Falling (Fading Series) (62 page)

Candace has been avoiding my mom’s attempts to talk on the phone. I understand her apprehension about it, and I know she’s a nervous wreck about seeing her, so I’m glad she’s finding some relief from the stress as she sleeps. It’s a good thing that Jase and Mark won’t be there until later, giving the three of us time to talk privately and hopefully help ease Candace’s embarrassment.

When I pull up to the house, I run the back of my hand down her arm. Rolling her head to me, she slowly opens her eyes.

“We’re here,” I quietly say, and she turns to look at the front of the house, letting out a soft breath. I hop out of the car and walk around to her side, helping her out. Placing my hands on the sides of her face, I tell her, “I love you.”

I take her hand and walk her inside, calling out, “Mom.” We head back to the living room, and my mom is already making her way to us.

“Candace!” she squeals, not even acknowledging me, and I have to laugh when she pulls my girl into her arms.

I’m relieved to see Candace smile. I went ahead and told my mom a few days ago that Candace is aware that I told her about the attack because she was starting to wonder why Candace wasn’t returning her calls.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” she beams and then turns to me to give me a hug. “How was the drive?”

“Candace slept most of the time, and there was a ton of traffic.” Cannon Beach is a hot spot for the summer, let alone the Fourth of July.

“Well, I’m glad you two made it safely. When will Jase and Mark be getting in?”

Candace lets me do the talking while she stands close to me, holding on to my hand. “Jase texted me a while ago, so maybe five hours or so with the traffic.” Wanting to get Candace alone for a moment, I tell my mom, “We’re gonna take our bags upstairs. We’ll be down in a couple minutes.”

Closing the bedroom door behind me, I sit with Candace on my bed. “Babe . . .”

“I
hate
this,” she lets out as she falls back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Just talk to her.”

“What do I even say?”

“Come here,” I tell her as I tug on her hand and draw her up to me. “Just like you and I have been doing, just talk. Clear the air.”

When she nods, I offer, “You want me to go with you?”

“Yeah,” she says, and then I pull her off the bed, not wanting her to stew on this any longer. I give her a soft kiss before taking her back downstairs.

Walking through the house, I find my mom in the study, sitting in one of the chairs, flipping through a book.

“Hey, Mom.”

“That was quick,” she says as she closes the book and sets it on her lap while Candace and I take a seat on the couch.

“I think we need to talk,” I tell her and then look at Candace who’s holding my hand with both of hers, keeping her eyes fixed on them.

“Has Ryan told you about his father?”

Candace looks up to my mom, answering, “Yes.”

“So, I’m sure he also added me to that equation as well.”

When she nods her head in response, my mom begins talking and opening up to her about things she hasn’t even talked to me about.

“Richard was a horrible man who would beat me on a nearly daily basis. I have scars to remind me of it every day. When he drank, the fights would get even more violent. At one point, I had become pregnant, but I never told him. I was too scared,” she tells Candace, and I stare at my mom in horror because I never knew this. “I saw what he was doing to Ryan, but at the time I was so terrified of the man, that I never defied him because I feared what he would do to me. But he eventually found out about the pregnancy. He was furious, dragging me by the hair all the way up the stairs and then kicking me in the stomach over and over.”

She stops talking to catch her breath as she begins to cry, but I can’t move because I’m in shock. It isn’t until I hear Candace let out a shaky whimper that I turn and see her tears as well.

“After he was done with me,” she continues, “I couldn’t move because the pain was just so excruciating. And then he threw me down the stairs. I knew I couldn’t go to the hospital. He never would have let me get away with it. It took almost four days for me to miscarry my baby.”

Candace’s grip on me is tight as I watch my mom wiping the tears from her face. I never knew that had happened to her. The secrets that these women keep are horrific, and I’m at a loss for words.

My mother keeps her eyes on Candace when she says, “We both have secrets, dear. And that’s the secret I have always held on to . . . until now.”

When Candace’s cries start to break through, I wrap my arm around her as her tears roll down her face.

“Ryan told me that you were embarrassed, but you have
nothing
to be embarrassed about around me. I have your darkest secret, and now you have mine.”

She stands and walks over to sit next to Candace, and I let go of her as she turns to my mom and hugs her.

“You are an amazingly strong woman,” my mom says to her as she pulls back to look at Candace. “Watching you get through this year with everything you had to go through with the attack, your parents, and with Ryan . . . I don’t know if I’d be able to come out of that with the poise you have. It’s been eighteen years since I lost my baby, and it wasn’t until just now that I was able to finally say it out loud. I’ve held on to it for all these years, and then I look at you . . .”

She takes a moment as she begins to cry again, before adding, “You are everything I wish I could have been. I see you with my son, and how you’ve opened your heart to him even after what happened to you. I’ve never been able to do that since Richard died almost eleven years ago.”

Candace doesn’t even need to speak, and I love my mom for what she just gave my girl. Gave it in a way that Candace didn’t even have to talk because I know she was so nervous about what she would say. The two of them cry together, and at this point, I give Candace the space I feel she needs to spend time with my mom and talk without having me around. I kiss the back of her head before I leave the room and go outside to the beach to digest everything I just heard.

When Jase and Mark arrived later that day, we spent the evening grilling steaks out back and hanging out on the beach. Candace told me, that after I left, she and my mom were able to talk for a while. And seeing them now, in the kitchen, cooking breakfast, they seem closer than ever.

“Hey, Mom, where are your binoculars?” I ask after we eat.

“They’re outside on the table,” she says when I grab Candace’s hand to take her out to the beach.

“Where are we going?” she questions.

“I wanna show you something,” I tell her as we walk outside.

Picking up the binoculars, I walk her down towards the water, and when I look through the lenses, I spot what I want to show her. I hand them over and instruct, “Here. Look over there to that sea stack. I want you to look carefully for anything bright orange.”

“Okay,” she draws out slowly as she holds the binoculars up to her eyes. “There, I see . . . oh my God!” she squeaks out, and it’s cute as hell, bringing a huge smile to my face. “Look! There’s so many of them. What are they?”

Wrapping my arms around her from behind, I rest my chin on top of her head, telling her, “Puffins.” She keeps looking at them as I say, “Every year around this time they nest over there on Haystack Rock. That’s why we can’t shoot off fireworks because they come here to mate, and it would scare them away. This is the only place on the coast where it’s not legal.”

“They are so cute.”

I lean down and press my lips into her soft neck, taking kisses when she drops the binoculars and turns in my arms to face me. The wind kicks through her hair as the sun casts a glow on her face.

“Are you happy?” I ask. Her smile tells me she is, but I want to hear it.

“I never thought I could be this happy.”

She runs her hands behind my neck and brings me into her, kissing me intently, but the moment is short-lived when we hear Mark say, “Break it up, kids.”

“What are you guys doing?” Jase asks as they walk over to us.

Candace holds out the binoculars and tells him, “There are puffins out on that big rock.”

“Give me those,” Mark says as he snatches the binoculars out of Jase’s hands and starts searching for the birds. “There they are,” he mumbles before telling Jase, “We should totally get one.”

Candace laughs while Jase says, “Dude, it’s a bird.”

Handing the binoculars back to Jase, he says, “They look like penguins. Haven’t you ever wanted a penguin for a pet?”

I can’t control my laughter as I watch the two of them.

“No,” Jase answers in exasperation. “Who even thinks like that?”

“I do. People have that shit for pets.”

“Who?”

“I dunno, just . . . people. I’ve seen it on TV,” is Mark’s pitiful explanation as the three of us laugh at him. He turns to Candace and tries to get her to back him when he says, “Why are you laughing? You once told me you wanted a pig for a pet.”

“What?” I question through a burst of laughter.

Turning to me with narrowed eyes, she defends, “Not like a gross barn pig. A domesticated micro pig.”

“What the hell is that, babe?”

“They’re these tiny little pink pigs. They say they’re cleaner and smarter than a dog. You can even litter train them.”

She says this in complete seriousness, and she looks adorable doing it, but that doesn’t stop Jase and I from laughing at her and Mark for their choice in pets.

Slapping my arm, she scolds, “Stop laughing at me,” with a hint of a smile.

“Just so you know, we’re not getting a pig.”

“You don’t even know what they are. You’ve never even seen one.”

Looking over at Jase for support, I call out to him, “Dude, Jase, are you hearing this?”

“It makes more sense to get a pig than Mark’s desire to snatch up a wild bird just because he’s thinks they’re
cute
,” he says with a chuckle while shaking his head.

“Hey, guys,” Tori announces as she walks out with Bailey on her hip, and Connor runs around her, straight to me.

Squatting down, I give him a big hug, as I say, “Hey, buddy. When did you guys get here?”

“Just now.”

Picking him up in my arms, I watch as my mom follows Tori and Bailey, who just turned two, out to the rest of us.

“Candace, it’s so good to see you again,” she says as she gives her a one-armed hug while still holding Bailey.

“Can you say, ‘Hi, Candace’?” Tori asks of Bailey, but all Candace gets in return is a ‘hi’ followed by babble.

The two of them laugh as Tori says to Bailey, “We’re just gonna have to change her name, huh? Something a little more simple.”

Looking at Candace, I tell her, “Don’t worry. She can’t even say my name.” Setting Connor down, I reach over and take Bailey, as she says, “Wy-wy!”

“See? I’m Wy-wy,” I say to Candace as I keep my eyes on Bailey.

“Tori, these are my friends, Jase and Mark,” Candace introduces as they all hug and greet each other.

“Where’s Trevor?” I ask.

“I’m here,” he hollers as he walks out. “Had to unload the bags.”

“Hey, man,” I say when he gets closer. “You remember Candace, right?”

“How could I forget?” he says before giving her a hug.

Everybody meets Mark and Jase and spends a good amount of time playing with the kids before Candace and I take Connor down the beach a little ways to show him the puffins. I watch as she is on her knees behind Connor, helping him with the binoculars as he looks through them. She’s relaxed and happy. I love that I could give this to her. This bond of a family we are beginning to form with not only my family, but with her friends as well. It’s only because of Candace that I have this right now. She’s the one who showed me what it was to open up. To connect to others. That I was capable of having meaningful relationships. And since having her in my life, my relationships with Tori and Max have grown to a new level, allowing for an even deeper friendship than before.

The shift that life has taken is one that I never would have expected, but one that I would never change as I watch her and then look down the beach to see Mark and Jase making a sand hill with Bailey and Tori while my mom and Trevor sit back and talk. And when Candace looks up at me with her beautiful smile, I know I have everything I could ever want.