Everything Unexpected (15 page)

“SO YOU GUYS are actually doing this?” Bryan asks, sipping his beer. He’s the only one at the full table still with a hint of disbelief. “I mean…a baby. You two.” He points with a finger. “How fucked up is that?”

Fucked up? I don’t know…maybe.

Surprising? Definitely.

I think I’m more surprised about the pregnancy itself than who the baby daddy is. If anything, Shane being the father is the one calming piece I have to this entire situation.

“You guys do realize you can’t give it back after, right?” Bryan asks, somewhat seriously.

“You’re an idiot,” I hear Holly answer for us all.

“Hey, I just want them to realize this is a lifetime gig. Don’t shoot the messenger.” He holds up his hands.

It’s two weeks later on a Friday night and we’re sitting around a table at the same bar where this all started having drinks. Just like we would have done any Friday night before the news broke to our friends. Only tonight, we aren’t listening to Holly and Eddy discuss the wedding like we have been, or Bryan making comments about some girl at the bar. Tonight, the hot topic of discussion has been all about the baby.

“We’ve taken it under consideration,” Shane says, sipping his beer. “Thanks for the warning though.”

“Just saying,” Bryan answers.

I look at Shane and see the small smirk hidden behind his glass. He glances in my direction and he gives me a wink, back to his good old relaxed self. I look around the table, to our friends, to the bar, the street outside. Life around me hasn’t changed at all but I could not be living in a more different world.

For instance, in front of me is a glass of ginger ale instead of beer. And let’s not forget that my boobs won’t stop itching and my jeans are digging into my stomach more than they ever have. And for some reason I can’t get over a craving for vinegar. All of this so painfully obvious to me, but to my friends they’re all blissfully unaware. They’re all still merrily drinking, Holly’s jeans don’t seem to be bugging her one bit and none of them have even thought about food. What I wouldn’t give for some French fries right now.

“I think it’s great!” Holly says cheerily.

When I told her my decision to keep the baby, she was…surprised. Only because she’s heard the same arguments I told Shane over and over. But when I explained what happened in the doctor’s office, seeing that little heartbeat a mile a minute, I couldn’t
not
have this baby. I felt my own heart start to beat faster too, trying to match the one on the screen. It’s not something I could explain while giving it justice. It’s too strong a feeling to put into words. I think that’s what actually made her understand, that I couldn’t explain the overwhelming feeling I had in the doctor’s office. It was too large to define.

Then and there I wanted nothing more than to protect that little heart and make sure it stayed safe. I wanted it to only become bigger and stronger. I wanted it to grow healthy and happy. I wished for wishes I had never made before. And
I
wanted to be the one to make them possible. It happened so quickly and without warning. I looked at Shane to try and explain but he already knew. He saw it happen. He didn’t argue or question my decision. He simply accepted the life-long responsibility I had just put on him.

Holly cried, which is rare, but then immediately went into questioning and planning mode.

When are you going to tell the firm?

What are yours and Shane’s plans?

Have you thought of names?

All valid questions, none of which I had answers to. Still don’t.

It’s been two weeks since Shane and I had that appointment. Two weeks since I made the decision to change our lives. Two weeks since we’ve tried to get back to our regular schedules. That’s not to say we
haven’t
talked about it at all. Shane’s been great about calling and texting every day, seeing how I’m feeling, asking about morning sickness, whether it was getting better or worse. Thankfully, I wasn’t hit too hard with it and it only lasted a very short period of time. But we’ve only discussed the logistics, the medical aspects of the pregnancy. We haven’t really discussed what having a baby means for
us
.

That’s the only really fucked up part of this whole situation. Not that we are having a baby, but that we haven’t talked about
us
having a baby.

Sooner or later that will have to change. It will get harder and harder to push it aside, especially once I start to show. And considering how uncomfortable I already feel in these jeans, it can’t be too long from now.

“Have you told your parents yet?” Eddy asks, stirring his drink with his straw.

All eyes at the table fall on Shane. I don’t have the greatest relationship with my own mother and I don’t expect her to be a big help or show too much enthusiasm. Not unless that baby comes out gifting her with a bottle of booze. I had to learn the hard way I wouldn’t be able to count on her for much growing up. But I refuse to spend time feeling bad for myself about it. It made me who I am today and I’m proud of it. It got me to where I am all on my own. It was hard, but worth it. It’s also the one thing I want to make sure this child never has to go through.

Shane’s parents are a different story.

I love his parents and they’ve always been very welcoming of me. Once Shane and I became close, never did I have to spend another holiday alone in my apartment again. Able and Charlotte Carlisle always ensured there was a spot for me at the table. They’ve invited me to their house in Georgia many times and I adore them for that. Able even gave me my first internship at his firm within their small legal department. Having that on my resume definitely helped get me where I am today.

“Not yet,” Shane answers slowly. “I thought we’d go up there and tell them together.” He looks over at me in question, seeing if that’s something I’d be up for doing. “Nothing like a grandbaby to make Charlotte happy,” Shane says jokingly.

My smile falters. “You don’t think they’ll be upset, do you?” I ask, suddenly nervous.

“Are you kidding?” he scoffs. “Charlotte with a baby? You’ll be walking on water in her books for giving her a grandchild.”

I ease back into my chair, trying to relax at Shane’s reassurance.

“This baby will have it made,” Bryan says, his eyes glancing around the bar. “Trust fund, heir to the Carlisle throne. Not a bad clan to be born into Leah.”

The table jumps and all our glasses wobble, liquid spilling out from the tops.

“Fuck! What was that for?” Bryan looks at Shane, bending over to rub his shin.

“Don’t be a dick,” Shane answers quietly.

“What the fuck did I say?” Bryan looks around the table, confused.

No one answers him, all too busy wiping up the spilled alcohol.

I know he most likely didn’t mean it to sound like it did—like I found my way into a family with money—but nonetheless, that’s how it sort of came out. God, I hope that’s not how Shane’s parents will see it. He seems so confident they’ll be happy about this but what if they’re not? What if Bryan’s words are the same ones that go through their heads? That I’ve somehow trapped him—trapped their family for the rest of our lives with this baby.

Shane sees the mild panic in my eyes. “They love you,” he says leaning in, speaking into my ear. “Don’t listen to him.”

I nod but can’t shake the anxiety completely. Because really, who am I? I’m not Shane’s girlfriend. I’m not the woman he’s in love with. How will we explain this to them?

My thoughts are interrupted when Eddy speaks up. “Who needs another round?” he says lifting his empty glass.

“Me,” Holly raises her empty glass, glaring in Bryan’s direction.

Bryan lifts his bottle, indicating that his too is nearly empty. When Eddy looks over at Shane, I see him quickly glance my way before shaking his head.

“I’m good thanks,” he declines.

“You’ve only had one,” Eddy argues.

“I know. I just don’t need another.” His eyes shift down to my barely touched ginger ale.

“You can have another,” I tell him. “Just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean you can’t.”

He looks at me, unsure. Although I appreciate the gesture, I see no point in him not being able to enjoy a few drinks while we are out with friends. No one else seems to mind pounding them back in front of me.

“You sure?” he asks.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I say.

Shane looks up at Eddy then nods. “I’ll come with you,” he says following Eddy to the bar. Bryan also stands, grinning. But he doesn’t follow the guys. His attention is focused elsewhere.

“I’ll be back,” he says before making his way over to a pretty blonde standing on her own.

“I thought he was back with Kendall?” Holly says, watching Bryan strike up a conversation with Blondie.

“That was weeks ago,” I answer, shaking my head. “Today? Who knows?”

Holly scoots over and sits directly in front of me, a small worried smile tugging on her lips. “You’re nervous about telling Shane’s parents.”

“A little,” I admit. “What if they think—”

“Don’t listen to Bryan,” she says. “You know he didn’t mean it like that. He just doesn’t have a filter for his overused mouth.”

I laugh a little.

“Shane would never let that happen. His parents love you,” she insists, repeating his earlier words.

“I hope so.” I turn my head and see Shane standing at the bar, waiting for our drinks with Eddy. “We haven’t talked about it.”

“What? Telling his parents?”

I turn back to look at her, shaking my head. “The baby,” I explain. “He asks how I’m feeling, if there is anything I need. But we haven’t talked about what will happen once it’s here. What our plan is. What we want.”

“What
do
you want?”

I shrug. I never had the kind of upbringing Shane did growing up. Both parents living together, happily married. My childhood was filled with arguments until my dad left when I was eight. Then with my mother’s drinking, I was left to pretty much parent myself. I just know I don’t want that for my baby. I want him or her to know they are loved, to feel it every day. How Shane and I will achieve that together, I have no idea.

“Let’s talk about something else,” I say, not wanting to think about it any longer. “Fill me in on the newest wedding plans.”

Holly’s eyes light up at the mention of her wedding and she immediately starts reciting plans and forecasts and back-up plans for the wedding. This is a subject she can go on and on about. Explaining every detail and reason for every choice. Nothing pleases her more than organizing and preparing. That’s what makes her such a great paralegal at work. I watch as she pulls out a few cue cards from her purse and shows me a list of pros and cons she’s made about having a cake versus individual sized cupcakes. The list is long and extensive. When it comes time to plan my own wedding, I definitely think I’ll take more of a laid back approach. Ironically, it’s that very thought that causes me to stiffen, my mind now speaking to me more loudly than Holly’s voice.

Married? How are you even going to date?

That voice is right. No one is going to want to date a pregnant woman or one with a baby. And even if there was some weirdo out there who didn’t mind, when would I have the time? I’m twenty-six and the next time I’ll be able to go on a date will be in eighteen years! The thought is so depressing I slump down in my chair, causing my jeans to dig further into my stomach. I reach under the table, under my long tank and unbutton my pants. The relief is quickly overshadowed by sadness when I realize no one will want to date a woman who has to undo her pants in public just to be comfortable.

Eddy comes back to the table with his and Holly’s refills, but Shane isn’t with him. I look back to the bar and see why. He’s busy speaking to a woman. A tall, skinny, beautiful woman who’s drinking wine and has her pant buttons done up. I watch as he says something, leaning in closer to her and she throws her head back, laughing.

No one wants to date a woman with a baby, but a man with a baby? Might as well just attach a pussy magnet to Shane’s chest now. He’ll have no problems dating. If anything, this baby will likely only help him get laid.

I swallow back an awful feeling. I stand from my seat, already looking for my purse. This gets Holly’s attention.

“You okay?” she asks, concerned.

No. Not even close.

“Yeah, I just got really tired all of the sudden. I think I’m going to head home.”

Holly stands, grabbing her own purse. “I’ll come with you.”

“No, stay. Have fun,” I tell her. “I’m just going to go to bed anyhow.”

“Are you sure?” Eddy asks, skeptically.

I nod. “Absolutely.” I turn and see Shane is still talking to the girl, completely oblivious I’m leaving. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” I tell Holly.

She nods and I walk out of the bar. The seaside salty air hits my face, the early spring air still warm but cool enough to feel refreshing. I decide to walk the seven blocks home, needing time to clear my head. Too many realizations about what my future will actually look like coming at me too fast. But one aspect of it was made painfully clear—I’ll be going through it alone.