabbed my stuff off the table.

We walked to the school gates in silence. Sam had his arm around me, protecting me, but I could feel the sorrow weighing him down.

He let his arm drop from my shoulders and reluctantly I turned to face him.

'So,' he said, 'what was all that about?'

His face was ashen, the hurt visible in the way he looked at me, and in the tone of his voice.

'Nothing.' I didn't want to talk about it. Any of it. I was too full of anger, too ashamed, and I didn't want to hurt him anymore.

'Don't lie to me.'

I sighed. No, I shouldn't be lying to you. I cleared my throat, feeling the drizzle soaking me to the bone. In the distance, the sun's rays had managed to poke through the cloud. A small rainbow curved in the sky, like a great stone arch in God's natural cathedral. 'Those photos you asked me about-'

'I knew it! You did, didn't you? You tried to ki-'

'No!' I had to stop him, even if that meant more lies. I couldn't hear those words fall from his mouth. 'No,' I repeated.

'Don't-'

I put my hand on his arm. 'Sam, I didn't.' Luckily Dexter had given me the perfect, ready-made excuse. 'I'd had too much to drink, tried to walk home,' I said, watching the emotions flick over his face; relief, anger, sadness, 'and ended up falling in the river. I stupidly thought Dexter had saved me.'

'Oh Ev, how stupid can you get?'

'I know, I know,' I said, grabbing onto his arm tighter. Why? Why was I lying? How had everything gone so wrong? 'I didn't tell you the truth because I knew you'd react like this. I didn't want to hurt you.'

'But you have, by not telling me. Why didn't you just tell me when I asked you before?'

I shrugged. 'I know. I'm sorry, I felt so ashamed that...' I couldn't take it anymore. I flung my arms around him and he held on to me tightly. 'Sam, I really am sorry,' I said, buried deep in his warmth.

'Just promise me you'll tell me next time, if something happens.'

'I promise,' I said, but the lies were proving too much, they were lying heavy on my heart. My heart broke and I started to sob.

Sam held on to me. It felt so good. And yet so bad.

'Oh Ev, when did it get this bad?'

I couldn't reply. If I had, I think that the truth would have forced itself out of my mouth and then there would've been no going back.

The next day at school Sam hovered over me like a protective father. I kind of appreciated it (he was only trying to look out for me), but after History together and him waiting for me outside the toilets every time I went in, even interrogating me if I spent too long in there (so weird, it was just plain wrong), I felt really claustrophobic. I had to get away.

I told him I had to go home in my free lesson now, that I couldn't have met Dexter anyway as Cassie and Celia were having a girly meeting about the wedding, that I had to go because, if I didn't, I would suffer in the long run. He'd looked at me, searching my eyes for any tell-tale signs that I was lying, but he didn't find any. I was getting far too good at it. To my shame.

Thankfully, when I did get home, Cassie and Dan were out, so I grabbed a coffee and shut myself in my room, knowing that way, at least for a while, I wouldn't have to speak to them if they came back. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading through Dexter's hastily written notes, trying to decipher his writing, before researching my part and merging the two together. If he didn't want to work with me, fine, he'd just have to read out what I'd written wouldn't he?

But guilt kept slapping me in the face as I kept thinking about my little lies to Sam, after all he was only trying to be a good friend. I hadn't even told him about the counselling session I'd got the next day.