Everlong: (Book One of the Everlong Trilogy) (26 page)

As I came out of the toilet, Dexter appeared out of nowhere, clutching a bottle of Coke, like some kind of comfort blanket. It was strange to see him in this part of the school as he didn't do Art, but Politics which was way over the other side, in the newer part of the school.

'Hey,' he said.

I scowled at him and walked straight past. How much did he expect me to take? Did he want to have another go at me? Humiliate me even further? Well, it wouldn't work because he couldn't have done it any better than he did after English, the week before. I wasn't in the mood for his silly games.

'Evelyn,' he said, running after me. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

'What?' I snapped, wrestling my shoulder from him.

'I'm sorry.'

'For what?' Humiliating me? Despising me? The years I have wasted on you?

I spun around to face him, fury blazing inside me.

He dropped his gaze to the floor and shrugged. 'You know.'

'No, I don't know.'

'Oh Evie, don't be like that-'

I jabbed my finger into his chest. He looked at me but didn't move a muscle. 'You don't get to call me Evie-'

'Evelyn...sorry-'

'Yeah, you've said.'

'I shouldn't have done that, the other day, in front of everyone, like that.'

I'd known him for long enough to tell he actually meant it. But what was I supposed to do with that? Wasn't it all a little bit too late?

'And yet you apologise in private?'

'I'm sorry,' he said, looking at me with pleading eyes.

I sighed, my anger turning to pity. 'Dexter, it's too late for apologies.'

'Is everything okay?' It was Sam, striding down the hall, his eyebrows knitted together with concern.

'Yeah,' I said, 'Dexter was just leaving.'

Dexter didn't say a word, but turned and fled down the corridor.

'What was that about?'

'I don't know,' I said. Why would Dexter say sorry to me after everything he'd done? 'But he apologised to me for the other day.'

Sam just clucked. 'Don't you be getting sucked back in, you hear me?'

'What are you, my mother?' I asked, looking up at him and smiling.

'No, I'm better than that,' he said, smiling back.

'But that's not hard is it?'

'I think you might have a point,' he said, putting his arm around me, 'come on, let's grab some dinner.'

We headed off down the stairs to lunch. My mind was a mess, full of anarchic thoughts tumbling around in my head; a chaotic jumble of theories and counter-theories on my life. Why had Dexter apologised? Why had I wasted so much time on him? Was Sam right? Had I used Dexter as a way of keeping others away? Let's face it, Sam had been right in his assessment of me pushing people away, so could he be right now?

And what about Josh?

Josh.

My stomach somersaulted, my heart physically aching as I realised I might never see him again.

'Crap!'

'What? You alright?' said Sam, coming to a standstill on the stairs, almost creating a pile-up as other students grinded to a halt behind us.

'Yeah, I'm fine,' I said, 'I just need.' I said breaking away from him and flying down the stairs, 'I just need to sort something out.'

'Ev!' Sam shouted after me.

'I'm ok, Sam, honest,' I said, not looking back at him, 'Just let Mr Partridge know I've had to go home, tell him I'm ill or something.' And then I was off, cutting my way through the swarms of students making their way to lunch, and out through the doors and into the outside world.

The sun had finally woken up, coating the wet pavements with its warm golden glow as I run out of the school gates and into the centre of town. I rushed down the road to the bus station, my body full of nervous energy. Anxiety was building in me, the restlessness in my soul driving me on.

What if Josh had already left?

What if I never saw him again?

What if I had made the biggest mistake of my life?

Josh

The next morning, I waited until Evie had left, and the house had fallen quiet again, before I carefully let myself out of the front door. Every step felt like I was walking on shards of jagged glass. It wouldn't have surprised me if I had looked back and seen a trail of blood on the floor.

I blended into the crowds of people, trying desperately not to turn back, to not change my mind. My head was telling me to run, to get away as far as possible and not come back, for her sake, but my heart, my heart was slowly killing me as it tried to get me to turn around, and drag me back to her house, and back to her.

When I didn't listen, my heart started screaming at me, burning for her, but what good was it? We couldn't be together, not when I was a freak with a death sentence hanging over me. I could feel the invisible chord, that anchored me to her, pulling tightly around me, suffocating me, when I ventured too far away from her.

I would have to get used to that feeling.

I had to stay away; Death could not win.

I got back to my apartment but there was a gaping hole beside me. Death had known exactly what She was doing when She had left me for dead; my body, although still battered and bruised, was now healing but my closeness to Evie during my recovery was like giving an addict drugs, my body was aching for her, trembling and in shock without her.

I dragged myself to the bathroom, peeling off Dan's clothes like a snake shedding its old skin, peeling away Evie's scent, the ghost of her.

I looked over my shoulder and into the mirror at my wings folded tightly into my skin. They had healed well but still simmered with pain, especially when I thought about her.

I stepped into the shower, hoping to wash her away, to stop the scent of her on my skin driving me mad.

I was doomed with her, destroyed without.

It didn't work; I couldn't get her out of my head, the way she moved, the curl of her lips, the feel of her skin.

I got dressed and went into the dining room, switching on the laptop to try and distract myself. I knew Death wouldn't let me go easily - that much She had proven to me already - I could not die when I wanted to, only when She had finished with me. I needed to find Hyperion, needed to finish it, so She would let me go, then my torment would be over. I couldn't afford to listen to anymore of his seductive lies.

I looked at the news reports of the devastation left behind by Hyperion; the death toll was now at six hundred and thirty-three, and I grieved in my heart for every single life lost because of Hyperion's ego. But no matter how much I looked at the laptop or tried to forget Evie, she forced herself into my mind until I could think of nothing else.

I couldn't just walk out of her life, disappear like a ghost, I needed to say goodbye, she deserved that at least.

I headed for the door. I'd sit her down, say goodbye, then I'd be able to concentrate on what I needed to do; ending my life.

It was the best way. The only way.

She had to forget about me.

Evie

The journey on the bus home was torture. I think we hit every set of traffic lights in the neighbourhood. I kept looking at my phone, checking to see how many minutes had gone by, and how long I'd been on the bus. The minutes were racing by, but the bus seemed to be crawling along.

What if he'd gone already? How would I even find him again? I knew virtually nothing about him. And yet, it didn't matter, because I
did
know him. Deep down, in my soul, there was a place set aside for him. With all the crap that was my life, and the mess of thoughts rattling around in my head, there was only one thing that I was completely sure of; I had to stop him leaving. I had to put up a fight because I couldn't just let him walk out of my life.

I jumped off the bus and ran down the road, hoping that he was still holed up in my bedroom, that Cassie and Dan's antics had stopped him from leaving. The fire in my belly was roaring now, driving me forwards, despite the agony in my lungs.

I got to the front door. The house seemed dead, but the fire refused to be put out until I knew for certain he was gone. I flung open the door, not caring if Cassie or Dan were there, I'd deal with that later. I raced upstairs, threw open my bedroom door and...

He was gone.

My heart broke, splintered into thousands of tiny pieces, like a glass thrown to the floor.

I slumped onto the bed. I had let the only good thing in my life go.

How would I ever find him again?

'Hey, you okay?'

I looked up, not quite believing he was actually still there, standing in the doorway. My breath caught in my throat, my breathing quickened. I didn't dare look at his eyes, I didn't want to give the game away, didn't want to scare him.

I let my eyes linger upon the small sliver of a tattoo wing and dagger peeking out from under his grey shirt. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him.

I needed to get a grip and slow myself down. What if I'd read it all wrong?

I bit my lip, trying not to give in and look at his face. I couldn't blow this one and final chance. 'I'm fine, really, I just...'

Too late, my eyes locked onto his and my heart skipped a beat. My legs were trembling, even though I was sitting down. What if I blew this? What if he didn't want me? My stomach turned over but I didn't think that it had anything to do with skipping dinner.

'I'm sorry for running out on you this morning-'

'It's ok-'

'No, it's not.'

I couldn't move my eyes from his, I couldn't think straight and my words just tumbled from my mouth. 'It just scared me, being so close to you.'

'I'm that bad, I scared you?' he said, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him.

The look of horror on his face ripped me in two. 'No.'

'I would never hurt you. And I'm sorry if I've ever scared you-'

'I know,' I said, standing up and turning to face him, 'I like you Josh, a lot, but my heads all messed up. I don't know who I am anymore, and I don't trust myself to get things right. I don't know if you like me, or if you don't, and now I'm rabbling even though I'm trying to be really cool and act like it's not a big deal. I think, I get the impression that you like me too, I don't know why but-'

'I do.'

'What?'

'Like you.'

Heat suddenly coursed through my body, and I knew I was blushing. 'Even though I left this morning without saying goodbye? And I told you to leave?'

'It was understandable-'

'Maybe...My life...my life is a mess right now, and Cassie, my mother, has this habit of jumping into bed with a guy every time something bad happens and I don't want to do that. I don't want be like her.'

'And?'

'I'm not. I know I'm not. But it took a good friend, and thinking I'd never see you again, to make me see that. I'm nothing like Cassie, you have to believe me-'

'It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself-'

'No,' I said, shaking my head, 'I'm not.' I walked over to him. I was standing only centimetres away from him and when I looked at him the world didn't exist, there was only me and him, in nothing but time and space.

The air was almost fizzing around us, a pulse of what? Attraction? I knew that's how I felt. I just longed for him to put his arms around me and kiss me. To me, it was like we were positive and negative electrons and protons being brought together by the force of physics; natural and completely unstoppable. I had never felt like this before and I wanted to grab on to it with both hands and never let that feeling go.

We looked at each other, not wanting to move, not wanting to leave the moment, afraid of what was going to happen next. We were on the edge of something, and, I knew, I was about to fall. I knew that I shouldn't do what I was about to, but also, that I was still going to do it anyway.

And it felt delicious.

'I feel like I've known you forever...even though I don't know you at all. Does that make sense?' Was I saying too much? Was I going to destroy the moment, like I usually did? But my words would not listen to my concern and instead, kept tumbling from my mouth. 'I've got a feeling, that I just can't shake, don't want to shake, that I've met you before.'

'Maybe, in some time, some place, we
have
met before.'

'Do you believe in parallel universes? Maybe in one of those we were lovers.'

'So what happens now?' he asked, reaching up to brush a stray hair from my face.

His touch was electric and I couldn't stand it any longer. I leaned forward, my eyes still locked onto his, and I kissed him.

I pushed him backwards, the door banged shut, my eyes closed, our lips locked, our bodies combined as one, and I didn't care at that moment who knew.