Every Heart (12 page)

“Shall we at least try and finish today’s session?”

Looking at the door, I’m really contemplating leaving. But how will that help me? I’m here for a reason. Not only does the military want me to be, but I told my parents I would keep trying.

Lying back down on the couch, I close my eyes.

“I want you to focus on going back to a memory with Arion. Preferably, when you first fell in love, but anything will do.”

I close my eyes and there she is – again. Her gorgeous face haunts me day and night. Long, blonde hair, clear skin, light eyes, and those lips. So plump that my cock twitches thinking about them. Seeing her so pure and beautiful absolutely kills me and the fact that I cannot be with her, well, that is where my anger is coming from.

“Where are you, Nate?” Roger asks me.

“With Arion.”

“Where?”

“It’s dark.”

“Look around, what do you see.”

“Stars and waves. The ocean, we’re at the ocean and…it’s night.”

“Good. What are you two doing?”

“Running and laughing, and we…we…keep looking back.”

As I run along with Arion, everything is as it was before I left. I know I never should have left. All though joining the military was to give us a better, more stable future, it didn’t do that. It was ultimately the end for us and almost the end for me.

“Suddenly we stop. In front of us are tons of different sand castles, all lit up.”

“What is she saying?” Roger asks.

“I…I can’t make it out.”

“Talk to her, Nate. This is where I need you to break through!”

“I’m trying, it’s like she can’t hear me.”

I sit down on the sand and Arion follows, sitting on my lap.

“Louder, Nathaniel.”

I ignore Roger and focus on listening, trying to be part of the conversation.

“Come on, Nate,” Roger orders.

I try with all of my might, but quickly I am getting pulled away. Then before my eyes, I watch myself morph into Bain and I hear him loud and clear.
Arion, will you marry me?

“No,” I yell and jump between the two of them, except when I move, my leg is gone and I collapse hitting the sand.

Looking up with pain in my eyes, I watch Anion nod her head and then throw herself around him.
Yes!
she repeats over and over, kissing him.

Sitting on the cold, wet sand, I watch how happy the two of them are and fade away, like a ghost that was never there. Opening my eyes, the beautiful scenery of the ocean and the night is gone, replaced before my eyes is the blank white ceiling of Roger’s office.

I knew this is what would happen. Roger wanted me to break things off with Arion. He thought it would subconsciously disconnect me from her, but I disagreed because I knew in my gut this is what would happen. This is how things are always going to be. She is my one and only. She always has been and she always will be.

“That’s all the time we have for today,” Roger says. In my opinion it’s another hour wasted of my life. “I’d like to see you before your next scheduled appointment,” Roger says as I collect my crutches.

“Don’t you think this was enough?”

“I do, but you’re close to a breakthrough and I’d like to talk about it. Would you schedule something with Melinda on your way out?”

I nod my head and leave. Even though it sucks coming here, at least I have something to look forward, a reason to wake up and leave the house.

Melinda is smiling at me as I walk up to her.

“I need to schedule with Roger before my next appointment.”

“How does Thursday at ten work?”

“That’s fine,” I tell her, knowing I don’t have a doctor’s appointment or anything else going on. “Have a wonderful day, Nathaniel,” she says, handing me a card with my appointment information on it.

Taking the elevator down, the same numbness sticks around. It’s been there since I last saw Arion. A sickening, empty, feeling of…nothingness. I wish I had her to turn to right now. She’s all I’ve ever depended on. On the drive home, I think back to how good things were before I ever left. Going back to that time on the beach with her and seeing her face reminded me of how things used to be. I know I will never have what I had with Arion with anyone else. But maybe there is a chance that her feelings will change and maybe we could come back together. You never know what the future holds and believe me, that’s all I want. Right now, I know her heart is with Bain. It’s not with me and I might have to learn to accept that. But nothing is set in stone.

“Is this normal?” Arion asks.

“It can be, yes, and considering how much blood he lost during surgery, I’m not surprised. Just give his body a little more time. He’ll come around.” I’m groggy. Everything is foggy and my entire body hurts. The man’s voice I don’t recognize, but Arion’s I know loud and clear.
Wait, surgery…what’s going on?
I realize that I can’t open my eyes. I can’t see anything. Darkness surrounds me and then I try to move, but nothing happens.

Fuck!
This is the scariest feeling ever. “Talk to him. Remember how important that is to bringing him out of this.”

“I have been, for days, and nothing’s happened,” Arion says.

She has? What? I don’t remember any of it. What in the hell happened to me? I fight with all of my might, to give her some sort of a sign that I am here and I can hear her. Trying to force myself awake while jogging my memory at the same time…then it hits me. She’s here. She is here with me and I don’t hear Nate’s voice.

“Thank you, doctor,” she says. I can feel her hand wrapped around mine; it is as tight as I’ve ever felt.

There is silence between us, but it doesn’t last long, small sobs reel out of her. Although she is trying to keep quiet, I can hear her clear as a bell. Dammit, why can’t I move? Then I feel something heavy on my stomach and I realize that it’s her head. She cries on top of me and it pains me to the point of breaking. Why can I feel and hear her, but I can’t do anything?

Frustrated, I am lost and confused at what’s going on. Then all at once it happens. My eyes open, and before me is a bright ceiling, lights shining down on us. The brightness hurts and it forces me to close them. I slowly move my stiff neck to my left, and try again. There is a machine, with cords and lines feeding in and out of it, and then I look down. There she is,
my
Arion.

“Please come back to me, Bain,” she sobs into me.

I will my arm to move and thankfully it does. Reaching for her hurts like hell, but I weave my fingers into her blonde hair. It’s messy and untamed, just the way I like it. Once I’m rewarded with her softness, I show no restraint gripping her hair and right away she looks up at me, blinking a few times and then grabs my face looking deep into my eyes. “Oh, baby,” she says in an uneasy tone.

I grunt from the impact of her body as she hugs me, but holding her washes the pain away. “Sssshhhh,” I respond in an attempt to calm her. My chest burns, God does it ever. I am weak, but simply holding on to her is the best feeling ever.

Together we just cling to each other, then she pulls away and looks me deep in the eyes. The pain inside of me becomes almost unbearable and Arion begins to panic as she reads it on my face. Reaching over me, she presses the nurse call button.

“It’s okay, baby. Just calm down, they’ll give you something for the pain.”

I nod my head, keeping my eyes focused only on hers, as a nurse comes into the room. She starts to ask Arion what happened, and I do my best to keep my eyes on hers but…

“What happened?” I ask her.

“You passed out from the pain.”

“Well, that part I gathered. But, how did I end up in here? I can’t remember anything after leaving the house, when I went for a run.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Jesus, Bain. That’s scary. You were running and you got hit by a car.”

“What?” I snap, completely confused and shocked that I cannot remember any of it.

“Yeah, you didn’t stop at an intersection. That’s when a car hit you.”

“It was the pills,” I say ashamed, but knowing that I need to be completely honest with her.

“I know, I saw the house, but none of that matters. You’re okay now.”

“I am, since you’re here. Are my injuries bad?”

“Kinda. Thankfully, the car wasn’t going very fast, but you hit your head, which is what knocked you out, and the impact ruptured your spleen.”

“Fuck, I can’t believe I don’t remember any of it,” I look down at my body, but it is underneath a blanket, so nothing is visible to me.

“Oh, baby. I’m so, so sorry, but you’re alive and you’ll be okay.

“I don’t understand, how I would have run into an intersection.”

“It’s my fault, I should have never left. I should have stayed at home like you asked.”

“It is
not
your fault. Please don’t ever think that. I’m the one who did this.”

“Thank you for saying that, but if I was home, none of this would have happened. Please know how sorry I am. I can’t tell you how scary this has been, I really thought I was going to lose you. When I got here, your room was empty because you were in surgery, but I didn’t know that and I thought the worst.”

“Didn’t someone tell you that?”

“No, but I didn’t stop to let them. Since you were bleeding internally, they had to go in immediately to find out why. After being in there they realized it was your spleen, but it took some time to figure that out, and in the process you lost a lot of blood.”

“God, this is just so much to process,” I tell her, exhaling loudly.

“It’s my fault and I can’t apologize enough.”

“No, it’s not. Plus, it doesn’t matter now. You’re here and that’s what’s important. I’m scared to ask what you decided, but I have to know.”

“I’m sorry I left. It was wrong and dumb of me, especially since this happened. Nate and I both know where my heart lies and that makes things a lot easier for both of us.”

Hearing her say those words spins my world upside down. My breathing becomes quick and the machine to my left starts to beep erratically.
I can’t lose her. She chose him.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” she asks me.

With my eyebrows creased and tears welling in my eyes, I can’t bring myself to say the words. She grabs my face and looks deep into my eyes. Then a nurse bursts into my room. Arion jumps away from me and I can’t help but look at her. She’s crying like I am and the nurse takes my attention away from her.

“Bain, I’m Sharon1. What’s the matter?”

I blink a few times, willing myself to look away from Arion. “Nothing, I’m okay, just sore.”

“That’s to be expected. You took a hard hit. Your heart rate is a bit elevated. I’m going to look at your wound, okay?”

I nod my head and look down as the nurse lifts a bandage and examines me. The second I see what she is looking at, I become woozy and let my head fall back, looking at Arion instead. She mouths the words,
I love you
to me and instantly makes everything better.

She has her arms tightly wrapped across her body and is chewing on one of her fingernails.

“I’m going to grab your doctor so he can look you over. I’ll be back. I’m glad you’re awake.”

“Thank you,” I briefly respond, watching Arion again. It’s like a game of cat and mouse. She’s so slow and hesitant coming to me and ultimately that makes me nervous. I want her to run to me, but she doesn’t.

“Baby, come here,” I order her. “I can’t take it any longer, I need to know what you’ve decided.”

She smirks at me and kisses me gently, then says, “Did you ever doubt that I would choose you?”

“Clearly I did. I lost my fucking mind without you.”

“Well, I didn’t. Deep down from the second I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were my future. You’re my everything, Bain. You’re all I ever wanted and I was dumb to get clouded in thoughts of my past just because Nate came back.”

“Really?” I ask, honestly confused by her confession.

“Yes, really.”

“Jesus, I love you, Arion.”

“I love you more.”