Falling for Mr Wrong (20 page)

Tears burned her eyes and she blinked them away, hearing the sincerity in his voice.

“Tilly, I don’t even know how you feel about me—”

Her hands trembled and she placed them in her lap, struggling to find the right words. “Nate, I really like you, but I’m also hurt by everything that’s happened. I want to trust you but…” she squeezed her eyes shut, “I think it’s too late for us.”

“Don’t say that,” he said with a determination that made her look at him. “I’m not giving up on you.”

She rubbed her chin. “I thank you but—”

“But nothing. Stop thanking me or I’m going to kiss you,” he fired at her, his shoulders set straight and his eyes alert and wide.

Her body tightened at his suggestion. “I don’t think we should kiss.”

“I think it’s a good idea.” He leaned towards her.

“Stop.” Raising her hand, she gestured a stop signal. “We need to slow down.”

“Okay,” he said. “How about this?” He held out his hand, “I’m Nate from London and you are?”

She took his hand and shook it. “Tilly from Australia, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.” He yanked her towards him and gave her a brief kiss.

“You’re cheating.” She pretended to pout even though she enjoyed the press of his lips against hers.

“Sorry, but I just couldn’t resist.”

She lowered her voice. “I’m scared that if we kiss and make love, we won’t work out the issues between us.”

“You’re right, but think how much better it would be than arguing?”

“We have too much to resolve. You want me in London but I can’t go.” She expelled a long breath. “It’s not going to work and I don’t want you to change my mind.” She leaned back crossing her arms. “Please,” her voice quivered with regret, “I never want to go back to London. I can’t do it.” She shook her head. “What should’ve been a fun working holiday turned to dust and now I’ve found something I like here in Israel. I’m going to study to be a tour guide. I can study in English and learn Hebrew at the same time. I’ll earn money babysitting and Aunty Maude has promised to support me.”

“But what about me?”

Those four small words made her heart sink; their lives were heading in such different directions. How could she compromise when they both wanted the opposite to each other? There was not a half way point to start with. Forcing a smile she said, “We’ll always have Jerusalem.” She paused. “You’re a political reporter working in London and your work and life is based there. I get that. I just can’t fit in. I’m being practical. Even if we were in love or we fall in love; even if one of us has to give up for the other, we’ll be miserable. It’s better now than later when we’ve invested more into us.”

Rubbing the middle of his forehead with his palm, he said, “You don’t want to compromise, you won’t even try.” He stared at the darkened body of water, his voice low.

“Nate, I’m being realistic. Tell me, if I move to London, what would I do?”

He turned to look at her, his eyes glassy, his lips pressed together in a grimace. “I don’t know, what would you do?”

“And that’s the problem,” she whispered in return. “I’ve finally found somewhere I belong, a career that’s interesting and meaningful and where I don’t have to wipe pooey bottoms and deal with tantrums.”

He blinked rapidly. “You’ve cared for everyone except yourself for years and I understand why you want to be here, but it’s a rash decision. I mean, you need to learn the language. Are you sure this is what you want?”

“I’ve thought about it a lot. If I return to Australia and live in my hometown, I’ll be looking after my parents and my nieces and nephews. If I move to Sydney, I’ll have to make friends all over again. If I go to London, I’ll be stuck in an apartment. But here,” she sighed before taking in a deep breath of warm, humid air, “here, no one knows me and I can start fresh, plus there’s the opportunity of working with my aunty.”

“What about your family, your friends?”

“Have you heard of this new device called a telephone and the internet? It’s a new way to communicate instead of homing pigeons.” Sarcasm dripped from her voice. Seriously, she was not moving to the moon and could fly home to Australia to see her family.

“Point taken.” His nose crinkled.

“Nate.” She touched his shoulder. “You know how to talk and have a way with words. I wouldn’t be surprised if you talked me into returning to London. But be realistic and think about it. It won’t work. Thank you for not lying to me about being in love and persuading me to follow. You’re a good man. A girl would be lucky to have you.”

“But not you?” his voice croaked.

She shrugged indifference, pretending there was not hurt and remorse spearing through her chest. “Maybe if we’d met under different circumstances.”

“I had all these plans. We’d travel, go and see all the places you’ve longed, Europe, America and even Jaffa.”

Her throat grew thick and her mouth parched. “I would’ve loved that.”

“So do it, say yes and let’s start afresh. Now. Let’s do it.” He leapt from his seat and held his hand out to her.

Standing next to him, her fingers reached out and traced the square cut of his unshaven chin. “I can’t do this,” her voice cracked. “I need to go. Goodbye Nate.” Standing on her toes, she brushed her lips against his and whispered, “God bless.” On unsteady feet she walked to her room, her heart aching at all the ‘could’ve beens’. Right guy, wrong time.

Nate collapsed on the seat, staring at the sea, unable to believe that he had lost her. He had offered her his heart, but she wanted him to give up everything. There was not a mid-point from where she would negotiate from. It had been all or nothing.

Plus, he promised Aunt Maude that if she sent him away, he would leave. He had to honour his commitment especially after she had directed him to Galilee. His lungs burned at the realisation that he lost. He had been defeated.

He scratched his ear. She had not asked him to give up everything but she was realistic in her expectations. For a lover of romance novels who was sheltered for most of her life, he had to admit, she was right about London. She could not work as a nanny, but surely there was another job she could do? Eventually, the press would forget and move onto the next sensational story.

Like him? She was giving him all the ammunition to bring down Sebastian. And then what? He would move on to the next scandalous story too. But it would be over between him and Sebastian, all over. He would have righted wrongs and fixed things for his sister. But she did not care anymore, a voice reminded him. She had been able to push past the duplicity and pain of her past, so why couldn’t he? He was not the one who had been betrayed. He wanted revenge. But Bea? Was it worth it? Of course it was. He had to bring him down. After years of yearning, he had to do this, whether it was for Bea or for the next unfortunate victim. He rubbed his hands through his hair and cursed the sweat building up on his hairline. Damn heat.

During his visions of him and Tilly travelling, he had not thought about what she would do when he was working. Sit around and wait for him? His hours were long, especially during elections. She would be bored and there was only so much TV watching and internet surfing one could do, especially for someone as charming as Tilly. She deserved to be surrounded by friends, meeting new people and enjoying life.

His head bowed and he rested it in his hands wondering what to do.

A polite cough had him turning around, hoping she had returned. “Tilly. His face fell seeing it was the night manager.

“Do you need a room for tonight? We have some vacancies.”

“Yes, thanks.” His chest ached at the idea of being so close to Tilly and being in separate rooms. God, he was tired and drained. And it wasn’t just the heat. His hands trembled and his insides felt shredded.

The manager nodded, oblivious to the hurt cramping his belly. “I’ll organise something.” He leaned over to collect their empty cups and water bottles.

Nate thanked the man and followed him on wobbly legs to the front desk to retrieve his room key.

Completing the arrival form, a wave of dizziness passed over him making him cry out.

“Are you okay?” the manager asked.

Nate waved away his concerns with a flick of his hand. “I’m just tired and sick of this blasted heat.” He needed to leave Israel, leave Tilly, leave the humidity and return to his life. Tomorrow, he would get out of the country. He had enough.

The following morning, after a decent night’s sleep, a long shower and satisfying breakfast, Nate checked out. The man assisting was the same manager from the night before.

The older man asked. “Excuse me, but I need help. You’re going to the airport, yes? My son’s friend needs to go to Tsfat to help his mum. Can you please take him? It’s only thirty minutes from here.”

An exasperated sigh slipped from his lips. “I’m on my way to the airport.”

“Please—”

“Can’t he get a bus?” Nate snapped, disregarding someone’s need for assistance.

“Sir, there’s a bus strike and taxis are expensive.” He paused. “I’d drive him but I’m still working.”

“Enough with the sob story.” Nate’s jaw clenched then relaxed as he took in the tired, dark circles under the man’s eyes. “Tsfat’s on the way?”

“Sort of. Thank you, Sir.” The man’s smile stretched from ear to ear. “I’ll get Dov, he’s sixteen.”

The manager made the introductions and Nate stared at the teen who looked like a surfer, with his blue eyes and blond curly hair.

The teen grinned as though reading his mind. “I’m from California and moved here with my family a few years ago. Thanks for lift. Mom tripped and fell down some steps and I need to take her to the doctor.”

Curiosity got the better of him. “What about your Dad?”

“He’s in Jerusalem for work, just for a couple of days. It’s cool man, thanks for the ride,” Dov said as they walked to Nate’s rental.

During the thirty minutes to Tsfat, Dov chatted, which surprised Nate who expected a sixteen year old to be moody or sullen.

“Do you like living here?” Nate asked, interested in a teen who was so different to himself at that same age. Dov was friendly, relaxed and confident whereas Nate had been angry, hurt and bitter.

“Yeah, took me awhile. I miss the beach but hey, it’s great here.”

Nate hid his surprise, expecting the boy to be resentful from being uprooted from the beaches in LA to this tiny country in the Middle East. “What will you do when you finish school?”

“We all do three years in the army and then I’m going to travel. I’m not going back to LA and spend my time visiting family. No way, I want to see Asia and Australia.” Dov paused. “Have you been there? Got any suggestions?”

Nate’s throat clogged with thoughts of
his
Tilly and he nodded in reply.

“I heard the girls are good looking in Australia,” Dov said.

Nate bit his lip so not to laugh at Dov’s sincerity – he seemed much older than sixteen. He answered honestly, with a smile. “They are good looking.”

“You have an Australian girl?” Dov asked.

Nate took his eyes momentarily off the road to stare at the youth, “why do you ask?”

The youth shrugged and look out the window. “I dunno, just did.”

Nate cleared his throat a couple of times. “Well, yes. I have…I had.”

“What’s her name?”

“Pardon?” Nate was growing tired from the inquisition. “You ask a lot of questions.”

“I was raised that way,” Dov said with a flippant tone.

“Her name is Matilda, Tilly for short.” Just saying her name made his lungs need extra air. He turned up the air conditioning fan so it blew stronger on his face.

“That’s a nice name.” Dov said before pointing to a sign. “You need to turn here.” Dov then directed him to his home. “Thanks for the lift, I really appreciate it,” he said with a genuine sincerity as he gathered his things. He stopped and turned to Nate and said, “This is an ancient city, thousands of years old. It’s the home of Kabbalah. If you’re looking for answers, you should ask here.”

“Are you sure you’re sixteen?” Nate asked.

Dov slouched in his seat and looked at Nate. “When I moved here and was missing my friends, Mom used to tell me, ‘Let your faith be bigger than your fears’.” He drew in a deep breath. “It’s taken me awhile but it now makes sense and I think about it when I’m missing life back in LA.”

Nate leaned over and ruffled Dov’s hair. “You’re a smart kid.” He held out his hand. “All the best and I hope your Mum’s okay.”

“Me too, thanks.” Dov got out of the car and after a quick wave, headed to his house.

Nate sat for a few minutes thinking about the kid and all the changes he made for his parents. Moving here, missing his friends and family, yet there was no antagonism. It would have been hard when they first migrated, learning the language, making new friends. But Dov had seemingly adjusted pretty well.

The teen seemed so balanced and there was none of the sour disposition
he’d
carried as a teenager. But then, Dov had loving parents who wanted and believed in him. Closing his eyes, Nate wondered how he would have been if he had experienced an easy going, happy childhood. Would he have been so determined to achieve? How different would he have been now? Would he have managed the issue with Tilly differently?

His foster parents had instilled wonderful traits of compassion and care in him and Bea. He owed them so much. It could not have been easy taking in two teenagers with their history, yet they had. It was not enough to say thanks, so Nate had added their name, Young, to his, giving him a double barrel surname, Morgan-Young. So had Bea.

He rubbed balled fists over his eyes and thought about Tilly. He wondered what she was doing? Tilly. Even her name was a shredder to his guts. Her reasoning for them being apart was realistic, yet his chest ached every time he thought about the decision. He understood her reasoning for not wanting to move to London, but losing her was hurting in a way he had never felt before. More than when his mother died and certainly more than when Paisley ended their engagement.

The hurt ached in his chest as if a hundred knives had been flung into his torso. His head rested on the car’s steering wheel as he recalled Tilly’s parting words.