Every Little Piece (2 page)

“Thank God, you arrived.” Brin winked at me. “Because I thought Haley here lost her spirit.”

We joined hands in the middle and leaned forward so our heads were all touching.

“Where we going first?” I asked.

“No clue,” Kama whispered.

We burst out laughing. Figures. My phone buzzed from the nightstand. I pulled away first and then both Brin and Kama grabbed my arms.

“No way!” Kama screeched. “No Seth!”

I fought to get free. “It could be anyone. Maybe the party was cancelled? Or moved to a different house? Or maybe it’s my brother and he’s broken down on the road somewhere.” I was about to throw out about five more plausible reasons for me to answer the phone, but they let go.

“Fine.” Brin crossed her arms.

Kama leaned against the wall, her eyes never leaving me.

I inched toward the phone and saw Seth’s name on the small screen. “Just a sec.” I grabbed the phone and darted between them into the bathroom before they could wrestle the phone from my hands. I shut the door and locked it.

They banged on the door mercilessly.

“Promise!” I yelled. “I’ll be right out! Gimme a sec.”

They stopped trying to knock the door down and must’ve headed back to my room. They’d learned to share me with Seth. I glanced in the mirror and smoothed my hair as if he could see me when I lifted the phone to my ear.

“Hey, there.” My voice came out softer than I thought it would. I sat on the toilet lid and drew my legs up so my chin rested on my knees.

“Hey, babe. Thought you could use a friend.” The rich tones in his voice always got to me.

“What’re you talking about?” Seth understood my moods. Only he knew that I got hit with a wave of sadness the night before a big event. The night before my birthday I was at home watching movies that made me cry, eating popcorn, and drinking Dr. Pepper.

“Oh, I don’t know. Thought you might want to hang out and watch a movie before the party. Or hang out in a diner and talk about all the memories over bitter coffee.”

“Sounds nice,” I said wistfully.

“But?” he asked.

“But you know. Kama has the next three hours planned. We’re going on some adventure into the past.”

“Then I must be a pit stop in there somewhere. Can we hook up later and go to the party together?”

I sighed. “I’ll try but I doubt it. Can I just see you at the party?”

“Sure thing.”

“Are you mad?” I asked, biting my lip.

“Nah, I kinda expected it.” He paused but I knew he had something to add. “I have plans to shoot pool with Carter and Jamie.”

“What?” I gasped, pretending to be mad.

He laughed and my heart beat faster. His laughter was like medicine. So cliché, but it was true.

“Gotcha!” he said.

“You jerk!” But I couldn’t help but laugh back.

Someone knocked on the door. Warning me to hurry up.

“I gotta go,” I whispered.

Suddenly I got the intense desire to see him. To wrap him in my arms and smell his hair and the cologne he splashed on his neck. I wanted to feel his fingers play with the ends of my hair while he rubbed my back. I wanted to flop down on my bed with him and make-out for hours and then fall asleep so close that nothing could tear us apart.

“Wish I could see you.” My voice was shaky, the emotion having its way with me.

He heard it. “I can ditch the guys and be over there in ten. You just say the word.”

I paused, almost ready to take his offer. The giddiness of being with my friends had already faded within the minutes I’d been on the phone.

I heard giggling outside the door and hushed whispers. I needed my friends tonight just as much as they needed me. They were just as much a part of my high school life as Seth.

“I can’t. But I’ll call if I get a chance to sneak away.”

“My phone is on and in my pocket. Love you, babe.”

“Love you, too.”

I pressed End and shoved the phone in my back pocket. I stood in front of the mirror. This one had a tiny crack in the top right corner and the tiniest of slivers that stopped right in the center. Any day, any second, it could shatter into pieces on the floor. Scattered shards. Impossible to put back together. But it had been that way for years and probably would be for another twenty.

My greenish-brown eyes stared back at me, questioning. I’d promised to spend the rest of the night in full-out party mode.

This night was for me.

I shoved my phone in my back pocket. Again she chose Brin and Kama. I got it. The whole girl thing. But what about the whole boyfriend thing? Was this her way of telling me that we were a high school fling? We weren’t one of those couples who were hooked at the hips. I should like that though, right? Wasn’t that what every guy wanted?

A girlfriend who didn’t pressure him to commit more?

I lay back on my bed and slipped in my earbuds. Jamie and Carter would be here soon. I needed to kick back and relax while figuring out what to say to Haley eventually. Maybe tonight. Should we even talk about the future? Haley couldn’t seem to take anything seriously. Would I get some flip answer if I brought up next year? Or three years from now?

I’d known since I was twelve that I wanted to be with Haley forever. It started in second grade. She wore two ponytails and mismatched clothes. She was so brave and full of life. She questioned teachers, stood up to bullies, and pulled bunny ears behind the lunch ladies. Man, I fell hard.

But for the first time, I was doubting her end of it.

My phone buzzed and I pulled it out. But it wasn’t Haley. It was Carly. I ignored her. I was sure it was about the party later, asking if I was going. She’d been subtly hitting on me for months. Good thing Haley hadn’t noticed, at least I didn’t think she had. I admit. Carly was pretty hot. Curves all in the right places. An intoxicating smell. But my heart knew and only responded to Haley.

The phone buzzed again. I didn’t even look this time.

Footsteps clomped on the stairs. Jamie and Carter would burst into my room in about one second. The door flew open and banged against my wall. A photo of Haley and I dropped to the floor.

“Watch it!” I pulled out the buds and hung up the photo again.

“Sorry, man.” Jamie flopped on the bed. As usual, his red hair stuck up in the front. Freckles smattered his nose and cheeks. “We ready for a night of booze and girls?”

I held back a retort. They were constantly trying to get me to party more, to get drunk more often, to get my mind off Haley. I’d go with them. I’d party. But my heart wouldn’t be in it. What I loved was hanging out at the pool hall. I wasn’t the big party kind of guy.

Carter leaned against the wall and dug his hands into his pockets. His dark brown hair shaded his eyes. We were the same height and teachers often confused us from the back. “What’re we going to do before the party? Where can we drink?”

“Is that all you think about?” I threw a stuffed pig at him that Haley got for me.

He smirked. “Well, no. There’s always fantasizing about Carly.” Then his eyes gazed off.

“Dude! Save it for another time.”

He fake-coughed. “What? She’s hot.”

Jamie laughed.

“I’ve got an idea.” I grabbed my jacket.

“What?” They both asked.

“Pool.”

They groaned. “Seriously?” Jamie asked. “Can we get any lamer?”

It was Haley’s influence. She celebrated after a big event, not the night before. Almost as if she was holding her breath to make sure she made it through the day. When the big day was over, she’d breathe a sigh of relief and loosen up, ready to party a little bit. Maybe she’d rubbed off on me.

“We graduate tomorrow. How many times have we played pool there over the years?” I asked.

“Fine, fine. I’ll play.” Jamie stood. “Let’s get going so I can kick your ass.”

Carter started to whine but I shut him up with a punch to the arm. “Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty time to hang with the girls later.” I was joking. None of us were really chick magnets. Carter had been crushing on Haley’s best friend, Brin, for the last year. He’d just been too chicken shit to make a move.

We gathered our stuff and I grabbed some cash from my sock drawer. My parents were in the living room in some deep discussion, and at first, they barely noticed me. When I was half way out the door, Dad called me back. Normally I’d leave my friends in the front hall, but Dad sounded serious.

“Know what,” I said to Jamie, “go on down to the hall and grab a table. I’ll drive over when I’m done.” I nodded toward the living room.

“Sure thing, man. Catch you there.”

They left in Jamie’s car. I headed back to talk with my parents. In the dining room, I breathed in the familiar apple-scented candle Mom always burned. I noticed the small things first. The way Mom played with the fringes of the antique lace tablecloth, the way Dad’s fingers tapped on the top of the oak chairs, the haphazard pile of papers scattered across the table. Mom was a neat freak and never left random piles of paper unattended to.

Then I saw their faces. A sick feeling spiraled in my gut. Dad’s face was pale and he kept smoothing his eyebrows. Nervous body language 101. Mom avoided my gaze, alternating between tugging at her short brown hair and playing with that damn fringe. All I could think was that she was trying to hide from me.

“Seth, why don’t you take a seat.” Dad’s blue eyes were a reflection of mine. Mom always told me I’d steal some girl’s heart just like Dad had hers. But tonight his eyes were glassy, missing that luster of life they always held.

My heart rate skyrocketed. I wished they’d just spit it out. I pulled out the chair and it scraped against the wood floor. Mom didn’t even shudder at the noise, or reprimand me, so something must be terribly wrong. Maybe my grandparents couldn’t make it in for graduation tomorrow. Or maybe the small party for family tomorrow night had to be cancelled.

“Can this wait until tomorrow? I’m kinda busy,” I asked, anxious to be away from this strange tension. My family wasn’t perfect. We rarely spent time together, and Dad drank a little too often. It wasn’t like he was a raging drunk who hauled off and beat his family, but tonight wasn’t the time for family bonding.

Mom lifted her head. Dark circles shadowed her eyes. The smudged eyeliner created a dramatic effect. I stopped asking if this could wait ’till tomorrow. And I waited. I was breathing faster and trying to act like I wasn’t bothered by their appearance.

Dad sighed. “I guess there’s no beating around the bush. Your mom and I have been having problems for a while.”

He continued talking but I blocked him out. This couldn’t be happening. Was he talking divorce? How many times had I joked about the number of parents who divorced the day after their kids graduated? I didn’t even get to wait until the day after. I focused again.

Mom spoke for the first time and she sounded tired. “This might not be permanent. We’re not getting a divorce right now.”

A part of me relaxed. Okay, my life didn’t just become a statistic.

Dad nodded. “Right. But I’ll be moving out tonight. I’ll be at your graduation and your party. Your mom and I just need a break.”

I stiffened. What did they want from me? My condolences? My sympathy? “Is that all? I gotta go.”

Mom pressed her lips together like she wanted to say something but didn’t.

“If you have any questions or need to talk about it, we’re here.” The crease in Dad’s forehead appeared. Something that was usually only reserved for stress over work.

I drummed the table then stood up. “I pretty much got it.” I thumbed toward the door. “But you know, it’s the night before graduation and all. Gotta live it up.” My sarcasm stung the air. I didn’t want to hurt Mom but I hadn’t been prepared for this.

“Okay, we’ll talk tomorrow,” Dad said.

I headed toward the door. “Yeah, tomorrow.”

The breeze stung my face. The mini-van blurred in front of me, and I stormed toward it. I slammed the door closed, letting the silence drown out the echo of my parents’ voices. Why tonight? My first instinct was to call Haley and tell her what happened, but she was with the girls and I didn’t want to interrupt. I hit my fist against the dashboard.

For some reason I didn’t want to tell anyone. I didn’t want any pity or sympathetic stares. I’d keep this to myself. Even though my family was falling apart and everything that was solid was now sinking mud, I didn’t need to burden others. Maybe after graduation I’d tell Haley. She’d eventually figure it out when she came over and my dad wasn’t home. I didn’t want to lie about it.

I just wanted to pretend for this one night that nothing was wrong.