Falling for Seven (28 page)

I WAS ONE OF THE first off the ice, hoping to get away before Calvin caught up to me. Since our performance together, he had it built into his mind that he should forego his partner, Kyla, for me. I’d said no in a roundabout way of politeness, but if it came up again I was going to have to get a lot more forceful, and I liked Calvin. I’d rather stay friends.

I swapped my skates for my Vans and left everything else on, throwing a thin jacket over my leotard and leggings. I got in my car and drove to Kit’s, not giving myself any time to wimp out. I was telling her I’d slept with Julian, because it was the right thing to do. It also felt like the most selfish and cruel words I could ever say to her. There was no winning situation here, but she deserved the truth. Julian couldn’t see why I needed to do this, but just because he had told her one thing, that didn’t mean much to someone with a filtration on what they were willing to believe.

Had Jordan broken-up with me?

Yes.

Did I still consider him mine and only mine?

Damn straight.

Kit was no different. In her eyes, Julian was hers, regardless of if he ever was in the first place.

I got out the car and walked up to her door. I knocked loud enough to be mistaken for the cops and the door swung open on impact. It mustn’t have been shut properly. I pushed it open farther and walked inside. “Kit! You here?” The open hallway was empty.

I heard a noise in the living room and I followed the sound. If it was nothing, I’d leave and come back later. I walked into the wide space. “Oh my god!”

Kit’s bare ass and breasts was straddling Nicky while he sat in the chair with his jeans pushed down around his legs, shirtless. She lifted her head and flipped her sheet of blonde hair back when she heard me. “I’m so sorry. I’m leaving.” I banged into the door trying to get out of there quicker than my feet could respond. In the hallway I fondled in my pockets for my keys, my heart trying to run away quicker than I could. When I finally had them in my hand, I unlocked the car, got in, and jammed the key into the ignition. The engine started and a knock pounded against my window. Actually, it wasn’t pounding. That was my blood flow screaming in my ears.

Kit stood in a T-shirt hanging around her knees, one hand gripping her hair from her face. She tapped softly on my window with her other hand. I let the window down and smiled, commanding my racing pulse to just shut the fuck up.

“Sorry,” she said, with an indifference that felt like she wasn’t sorry at all. “I didn’t realize anyone was there.”

“The door was open.”

“Guess I should just be pleased it wasn’t Katlyn who saw that.” There was something seriously wrong with that sentence. “But then again, she slept with Julian. So I guess we’re even.”

They were even? Really? Was that how friends spoke about each other?

I don’t know what made me say the next part. “But you and Julian were never together.”

“We will be,” she said with a confident nod of her head, so sure of herself that even I believed it. “He just doesn’t know it yet.” She wrapped her fingers around the edge of the lowered window. “You know how it is, right? You love Jordan, same as I love Julian. These guys aren’t easy, but we can convince them. Can’t we?”

I battled with a frown. “I don’t know about convincing anyone.”

Trust me, I’d tried it.

If this was how I acted with Jordan, the wake-up call was more than welcome. Kit was downright scaring me the way she was talking.

“All they need is a push into what’s right in front of them. Guys who are as elusive as Julian can’t always see what everyone else can. So we have to make them see. He won’t like me with Nicky, his friend. He’s going to hate it. He’s going to hate it so much, he’ll have no choice but to commit.”

What?

Seriously…
what?

She let go of the glass and stood back. “Anyway, sorry you had to see that.”

I smiled absently and then drove away. I could see her still standing on the sidewalk watching me leave. Who knew? Kit was crazy. And in turn I’d seen my own craziness. I’d acted the same impulsive way with Jordan. Rejected repeatedly but always on the sidelines ready for more.

There was no way I could tell her about Julian now.

<>

I spent the next hour after Sociology with Julian at the back of the library. I sat cross-legged, opposite him in a secluded corner with only the two of us for company. He sat over his textbook, flipping for the right page. He had one arm slung over his bent knee, the bill of his gray ball cap covering his eyes. He turned the last page and closed the book with a loaded sigh, resting his head against the wall. “I’m so bored.”

“It’s been ten minutes.” I looked up from my own book, contemplating.

“What?” he said, his gaze honing in on me.

“I saw something this morning.”

“What, like a ghost?”

He grinned before I bit back at what I thought was him being serious.

“A ghost would have been preferable.”

“Spill it, then.”

“I walked in on Kit and Nicky.”

Julian’s expression stayed unaffected. “And?”

“They were… having sex. On the couch. With the front door open.” The news processed in his mine for a minute, but he still didn’t look concerned. “What are you thinking?” I asked.

“She wanted me to see. She doesn’t get that I don’t care who she fucks.”

“I think you might be right. She came out and apologized to me, but it just didn’t feel sincere. She wanted someone to see, but it wasn’t me.”

“Angel, don’t tell her about us. All it will get you is a slap in the face and you’ll feel like shit when she hangs your betrayal over your head.”

“My betrayal? We’re calling it betrayal now?” I sank farther back, hitting the book shelf. “I’ve gone from one mess to another.”

“No you haven’t. We’re taking time out. That means time out from Kit as well as Jordan. We aren’t hanging out with them anymore. Not Nicky, Katlyn—none of them. When it’s us, it’s just us. Or it’s us and your friends.” He lifted the bill of his cap. “Yeah, you’re going to need to get some friends.”

I picked up my book and hurled the pages at him. He laughed, ducking the other way, evading impact with a fluidness that only he could pull off. “I have friends,” I said, picking up and throwing my notebook.

He caught it, throwing it back at me. “Family doesn’t count. Neither do ex-boyfriends.”

“What about my roommate, Mia. She’s my friend.”

“They have to have the ability to talk.”

My phone rang, slicing into the silence of the library and I picked it up, hitting answer.

“Hey, mom.”

Julian’s eyebrows slithered together and he mouthed, “WTF?”

“Hi, baby. I saw a poster for the County fair today. Do you feel like it? It’s Saturday, I was thinking of asking your dad along, too.”

“What, like a day out?”

“I figure neutral ground for a stab at reconciliation might sweeten him up a little.”

“He’ll never agree.”

“Just leave your father to me.”

“Okay. Good luck. I’ll stop by later.”

I hung up, putting the phone away.

“Your mom?” All play had fizzed from our cozy corner and the cold look in Julian’s eye wiped the smile from my face. “She’s back? Is she here?”

“Uh, yeah. She came back Monday. She’s staying with Pamela, Marilyn’s mom.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You never asked.”

“Why would I? You said she bailed. You never put an expiration on that.”

“She’s back now. What’s the big deal? That I never told you?”

“Is she staying?”

“For now. We haven’t talked about it. I have barely seen her.” I opened up my notebook to a clean page and reached over for my crumpled textbook to start studying before we ran out of time. “Anything else you need to know?”

“Yeah. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just didn’t. Are you seriously upset about this?”

“Yes. Did she say why she took off? Are you just cool with each other now?”

“I don’t know where she has been to be exact.”

“So you didn’t tell me because you couldn’t handle what I’d think of this bullshit family reunion?”

My lips clamped together and I picked up my pen. “No drama,” I said, biting out the words. “My mom, not yours. She’s back, I’m happy.”

“You’re only ever happy when your heads in the sand. Man up. Ask her why she left you.”

“This isn’t working for me,” I said, gathering up my books. “You can be really mean, you know that?”

“Honest and mean aren’t the same thing.” Julian pinned my wrist to the floor and I raised my gaze to his. “You wanted honesty. I’m giving it to you.”

“You need to ease up on your brutal deliverance. It’s unnecessary. Believe me.” I was practically grinding my teeth.

“I lose my shit when I think of people hurting you. You’re too accepting.”

“She’s not people. She’s my mother. If you met her, I’m confident you’d like her.”

He eased backwards. “You want me to meet your mom?”

“She’s taking me to the county fair on Saturday. If you want, I’ll meet you there.”

“Or I’ll pick you up.”

“That depends. Can you play nice?”

“For you I will. What time?”

“I don’t know yet. I’m taking Taj to the ice-rink tomorrow so I’ll let you know.”

“I won’t be there. I have a late practice before the game Friday.”

“Then I’ll text you.”

The pressure of his hand lifted from my wrist and he sat back against the wall, his body relaxing. “Can we study now? Some of us care about our grades.”

I wrapped it up in the library and called in at Glenvale to check on Nellie before I went back to my dorm and crashed for an hour before work. I had talked Ricki into swapping my shift from Saturday night to tonight and that meant I’d be working until two.

The residents were in the dining hall, a bingo game in full swing. I watched through the glass doors as the balls were called. Nellie was at the back, in front of the windows and sitting next to her was pops, his arm around her chair while Nellie took control of the highlighter, probably marking off numbers that hadn’t been shouted. Pops had on a light blue button-down and Nellie’s hair had been done, her fresh curls styled around her face and shoulders, making her look so much younger. The smiling couple might be divorced, but the love was there, just a different kind. I was sure Nellie didn’t have the faintest inclination who he was, but I hoped that he could be her Sam. Even if it was only for today.

THURSDAY AFTERNOON I was out the door on my way to practice by the time mom pulled up in the car with Taj. “Where have you guys been?” I asked, throwing my bag across the console into the passenger seat of the Range Rover.

She told Taj to go into the house and then she sat on the wall, rubbing her fingers across her eyes. “We were at the specialist.”

“Oh, shit. That was today? I fucking forgot.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“What happened?”

Her hand covered her eyelids and her chest expanded as her head dipped and she broke down into tears. It wasn’t good news. The doctors couldn’t help him, he’d be deaf for the rest of his life. Never hearing a single fucking word anyone said to him.

I sat beside her and her head turned into my neck, her crying now noticed by others in the street. “They can treat him, Julian. He’s getting the implant.”

“What?” I shifted away from her to make sure I heard correctly. “He’s getting a hearing aid?”

“Yes, a cochlear implant. No one will even see it.” Mom wiped her eyes, her smile out of place amongst her tears. “He’s on a waiting list, but he’s not beyond saving.”

“I can’t believe this.” I took a breath, shock masking all reaction. We all thought Taj would live his whole life in silence. “I can’t fucking believe it.” This was the only time other than the day I was told Taj would grow up deaf, that I’d ever wanted to cry. That day, I did cry. I bawled my fucking eyes out. The more we all got used to Taj and after we learned to sign and communicate with him, the easier it was to believe the lie and life became a little easier.

“They can’t be certain on results until the surgery has been done. But it’s finally happening. My baby is going to hear my voice.”

And mine, too,
I thought.

“Is Taj happy?”

“It’s a lot for him to process. He’s not saying anything. It’s not like he remembers ever being able to hear. All he knows is silence. We need to give him some time. He’ll come around.”

I stood up to go and see him. “Leave him,” mom said, stopping me. “Go to practice. You’ll see him after. He’s had a long day.”

Leaving him was the last thing I’d planned, but she was right. That was a big thing for such a little kid. “Sure,” I said. “I’ll tell Angel not to come.”

<>

Staying focused long enough in practice not to take a sack was up there next to not gonna happen. I was dog shit and everyone knew it. Everyone including coach. He pulled me aside before I hit the showers, his face how I felt. “What in the fucking world was that shit out there, Seven? Are you training for the fucking Paralympics and you forgot to tell me? I’ve got a scout coming to the game on Friday, and if that’s how you are going to play, I’ll let him know now not to bother.”

“Sorry, Coach. I’ve got stuff on my mind.”

“
Stuff
on your mind can’t affect your game or you will have no fucking career, do you understand me?”

“Yes, Coach,” I said, when I realized he was waiting for a legit answer.

“Consider it friendly advice. You’ve got no fallback, your game has to be on point. Every. Damn. Time. Something for you to think about.” He shut himself inside his office and I stood on the other side, cussing my sloppy performance.

Nicky’s hand clapped onto my shoulder. “You were awful out there.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Greek Row later?”

“Man, no the wonder you are failing all your classes. What happened to a tutor?” We made it to Nicky’s car and he sat on the hood of the Jetta, taking his cell out of his bag to rest on his thigh.

“Coach is setting me up. I hope she is hot, or I’m going to have to put her in for an exchange.” He plucked his diamond studs out next, putting them back into his ears. If people thought I was vain, Nicky was worse.

“I don’t think it works like that.”

He growled, hitting his phone with his fist. “Katlyn is driving me fucking nuts. Since you’re boning Angel, I’m sure she told you she busted up my fuck session yesterday.”

“Not in those exact words. But yeah, she told me.”

“Did she have to go and tell Katlyn?”

“Uh, hold on a minute. Angel hasn’t told anyone but me, and she only did that because the sight scared the fucking shit out of her.”

“Yeah? Then who told her?”

“Kit told her, Nicky. Kit fucking told her.”

“Katlyn’s acting like she’s been fucking possessed. She is going to rip my balls off when she sees me. Remind me to thank Kit next time I see her.”

“I’m not getting involved. I’m out, man. Catch you later.”

Nicky was too busy kissing ass over text message. “Yeah, man. Later.”

On the drive home I called Angel on speakerphone, stuck in traffic coming off the highway.

“Hey,” I said when she picked up. “Where you at?”

“I just finished studying with Mia and now I’m getting dressed for work. All very boring. What about you. Did you have a good practice?”

“Yeah, if I was blind, had two left feet and two broken arms. Then it was great, a real effort. At least then, you could say I tried.”

She laughed, the flowery sound in my car making me smile. I smoothed my hand over my hair, and then took a left, cutting out the traffic and taking a back road. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“No, really. It was. I’m sure your dad will back me up.”

“She chuckled. “Fine. You were awful. Are you happy now?”

“No,” I said. “How come you’re working tonight?”

“I swapped my shifts around. County fair is Saturday and I was on the roster working till after twelve.”

“What time do you get off tonight?”

“Two. Why?”

“Just asking. I’ll see you at two.” Then I hung up, cutting off any reasons for not being able to see her.

When I got home, Kristina was on her way up to her apartment as I was getting out of the car.

“Yo! Wait!”

I ran across the street, cutting up a Taxi. The fat bastard’s horn blared and he flipped me off, his arm hanging out the window. "Fuck off,” I yelled, slamming my hand onto the trunk of his white rust-bucket. “Kristina, wait.”

She kept on up to her apartment, leaving the door open for me. She went through to the kitchen and I pulled out a chair at the undersized table when she did. “How are you?” I asked. She looked decent enough. Her hair looked clean, her clothes were fresh, she wasn’t wearing makeup but her face was designed not to need it. Other than the obvious basics, she looked like fucking death.

“I’m in a weird place right now. I’m not sad, I’m not happy.” Her brown eyes were dull, looking up at me. “I’m just here, and I feel nothing. Oaky, not nothing. I feel lost. Completely lost.” She stared at her hand in front of her, her finger making a circular motion on the table. “Is this payback, Julian? For what I did to you?”

“You need to stoop with that. Nobody’s perfect. Everybody fucks up. Doesn’t mean you deserve what happened to you. No one deserves that.”

“I did. Maybe next time I won’t be so selfish.”

“I’m not here to watch you beat up on yourself. You didn’t bring this on yourself, so stop thinking you did. You know why you went with another guy behind my back?”

Kristina’s head came up at my question, tears in the corner of her eyes on the brink of falling.

“Because you didn’t love me, and that’s cool. I’ve forgiven you. But no one’s punishing you. This is something really fucking shitty that happened to you. And it happened to me, too. It happened to everyone that gives a shit about you.”

Her tears loosened, rolling down her cheek and onto the table.

“The fair’s in town on Saturday. I’m going with someone, come with us. You need to get out and be with people. Be with me, you know I’ll look after you.”

She wiped her cheeks, smudging the tears. “You say someone like I wouldn’t know it was that girl you keep bringing around here.”

“She’s chill, she won’t bother you.”

“What’s so special about her?” Kristina pushed her chair back and ripped a paper towel from the stand, drying her eyes. “You bringing girls home, apart from me—” she gave me a pointed look. “—it’s not like you. So don’t tell me she’s your friend, or she’s nobody. I already know it’s more than that, and I’m not your college frat buddies. I actually won’t tell anyone.” She feigned a smile, the first one in days. “Well, aside from your mom.”

“She’s my partner in a Sociology assignment. We’ve got a paper due and it’s on each other, so we have to spend all this time together.”

“That’s your official story… what’s the unofficial story?”

“You want all of it?”

“The whole shebang.”

She asked for it.

“I made a bet with one of the guys on the team that I could get her to sleep with me, for no other reason than she was the next chick to walk around the corner. And then I find out she’s in one of my classes, and I’m stuck working with her. But to just to make things extra fucked-up, my coach is her dad, and now I really think I like her. Before you judge me, remember I’m a fucking idiot.”

Kristina was straight in with it. “You have to come clean if you want to be with this girl.”

“We’re not going to
be
together. But the more I see her, the worse I feel about what I did.” Telling Kristin I’d taken Angel’s virginity the way I had, was the part of the story I couldn’t get out of my mouth. Her judgement would be too real and it wouldn’t reverse what I’d already done.

“You can’t use a pro football career to weasel your way out of everything. You need to face shit, Julian. Face what you’ve done. If she’s as great as she’s got you believing she is, she won’t hold it against you.”

“You think?”

“She will, but not forever. What you did was pretty jackass.”

<>

Taj was asleep when I got home after seeing Kristina. I snuck into his room to check on him, but mostly to make sure he really was sleeping and not just avoiding everyone. I closed his curtains, took his PSP from under his pillow and pulled the covers down to just below his shoulders, his neck and face covered in a damp sheen of sweat. I watched TV until one-thirty, fuck all to choose from apart from ESPN, then I left quietly to meet Angel.

She was finished early, leaning against the brick wall outside the bar, her arms crossed over her chest. She was wearing a black leather jacket over her uniform, her legs covered in black sheer tights and black heels on her feet.

She looked sexy as fuck.

She trotted over to the car when I pulled up, opening the door and climbing in. “God, these are killing me.” She kicked off her shoes and rubbed the sole of her feet, her face melting into a sigh of relief. “My feet are on fire. They need ice.”

“Then you are going to like where I’m taking you.”

I hit the freeway, north, the roads clear at 2 a.m. in the morning. Fifteen minutes later I parked up at Revere Beach. Outside, the air was cooler, touching cold, and I grabbed a sweater for me and a blanket for Angel. “The beach?” she said, taking the blanket. “That’s strange. You’re not going to drown me, are you?” Her white smile lit up under the moonlight.

We walked to the shore, the small, frothy swells rolling onto the sand, breaking into white water. I sat down near the edge, Angel not far behind. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, pulling her knees up. Her hair blew back from her face in my peripheral, a thick brown strand stuck to her cheek. The need to pry it free dissipated when Angel scooped her finger under the strand and it came away, blowing against her neck.

“I have to confess that I felt kinda letdown when you called earlier to say Taj couldn’t make ice-hockey.” She smiled, her eyelashes skimming her cheeks. “Dumb, huh.”

“He was at the hospital.”

She turned her head to face me. “Why? Is he okay?”

“He saw a specialist. He qualifies for surgery and he’s on a waiting list for this new hearing aid. It won’t bring miracles, but he’ll hear actual sounds for the first time.”

Angel clamped her hand over her mouth, her entire body shifting in line with mine. “Julian, that is amazing.”

“Yeah. Amazing.” I wanted to be happier for her, but I had some things to get off my chest before I could celebrate. “Angel, I lied to you.”

Her hand came away from her mouth, confusion building in her eyes.

“Taj isn’t deaf because he contracted too many ear infections.” I had to get this over with. “He’s deaf because of me.”

“How can he be deaf because of you?”

Going into my past was a fucking death sentence, but telling someone was long overdue. I had to get rid of some of my guilt. If it didn’t get lighter, it would bury me.

“I was twelve and he was coming up to his second birthday. I was running around the house with a football. Mom told me to take it outside, but fuck if I was going to listen to her. I threw it from my bedroom to the hallway and ran to catch it. I never saw Taj. I knocked right into him and he flew down the stairs backwards, hitting every step he touched. He hit his head so hard it damaged the nerves inside his ear. The damage was permanent.”