Every Time We Kiss (20 page)

Unless she was unsure of her own feelings toward John.

She’d only been twenty at the time. While not terribly young for marriage, she might not have been as ready as she thought.

She was looking at you
, his mind reminded him.

He shook his head. Jennette did not have feelings for him five years ago. The kiss he initiated broke off because she had pushed him away. He wasn’t even certain she had feelings for him now, other than lustful ones. This situation seemed to be worsening. He had the perfect opportunity to propose to her tonight. Instead, she raced from the room in tears.

The door opened and banged against the wall. Selby stood in the threshold with a murderous rage in his eyes. “Is she gone?”

“Yes.”

“Good. We shall have that talk now.”

Right. The reason he, Selby, and Somerton were coming here in the first place. Selby wanted more information on what had happened with Jennette at the dowager’s house.

“Have a seat. Have some brandy,” Matthew said, pointing to the decanter in the corner.

Selby shut the door and then walked to the brandy. Holding it up, he said, “Looks like you’ve already had your share.”

“Your sister helped.” Damn, he shouldn’t have said that.

Selby shook his head. “Of course she did.”

“So you want to know what happened at the dowager’s house,” Matthew said before draining his snifter.

“No.”

“Then why did you insist Somerton and I meet with you here?”

“Oh, I wanted to know that then.” Selby gently placed his snifter on the table, in contrast to the anger etched upon his face. “Now, I want to know what happened in here.”

“You were here, Selby.”

“After I left.”

“I talked to her about what happened and apologized for my part in it.”

“Oh yes, Vanessa Fulbright. Your mistress, am I correct?”

Matthew folded his arms over his chest. “No. She is my former mistress. I ended things with her before I started my bride search.”

“Obviously, you didn’t end things well enough,” Selby’s voice grew louder.

“I realize that now,” Matthew replied forcefully.

“And after you apologized, what happened?”

Matthew stood to his full height. And much to his pride, was at least an inch taller than Jennette’s brother. “Nothing. She became upset when we started to discuss something that happened five years ago. Then she left.”

“I will not allow a marriage between you two,” Selby said softly.

“When at last I checked, I found your sister to be well above the age of majority. She doesn’t need your consent.” Unfortunately, Matthew knew she would want her brother’s approval.

“I will go to court and get my grandmother’s will overturned. Jennette will have nothing because I refuse to allow the man who killed my sister’s betrothed to marry her.”

Matthew clenched his fists. The money didn’t matter to him any longer. The only thing that mattered was Jennette. Together they could solve their problems and face the gossips. Perhaps it would be for the best if Selby turned over the will. She already thought he was a gambler. By not bringing her fortune into the marriage, she would see he had no desire for the gaming hells.

And perhaps someday she might even learn to love him as much as he loved her. He strode to the door and then glared back at her brother.

“Do what you must, Selby.”

After arriving back in town last evening, Jennette had been on tenterhooks. Nervous energy filled her for no apparent reason. When the footman asked if she wanted the trunk left in her room for the voyage, she’d snapped at him. When the maid brought her tea and toast, and the tea was lukewarm, she had yelled at her.

She had never cared before if her tea wasn’t piping hot. There had to be something to do that would ease the panicky sensation burning through her belly.

The entire carriage ride home, her thoughts were on Matthew. In her heart, she knew marrying him would only bring more scorn on him. The gossips were cruel to him before and they would assume he killed John to have her for himself.

And what would they say about her?

Perhaps they would think she had more involvement in the killing. People might say they planned this together to be rid of John. Society would ostracize her family. They would shun her mother, Banning, and Avis. Her family’s name ruined.

“All because of me,” she whispered aloud.

“What is all because of you, my dear?” her mother asked.

Jennette whirled around, stunned to see her mother standing at the threshold of her room. She’d never even heard the door open.

“Jennette, don’t you think it is time to talk to me? Believe it or not, I was once your age and remember the trials of falling in love.”

“I’m not in love,” she exclaimed. Was she? Five years ago, she’d thought she loved John, only to have his best friend hold more appeal. Was she just a fickle woman who couldn’t decide on a man?

“Of course you are,” her mother said, waving her hand at her in dismissal of her objection. “I haven’t seen you this preoccupied…ever.”

“That is only because I’m leaving in a matter of days.”

Her mother sat in the floral chair and shook her head. “You still have six days and no, you aren’t leaving.”

Jennette frowned. “What do you mean I’m not leaving? The trunk is over there,” she said, pointing to the trunk in the corner.

“Why can’t you just admit you love the man?”

It was too hard and far too painful. “Because it will all be for naught.”

“Why? Has he found another woman to marry?” Her mother held her hands out for the warmth from the fire.

“Not that I am aware.”

“Then why?” her mother pressed again. She sat back against the cushion and stared at Jennette.

Jennette walked across the room to be away from her mother’s prying glances. “The gossips would never let it go.”

Her mother laughed softly until Jennette turned back to her. “So you are willing to be miserable for the rest of your life because of the gossips?”

“It’s not just me, Mother. Think about what those wagging tongues will say. My actions will affect your life, Banning, and Avis, too.”

“Oh, so you believe by not marrying the man you obviously love you will protect poor old me. And Banning, and Avis, of course.”

“Yes! Avis and Banning’s courtship debacle is still running on the tongues of those miserable people. I cannot add another reason for them to talk about us.”

“Jennette, sit down,” her mother said in her strictest voice.

Feeling like a scolded little girl, she sat obediently in the chair next to her mother. She stared at her hands. Why did she ever pick up that sword?
To show him
, her mind reminded. To prove Matthew wrong.

To gain his attention.

“My darling girl, I want an honest answer. Do you love him?”

Jennette tried to speak but the words stuck in her throat. She loved everything about him—the way his hair constantly fell into his face. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. The comfort and safety she felt in his arms when he held her. The fact that he would choose to marry a woman he didn’t love just to keep his tenants in their homes.

She nodded.

“Then the only thing that matters is you and Blackburn finding happiness,” her mother said softly.

“How can I be happy knowing I have made the rest of my family outcasts in the eyes of Society?”

Her mother gazed into the flames of the fireplace. “Do you think it was any different when I married your father?”

Jennette finally looked over at her mother’s loving face. “What do you mean?”

“Your father was thirty-two years older than I. The gossips immediately assumed that he must have forced himself on me and that I was with child. Or the other rumor circulating involved my family using me as payment for some debt owed to the earl.”

She reached over and clasped Jennette’s hand. “No one even contemplated the idea that I was in love with him. There had to be a more sinister reason for marrying him.”

“I’m sorry, Mother. You never told me this.”

“There wasn’t a need until now. If I had let the gossips guide my life, I would never have married your father. I wouldn’t have known such a great love. And I wouldn’t have had you and your brother.”

“But…”

“Jennette, I have never asked this of you and I only do now because I think you have to admit it aloud.” Her mother squeezed Jennette’s hand tighter. “Did you feel like this with John?”

Jennette blinked quickly. She’d never told a soul how she really felt about John. With a deep breath, she whispered, “No. I thought I loved him when he proposed, so of course I agreed.”

“Is that why you pressed him for a longer engagement?”

She nodded. “I needed the time to sort through my feelings for him.”

Her mother laughed softly. “I would imagine having John’s best friend with him most days didn’t help the situation.”

“No. Even then, I noticed Matthew. Oh Mother, what am I to do?”

“Even then you felt this way about him?”

“Not quite,” Jennette replied flatly. “I definitely felt an attraction to him. But I didn’t know him enough to be in love with him then.”

Her mother smiled lovingly at her. “And now that you do know him?”

“I want to spend every minute with him. I want to help him restore his finances and his estates. I want to have children with him.” Tears welled in her eyes. She’d never wanted anything more than this in her entire life.

“Does he love you in return?”

Jennette paused. She honestly didn’t know the answer. He made her feel loved but he’d never spoken the actual words. Could he love her as much as she did him? If so, why hadn’t he told her?

He’d told her how he felt five years ago. His words were imprinted in her mind forever.

“Jennette, I know this is wrong. You’re John’s betrothed but I must tell you how I feel. I am attracted to you in a way I should not be. Physically. And while I know you won’t do anything to hurt John, I thought you should know why I can’t be around you both any longer.”

“Jennette?”

She blinked at the sound of her mother’s voice. “I’m sorry?”

“I asked you if you believe Blackburn loves you in return.”

“I don’t know for certain.”

“Don’t you think you should find out before you plan out a life that might not happen?”

Jennette sighed softly. What if he didn’t love her? She’d always said she wanted a marriage like her parents’—one based on mutual love for each other. She’d seen the loveless marriages of the
ton
and would prefer to remain a spinster than have that type of union. She also knew several women who had loved their husbands only to have them not return the emotion. They became extremely bitter, especially as their husbands turned to their mistresses for love.

“Jennette?”

“How would I find out if he loves me?”

Her mother smiled at her. “There is only one way. You have to admit to him how you feel. If he loves you in return he will tell you.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“Then you have a rather large decision to make. Do you think he could come to love you? Or is he the type of man who would marry you for your money and then return to his mistress?”

Jennette bit down on her lower lip until she tasted the metallic flavor of blood. She toyed with a loose thread on her gown. “I don’t know. He knows that I’m an heiress. And with his father and brother’s gambling…”

“Was he pursuing you just for your money?”

“Initially, yes. But once I told him I’d find him a bride, he seemed satisfied with that option. Do you think he might be a gambler, Mother?”

“Hmm,” her mother mumbled. “I think the only person who can give you a satisfactory answer is Blackburn. When did you two become close?”

Jennette felt the heat of embarrassment cross her cheeks. She couldn’t tell her mother when that had actually happened. Her mother would force a wedding whether Jennette loved Matthew or not.

“When we would talk about what type of woman he wanted for a bride. He spoke of his estates and you could just see the love he had for the land and his tenants.”

Her mother’s dark brows tilted upward. “And you want to be the one to help him.”

Jennette nodded. “More than anything.”

“Then perhaps you should go speak to him. See how he feels about you and then you can make your decision as to whether you will be traveling to Florence or staying here with your family and new husband.”

Jennette leaned over and kissed her mother’s soft cheek. “I cannot go to his home alone.”

Her mother smiled at her. “I know I would if I were in your position.”

“Thank you, Mother.”

“You know which decision I’m hoping for,” she commented with a smile. “Go tell this young man how much you love him.”

Matthew blew the dust off his father’s desk in the study of his London home. Someday this would be different. But not for a long while if he married Jennette. While the idea of marrying her after she was no longer an heiress should anger him, it didn’t. They would find a way to survive without her money.

After sorting through the letters he’d received from the creditors, he knew he had one more piece of nasty business to attend to before he could speak with Jennette. He glanced over at the clock on the mantel and decided noon was late enough for Vanessa to be out of bed. Pulling on his greatcoat, he planned the rest of his day. Vanessa first, then he would call on Jennette at her mother’s home.

Before he proposed, he had to know if she would ever be able to love him as she had John. If she thought there was the slightest chance, he would ask for her hand.

With his day planned, he left for Vanessa’s house. The air was brisk and a few snow flurries landed on his old beaver hat as he walked the eight blocks. The wind whipped around the buildings, making him wish he had taken his horse to make this trip shorter.

He walked up the steps to her house and raised the knocker. After banging loudly, he waited. Finally, Davis opened the door.

“Good afternoon, my lord,” Davis said with a frown. “Is she expecting you?”

“Not that I’m aware.”

“I see.” He opened the door and waved him in. “Please wait in the salon and I shall see if she is at home.”

“Tell her I insist she speak with me.”

“Yes, sir.”

Matthew waited in the salon, noting that nothing had changed in the eight weeks since he’d ended it with her. He wondered if she had secured another protector.

“Matthew,” Vanessa exclaimed as she strolled into the room. “What an unexpected surprise!”

“Indeed. Can I assume this means you haven’t spoken to Huntley in the past three days?” he asked gruffly. Every time he thought about what almost happened to Jennette anger filled him.

A small frown marred her face. “I—I don’t know what you are speaking of. Huntley is not my protector.”

“I never said he was, but we both know that is his desire,” Matthew retorted.

“Well, we knew that when I chose you,” she answered. Davis brought in a tea tray and placed it on the table in front of the sofa. “Tea, my lord?”

“No. I only came for answers, Vanessa.”

“I’ve missed you dreadfully.” She walked up to him and kissed him softly. “Have you missed me?”

“No.”

Her face lost its color. “Oh.”

She returned to the sofa and poured herself a cup of tea. “Why are you here, then?”

“I think you know why I am here, so just tell me why you put Huntley up to it.” Matthew leaned against the pianoforte and folded his arms over his chest. His patience had worn thin.

“I really do not know what you are talking about. What exactly did Huntley do and what does it have to do with me?” she asked in an innocent tone before sipping her tea.

“He told me you asked him to force himself on Lady Jennette.”

She laughed in a malicious tone and placed her teacup on the table. “I never told him to
force
himself on her.”

“Then what did you ask of him?” His voice grew louder.

“He told me you and Lady Jennette were becoming close. We both know she is not the woman for you, Matthew.” She leaned back with a satisfied look on her face.

“What did you ask him to do, Vanessa?”

She shrugged. “I only suggested that if he were to seduce Lady Jennette, I might take him as my protector.”

“Indeed?”

“Yes. Lady Jennette would only make your life worse than it already is,” she answered.

Matthew clenched his fists. “And how exactly would she make my life so horrible?”

“Well, think of the dreadful gossip if you decided to marry her. You both would be outcasts among Society. You might even have to go into seclusion at one of your deteriorating estates.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes and continued her diatribe against Jennette. “Lady Jennette would despise you for making her into such a disgrace. The ensuing scandal would ruin her family’s name, too.”

“So you took it upon yourself to ruin Lady Jennette’s life by having Huntley almost rape her.”

“Almost?” she mumbled in a hushed tone.

“Yes, almost. He didn’t succeed. Her brother and I stopped him before anything of consequence happened.”

“I see.” She pretended to straighten her skirts. “Still, Matthew, she wouldn’t want to be made a fool of by marrying you.”

“I believe that decision should be up to her, not you.” Matthew could not believe the woman seemed to have no remorse for her actions against Jennette. How could he have misjudged Vanessa so significantly?