Falling Ashes (2 page)

Jack broke the awkward silence. ‘So, what do you want to do for your birthday?’ he asked.

‘I was going to do some more work with Helena-’ I began, yet stopped when Jack shot me a troubled look. ‘What?’

‘I don’t think you should do that today,’ he said.

‘Why not?’

He seemed to be choosing his words carefully. ‘I want you to have a perfect day,’ he said. ‘You always get so upset after a session with your sister-’

‘I can’t stop now, not after all the progress she has made.’

Jack looked at me sadly, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. He was under the impression that Helena had not made any progress in the last two months. He thought I was imagining it, yet he didn’t dare say those words aloud.

But he hadn’t seen the way she’d looked at me with those large, hazel eyes, speaking so many things that were unable to be said.  Helena had yet to utter a single word since we had brought her home. Worse still, she didn’t seem to recognise her family.

She was a shell. An empty husk.

Helena was a human, taken away by the Realm to have her memories erased. Jack and I had travelled to the other side of the country to get her back from the slaver, Martinez, who had bought her.

Now we had her safe with us, but the damage was apparent. Helena could not speak. She could not write, read, or communicate in any way.

What she could do, however, was eat and clean. If a meal was placed in front of her, she would consume it greedily with her hands, as though it might be taken away from her at any moment. It was clear she'd had to fight for her food while being kept in the dungeons.

The chore of cleaning had been embedded into her mind by the slavers. If there was a mess, she would clean it automatically, almost as if she were a robot.

This really upset my parents, and was also the reason Hawthorne was not welcome inside the house. He dropped so much fur and feathers, that it sent Helena into a cleaning frenzy. She would try to clean, scrub, and polish every inch of our little wooden house until her hands were red raw and bleeding. As a result, we were forced to confine Helena to bed rest.

Every day, I worked with Helena, trying to get her to remember something … anything about her past life.

I tried teaching her words, and names, but she never spoke. Instead, she would stare at me vacantly.

However, there had been one occasion where I would swear on my life that she had spoken.

It was whilst my back was turned, so I didn’t see her mouth form the word, but I was sure she had breathed, ‘Ava’.

But Jack and my parents didn’t believe me, and I couldn’t get Helena to say it again.

I was forced to conclude that I had been imagining things.

‘Let’s do something fun,’ said Jack, sitting up and taking my hand. ‘You haven’t ridden Hawthorne in a while.’

I grunted, nonchalant. Hawthorne had been acting strange lately. He had been suspiciously aloof and distant since we had returned to Mortlock. I assumed he was bored of the relaxed lifestyle this town offered. I was sure Hawthorne was used to always being on the move.

The fact of the matter was, Hawthorne was spending increasing amounts of time away from me, wandering the forest, and doing goodness knows what. His disinterest in spending time with me was rather disheartening. But at least I had Jack for company.

‘Maybe later,’ I said, shrugging it off. ‘I am going to spend an hour with Helena, okay?’

Jack chewed on his bottom lip but held back his retort. ‘All right, whatever you want,’ he said.

‘What are you going to do?’ I asked.

Jack checked his timepiece and clucked his tongue. ‘Well, Mrs. Mathers down the road did want me to stop by today … her husband is running a fever.’

I nodded. ‘You should go and help her then.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course.’ I stood up and gathered the memory cards I had made for Helena. I wasn’t a very good artist, so the word ‘Dog’ barely matched up with my sketch. Jack had been kind enough to draw most of them. He was far more creative than I.

‘I didn’t want to work on your birthday,’ said Jack, hesitantly.

‘You need to make money,’ I said, fairly. ‘Don’t worry about me. We’ll catch up later. There are some things I need to do.’

‘Well … if you’re sure-’

‘I am,’ I said stubbornly. ‘Now
go
.’

Jack smiled. ‘All right. I’ll see you in an hour or two.’

He bent down and kissed my cheek before opening the bedroom door.

‘Thank you for the gift,’ I said, touching the locket on my chest.

Giving me a quick wink, Jack slid through the door, closing it behind himself.

Chapter Two

Hawthorne’s Disinterest

Once I was sure Jack was gone, I sat back down on my bed and took a deep breath. Working with Helena required some level of mental preparation. I turned the locket between my thumb and forefinger, thinking to myself.

I didn’t want to delay any further. Hoisting myself up, I left the room and made my way down the hall. Stupidly, I knocked on Helena’s door, as if she might answer, and give me permission to enter. Scolding myself under my breath, I opened the door and entered.

It was dark inside, as the curtains were drawn, and it smelled a little bit of urine. Helena had wet herself again. Usually she knew to use the bedpan, but often she had nightmares, and when she did, would have accidents.

I crossed the small room and drew the curtains over her bed, allowing light to flood through. Helena was awake, and she watched me as I opened the window to let fresh air circulate through the room.

‘Hey,’ I said, smiling down at her tiny frame, wrapped in blankets.

Helena stared at me. I couldn’t handle the smell much longer.

‘Come on,’ I said to her, lifting the blankets away. At once, I saw that she was very damp.

Getting Helena out of bed, I went about cleaning her up. I took the sheets from her mattress and removed her nightgown, throwing them into the corner.

Getting a bucket of water from the well beside the house, I took it to the washroom, where I gently cleaned Helena with the warm, soapy water. She stood there and allowed me to clean her tiny body without complaint.

Lifting her arm, I moved the sponge under her armpit. As soon as it touched her skin, Helena dropped her arm at once and shied away.

Confused, I checked the sponge to make sure I had not harmed her. The sponge was fine. I tried to lift Helena’s arm again, but she refused, folding her arms across her chest protectively.

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked her. 

Helena tucked her hands under her armpits, and suddenly, an idea struck me.

‘Did that … did that tickle?’ I asked her.

Helena, of course, did not respond.

‘You’re
ticklish
!’ I said, grinning broadly.  Helena had not shown a playful streak since we had brought her home. Now might be the chance to help bring back the memory of being a child.

‘I’m coming for
you
,’ I said warningly, a smile plastered to my face.

Grabbing Helena playfully, I began to tickle her ribs, and under her arms. She shrieked with apparent delight, trying to wriggle free from my grip.

‘I’ve got you!’ I laughed, burying my fingers into her armpits, making her squeal.

Crash, bang, thump.

My mother came crashing into the washroom, her face flushed.

‘What’s going on?’ she panted, looking around.

I dropped Helena at once, who backed against the wall, apparently frightened of my mother’s sudden appearance.

‘Nothing,’ I said quickly.

‘I heard screaming,’ my mother said, her eyes snapping from Helena to myself. ‘What did you do?’

‘I didn’t do anything,’ I said, straightening up. ‘We were playing.’

‘Playing?’ my mother repeated, an edge to her voice.

‘Yes,’ I said, rather annoyed, ‘and you scared her.’

She sighed with apparent pity. ‘Avalon … just … just get her dressed, okay?’

Muttering to myself, I wrapped Helena in a towel and took her back to her bedroom, where I dressed her in fresh clothes. She remained emotionless while I dressed her, lifting her legs into the dress I provided, and allowing me to pull it up and over her shoulders.

Sitting her down upon her bed, I pulled out the flash-cards that I had been using to try to jog her memory.

It always seemed as though Helena was paying attention to what I said. She never took her eyes off me, though this could be for another reason entirely.

I went through the flash-cards with her, saying, and spelling out, each word.

‘Cat,’ I told her, pointing to the drawing that Jack had done. ‘C – A-T. Cat. A cat goes …’ I waited for Helena to say something. But, as usual, she did not make a noise. ‘What sound does a cat make, Helena?’

Nothing.

‘Meow,’ I said, in a ridiculous, high-pitched voice. ‘A cat goes
meow
.’

Next card. And the next. No response.

‘Look at this one, Helena,’ I said. ‘This is a family. Family. F-A-M-I-L-Y. It’s just like us, see? There’s a mother, and a father, and look, there are even two daughters. That’s you and me, right there.’ I pointed to the two stick-figure children in triangle shaped dresses.

‘The taller one is me,’ I said, pointing to myself. ‘Avalon. Can you say Avalon?’

Helena opened her mouth, and my heart stopped momentarily. She took a deep breath, only to exhale slowly.

I sighed, but continued.

‘The smaller one is you.’ I pointed to the smaller stick-figure. ‘Helena.’

I waited and watched her expression to see if any recognition registered in her eyes. She tilted her head slightly.

I’d had enough disappointment on my birthday.

‘All right then,’ I said, stacking the cards together. ‘That’s enough for one day, huh?’

I turned from Helena and faced her dresser, placing the flash-cards upon its surface. I caught my reflection in the mirror above the chest of drawers, and noticed that I looked gaunt and tired. I was snapped from my thoughts by a sudden noise behind me.

‘Vahh,’

I spun around to look at Helena, sending the flash-cards cascading to the floor. She was picking at a scab on her knee, and showed no sign that she had spoken at all.

‘What did you say?’ I asked, kneeling in front of her. I tried to make eye contact with her, but she merely shied away.

‘Say it again,’ I ordered her. I held Helena by the shoulders, and gripped her tightly. ‘Come on … I know I heard you say it this time. You tried to say ‘Ava’ didn’t you?’

I waited with baited breath. She had to say it again, she
had
to, because then I would be certain that all of these lessons weren’t in vain.

‘
Helena
!’ I scolded, shaking her a little in an attempt to get her attention.

She didn’t seem to like that.

Helena wailed, and pushed me away from her, bringing her knees up to her chin, and wrapping her arms around her legs protectively.

‘
Damnit
!’ I cursed, standing and walking to the door. ‘
Fine
!’

I stormed from the room, slamming the door behind myself. I could hear Helena wailing through the closed door.

Of course, I felt guilty that I had upset my little sister, but it was hard.

My mother poked her head out of her door and peered down the hall at me. ‘What are you doing now?’ she asked.

‘
Nothing
!’ I shot back, a little too defensively.

My mother emerged from her bedroom, and rolled her eyes when she heard Helena sobbing in the next room.

‘What did you do now?’

‘Nothing,’ I repeated, agitated. ‘I’m going for a ride.’

I turned on my heel and swept from the hall, slamming the front door behind me on the way out.

I was mostly angry with myself for getting my hopes up. I knew my family wouldn’t believe me if I told them Helena had spoken for a second time without anyone hearing it. 

Frustrated, I stepped onto the front lawn and whistled loudly, knowing that Hawthorne would hear me, wherever he was. It would only be a matter of seconds before he was at my side.

I waited, walking around to the side of my house, which faced the forest. Any second now I would see my furry white companion emerge from the trees. 

A minute passed.

I whistled again, louder this time.

Another minute passed so I tried calling his name.

Nothing.

Pursing my lips, I decided to walk a few meters into the forest, to see if I could find Hawthorne. I was not too concerned that something had happened to him. Hawthorne could take care of himself, and I had never encountered anything scary in this forest, even as a child. The scariest thing in this forest had always been me – setting things on fire.