Falling For Zoe (The Camerons of Tide's Way #1) (13 page)

Chapter 21

JAKE CALLED TO thank Zoe again while she was finishing her breakfast. She scooped up the last bit of grits, popped the spoon into her mouth, and put her bowl on the counter. Cradling the phone under one ear, she began to assemble her lunch. She was running late after sleeping through her alarm.

Jake sounded exhausted as he told her about the call from Safe Haven and his decision given last night’s escapade.

“Are you going to be okay with this?”

Zoe finished slathering peanut butter on a slice of bread and slapped a second slice on top. She listened to his brief account of how he’d wrestled with his options after bringing Celia home again in the wee hours, sensing that his decision had been a lot harder to make than he made it sound. She shoved a banana into the bag along with the sandwich, wishing she had the time to go over and talk with him in person. To look into his eyes and make sure he was okay with it. Perhaps her boss wouldn’t be too upset with her if she came in more than just a little late?

“I told the woman I’d stop by with a deposit today.”

“I know it’s not easy, but I think you’re doing the right thing.”

She heard Jake sigh. Then, “I know. I just—I know it’s best. Hey, look, last night I noticed you didn’t have a crib yet.”

Changing the subject. Obviously he didn’t want to talk about Celia anymore. “Just haven’t gotten around to it. I suppose I should though. I mean, Molly could make an early appearance and catch me out. Right?”

Jake made an odd noise as if she’d given him bad news and wondered why her joking comment should trigger such a reaction. Then she remembered his worried concern when she took that spill in the parking lot.

“Jake? I’m kidding.”

“Yeah, well . . . What I was going to say was that I have two perfectly good cribs sitting in my garage I doubt I’m ever going to need again. They’re the kind that convert to youth beds. If you’re interested, that is . . .”

“If they’re convertibles, how come the twins aren’t using them?”

“They wanted princess beds. With canopies and ruffles.” Jake snorted, softly.

Zoe pictured him assembling beds with tall frames while the twins pranced around with excitement. “If you’re sure, I’d love to borrow one.”

One less expense to wrangle out of her already tight budget. Her father had been right about the financial drain the upkeep of a house would turn out to be. She couldn’t afford to be choosy if a decent crib was available for free.

“Right then. I’ll bring it over tonight. And, Zoe? Be careful. Okay?”

AS SOON AS Zoe got home from work, she hurried up to the little room she had designated as Molly’s. She moved all the boxes of baby clothes her sister-in-law had passed along to make room for the crib. She’d barely finished when she heard Jake’s footsteps on the porch stairs.

“The mattresses were pretty shot, and they got tossed out, so you’ll have to get a new one,” Jake said as he leaned the headboard, footboard, and rails against the wall. Then he disappeared back down the stairs and returned with the spring and the toolbox that Zoe had become so familiar with.

“I could probably do that myself,” Zoe offered as Jake began to sort through the hardware he’d dumped out of a tattered manila envelope.

“Yeah! You probably could.” He raised his eyebrows at her, then turned to root through his toolbox and came up with an adjustable wrench. “But I’m here, and I’ve got all the tools, so I might as well save you the trouble.”

Zoe sank into the rocker. Watching Jake work was something she found vastly enjoyable no matter what the project was, but watching him set up a crib for her baby tugged at a desire buried deep within. She wished Molly was Jake’s baby, and that he would be around for a lot more than just putting a crib together. She’d seen the way he was with his own girls, and she jealously wanted that for Molly.

Zoe wanted to see her infant cradled in those big capable hands while Jake sang lullabies in his deep, sexy baritone. She wanted Molly to have a daddy to give her baths and read to her at night. To teach her how to tie her shoes and to ride a bike. A father whose eyes would get glassy with tears as he watched her receive her college diploma. A father to give her away at her wedding. She wished with all her heart that Jake was Molly’s father instead of Porter.

But it wasn’t just about what Zoe wanted for Molly. Zoe wanted what she’d had in her dream last night. She wanted Jake to be as much in love with her as she was in love with him.

Thinking about the dream, and what they’d been doing in it, Zoe felt a sudden wave of longing rush through her. She watched his dexterous fingers find and fit bolts into holes he couldn’t see, then quickly tighten the nuts as the crib came together. All of a sudden, all she could think of were the things he could do to her body with those sensitive fingers. A blinding memory of the kiss they’d shared in the Safe Haven parking lot rocketed through her along with all the heady desire it had provoked. Zoe couldn’t sit still and watch any longer.

Lurching out of the rocker with a flush heating her cheeks, Zoe mumbled something unintelligible and bolted from the room.

A short while later, Jake found her standing by the porch railing, where she’d been gazing blindly out over the waterway. He set his toolbox on the top step and approached, looking worried. “Something wrong?”

Zoe shook her head. “Don’t mind me. I’m a little emotional lately.”

Jake settled his butt against the solid new railing he’d installed just a couple months back and peered at her with concern still clearly visible in his gray eyes. “I hope it wasn’t anything I said.”

Zoe winced.
It was something I was thinking!
“No! It was just . . . I can’t believe I’m really going to be a mother.”

Jake grinned and glanced at Zoe’s very pregnant belly. “Believe it! I don’t think there’s much doubt. How are the birthing classes going? Your friend Bree is going to them with you, isn’t she?”

Bree was Zoe’s labor coach. And she was a good one. At least it seemed that way in the classes, and Zoe had no reason to think Bree wouldn’t be just as effective in the labor room. But at her last class, Zoe hadn’t been able to stop herself from looking around at all the solicitous husbands, soon-to-be fathers. She’d envied the women as they accepted the fluffing of pillows and the counting of their practice panting punctuated with loving little kisses and casual endearments.

She had closed her eyes and tried to imagine that it was Jake holding her hands. And Jake’s comforting strength steadying her shoulders. When she’d opened them again, and it was still Bree smiling at her in encouragement, Zoe had wanted to cry.

She looked away quickly lest Jake see the longing in her eyes. “Bree’s always been a friend I can count on. I’m lucky to have her. Lucky to have Ava, too.” With her emotions back under control, Zoe turned back. “Ava made shopping for maternity clothes an adventure instead of a chore. I really enjoy her company.”

“Ava’s changed a lot since you showed up.” Jake ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up like it had when he’d arrived straight from his bed clad only in his pajamas.

Immediately, Zoe felt the same tug of amusement and desire she’d felt in the middle of the night. She wanted to reach out and smooth the tufts of hair down again.

“For the better, I mean,” Jake continued, oblivious of the thoughts running through Zoe’s disobedient brain. “You’ve been a good influence on her. She’s been a lot easier to talk to.” Then he snorted and flashed Zoe a rueful grin, his teeth white against his tanned skin in the growing dusk. “Of course, it might just be that you’ve been a good influence on me. You’ve taught me how to appreciate Ava and the young woman she has become. We were luckier than we knew the day you moved in next door.”

“It’s been a two-way street—Oh my!” Zoe peered at her stomach in surprise. She grabbed the railing and cupped her belly with the other hand.

“What is it?” Jake sounded alarmed.

Molly kicked again, then squirmed. “It’s Molly. She kicked me.”

Jake bent at the waist and spoke to Zoe’s belly. “Hey, Miss Molly. Be nice to your mother.” Then he glanced up at Zoe. “Kind of amazing, isn’t it? There’s this little person in there. And you made her, all by yourself. Well, almost all by yourself.”

Zoe stared down into Jake’s warm gray eyes and felt like she was falling. How had she ever thought gray was cold and hard? His eyes. His smile. Everything about him was warm and comforting. She felt as if nothing bad could ever happen to her so long as Jake was there to catch her.

Molly turned, and Zoe’s belly bulged alarmingly. Jake reached out, then hesitated. “May I?”

Zoe nodded, bemused to be sharing this oddly intimate moment with Jake.

Jake gently rested his hand over the bulge. Molly obligingly moved again and then was still. This time, when Jake looked up at Zoe there was something else in his eyes that hadn’t been there a moment before. Slowly he straightened, his hand still curved warmly over her belly. Then he bent his head and covered her mouth with his.

Zoe swayed toward Jake’s broad chest, and he caught her against him with his free arm, pulling her close. Very quickly the tender moment of wonder was eclipsed by a wave of fiery desire. Jake’s kiss deepened, and he shifted to hold Zoe with both arms. She ached for the swimming, swirling feelings of sexual awareness to intensify and blossom. She so wanted Jake to be in love with her.

JAKE WASN’T SURE how he’d gotten from marveling over the movement of Zoe’s baby to the realization that he was sexually aroused. It didn’t matter that Zoe was enormously pregnant, he hadn’t been so turned on in years. Or maybe ever. This shouldn’t be happening. What was wrong with him? Zoe was his friend.

He dragged his mouth away from hers and sucked in a ragged breath.

Zoe’s eyes were dark with desire. Her breathing as uneven as his own.

He wanted this woman. He wanted all of her. He wanted—God! What did he want? As he’d kissed her, and she’d melted into him, an image of them naked in bed, with her spooned into the curve of his body while he covered her swollen belly with his hands had filled him with such a sharp stab of longing that it hurt.

But he couldn’t lose her friendship. It was too precious. He couldn’t give in to this. Whatever this was. He wasn’t going to mess around with her. He couldn’t.

Jake dropped his arms and stepped back. “We can’t do this.”

“Why not?” she whispered in a husky voice. She swayed toward him again.

“I can’t.” Jake planted both hands on her shoulders and held her away. “I can’t take advantage of you. Not like this.”

“I’m an adult, Jake. You’re not taking advantage. What’s wrong with wanting each other?”

Jake released her and ran an agitated hand through his hair. “It wouldn’t stop at wanting. We let this go any further, and we both know where we’d end up. And it’d be great.” It would be better than great. But it would be the worst thing he could do to her. “But it would be wrong. You’re not that kind of woman.”

“What kind of woman am I then?” Zoe’s eyes flared with something different. The desire he’d seen in them just a moment before had been quenched and replaced with uncertainty.

“The Cinderella kind,” he spit out in frustration, and immediately regretted it. He hadn’t meant to sound so rude or hurtful.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her question stabbed at his heart.

“You believe in fairy tales.” He softened his voice, trying to take the sting out of his words. “You want happy-ever-after. But this isn’t love. This is—I don’t know what it is, but it’s not a fairy tale. We’re just friends.”

“Friends can be lovers, too.” Zoe sounded more confused than hurt. “I know I’m as big as a whale and not very desirable right now, but I—”

“You are more desirable than any woman I’ve ever known. If you weren’t, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. But there’s Molly to consider.”

“What about Molly?” Zoe’s voice had taken on a hint of desperation.

“She’s not my kid. I’m just . . . not . . . I can’t . . . I—I’m sorry.”

He turned and fled.

Chapter 22

ZOE STOOD FROZEN in shock as Jake snagged his toolbox and took her front steps in three giant leaps, as if he had a fire to get to. He bolted across the lawn, through the gate and up his driveway, the toolbox banging against his thigh. He didn’t look back.

When he’d disappeared into his garage, and the door had come down with a
thunk
of finality, Zoe finally turned away and went into the house. She climbed the stairs with leaden feet and returned to the nursery and the newly installed crib, her heart crushed. She picked up her worn old teddy bear and slumped into the rocker. Clutching the much-loved remnant of her childhood tightly against her chest, she hugged it hard, desperate to stifle the empty feeling of loss.

She no longer doubted that Jake found her physically attractive. Although exactly why he was attracted to her was a mystery. But he didn’t love her. He just wanted to be friends, and he didn’t want to mess it up with sex.

His hot and cold behavior suddenly made sense. It made sense that he wouldn’t let their friendship blossom into something more. It made sense that every time something hot and heady flared up between them, he ran for cover. She was just a handy neighbor who could help him sort out his family problems in return for tasks he was good at. Apparently he wasn’t good at relationships. Maybe there was a good reason Marsha had walked out on him—good enough to leave her own children behind.

It shouldn’t have surprised Zoe. Every man she’d ever thought was important in her life had used her. Had wanted her for what she could do for him, rather than loving her for the person she was inside. Jake was just the most recent.

First it was her father, who treated her sisters like little princesses while Zoe had become her mother’s replacement. She hadn’t been the scorned stepsister exactly, but even so, her value to her father seemed more rooted in the cooking, cleaning, and overseeing of her siblings, than in pride and love for his firstborn. Zoe tried to remember the last time her father had hugged her or told her he loved her, but the scene between them when she’d told him she was unwed, unengaged, and pregnant had been pretty typical
.

Then there’d been her affair with the newest lawyer in her father’s firm, the man her father had wanted her to marry. When she first met him, Porter had seemed excitingly different. He’d told her she was pretty, something she knew she was not, but it was nice to hear anyway. They’d enjoyed the same movies, read many of the same books, and they liked the same restaurants. Porter had been the only man she’d ever slept with, and that had been exciting at first, too. But then she’d gotten pregnant, and everything had changed.

When she’d told Porter, he’d demanded she get an abortion and began outlining
his
plans for
his
future. That’s when Zoe had realized they didn’t have so much in common after all. She’d also realized there had never really been any love between them. For her, it had been a heady whirlwind of lust and the kind of attention she’d never had before. For him, she’d been the means to an end. A way to curry favor with her father.

But Jake had seemed so different. That first night looking up into his rueful gray gaze, Zoe had felt her heart expand with feelings she’d never experienced with anyone else. Before she knew it, she was helping Jake figure out how to deal with his teenage daughter. She’d become Ava’s confidant, although that hadn’t been hard. Ava’s age put her closer to being Zoe’s peer than her daughter. To be honest, their friendship probably would have happened without Jake in the picture.

When Jake needed a babysitter, she’d been happy to help out. The twins were great fun. She loved spending time with them and hadn’t thought about how Jake might be taking advantage of the situation.

And then there was Celia. Not that Jake had asked for Zoe’s help with Celia. He’d been genuinely distressed by Celia’s failing memory and sincerely apologetic every time Zoe had gotten drawn into helping deal with another crisis.

Maybe it’s me! Maybe I just don’t have a life of my own, so I volunteer myself to be part of everyone else’s! And Jake didn’t turn me away until I wanted his heart.

Maybe, it was time for her to grow up.

Time to stand on her own two feet and stop believing that there was a soul mate out there who would love her for herself. Someone who needed her to make him whole, not just to make his life comfortable. A man she could trust to be there when
she
needed
him
rather than the other way around. She should’ve learned that lesson already because everyone who’d ever been important in her life had, sooner or later, failed to be what she wanted them to be.

Tears welled up and began trickling down her face into the matted brown fur of the teddy bear. Zoe didn’t try to stop them. Jake had been right about one thing. She
had
wanted the fairy tale. And in spite of all the signals he had sent to the contrary, she had gone on hoping Jake would be her prince. She’d taken neighborliness for interest. Believed friendship could grow into something deeper. And interpreted his kisses to mean more than just physical desire. She
had
believed in the fairy tale. But fairy tales only happened in books.

“JUST BECAUSE you’re in a rotten mood, I don’t get why I should be getting punished.” With a spatula clutched in one hand, Ava planted her fists on her hips and glared at her father.

“You’re not getting punished,” Jake said evenly. “I just need you to babysit tonight.”

“I’ve been Gramma-sitting all week. Now you want me to stay in on Friday night, too? You know it’s Bethany’s big party tonight. And Travis is taking me. I just can’t stay home. Not tonight!”

Ava’s aggrieved tone had merit. She hadn’t once complained about staying around to make sure Celia didn’t wander off while he was at work. And it was her summer vacation, after all.

“Why don’t you ask Zoe?” Ava turned away to flip the pancakes she was making for breakfast.

Sorrow and embarrassment filled Jake’s breast. He couldn’t ask Zoe. He also couldn’t tell Ava why. “She’s probably busy.”

“Zoe’s never busy. Or haven’t you noticed? Outside of us and Bree, she hasn’t got a social life. Besides—” Ava broke off to plunk a platter of pancakes on the table. “Breakfast is ready!” she called. Then she set a tub of margarine and a jug of syrup next to the platter as the twins slid into their seats and began tugging pancakes onto their plates. Ava turned back to Jake. “Besides, Zoe owes you. All the work you’ve done around her house and mowing her lawn and repairing the railing and stuff.”

Zoe didn’t owe him anything, and he knew it. He liked working with his hands, and he enjoyed riding around on his mower. If anything, his being over there so much of the time had probably given Zoe the wrong idea in the first place, raising expectations he had never intended.

Aunt Catherine insisted a man and a woman couldn’t be friends without one or both of them getting hurt. But he’d gotten so used to ignoring her, the reality of her assertion hadn’t sunk in. Not until he’d seen the shock in Zoe’s eyes when he’d made that stupid remark about Molly not being his kid.

“Zoe doesn’t owe me anything. I’m sorry I forgot about Bethany’s party. I’ll figure something else out.” Jake sat down and stacked a half dozen pancakes on his plate. “Maybe I can change the appointment. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?”

Ava studied him for a long minute. The unusually acute expression in her eyes made Jake want to squirm. For an uncomfortable moment she looked just like his Aunt Catherine, sizing him up and finding him lacking.

“Yeah. I’ll be around tomorrow. I guess.” She took her seat and carefully cut a pancake in half, transferring one of the halves to her plate. She poured a miniscule amount of syrup onto it and took a bite. Then she put her fork down and looked across the table at Jake. “Did you and Zoe have a fight?”

“No.” It hadn’t been a fight. It had been more like lobbing a hand grenade into an undefended camp.

“Then why can’t you ask her to babysit?”

“Because.”

“How come whenever I’m the one getting the third degree,
because
is never a good answer?”

Lynn’s and Lori’s heads swiveled from Jake to Ava and back as if they were at a tennis match.

“We had a misunderstanding.”
And I said something really unforgiveable
.

Ava opened her mouth, then shut it again. She took another bite of pancake. Then shrugged. With one final forkful, she got to her feet and dropped her plate in the sink. It was Jake’s job to clean up when Ava cooked.

“Just so you know”—Ava hesitated in the doorway—“I don’t really mind watching out for Gramma, and I don’t have a problem with babysitting the twins tomorrow, but you need to make it up with Zoe. She’s my friend, and I don’t want you messing it up. I don’t know what you’ve said to her, and maybe it’s none of my business, but you’d better apologize.”

Jake didn’t like being lectured to by his daughter, but he deserved it, so he kept his mouth shut. Her footsteps echoed down the hall and up the stairs to her room. The twins studied him appraisingly.

Then Lori piped up. “Are you and Miss Zoe mad at each other?”

“No. We aren’t mad at each other.”
I just broke her heart
.

“Can we still ask Miss Zoe over for a tea party?”

“Of course, you can invite her over for a tea party.” Jake withered under Lori’s questioning.

“And we can still see Molly when she gets borned?” Lynn added her query to Jake’s growing pile of sins.

“Yes, you’ll still get to see Miss Zoe’s baby when she is born.”

Apparently satisfied that their world was still functioning the way they expected it to, the twins mumbled their excuses and hurried from the room. Jake stared at his uneaten breakfast.

He’d never been so wrong. Or so willfully blind.

Four days without seeing or even talking to Zoe had opened his eyes. He’d been fooling himself for weeks with the fiction that he only wanted friendship. He’d tried to convince himself that what he felt for her was just lust, and lust he knew from experience would disappear once the novelty had worn off. But it wasn’t just lust or her growing pregnancy would have squashed his desire. Especially considering that he wasn’t responsible.

It had been idiotic to imply that he wouldn’t love Molly. The matter of genetics would never stop him from caring deeply for any child in his care. But Molly was Zoe’s child. He would love her for that reason alone. His claim to the contrary had been a cheap shot—the desperate shot of a coward afraid to take the chance of getting hurt again. Or maybe it was the blind panic of a man who knew he wasn’t good enough to measure up to everything Zoe believed him to be.

It was too late to tell himself not to fall in love with her. He’d been blindsided by that, too. He’d been so busy convincing himself that what he felt for Zoe was just lust and what they had going between them was friendship, that he’d totally missed the fact that she’d moved into his heart as well as his neighborhood. Somewhere between that ridiculous tea party in the twins’ tree house and putting his hand on Zoe’s belly to feel the life growing within her, he had fallen completely and irrevocably in love with the most generous, caring woman he’d ever known. She was sweet and naïve one moment, wise and down to earth the next. She was honest to a fault, funny when he least expected it, and sexy enough to drive him wild with desire. How could he have ever thought that what he felt for Zoe was nothing more than his needy libido?

And how could he tell her that now? After the awful, hurtful things he’d said? He couldn’t unsay them, and he doubted there was anything he could say now to erase the hurt he’d inflicted. He’d never be able to banish her look of shocked comprehension from his own memory either, but that was a penance he’d have to live with even if she did find the generosity to forgive him.

He didn’t know if he had any chance to mend any fences, but if he did, it had to start with an apology. He didn’t have a problem with saying he was sorry when he’d been wrong about something. But this was going to be the hardest apology he’d ever had to make.