Falling into Exposure (9 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Victoria

Instead of going into work the next day, I opt to spend it in a comatose state on the couch. Alanna pulls out all the stops to try to cheer me up, but nothing works.

I can’t bring myself to tell her that I’m in love with him. I know she’ll want to fix this somehow, but there’s nothing to be done. Eleanore is still out there, and as long as she’s looking for me, everyone around me is at risk.

When I wake up on Tuesday, I check my phone to see that I still have no messages or calls from Gabriel. Sadness envelops me. My burning curiosity of who he spent the evening with is getting the best of me, and against my better judgment, I fire up my laptop and confront google. It doesn’t take me long to find out.

Article after article pops up, photos of him and Anya together. Bile rises in my throat as I stare at the images before me. Photos of them laughing, dancing, and smiling for the press, his hand on her lower back in a sensual gesture.

My stomach churns violently as I slam the computer shut. He hasn’t called me, and in the back of my mind I wonder if it’s because he was too busy spending the night with her. Maybe Anya was right all along.

I curl into my mattress, choking back heavy sobs. Alanna bursts through the door with a concerned expression on her face.

“Toto?” she sits down on the bed beside me, grabbing my hand. “What happened?”

“He took Anya to the event,” I say weakly.
God, I sound pathetic
.

“Oh.” She shakes her head, anger filling her eyes. “Why the hell would he do that?”

I can’t help the sad laugh that bursts from my lungs.

“He warned me,” I say. “He’d already reserved two seats, and if I didn’t go he would have to take someone else. I just didn’t think it would be her.”

“What are you going to do?” she asks in a small voice. “I mean now. Are you guys going to be okay?”

I don’t know how to answer that. How could we be? I can’t really be a part of his life in the way that I want to, and this is the cold, hard reminder of that fact. Ultimately, I’m going to have to leave. So why delay the inevitable? If it’s already this painful now, how can I bear to drag it out anymore? Our whole relationship is based on a lie. In the grand scheme of things, he hardly knows anything about me.

I shake my head, my decision made up. “No, I’m going to end it now. There’s no point in continuing like this. It will just hurt that much more in a month.”

Alanna slumps at my words, looking physically distraught. It isn’t her typical reaction to this sort of thing. Usually, she’d be giving me a girl power pep talk, but she actually looks pained.

“Okay.” She nods solemnly.

I call up the courier company I work for and ask them to make a delivery for me. I package up the diamond collar Gabriel gave me, wrapping it carefully in tissue paper.

It means you belong to me
.

His words echo through my head, making me sob again. It was an unusual gift, one that I’m sure would revolt feminists everywhere. But I actually cherished what it symbolized between us. Gabriel needs to have control over the woman in his life. I suspect it has something to do with him being used by women for so long.
Women like Anya
.

Perhaps Gabriel can only have his needs met by telling women exactly what he desires. It saddens me. He’s so rough around the edges, but I know that isn’t who he really is. He intentionally makes himself hard to love, but I think that proves that’s why he needs it the most. I only wish I could be the one to love him. Somehow, a part of me knew that I always would. Like Artemis and Orion, fate was working against us. We couldn’t be together in this life, but he would forever be immortalized in my heart.

Either way, I don’t really care what Gabriel’s reasons are for his need to control. Because what I learned during our time together was that I needed it more. Maybe that means there’s something fundamentally wrong with me, but I don’t care. I like his brand of rough sex. His pleasure. It didn’t matter what he doled out, I always knew I could handle it. Whatever he wanted to give to me, I would take.

But it wasn’t right because it wasn’t mine to keep. I knew that all along, and yet I kept playing the game. And now, I have to hurt us both.

***

The courier arrives by noon, and I watch regretfully as he carries my package down the stairs with him. I turn off my phone and curl back up into bed, listening to Adele on my iPod before drifting back to sleep.

By four o clock, I can’t sleep anymore. Knowing that Gabriel will be arriving home soon to find my package nearly rips me apart. It’s the final nail in the coffin.

Alanna comes in several times to check on me, trying to persuade me to come out of my dungeon. I refused before, but now I need to get out of the apartment… alone. I stand up and throw on some jeans and my Doc Martens. I put my wild mop of hair into some semblance of a pony tail and grab my camera.

When I come into the living room, Alanna nearly spits out the big gulp of coffee she just drank.

“Toto, what are you doing? I didn’t expect you up anytime this century…”

“I just need to get some fresh air,” I reply.

Alanna jumps to her feet. “Okay, I’ll get ready. Just give me two minutes.”

“No, Alanna, it’s okay.” I shake my head. “I just want to go by myself, if you don’t mind. I need some time alone.”

She furrows her brow in concern. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I’ll be back later.”

“Okay, well please be careful, babe. Call me if you need anything.”

I nod and walk out the door, deciding to explore some parts of the city I haven’t seen before. I want to get some shots of the city that I’ve come to love before it’s time to leave again.

***

Gabriel

I’m too keyed up to focus on work today, so I leave the office a little early. I still haven’t heard anything from Victoria, and I’m starting to think I had her all wrong.

After having to sit through that unbearable dinner last night with Anya, it only adds to my frustration. Posing with fake smiles and laughter for the press is not my idea of a good fucking time.

It’s all a part of the game, this world I live in. I learned that lesson from my mother long ago. It didn’t matter if you were happy or not, you always put on a show that you were. But with Victoria, I’ve never had to pretend. I still don’t know why she went cold on me. She told me that she loved me, and then she ran. I’d like to say that it doesn’t bother me, but I’d be lying.

As I walk across the lobby of my apartment building, the doorman calls out to me.

“Sir, you have a package here.”

I take the package hesitantly, checking the name on the front. When I see it’s from Victoria, it only adds to my confusion.

I thank him and catch the elevator up to my apartment.

As soon as the door shuts behind me, I rip open the box. A mass of carefully folded tissue paper greets me, and instinctively, I know what’s inside. I unfold it to find the collar, along with a simple white note card.

I’m sorry. I can’t do this.

Victoria.

I set the collar delicately on the counter in front of me, taking several ragged breaths. Rage takes over as I sweep through the living room, throwing chairs and destroying everything in my path.

Glass shatters around me as I smash the table where we once sat together. My hands are bloodied and my chest heaves as I ball my hands into fists. I stomp down the hallway towards my room, stopping at the door of the sex room. I open the door slowly, and my heart wrenches at the memories.

Sweet, beautiful Victoria.

I step inside, looking at everything in disgust, knowing it has to be destroyed.
Everything we’ve ever touched together.

I tear off my suit coat, and heave the apothecary cabinet onto the floor, watching it splinter apart before me. I rip the blankets from the bed and overturn the mattress, throwing it across the room. And then I punch the mirror on the wall, satisfied when the glass cuts into my arm. The pain is the only thing keeping me from falling apart, and I will gladly accept it.

***

After mentally dissecting every conversation we’ve ever had, I find myself at her door. I’m still fucking angry, and I can’t accept this. I just need to know why. I deserve that much.

The door swings open, and I’m greeted by Alanna, who is staring at me like I’m an idiot.

“She isn’t here,” she snaps.

“Bullshit, she isn’t!” I argue, pushing past her.

I stomp to Victoria’s room and open the door, but she isn’t there. I check the bathroom, only to find it empty too.

“Where is she, Alanna?”

“Hey, look here asshole,” she hisses, “you don’t get to come stomping in here acting like you own the fucking place. I live here! I don’t know where she is, and that’s the truth. She’s really hurting, I’ve never seen her like this before. What the hell were you thinking?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I snarl. “She broke up with me.”

“Yeah, because you took that stupid bitch Anya to the charity event with you,” Alanna states caustically. “The same bitch who hounded Victoria outside of your apartment, calling her a cheap whore. You know, the one who told her she was going to be your wife?”

I collapse onto the couch, feeling like the biggest douchebag on the planet.

“She never told me,” I rasp.

“Of course she never told you.” Alanna rolls her eyes. “It’s Victoria, she’s far too stubborn for that. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”

“I had no idea,” I say. “If I did, I never would have taken Anya. I only went with her because she was the only woman I know who would drop everything at the last minute to come. She would do anything for a little media attention.”

Alanna sits down beside me on the couch, staring at me in disappointment.

“Gabriel, I wasn’t rooting for you in the beginning. Honestly, I thought you would be the typical asshole that she attracts. I didn’t know if you would be good for Victoria, given her past…”

I arch my brow at her, wondering what the hell she keeps hinting at about Victoria’s past.

“But I’m rooting for you now,” she continues. “There’s so much about her you don’t know. And it’s not my place to tell you. But she trusts you, I think, more than she’s ever trusted any man. You need to get her to talk to you, somehow. I don’t know. But if you don’t…” Her voice wobbles. “I’m afraid she will run… and soon.”

I shake my head, feeling defeated. “I don’t know what to do. She won’t tell me anything.”

“Well please, for both our sakes… figure something out,” Alanna begs with tears in her eyes. “I love Victoria, more than anyone in this world. She deserves to be happy, and I think you can help her somehow. But if you don’t and she decides to leave, I have to leave too. And it might be selfish of me, considering I owe her everything… but I want to stay. I want both of us to have a chance at a real life for once.”

***

When I climb back inside of the car, my phone rings. It’s my secretary Margie, and I almost send it to voicemail, but when I look at the time, I decide against it.

“Yes,” I answer in a clipped tone.

“Um, sorry Mr. Maddox, I didn’t want to disturb you after work, but there was something I thought you should know.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“Well, it’s just… I was walking in the park, and I saw Miss Kelly there. But there was something strange, maybe I’m just being paranoid, but…”

“What is it Margie?” my voice softens. “I want to know.”

“Well, I saw that detective you use, Allen Ricketts. He was following her and taking photos. I thought it was strange since you only hired him to do a background check… and you already got that report from him.”

I stiffen, wondering what the fuck that scumbag is up to.

“Thank you, Margie,” I say quickly. “You did the right thing telling me this. Now what park was she in, and what time?”

Chapter Fifteen

Victoria

All afternoon I’ve been feeling uneasy, and I can’t quite figure out why. It feels like I’m being watched, but every time I look around, I can’t see anybody. I think my paranoia is getting to me again, my conscience telling me it’s time to run.

As I round the corner to my building, I bump into a man. He looks familiar, and I think I saw him at Maddox Corp once. It seems a bit strange that he’d be in front of my apartment building, but he smiles politely and tips his hat before heading off in the other direction. I shrug it off and head upstairs.

When I walk into the apartment, Alanna is sitting at the kitchen table, looking lost in her own thoughts.

“Hi babe,” she greets me. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I shrug. “I think I will be.”

Never.
But I can’t tell her that.

Alanna’s face pales. She can read my thoughts too well, and she knows I’m getting ready to run.

“Um, Gabriel stopped by,” she says nervously.

I stoically ignore her comment.

“Do you think Trevor is free tonight?” I ask.

“Uh maybe…” She stares at me in confusion. “Why?”

“I want to go out. Have fun, get drunk. Just the three of us.”

“I’m sure Trevor would be only too happy to oblige,” Alanna agrees.

Two hours later, the three of us are crammed in the back seat of a taxi heading out for the night. Trevor and Alanna picked out the venue for the evening and insisted on keeping it a secret.

They were both shocked when I walked out of my bedroom dressed for the evening. I’m wearing an artfully shredded black tank top with a sheer black back. I paired it with a blue jean mini skirt and fishnets. My trusty red Doc Martens and a rhinestone belt complete the look.

I’ve tousled my long hair into a wild mess of curls that makes me look like I belong at a rock concert. Hopefully, there will be some rock music wherever we’re going because I’m definitely in the mood.

I even applied more makeup than I normally ever wear, with dark smoky eyes to match my red lipstick. It’s clear to everyone I’m on a mission tonight. To forget Gabriel. I’m trying to prove something to myself, although I’m not exactly sure what it is.

The cab ride is long, a lot longer than usual. And I’m growing impatient.

“Trust me, you’re going to love it!” Trevor tosses me a knowing glance.

When we finally arrive, I can’t believe my eyes. It’s a country bar in the middle of New York City, and it reminds me of my hometown in Idaho. Inside, the bar is packed with people of all varieties. There’s even a woman onstage, belting out a Gretchen Wilson song.

“Look!” Alanna shouts over the music. “They have karaoke here! We are so doing that tonight!”

“You haven’t even seen the best part yet,” Trevor adds, grabbing both of our hands. He tugs us along behind him to where a large crowd is looking over a fenced off area. Inside, a drunken cowboy is riding a mechanical ball over a large blue padded mat.

“Oh my God!” Alanna squeals.

“You have to ride that before the night is over.” Trevor grins at me.

“Um, no way.” I shake my head.

“We’ll see about that.” He winks.

Two beers and a shot later, I’m finally starting to feel relaxed. Alanna put our name on the karaoke list an hour ago, and they’re finally calling us up to the stage. I climb up and take the microphone nervously, and Alanna squeezes my hand for reassurance before the music starts. I smile when the lyrics flash across the screen because it’s one of my favorites.
Gunpowder and Lead by Miranda Lambert.

***

Gabriel

Watching Victoria sing from a dim corner of the bar, I’m struck with confusion and surprise. She’s a little tipsy, I think.

I followed that scumbag Allen all the way out here, confronting him in the alley. He’s definitely been following Victoria, but he won’t tell me why.

I may have lost my cool and punched him a couple times before he took off in the other direction. I thought about chasing after him, but knew it was useless. I can’t believe a word the scumbag has to say anyway, and I need to stay here and watch over Victoria. I can’t stand the thought of that sleazebag Allen getting his hands on her, or whoever it is that hired him.

As I watch the stage, I notice Victoria looks different. Not really sad, but not happy either. Numb, maybe. I’ve been watching her carefully, trying to get a read on her emotions. Trying to see if she pulled one over on me, just like the rest of them.

I haven’t been able to approach her yet, my temper too raw. I don’t want to say something I’m going to regret.

But as I see all of the men in the crowd ogling her, it makes my blood boil. She’s wiggling her hips in time to the music, and they’re going crazy for it.

It takes everything inside of me not to storm up there and haul her off over my shoulder. When the song finally ends, she heads back to her table and sits down. I use the opportunity to order another whiskey from the bar.

But as I turn around with a fresh drink in hand, she’s standing behind me.

“What the hell are you doing here, Gabriel?” she jams her finger into my chest.

“I’m protecting what’s mine,” I answer coolly, resisting the urge to pull her into my arms.

“I’m not yours, anymore!” she hisses. “And I don’t need protecting, so you can just leave!”

I slam my drink down on the bar, grabbing both of her arms and whirling her around as I press my body against hers. She’s trapped against the bar as I inhale her scent, my whole body relaxing with her warmth.

“Tell me, Victoria,” I whisper into her ear. “Tell me to my face that you don’t want me anymore.”

She goes limp at my words, her defenses crumbling around me. She looks down at my arms and gasps at the cuts around them.

“Gabriel, what happened to you?”

“I thought you didn’t care,” I bristle.

“Of course I care.” Her voice cracks. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“If you care, then leave with me now,” I insist.

That gives her enough fuel to stoke the fire that burns inside. She spins around and pushes hard on my chest.

“You don’t own me, Gabriel. I’m not going anywhere… I’m here with my friends, and I’m staying.”

I stumble back and clench my jaw as she stomps off to her table and slams another shot of Tequila. I turn back to the bar and down the dark whiskey in front of me, the burning sensation in my throat keeping me from going crazy.

***

Victoria

“Sign me up for the bull,” I tell Alanna resolutely.

“Uh… really?”

“Yes. I want to do it.”

Trevor claps his hands and scurries off, yelling over his shoulder. “I’ll get the paperwork.”

Ten minutes later the announcer at the podium calls my name. I stomp up to the bull with full determination and shoot Gabriel a harsh glare across the bar as I climb on. He’s on his feet within a minute, plodding over to the fence between us. He looks like his head is going to explode, and it gives me a small flare of satisfaction. Immature? Maybe. But do I care? Not really.

I climb onto the bull as graciously as I can, tossing my hair back over my shoulders. It starts out slowly and I hold on tight with one hand while raising my other in the air. The crowd goes wild with whistles and clapping as the bull bucks viciously beneath me.

But somehow, it only serves to remind me of Gabriel’s wild fucking the other night. I glance at him and see the tension in his jaw.

I know I should be the bigger person, but right now, the Tequila is doing all of the talking inside of my head. I want to make him jealous. I want him to feel one tenth of what I felt looking at the photos of him and Anya together. And by the look on his face, I’m succeeding.

The bull bucks harder, faster, and I begin to lose my balance. The room is a blur around me as I slam onto the mat beneath. Refusing to feel defeated, I stand up quickly and shake myself off with a rush of adrenaline. The crowd cheers around me.

I stumble up to the exit of the fence where drunk, horny men pat me and offer to buy me drinks. And then I feel a strong pair of hands hoisting me into the air.
Gabriel.
He throws me over his shoulder, pinning my legs against his chest as I squirm. He stomps up to Alanna and Trevor who are watching the whole scene play out in amusement.

“I’m taking her home now,” he growls.

Neither of them says a word, but nod with stupid grins on their faces.

“Put me down!” I demand, flailing against him in vain. He’s too damn strong. And he’s clearly made his mind up as he stomps through the door.

I’m expecting him to shove me into a waiting car outside, but instead he turns down the alley beside the bar, carrying me into the shadows. He sets me down and then pins me to the brick wall behind us. 

“What do you want, Victoria?” he rasps. “Is this what you want from me, to send me over the edge? To make me jealous?”

“As if you care!” I shoot back. “Why don’t you just leave me alone? I’m clearly not the right woman for you. You belong with someone like Anya.”

“Is that what you think? Would I be here if I didn’t care?” he stares intently into my eyes, searching for a response to his questions.

And I’m trying to stay strong. I really, really am. But he smells so damn good, and his lips are just right there, all soft and inviting… and all I can think about is having them on my body.

“Is that what you would have me do, Victoria?” he asks. “Leave you here, and you’d never see me again? Is that what you really want?”

His voice cracks, showing the pain he holds inside. I feel it too. And all I want to do right now is forget about that pain.

“No,” I whisper.

“Then tell me what you want,” he orders.

“I want… I want you,” I breathe, exasperated.

His lips are upon mine, hot and fierce, kissing me hard. His hand moves roughly to my throat, wrapping tightly around the sensitive flesh as his mouth assaults me. It’s his way of showing me I belong to him, and I couldn’t be more turned on by it.

He nips at my lip, the metallic taste of blood trickling into my mouth. And then again, he picks me up, flinging me over his shoulder as he carries me to the car waiting at the curb. He opens the door and thrusts me into the seat before he climbs in next to me.

He looks at the driver and issues a command. “Go.”

And then with the flick of a button, the privacy screen goes up and it’s just the two of us in the long bench seat. He turns to face me without saying a word, pulling my legs from the floor into his lap. His eyes burn hot with emotion as he unties the strings of my boots and flings them to the floor beneath. Then his hands are on my hips, yanking my skirt right off. He reaches down without hesitation and cups me with his palm, no doubt feeling my wetness.

“This is mine,” he growls. “Do you fucking understand that?”

I look up at him wide eyed and in shock. “Yes,” I whisper.

He reaches into his pocket and retrieves the diamond collar, lifting my hair before snapping it around my neck.

“You belong to me. Is that clear enough for you, Victoria?”

“Yes,” I whimper.

He is really angry. In a way that I’ve never seen him before, and it’s confusing me. I like it when he’s rough, but he’s never really been angry with me like this.

He rubs his hand between my thighs, ripping through the fishnet stockings and my black lace panties in one quick movement. With a flick of his wrists, he has me flipped over with my face pressed against the leather seat.

He pulls my knees forward, effectively pushing my ass in the air. Then he moves behind me, unzipping his pants. I wait for something…. anything. He’s eerily quiet. But all I get is the stinging slap of his palm on my butt cheek.

I cry out unexpectedly, and he slaps me again. And again. Raining down blows on my ass in quick succession for what feels like hours before it stops.

He’s quiet again, with the exception of his ragged breaths, and without warning he slams inside of me. I wince as he pummels me relentlessly, grabbing my hips with his hands so I can’t move. I have no choice but to bear the brunt of his brutal thrusts.

“Is my cock not enough for you, Victoria?” he grunts from behind me.

“Yes, Gabriel,” I pant. “It is.”

He slams into me harder, grabbing a handful of my hair.

“Would you rather be fucking someone else? Perhaps one of the men inside that bar?”

His voice is ice cold, and I hate it. This isn’t my Gabriel. My gentle and rough lover. No this is the man I first met. The man who fucked women this way to see what they would put up with.

“I just want you!” I scream, trying desperately to get my point across.

“Say it again!” he orders. “Like you fucking mean it!”