Faithless (27 page)

Sara felt a bit shocked that he had been forward enough to ask her, but she told him, “I can have copies sent to the funeral home tomorrow.”

“It’s Brock’s,” he told her, naming Grant’s undertaker. “I’d appreciate it if you would.”

Connolly cleared his throat uncomfortably. Mary whispered, “Paul,” indicating their father. Obviously, the old man was troubled by this talk. He had shifted in his chair, his head turned to the side. Sara could not tell whether there were tears in his eyes.

“Just a bit of business out of the way,” Paul covered. He changed the subject quickly. “You know, Dr. Linton, I’ve voted for you several times.” The coroner’s job was an elected position, though Sara was hardly flattered, considering she had run uncontested for the last twelve years.

She asked him, “You live in Grant County?”

“Papa used to,” he said, putting his hand on the old man’s shoulder. “On the lake.”

Sara felt a lump in her throat. Close to her parents.

Paul said, “My family moved out here several years ago. I never bothered to change my registration.”

“You know,” Mary said, “I don’t think Ken has, either.” She told Sara, “Ken is Rachel’s husband. He’s around here somewhere.” She pointed to a round-looking Santa Claus of a man who was talking to a group of teenagers. “There.”

“Oh” was all Sara could say. The teens around him were mostly girls, all dressed as Abby had been, all around Abby’s age. She scanned the rest of the room, thinking that there were a lot of young women here. She studiously avoided Cole Connolly, but she was keenly aware of his presence. He seemed normal enough, but then what did a man who could bury and poison a young girl- perhaps several young girls- look like? It wasn’t as if he’d have horns and fangs.

Thomas said something, and Sara forced her attention back to the conversation.

Mary translated again: “He says he’s voted for you, too. Good Lord, Papa. I can’t believe none of y’all have changed your registrations. That must be illegal. Cole, you need to get on them about that.”

Connolly looked apologetic. “Mine is in Catoogah.”

Mary asked, “Is yours still over in Grant, Lev?”

Sara turned around, bumping into a large man who was holding a small child in his arms.

“Whoa,” Lev said, taking her elbow. He was taller than she was, but they shared the same green eyes and dark red hair.

“You’re Lev” was all she could say.

“Guilty,” he told her, beaming a smile that showed perfect white teeth.

Sara was not normally a vindictive person, but she wanted to take the smile off his face. She chose probably the most inappropriate way in the world to do it. “I’m sorry about your niece.”

His smile dropped immediately. “Thank you.” His eyes moistened, he smiled at his son, and just as quickly as the emotions had come, he had pushed them away. “Tonight we’re here to celebrate life,” he said. “We’re here to raise up our voices and show our joy in the Lord.”

“Amen,” Mary said, patting the railing of her father’s wheelchair for emphasis.

Lev told Sara, “This is my son, Zeke.”

Sara smiled at the child, thinking that Tessa was right, he was just about the most adorable boy she had ever seen. He was on the small side for five, but she could tell from his big hands and feet that he was due for a growth spurt soon. She said, “Nice to meet you, Zeke.”

Under his father’s watchful eye, the boy reached out his hand for Sara to shake. She took his tiny fingers in her larger ones, feeling an instant connection.

Lev rubbed his back, saying, “My pride and joy,” an indisputable look of happiness on his face.

Sara could only nod. Zeke’s mouth opened in a yawn that showed his tonsils.

“Are you sleepy?” she asked.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“He’s pretty wiped out,” Lev excused. He set Zeke down on the floor, saying, “Go find your aunt Esther and tell her you’re ready for bed.” Lev kissed the top of his head, then patted his bottom to get him moving.

“It’s been a hard couple of days for all of us,” Lev told Sara. She could feel his grief, but part of her wondered if he was putting on a show for her benefit, knowing she would report back to Jeffrey.

Mary said, “We take comfort in knowing she’s in a better place.”

Lev’s brow furrowed as if he didn’t understand, but he recovered quickly, saying, “Yes, yes. That’s true.” Sara could tell from his reaction that he had been taken off guard by his sister’s words. She wondered if he had been talking about Rebecca instead of Abby, but there was no way to ask without revealing what Esther had done.

Sara saw Tessa across the room. She was unwrapping a honey bun as she talked to a plainly dressed young man who had his long hair pulled back into a ponytail. Tessa saw Sara looking and excused herself, walking over. Her hand trailed along Zeke’s head as she passed the boy. Sara had never been so happy to see her sister in all her life- until she opened her mouth.

She pointed to Sara and Lev. “Y’all look more alike than we do.”

They laughed, and Sara did her best to join in. Both Lev and Paul were taller than Sara, Mary and Esther easily matching her own five eleven. For once, Tessa was the one whose height made her look out of place. Sara could think of few other times when she had felt more uncomfortable.

Lev asked Sara, “You don’t remember me, do you?”

Sara looked around the room, feeling embarrassed that she didn’t remember a boy she had met over thirty years ago. “I’m sorry, I don’t.”

“Sunday school,” he said. “Was it Mrs. Dugdale, Papa?” Thomas nodded, the right side of his face going up into a smile. “You kept asking all these questions,” Lev told Sara. “I wanted to tape your mouth shut because we were supposed to get Kool-Aid after we did our Bible verses and you’d keep holding up your hand and asking all sorts of things.”

“Sounds about right,” Tessa said. She was eating a honey bun, acting as if she hadn’t a care in the world, as if her mother hadn’t had an affair with the man sitting in a wheelchair beside her, the man who had fathered a child who looked almost identical to Sara.

Lev told his father, “There was this storybook with a drawing of Adam and Eve, and she kept saying, ‘Mrs. Dugdale, if God created Adam and Eve, why do they have belly buttons?’ ”

Thomas whooped an unmistakable laugh, and his son joined in. Sara must have been getting used to Thomas’s speech, because she understood him perfectly when he said, “It’s a good question.”

Lev said, “I don’t know why she didn’t just tell you it was an artistic rendering, not actual footage.”

Sara remembered very little of Mrs. Dugdale other than her constant cheerfulness, but she did recall, “I think her response was that you had to have faith.”

“Ah,” Lev said, thoughtful. “I detect a scientist’s disdain for religion.”

“I’m sorry,” Sara apologized. She had certainly not come here to insult anyone.

“‘Religion without science is blind,’ ” Lev quoted.

“You’re forgetting the first part,” she reminded him. “Einstein also said that science without religion is lame.”

Lev’s eyebrows shot up.

Unable to stop her smart mouth, Sara added, “And he also said that we should look for what is, not what we think should be.”

“All theories, by their nature, are unproven ideas.”

Thomas laughed again, obviously enjoying himself. Sara felt embarrassed, as if she had been caught showing off.

Lev tried to keep her going. “It’s an interesting dichotomy, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” Sara mumbled. She wasn’t about to get into a philosophical argument with the man in front of his own family, standing in the back room of the church his father had probably built with his own two hands. Sara was also mindful that she did not want to make things bad for Tessa.

Lev seemed oblivious. “Chicken or the egg?” he asked. “Did God create man, or did man create God?”

Trying not to get pulled in, Sara decided to say something she thought he wanted to hear. “Religion plays an important role in society.”

“Oh, yes,” he agreed, and she couldn’t tell if he was teasing her or baiting her. Either way, she was annoyed.

She said, “Religion gives a common bond. It creates groups, families, who form societies with common values and goals. These societies tend to thrive more than groups without a religious influence. They pass on this imperative to their children, the children pass it on to theirs and so on.”

“The God gene,” he provided.

“I suppose,” she allowed, really wishing she hadn’t let herself get roped into this.

Suddenly, Connolly spoke up, angrier than Sara could have imagined. “Young lady, you are either at the right hand of God or you are not.”

Sara blushed crimson at his tone. “I just-”

“You are either the faithful or the faithless,” Connolly insisted. There was a Bible on the table and he picked it up, raising his voice. “I pity the faithless, for they inherit an eternity in the fiery pits of hell.”

“Amen,” Mary murmured, but Sara kept her eyes on Connolly. In the blink of an eye, he had changed into the man Jeffrey had warned her about, and she quickly tried to appease him. “I’m sorry if I-”

“Now, Cole,” Lev interrupted, his tone teasing as if Connolly were a tiger without the teeth. “We’re just joshing around here.”

“Religion is nothing to play around with,” Connolly countered, the veins standing out in his neck. “You, young lady, you don’t play with people’s lives! We’re talking about salvation here. Life and death!”

Tessa said, “Cole, come on,” trying to defuse the situation. Sara could certainly take care of herself, but she was glad to have her sister’s support, especially considering she had no idea what Connolly was capable of.

“We have a guest, Cole.” Lev’s tone was still polite, but there was a definite edge to it- not exactly threatening but asserting whatever authority he had in this place. “A guest who is entitled to her own opinions, much as you are.”

Thomas Ward spoke, but Sara could only make out a few words. She gathered he said something about God blessing man with the freedom to choose.

Connolly was visibly biting back his anger when he said, “I should go see if Rachel needs help.” He stormed away, his fists clenched at his sides. Sara noticed his broad shoulders and muscular back. She found herself thinking that despite his age, Cole Connolly could easily take on half the men in this room without breaking a sweat.

Lev watched him go. She didn’t know the preacher well enough to tell if he was amused or irritated, but he seemed genuine when he told her, “I do apologize for that.”

Tessa asked, “What on earth was that all about? I’ve never seen him so upset.”

“Abby has been a great loss to us,” Lev answered. “We all deal with grief in our own way.”

Sara took a second to find her voice. “I’m sorry I upset him.”

“You have no need to apologize,” Lev told Sara, and from his chair, Thomas made a noise of agreement.

Lev continued, “Cole’s from a different generation. He’s not one for introspection.” He gave an open smile. “‘Old age should burn and rave at close of day… ’ ”

Tessa finished, “‘Rage, rage against the dying of the light.’ ”

Sara didn’t know what shocked her more, Connolly’s flash of anger or Tessa quoting Dylan Thomas. Her sister had a twinkle in her eye, and Sara finally understood Tessa’s sudden religious conversion. She had a crush on the pastor.

Lev told Sara, “I’m sorry he upset you.”

“I’m not upset,” Sara lied. She tried to sound convincing, but Lev looked troubled that his guest had been insulted.

“The problem with religion,” Lev began, “is that you always get to that point where the questions can’t be answered.”

“Faith,” Sara heard herself saying.

“Yes.” He smiled, and she didn’t know if he was agreeing with her or not. “Faith.” He raised an eyebrow at his father. “Faith is a tricky proposition.”

Sara must have looked as angry as she felt, because Paul said, “Brother, it’s a wonder you never managed to marry a second time, the way you have with women.”

Thomas was laughing again, a trail of spittle dribbling down his chin, which Mary quickly wiped off. He spoke, an obvious effort as what he had to say was not brief, but again Sara couldn’t make out a word of it.

Instead of translating, Mary chastised, “Papa.”

Lev told Sara, “He said if you were a foot shorter and a hair more annoyed, you’d be the spitting image of your mother.”

Tessa laughed with him. “It’s nice to have that put on somebody else for a change.” She told Thomas, “People are always saying I look like my mama and Sara looks like the milkman.”

Sara wasn’t certain, but she thought there was something reserved about Thomas’s smile.

Lev said, “Unfortunately, the only thing I inherited from Papa is his bullheadedness.”

The family laughed good-naturedly.

Lev glanced at his watch. “We’ll be starting in a few minutes. Sara, do you mind joining me out front?”

“Of course not,” she said, hoping he didn’t want to finish their discussion.

Lev held open the door to the sanctuary for her, closing it softly behind them. He kept his hand on the knob as if he wanted to make sure no one followed them.

“Listen,” he said, “I’m sorry if I pushed your buttons in there.”

“You didn’t,” she replied.

“I miss my theological debates with my father,” he explained. “He can’t talk very well, as you can see, and I just… well, I might have gotten a little carried away in there. I want to apologize.”

“I’m not offended,” she told him.

“Cole can get a little prickly,” he continued. “He sees things in black and white.”

“I gathered.”

“There are just certain kinds of people.” Lev showed his teeth as he smiled. “I was in the academic world for a few years. Psychology.” He seemed almost embarrassed. “There’s a trend among the highly educated to assume anyone who believes in God is either stupid or deluded.”

“It was never my intention to give you that impression.”

He got the dig, and put in one of his own. “I understand Cathy is a very religious person.”

“She is,” Sara said, thinking she never wanted this man to even think about her mother, let alone mention her name. “She’s one of the most intelligent people I know.”